Feeling a little lost today

For the last 10 months, I have questioned what this all means and where it was taking me. Although I was unsure of where I was going, how to get there, and what to do once I arrived, I still went on this journey. I even appreciated it and learned to embrace it. I have become more free and open with who I am and have shared with you, even when I was fearful and nervous. I have evaulated past experiences and have determined that all of them have led to me to where I am now. Here is the thing today - I still have questions. I still don't know where I am supposed to go or what I am supposed to do. I am feeling a little lost today and as much as I had lived most of my life with just going with no real direction in sight, today feels different. Before, I didn't know I needed to go somewhere so following something I could not explain was new. Now, I am still on the same road, but feel like I have stopped at a truck stop along the way - not sure how long I will stay here or for what reason. I usually do my best thinking when I run in the morning, but sometimes that gets me into my biggest trouble too. I start to over think and that is not always good. I need to refocus on what it is that motivates me, what drives me, and surround myself with those people who will be there. It has been easier in my life to handle it all on my own and admit that I don't readily accept help, therefore have learned to rely on people less. It is very uncomfortable for me to be put in that situation. Maybe that is why I am stuck - I am trying to distance myself somewhat from someone, but find it very difficult to do so. I will keep searching today...I need to get back to where I was. Thinking about you all.

Being tested

I am trying to figure out what I am meant to do. What calls to me as I give freely of myself I have been reminded not to do. Yesterday was a day of questions and doubt. What I found very coincidental was the timing of it all. Yesterday morning, I had mentioned to my running partner, that I am not sure what I am supposed to do next, but I don't want the ride to end. She throws out some ideas and I listen, not even sure which one I like or which one is right for me. I also find the timing extremely poignant that I had just recently asked you all what your dreams are and what are you doing to pursue them. I met another friend for lunch and shared my dilemma with her and she gave me a little framed saying that reads, "God knows your purpose, do you?" As I have mentioned earlier, things happen for a reason. This all happening on one day, cannot just be coincidence...they are signs - telling me to be aware of what will come. I need to remind myself to continue to believe in myself, what gifts I bring to those I share them with, and to know that, after it is all said and done, that it will always be worth it. Have a Thankful Thursday!

Question for the day...

What is your absolute dream? I mean, what really sends your thoughts racing and opens your heart to be free? Ok, now that you have identified it, what is stopping you from achieving that dream? Let me guess...it is one of these four reasons...1. money; 2. fear of failure; 3. do not have enough time to pursue it; 4. not the right time in your life. Now, let's assume that money is no object; you are ready to succeed; can devote the time to follow your dream; and now is the perfect time. What would you do then? Would you fully commit to following your heart and therefore getting your dream? Since most of these reasons are not something that we can control, are you still willing to take a chance? Don't you want to say "I tried." I have my best moments when I see others have theirs. Nothing makes me more humble and appreciative to hear that I have inspired others to make changes in their lives. Sometimes, I do not have to participate to feel the glory - I just need to see it in someone's face. To hear the excitement in their voice, to see the passion in their eyes, to feel the joy in their heart - will always give me goosebumps and make me smile. I am not sure what I expected when I started this 10 months ago; in fact, it would be pretty safe to say that I did not expect anything. For the planner, type-A personality that I am, I find that very interesting. My entire life, I have calculated and analyzed (just like Dr. Spock from Star Trek!) and then and only then, have determined which outcome would offer the best results. Yet, I have done none of that with this process. Maybe I was holding on too tight - trying to control everything. You cannot lose control of something that you hold on to, right? Yet, surprisingly enough, it was only when I chose to let go, with no expectations or plans, did things actually work out better, maybe even better than I might have planned. I believe that everyone has a common dream - to leave your mark on this world and hope that after you are gone, that people remember what you meant to them and the deeds you accomplished. Even if one of those four reasons is stalling your dream, it does not mean, it should still not be pursued. My dream is to help you be better at being who you are - believing that you are valuable, wonderful, and can shine when you let it. Someone once told me that if I waited until I could afford kids to have them, I never would. Then, why wait to fulfill a dream? The best part is when dreams come true and you are there to see it. Dare to dream - and dream big!