No comment

I have often wondered what people (yes, that means you) think about what I write. Are there alot of consistent readers, or once a week readers, or an occasional view now and again. But I never hear from anyone. I know people are reading this, because I can see that there are countries represented by that stats that Blogger gives to me. Someone in 40 different countries have at one time read this. But no response has me puzzled. No comments, except from a few friends and family. How does this affect those perfect strangers that are out there reading this very sentence? Has it impacted you in a good way? Has this encouraged you to find joy in your life? Does fear no longer exist in your vocabulary? Part of me thinks I am speaking to a room full of empty chairs, but I know that is not true. I just can't see the people in the room. It is not always about seeing the flower bloom after you planted the seed, watered it, gave it rays of sun, and the dirt in which to grow...but sometimes you like to know that the committment, dedication, and time meant something. I would love to hear from any of you. Email is michelle.itstartstoday@gmail.com or just post something on the comment section of a post. You can do it anonomously. Have a great day!

Life never goes as planned

I ordered three new books last week and they arrived yesterday. I am not sure why I even ordered them since the last thing I need right now is something else to do, even though I am better for it. However, I also did need to use a gift card that was given to me for the holidays. As I took a brief moment to reflect on what has transpired in my life over the last year or so, I came to this revelation - life does not go as planned. As young adults beginning on our own away from parents, we really become aware of the things that we really have no control over, but must learn to deal with ourselves. Our oldest son is a sophomore at college and he is about 2 1/2 hours away from home and has learned to grow up quite a bit since he left. However, that has also made him resourceful and more reliable on what he is capable of doing, without our help. I was trying to remember what my life was like before I asked for it to be different - pretty much the same that it had been for many years. It is really hard for some people to understand or explain when they inquire as to why I am different now. I went to lunch with a co-worker that I do not know very well, but have also enjoyed working with him. When things were not going well at work, he sent a very supportive email that was very much appreciated. It was interesting to hear about changes and reflections that he has made recently in his life and I share with him more about "my journey". Do you ever shake your head and wonder, "How did I get here?" I do that probably at least once a day. Not because I am really questioning, but more because I cannot believe I am where I am. I cannot plan what happens next, but I am moving ahead like never before. It is what drives me and little reminders of what I am supposed to be doing with my life seem to pop up, just to make sure I am paying attention. Don't waste a lot of time planning what you think will happen, because chances are it will happen anyway and in a way that you didn't plan for. I had played out in my head every way that I thought Rocky and I would meet for the first time after we didn't talk for so long. If you had seen my face when I saw her for the first time, you can bet I didn't look like I had planned that one. Live your life...don't think so much...treasure what you have been given.

I shake my head in disbelief

Do you ever stop and think about some things and just wonder how you got there or here, which ever it may be? That you really cannot remember all of the things you did to get you to this exact moment in time? But then, when you look back, you know you took steps because there would be no way you would be there without taking those steps? That is me today, and on most days. We ran in the Race for the Cure today and it was chilly, but it was nice to see the sun out. I was susprised on how short 3 miles was, but very glad to be done, needless to say. The bigger picture for me is more than a morning run, but that is a part of it. The morning run has become a way of defining me, yet 5 months ago that was not even part of my vocabulary. As I reflect on the days I have had, none seem more important than the ones I have had over the last 9 months. I am encouraged by a friend who is listening to her heart and am so proud of her and excited for this new chance at fullfilling her destiny. She never knows how I talk about her with others and what she means to me. I thank God for her every day and I always find it funny when I explain how we met. She told me just recently that even her husband wonders how we could be such great friends in such a short amount of time. We simply cannot explain it. I am humbled when a friend is recognized for doing what she does to make her community better by fullfilling her destiny. I am grateful for a husband who supports me when I take time for me, which in turn makes me better for everyone else. Sometimes, just to catch my breath, I am in awe of it all. It seems so simple, yet also feels like it took forever to get here. I have learned patience and compassion, and love it all. I am pursuing an idea about sharing some of these ideas with others in a bigger venue, and hope it comes to life. In my mission statement, I say that I did not feel that I was worthy of more, and I think that still sticks with me sometimes. I have caught myself when I self-sabotage with a comment where I put myself down. I am thankful for so many things in my life, and more I have yet to treasure, and I think for so many years, I never told myself I deserved more. I told myself that I should be happy with what I had, since it was more than most people. I have been blessed in many ways, and am reminded to not lose sight of that. That is one reason why I shake my head in disbelief. Truth is that this is here and I am embracing all that it has to offer. Last week, someone saw me and yelled, "There's my inspiration." I never thought of myself that way. Thank you for continuing to believe in me. I believe in you...