Not in the driver's seat

Yesterday, I was driving to one of my son's football games and in the car next to me was this cute boxer sitting in the passenger seat. As I smiled repeatedly to myself, as innocent and carefree this act was, it frew into somthing that I needed to post here. Here is this cute dog, letting her tongue fly out of her mouth, with her big brown eyes rapidly trying to take in everything that came into view. She has no idea where she was going, but she was just happy for the ride. This happy, go-lucky little pooch was loving every minute of it. Someone else was driving, and she was just ok with that. That is how we should be...we should be ok with letting someone else drive, and we should be trying to take in as much as we can. The boxer did not know where she was going, just as we do not know our final goal. For a very long time, I thought that I either had no control over the way my life went or needed to have total control. Neither was true. I had to compromise and control what I could, and let go of what I couldn't. I am not driving my life...only God can do that. But I can pick and choose what I see along the route. I think before I had blinders on, so I only saw what was directly in front of me. Never did I turn my head to see other viewpoints and use that information to learn from as I travelled further ahead. I don't want to miss anything anymore. I have missed out on so much. Even when it was in front of me, I tried to dismiss it as being make-believe. Never again. I want to be just like that boxer (Ok, I will not let my tongue or anything else hang out, for that matter) - absorbing what I saw and how I felt. That is what I am doing...riding in the passenger seat...being a boxer. Do you want to be a boxer too? Come on, it's fun!

What God gave me...

Today at work, I was kidding around with a co-worker and she told me that it was a good thing God gave me patience. My reply was, "God gave me lots of things, but it is my choice as to when I use them." Then, I started thinking...Rocky tells me I get a funny grin on my face when I do that. Apparently the smile and brain work simultaneously. Or at least when I get into "my mode". You and I both know you have many talents, even those we really do not want others to see or want to acknowledge. Regardless if those talents are used for good or bad, we choose when we use them. We choose to smile at strangers and wish them to "Have a Great Day" when we pass them along the trail at 5:30am. We choose to give a waiter a little extra in their tip because we overheard them talking about a new baby on the way. We choose to give away our talents, freely and unconditionally, because that is why God created us. My job includes service and I use the word serve when I talk to clients and their parents. I use it when I talk to co-workers or people that need a little direction to find what they are looking for. I serve my family, my friends, my church, and my community. I serve you, the readers of this blog that has now taken on a meaning that is so much more than a couple of random thoughts here and there. I choose to use this talent for you. I have to admit...I am always surprised when people tell me they read what I have to say. Not that I believe that it isn't important or that they don't get something from it. In no other way to explain it, I guess I have to say that it truly humbles me. God has a plan for each of us and we have to let him drive the bus, even if His destination is not where we think we need to go. If you do that, you might as well pack for a vacation...but you have no idea of what to bring because you do not know where you are headed. For years, I thought I had to have it all figured out. I needed to know the end destination before I got the ticket. Then, I could pack and prepare for where the ticket would take me. 20 months ago, I gave that up. Not because I had to, but because I was ready to receive it then. Are you ready to receive it? What has God given you that you don't use? Why don't you use it? Because it is easier not to? (How many of you picked that as your answer? - Be honest!) BE YOU! God created you with many talents and skills - you cannot serve the world or those closest to you when you hide them. What is the point of having the most beautiful flower bloom if no one ever sees it? I am grateful everyday for what God has given me and I show my appreciation when I use those gifts for people. That is how I serve Him.

Being tested...

Ok...a minor speed bump has developed as I pursue my passion. Maybe not even a speed bump, but I fear it will be there. There is also a possible detour along the same route. None of this is set in stone yet, but some fear has settled where it does not belong. I need it to go away. After lunch, I got really upset and wasn't sure that I would have the courage to go over that speed bump. But, that became a minor issue when I saw the possible detour that will really be a bigger test. It will challenge me to put all of my faith into my dream. Last week, Rocky asked me what I would do if the detour showed up and asked what decision would I choose if I had to. It was easy to say that I would take the detour, of course, not really thinking that it would really present itself, possibly even so quickly. Actually, as I swallowed hard, I know what I would have to do. I cannot go back and cannot be stifled into standing still. Therefore, I have but one choice. I must go forward. I have to be willing to follow the same advice I give to others if I am going to continue to change my life. Expecting that this would be easy would have been inrresponsible of me and not realistic. I am unable to study for this test, and yet it will be here shortly. I have to take care of the speed bump first. I am at a standstill if I do not. I KNOW what I have to do. I just don't want to. Have you ever been in a situation like this? Maybe you have to tell a kid who tried out for your team that he didn't make the cut. Maybe it was telling your son or daughter than a loved one passed away. I understand that being tested is just part of life. I recall a conversation I had with our older son just a few days ago about how these types of situations are there for their own purpose - to find out if you are going to man up or quit. He wants to know how serious you are about what He has in store for you. That is all this is....otherwise known as a test. Stay tuned for further updates.

I am paying attention! Part 2

So I am walking into work like any other day and visit with a male co-worker who shares similar thoughts about why things happen, etc. I tell him what happened yesterday with all of the different ways Jeremiah 29:11 was coming before me. Written down, on a plaque, and via email from three different sources. This co-worker seems just as intrigued as I was yesterday as I share with him how freaked out I was and think this whole episode cannot get any weirder. How this, you say? I do not tell him the verse, but he shows me something on his phone - guess what it is - a verse?!? JEREMIAH 29:11!!! So, let me ask you...is this validation that I am on the right track for finding my purpose? Is this a message I am getting from above telling me that I have to move forward? I know this for certain...I cannot go back and have no regrets about what I have done so far. Regardless of what happens next, I have to give it everything...allowing my heart to speak after being silenced for so long. I may not succeed and the results may not come the way I expect them to, but my soul is full and joyous. Saturday, I had a lot of doubt and yet I have heard more from people that I trust that are believing in me. I cannot let them down just because not trying would be the easy thing to do. Doing nothing always is. Victoria Moran wrote, "What is so priceless about being the selves we were created to grow into is that it's impossible to do it wrong." Therefore, we cannot fail. We cannot succomb to doubt and questions. We MUST pay attention to what we are meant to do and trust it, with all that we are. I am humbled by the responsibility and care entrusted to me as I continue on this quest to "embrace this journey." Every day is an absolute miracle and I treasure every moment. Live your life!

I am paying attention!

I know, I do not usually post two posts in one day, but I just have to this time. I do not know how long this one will be, but here it goes. I was totally freaking out earlier today - so much, I called a few people to share. I think I might have been shaking, but I know for sure I was sweating. Right at the beginning of the day, Rocky comes into my office and shares her favorite Bible verse and writes it down on a piece of paper and summarizes it about how God knows your purpose. I tell her that I don't memorize Bible verses, so I am unfamiliar with it. I carry on with my day as she does hers. Later, I look over at a little plaque that was given to me by another friend some six months ago. This plaque sits on my desk everyday, but it has been something I have looked at so many times, that I did not really see what it said until today. It is the same verse! A few minutes later, I receive an email at home from a third friend and guess what?!? It is the same exact verse as the others!! How can you explain that three women share the same verse, independently of each other, on the same day?? And this happens within 24 hours of me starting to change my life with new opportunities? There can be no other explanation other than God is trying really hard to get my attention. Do you know that there are over 30,000 verses in the Bible and what are the chances of that happening? Math is not one of the my strengths, so I am not sure what that means, but I have to wonder and ask, "What are the chances of this?" I believe that things happen for a reason, so there must be a reason for everything. There are no coincidences. Saturday, I was fearful and doubting, even when Rocky reminded me that she believes in me and that I should believe in myself. Yesterday, I noticed that I had no fear (and no regrets today) when I sent my presentation and created my plan. Maybe today was a way to let me know in some way that I am finally listening. I realize that I cannot ignore it any longer and I cannot go back. Oh, in case you were wondering, the verse is Jeremiah 29:11. Keep paying attention.