Humbless comes to me

I sigh, but not in disgust or in frustration. I let the air escape from my lungs in acceptance. Humbling accepting the compliments that have visited my life in such a few shorts days. I still almost find it difficult, but by my being me, it actually is very easy. It can be difficult for us to see AND accept what others see in us. Do you do that well? I don't but am working at getting better at it. Last night, we had another G.I.F.T meeting and I will post a quick summary soon. Some new faces and some that had come previously. Two ladies said that they feel inspired when they read what I write here. Amongst their crazy lives with the ups and downs, twists and turns on their rollercoaster ride, they find something in my blog that tells them to just stay the course. Later, I received a text from SM (love you!) that said that this meeting has her thinking and asking herself questions she maybe was afraid (to get wrong) to answer. And looking through some postings on Facebook, she also posts about how we should accept compliments, because not doing so with grace takes away the gift of giving it. Then, I was totally blown away today. Let's just say I was speechless. Yes, yes, I know. It does happen. I was visiting with a co-worker who I do not know very well and she asks my opinion about something she is thinking about doing in the next couple of months that will be different for her. Then she tells me that she says to herself, "If I could only be one-third of her." I am not sure who she is speaking about, but TM tells me that I am the "her" she is referring to when she says that. WOW! I am not sure what third she wants to be like, because sometimes I am not sure I like all of the thirds of me. But, I didn't know what to say, and I wasn't sure specifically talking about, and tried to accept the compliment. Then, I told her about the blog and the G.I.F.T. and how I got started. She sounded very excited as I gave her a hug and went on my daily tasks. Someone else told me that I should not be surprised by these words because "I'm amazing." DOUBLE WOW! I think it is almost impossible to fully comprehend and understand the magnitude of the effect we have on each other. How something we say inspires someone to do something different. How an action we take encourages someone to stand in front of a group of 5 year old ice skaters and takes lessons as a teenager. I posted a few months ago about how "IT MATTERS" and I am not trying to repeat myself here. Last night and today, I received genuine compliments that I will never forget. Because I have left them with something that they will never forget. Thank you all.

The G.I.F.T. 10-25-11

We had two new ladies come this night, so I quickly got them up to speed as to where we where from our first meeting. I shared a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, "The story of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."

I also shared a quote that I wrote back in January 2010 that I had forgotten about. I found it significant because of certain words that are grouped together that relate to these women. "Complacency is not something we can accept if we are trying to change our lives. It is a delusion that confuses us into believing that this is all there is or this is the best it will ever be. We cannot go on living stifled, unfulfilled lives. Our capacity to impact those around us cannot be contained, but will shower us in awe of greatness we have yet to find.

I asked the women to know the difference between what we do and who we are. What goals do you have for yourself? What are you willing to do to get there? What do you LOVE to do? I went over the six of the 20 questions that I ask myself most frequently. Life is here and it will go whether we choose to participate in it or not. What in your life can you change, even in the smallest of ways? Fear is what holds us back..."Knowledge is the enemy of fear." Look for signs...sometimes viewed by the self they don't add up to anything, but if you group them together, they can mean everything.

"If you tell a woman 100 times she is beautiful, she will never believe you. If you tell a woman once that she is ugly, she will always believe you." - unknown Why do we do that? Because we doubt. We don't think we are worthy or that we deserve it.

I shared the "SHUNS" from "the Passion Test"

*Intention - Your results will ALWAYS match your true intentions.
*Attention - What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life.
*No Tension - Something that you are truly passionate about will be something you do naturally. It will draw you towards it.

I shared with the group the signs I now see as what has led me there and the things I love to do.
"The magnitude of doing nothing to fulfill our purpose is far greater than any pursuing we would take fulfill that same purpose." - Michelle Homme

Suggested books: "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" By Dr Susan Jeffers and "I could do anything if I only knew what it was" by Barbara Sher

Starting a ripple

Many times, I do not realize or really comprehend the effects of something I say or do and how those good things can positively impact others. In fact, I probably dismiss it more than I should. I am getting better, though. I was visiting with someone Friday and although the quote may be off slightly with a few words and I do not know who said it, it is VERY true. "If you tell a woman she is beautiful 100 times, she will will never believe you. If you tell a woman she is ugly once, she will believe you forever." People have been very supportive and encouraging as they have been there and watched the transformation of me and I have tried to diminish those compliments when they come. I don't believe them, but I need to in order to continue "the change I want to see in the world." I also visited with GZ on Saturday - love to see your smile - and she told me that she and DB put their hands up every day. The best part is only they know what it means, just like the many, many things that Rock and I share. Sometimes, we forget where we are - sorry, G.I.F.T. ladies. That was not my intention the other night. But in talking with these two ladies, I was reminded about what we have started - something different, something new, something that will awaken you. I have started a ripple effect on everyone that I meet, and I did not realize that I had done that. Even without really trying. Ripples can travel a far distance across whatever surface they are traveling and come in contact with many people along the way. I am amazed when people have suggested to other ladies that they come to the G.I.F.T. because they see the benefit in it and want to include them. When the ripple starts to lessen in strength, I drop another stone and create a new ripple that reaches out again. The ripple of this blog reaches across the globe to many other countries - people that I have never met, but somehow found me and keep coming back to read more - and it started with me telling just a few friends. You can be that ripple. Don't wait for it to come to you. Be excited to join a ripple and share it with others, like my G.I.F.T. friends are doing. Let your passion guide you and it will not be something you even think about. Do what you love. Share it with others. Start a ripple...it will be contagious.

The G.I.F.T.

In less than two weeks, The G.I.F.T. will begin a new chapter not just in my life but in those lives that come to experience what the G.I.F.T. has to offer. For those of you that don't know, I created the G.I.F.T. (with lots of help from friends - thanks, SM, for the name) as a way to gather a group of women so that we can find ourselves again. The G.I.F.T. stands for Greatness Is Found Together and begins on September 27th. I have work to do on what I will present that evening, but my vision for what comes from the interaction and sharing that develops may me different than what actually occurs as the group grows. Back in May, LL suggested that I start a women's group and I was excited about the idea and then dismissed it just as quickly. But the idea would not be denied and it kept nagging at me in different ways, through different people. So, in a matter of just weeks, I secured a meeting place and time, secured dates for a year, created, ordered and mailed invitations, and now, here we are. My husband did not understand why I was being pulled to hold this group but he focused on that I was "doing this me". That could not be more further from the way I feel and it was difficult for me to try to convince him otherwise. This blog is a way to share my ideas, perspectives, and beliefs about how we can all change our lives. The G.I.F.T. is a more personal, verbal way for me to do the same thing. There is a connection between people who see the same thing and want it for the same reasons. Our hearts connect us and when we forget, even temporarily, why we women need to revive our passions for our lives, we become lost. The G.I.F.T. is not my group or your group - I see it as our group. Women will come once and never come back again...others will come some time later...some will never come...and others will make it a part of their life. I am not sure if I am nervous at all, but I do know I am excited about this new branch of my life. I have to be willing to encourage others to see what I see, because this can also be theirs. But they have to choose it. But, as we all know, women are strong and sacrifice to others before they will take something for themselves. Here is a chance for you to say, "I am doing this for me and I am not going to feel guilty about it." I love to give (don't like the receiving part so much) every day. Even if it is a smile, a hug, or a card in the mail. I am taking my chance to give one more thing to you...the G.I.F.T. It just might be the next big thing and change your life forever. FDW!

Snowballing in July!!!

Ok...trying to sit and catch my breath. Just for a moment. I am winding down after a crazy, whirlwind over the last 48 hours or so. So much has happened but in such a GREAT way. I have had two really good lunches with two ladies who are at the proverbial doorway or threshold and they are trying to decide if they have the COURAGE to change their lives. I know it is scary and you are unsure. Who isn't? But what do you have to lose? If you are unhappy now, why wouldn't you want to change that? Try something different...do something that you always dreamed of doing, even if other people might not understand. I am blogging my heart away most days of the week and working on other projects that are being carried by momentum that I almost cannot describe. One of my main focuses since August has been teenagers, and although that is still a big part of what I want to do, something related to serving women has taken on an exciting life that started as a crazy idea at the end of May. Here is what I think: we all have the same questions...we all have the same fears...we all have dreams. We are not so different even though we never meet, live thousands of miles away from each other, or speak different languages. We are more similar than we even realize. But instead, we think we are alone. We think no one else can feel or think the same things that we feel or think. The more I visit with women and open up the possibility of something that invigorates their soul, the easier it becomes. Not for me, for them. I told someone this week that I cannot go back and standing still is not an option either. Therefore, I am left with one choice and one choice only - to move forward. This new, exciting venture has me thinking about all that can be done and how can I play a part in it. I am not sure of my role yet, but I know I am getting very close to seeing something come to fruition that I never ever thought of before. I dismissed it...I had set it up to fail even before I even explored it. I was unfair to the opportunities that are before me at this very moment. I have to be open to it all, not just what I think it should be. I ask a lot of questions in these posts and they are meant to get you to think...yes, the hard questions that no one ever asks and are afraid to answer. What would happen if you had the courage to answer that question honestly? Would you commit to what is needed to be done in order to get what you want? When Rocky asked me the "infamous" question, I am not sure why she did. Maybe she doesn't know either. But I answered honestly, thinking I wasn't accountable to her, so what difference did my answer make? It made a lot of difference. She helped me and guided me when I needed it and then at some point, I had to take responsibility for myself. She couldn't do it any longer. I needed to be self-sustaining. And I was. Every time, I felt stronger and more committed to doing this for me. I could not do it for her. What are you choosing to do for you? You need to believe that you are capable of more. This can be the beginning of a new life - YOUR LIFE - and you can choose what happens from here. I have chosen and am committed to doing all I can to change my life. In sharing my life with you, perhaps you will find what you are looking for in yourself to change your life. Let's start the snowball rolling in July. Let's use this force to impact the world the way that we are really meant to and let our hearts guide us. WE CAN!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all moms, grandmothers, great grandmothers, and especially step-mothers. Now, you may wonder why I said especially step-mothers. In retrospect of my life, I understand how difficult that role must have been for someone, who was not a mother by her own right. It would be like getting hired for a job that you have no experience doing, no real knowledge or education, and you move right to the top of the corporate ladder to be co-CEO with the other head of the household. Can you imagine that? I am not sure I could. Maybe you know someone who has had that same experience or still does. I know I do. It may be confusing and unwanted to smaller children who don't quite understand why this woman is now telling me what I can or can't do. I lived that for 9 years with my step-mom and even though we don't stay as connected as we maybe could have been, I am grateful for my sisters who celebrate their first Mother's Day and one who will be a mom for the first time hopefully this week. Because CLRL knows how important I have always been to my sisters and how important I am to them, she gives more now than perhaps she did then. Mom's give their hearts, even when they know they can be broken, and probably expect them to be. They do more than what is expected because they can and they want others to be happy. I ran into someone I once was good friends with today and realized that this was her first Mother's Day without her mom who had passed away. She was very close to her mom and I know that she misses her dearly. I received a couple of texts from family and dear friends wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day" and wanted to do the same for you. Step-moms are the unsung heroes that people forget about, but they probably try harder at being a mom to someone else's kids. They do it because they love the kids' father. Thank those that have influenced you to be who you are today. Chances are you would not be who you are without your mom, regardless of the time spent with her, whether or not you are related by blood, or just believe that she treated you like a mom should. Thanks, Moms, for all you do to make us better.

Reminder of my old self

Tonight, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I ran into an old friend that I probably had not seen in several years (maybe 3?) as she was looking for something in the organic aisle. I jokenly came up behind her and told her, "Don't eat that stuff, it will kill you!" No, I was not serious, but thought it was funny. Anyway, I visit with E and catch up on our families. She notices that I have lost weight and asks me what I did...I tell her that story and how Rocky got me going. Then, I tell her that I am sorry. I am sorry that for years, I did not share with her and our other BUNKO friends who I really was and had walls up all the time. I was reserved but friendly just enough to everyone there. She commented on how I was negative and sad all the time when I came to BUNKO, even when I won most of the time. Seriously, they had to change the rules because I won so many times in one night. I felt uncomfortable that I was so different now and that I missed out on so much with those people that were friends. I pulled away from them when I looked around the room and wondered which one of the these people would I call if something horrible happened in my life. Which one of these ladies would stop what they are doing in their busy lives, and be there for me? Not that I would even call one, but if I ever got the courage to call one, even one, which one? I would not have called even one. And the truth is that if I had needed to make that call, someone would have come. I did not even share with these ladies when my birthday was and we played BUNKO for about 4 years. That is pretty closed up, living in the vault. So when I turned 40, these same ladies even gave me a surprise, impromtu birthday party because they happened to find out that morning. I did not like the attention and even threatened to leave when I got to T's house. They didn't deserve that and they just wanted to celebrate me and I reluctently let them. I didn't get it then. I feel like I need to apologize to them. So, BUNKO babes - you know who you are. I am sorry for not letting you in and prejudging you based on my past. A past that you had no idea existed in a place I never went. Until this year. That was not your fault. You always gave me 100% of you and I never returned the favor, afraid of something that I had envisioned would happen in my mind. I was held captive of the fear of not thinking I could have friends who cared about me and enjoyed being with me. You deserved better and I wish I could fix it. Maybe someday. I shared with E where I am now, and she told me that I looked so happy and I gave her a big hug then we went our separate ways. It was so great to see her and I sent her a text telling her so. I am putting myself out there - telling her exactly what I was feeling at the time I was feeling it. I vowed to do that a year ago. I am not sure what E was thinking after I walked away, but I sensed that she might need someone to be there for her. I hope that somehow, she gets the message that I am here if she needs me. I hope that she forgives me for treating her less than I should have. I had forgotten what the old me was like, but got a glimpse of her today as I shared with an old friend. I sit here, shaking my head, thinking how pitiful it must have been trying to sell something that I was that I didn't even believe. You can't sell what you don't believe, regardless of what you want to sell. If someone asks you, "How are you?" too many times we offer up the minimum and try to sell it, but fail miserably at it. This ugly reminder of who I was disgusted me and I KNOW I am not going back to that old Michelle. She is gone forever. Who are you pretending to be? Finally, let you be you...it is too hard trying to be anyone else.

I am paying attention!

I know, I do not usually post two posts in one day, but I just have to this time. I do not know how long this one will be, but here it goes. I was totally freaking out earlier today - so much, I called a few people to share. I think I might have been shaking, but I know for sure I was sweating. Right at the beginning of the day, Rocky comes into my office and shares her favorite Bible verse and writes it down on a piece of paper and summarizes it about how God knows your purpose. I tell her that I don't memorize Bible verses, so I am unfamiliar with it. I carry on with my day as she does hers. Later, I look over at a little plaque that was given to me by another friend some six months ago. This plaque sits on my desk everyday, but it has been something I have looked at so many times, that I did not really see what it said until today. It is the same verse! A few minutes later, I receive an email at home from a third friend and guess what?!? It is the same exact verse as the others!! How can you explain that three women share the same verse, independently of each other, on the same day?? And this happens within 24 hours of me starting to change my life with new opportunities? There can be no other explanation other than God is trying really hard to get my attention. Do you know that there are over 30,000 verses in the Bible and what are the chances of that happening? Math is not one of the my strengths, so I am not sure what that means, but I have to wonder and ask, "What are the chances of this?" I believe that things happen for a reason, so there must be a reason for everything. There are no coincidences. Saturday, I was fearful and doubting, even when Rocky reminded me that she believes in me and that I should believe in myself. Yesterday, I noticed that I had no fear (and no regrets today) when I sent my presentation and created my plan. Maybe today was a way to let me know in some way that I am finally listening. I realize that I cannot ignore it any longer and I cannot go back. Oh, in case you were wondering, the verse is Jeremiah 29:11. Keep paying attention.

As women, we...

doubt...we question...we worry...we carry too much. It amazes me how much we can handle and yet how little can break us, too. All these strengths and weaknessess we have are amazing and can also be our downfall. It is very difficult when we fear the unknown or of letting our guard down. It has to mean more to us than it does to anyone else. It has to be what drives us to follow our hearts and be who we are meant to be. Letting go - of anything - is so difficult, but neceesary to be able to move forward. There are many circumstances we cannot change - we can only control how we react to those circumstances. We still have control - maybe not all of the control we want, but we still have it. We need to do things for us - not for anyone else nor should we care what anyone else will think. Those of us that are here for YOU will support you and not criticize. Those others that find ways to put us down only win if we let them. We give them permission. And then we gripe about it. It's our own fault. I say, "No More!" We are courageous and strong and powerful. Be true to your soul - that is what is most important of all. LET IT GO!