Impossible to fake

Have you ever seen it? Have you felt it? I am talking about true inspiration - when it moves you to tears, laughter, and everything in between. That is something that cannot be faked - ever. In a couple of weeks, I have to inspire a group of 400 people with my words. I will be out there on stage for everyone to see, with all 800 eyes on me. Oh, my gosh...that just sounded really intimidating. Just kidding. Maybe to most people it would be. But, as you may have guessed, I am not most people. You should probably know that by now. That is a good thing... that there is only one of me. Not sure the world could handle more than one, since it may not be ready for this one. Inspiration comes from your heart and is felt deep and urges me on when I want to quit. When I want to run. There are still some things that people say about me that I do not believe. I probably will never believe about myself. I don't feel that I am those things, but I know something true when I am inspired or inspire others. I feel it. I cannot fake that. It is something that tugs at my emotions until I am forced to subcomb to it. You can fake a smile, fake a hug, or fake an attitude. Maybe that is why when I am inspiring others, I am true to what I am meant to be. I have never been one to be fake...it is hard enough to be real. So, when you feel something in your soul that stirs you beyond words, chances are it is true inspiration and will never question it. It is never fake and will catapult you into new experiences and new roads you are meant to travel.

Wake up call!

So, I am driving home for lunch for a few minutes ago and have a greeen light and am slowly making my way across the intersection and out of no where comes this little black SUV going about 45 mph across the same intersection. She never braked or slowed down or nothing. I slammed on my brakes and avoided the collision. I am still shaking. As I sit here processing how quickly my life could have just changed, I am paying attention. That was a HUGE wakeup call and I have not received one in a while. There are a lot of other crazy things going on right now in my life and once less thing would be a blessing, especially if it involves anything to do with fixing cars, possible medical treatment, etc. If anything, I am more and more confident that I cannot miss a thing in this life and time I have been granted. I once told someone that a very important event to her was something that I would not have missed for anything. But life isn't just one event...it is a series of events, and I don't want to miss a single one. As I recollect what could have happened, it makes me sad that my life could have been so different 15 minutes ago had I been the next car in line...if I had not seen the car coming down the hill...if I didn't have time to brake. If I...If I...No more if I. This is what is important and I don't want to miss it. Take advantage of everything that you can...keep looking for all that you seek...Rule 22...Because at any time, without warning, you could be propelled into a new reality,what is before you, and how your life can change instantly. We are in our deepest sleep just before the alarm wakes us. We might have to start sleeping with one eye open. That might have been what saved me today. Maybe it was something (or someone else).

And here we are...

Many months ago, I started on a journey I did not anticipate on taking, nor did I know how I would get there. Needless to say, I took chances in places where I had only run from these same opportunities in the past. I found it interesting today that Rocky and I had very similar thoughts, although we had not shared them until today with one another. When left to my thoughts alone, I can do damage as to whether I proceed or not into a new way. I have mentioned before that it is difficult to remember how I got here...I remember moments here and there and acknowledge that certain things were said. Rocky said it best when she described it as a "blur". Something where you can kind of distinguish shapes and colors, but nothing really seems clear. Yes, yes, that is how I usually see things in the morning anyway, so Rocky has to point out when someone is walking/running near us so that I know. Several months ago, we started this journey at not quite the same time, with different questions to answer, but ultimately, we ended up beginning the rest of our lives on September 27, 2011. Another date to remember, Rock! Today, Rocky's dream became a reality and even put a little change in her pocket, too. Tonight, she was my biggest Mick as I began a dream of mine with the G.I.F.T. I couldn't really process everything that was going on tonight, and still probably can't. Today, I got to see her bloom again and I even did a little bit of blooming myself. As I try to gather my thoughts and write what I think and feel right at this moment, the words are hard to come by. How can that be? For me? Speechless? Yes, it does happen every now and again. But I think it is not that I don't feel or think anything right now...I think it is that there is so much going on in my head and heart that I cannot develop clear, consice sentences to get us from one place to the next. Retracing our steps to try to recall where we were so many months ago is futile. Through it ALL, Rock, I wouldn't change a thing. Not one. Because changing just one would take us off course and things would be different than how they are now. I choose this. You choose this. Two hands. A & E. And even though we cannot draw the road map to show others how we got here, somehow we made our own path with everything we brought with us at the time. I'm grateful for the trip and know I could not have taken it without you. It wasn't always pretty, and it wasn't always easy. But it is ours - yours and mine - and we will always have the yesterdays, with many more years of our tomorrows that are yet to be. What started with something so easily overlooked countless of times before, became what you see now. What we feel now. What we say now. What we know now. Two friends who could be sisters know that now is the time for us. And here we are...together. There are no other words to say that can mean more, but thank you for all I have learned from you, from the love you have given, and ultimately, for being there for me. Although some of it is a little out of focus at times, today certain aspects became very clear. We couldn't and didn't plan it happening this way. Today, my closest of friends, it started today for the both of us and I am so happy we did it together.

When dreams come true

Dreams are awesome. They take us to places we only wish we could go. But not all dreams end there. Some dreams want a life of their own...a living, breathing life. It nags at us, when we are trying to carry on and ignore it. Those dreams are fueled not just by everyday thoughts and wishes, but something deeper. Something from our soul. Something that can never be dismissed as insignificant. Overlooking them is not an option. But pursuing them can be scary and doubt creeps in just to see what you are made of and how far you are willing to go. Fear and doubt are the biggest obstacles when we are faced with the choice to continue forward or remain where we are. Dreams are the way our true heart's desires and passions speak to us and make us think about they way things COULD be. Walt Disney said, "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." What are you made of? Are you willing to take ONE STEP...just ONE...to get you closer to your dream? In the next week, one of my dearest, closest friends will see her dream become reality. As much as she might have some nervousness about this new chapter in her life, she also has so much excitement that I am not sure she sleeps very well at night. I have watched the dream go from every step to get her to here and have, at times, been an active participant in the pursuit of that dream. It has been a voyage where I have seen her through the ups and (minor) downs as she pursued her vision for what her heart has been telling her for a long time. Very shortly, her dream is will no longer be a dream or a hallucination. It is her new reality and she had the MOXIE to follow it. She did this and I am so proud and happy for her. Dreams can come true...what are your dreams telling you? Are you listening? Do you have the moxie to take that one step closer to making your dream your reality? It doesn't happen over night...be patient...and it will happen. ABSOLUTELY it will.

Want to be there for a friend

How do you help someone who won't let you? Who won't take your calls? Who needs you? How do reach out to someone that isn't willing to reach back, even though it is difficult? How do you tell someone that you care so much? I am in such a predicament now. Most of the time, I am pretty good at hiding my emotions, but have spent my entire life doing that, so I am not doing it anymore. Even my husband doesn't usually see my vulnerable side. Last night, he asked me what was wrong and why I wasn't "myself." As I rolled over in bed, I simply said, "I miss my friend." Today, he inquired more and I told that she has closed herself off from the everyone and I haven't spoken to her in some time. In truth, I was up at 4am not being able to sleep. So what do I do at 4am? I write. I write in a journal I keep next to my bed, using a pen with a little light at the end so I don't wake my husband. Here is the irony - she gave me that pen (knowing that I sometimes have to write in the middle of the night - she has seen it first hand) and I am using it to write about her. She told me that I was stuck with her for a very long time, even when I did not believe that about anyone, but especially her. She needs to know that she is stuck with me for a very long time and her shutting me out will not ever change that. I believe that she will open herself back up to the world. I know she needs me, but perhaps she doesn't know how to start over. I wish she knew that she does not have to do this alone - that people love her and care about her and will be there for her. Two people can do more than one person can - "Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break." - Ecclesiastes 4:9. I will not give up on her just as she did not give up on me. I don't know why she didn't, even when I am sure that it was more difficult than she thought it should be and at times, maybe didn't even understand me. I want to give her a big hug and tell her that we are in this together. I am not going anywhere, and hope she reaches soon. This temporary world she has allowed herself to be placed in does no one any good. It would be like knowing you are going to run in a marathon, but doing nothing to prepare for it. Eventually, reality will show itself again. Regardless of when, please know that I am here, whenever you are ready.

Back to reality

Ok...I am doing well with all of the running thing and this journey thing. Having a great day...then I get thrown back into reality. And frustration and disappointment. Some (if not all) of you know that I am working to lose 30 pounds by October 1st. You will have to check back then to see how I am doing, but based on the comments I have been receiving lately, I am doing well. Since that goal will be coming to an end in a couple of weeks, my running partner tells me we have new fitness goals. This year has been awesome so far and I have accomplished much with my spiritual growth, getting over fear, exercising on a regular basis,etc. One of these goals includes doing situps. We need to do 27 in 1 minute. Today, is our first crack at it. I eagerly await these new challenges with great confidence and expect to do decently, even mediocre would show something. Alas, I was wrong. I could not do 1 sit up. NOT ONE. It was a struggle even when she held my feet and I am confident it looked pretty pitiful. She might as well have knelt behind me and pushed my back. Failure...in front of her just about killed me. But she was supportive and awesome, like she always is. All day I would get mad and when I caught that I was doing it, I would then tell myself, "Get there!" I have come so far and now I am discouraged by a detour. Not a road block. So now, I have the goals on my computer at work along with a sticky that says, "Get there!" and they are also on my mirror at home. After work today, I came home and did 20 sit ups - with help from my cedar chest that was able to keep my feet on the ground. As I was doing them, I looked at my stomach. It has gotten smaller and I wonder if that has a bigger meaning. I shed what I did not need to keep. Everything that I was holding onto with my life before now has been with me, but not been necessary to live. But now, my stomach is not tone or strong. I need to build it back up now that I begun to focus my energy and attention on what must be with me to live. This reality check will keep me grounded and I have realized just how much more work I really need to do to get where I need to be. If I can, you can. Get there!

Getting frustrated?

I am. It has been a rough week. Physically exhausting for various reasons, emotionally draining, and I am just feeling like I am being run down. These last few days, I have just been feeling like I keep doing things for other people and am not taking time for me. I feel like I just need to get away, even for a couple of hours, and put everything else on hold. It does not help that it all kind of happened in one week. Monday, I was feeling very unmotivated. I didn't run (the weather guy said it would be raining when I would be up, so I didn't go) and I could have. I know I am pushing myself to run more, especially since I found out this weekend that I will now have to run three times as long to meet my new goal for September. I have not even gotten up to running twice as long, let alone three times! This blog is not meant to be a downer, but life sometimes is, so I am not hiding anything. By the time any of you read this, I will be long past this, but I am fairly confident that you all have been here. It will pass, I know. I have to keep going. No one else will do it for me. Have a great day!