Faith and Love

I have not been feeling these two lately, but today they came with Trust and Acceptance. It is hard to admit when things are not as we would wish them to be, but nothing can really change the situation. I was reminded of this when my youngest son was frustrated last week because he was told by the doctor that he was still going to have to be on his crutch for 6 more weeks. Our son seems to think that since he is better now that the quoted 6-9 month recovery was a mistake because it has only been not even 2 months since his injury. Therefore, I told him to change his attitude because the situation wasn't going to change, but reminded him that his attitude needed to change. UGH! I hate it when words I say to others come back to haunt me. I have been fighting change and feeling selfish about how to handle it. Today, I found faith and felt love in the same situation. I continue to reach, but get frustrated when the street seems very one-sided. I get that too, but it doesn't make it easy. But faith is strong and deep. Love doesn't run and love doesn't hide. Faith is believing in something you cannot hold, something you cannot see, and something you cannot want. Faith is found in the deepest part of your soul that it is something you trust. Above all else, you almost succomb to it. Then, after all of that, you feel the love. You remember moments that take you back to the "Greatest Day" and keep those close because that is all you have. You are blanketed with the warmth of the hug last given, with the joy of the smile last received, with the anticipation on the next such hugs and smiles. Even in the silence and absence, you begin to accept and trust the new reality that is before you. Because there is no other choice but to run. And running is easy.

Nothing stays the same

I know, I am being redundant and stating the obvious. But sometimes, we interpret change as bad, but really it just means different. Things change because people change and that is ok. Routines differ due to a new route on the way to work because of construction. Accidents happen and adjusting to a new regimine becomes a way of life. Other priorities take hold of our immediate attention and that is what we focus on. Whe shouldn't fight change, but accept it. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Our lives feel "normal" when we are just gliding through with near "auto-pilot" days, and then something upsets "the apple cart." But, that is when we learn more about ourselves and what we do with the spilled apples. Do we sit by the side of the road and cry about it? Or do we pick them up, right the cart, and move on about our way as if that minor delay will teach us something somewhere down the road? It is sad sometimes when people change without warning or situations out of our control come to our front doorstep. We all can remember a time when this happened to us...friends were no longer friends...a family is torn apart...illness brings us to a new threshold of stress like we have never seen...jobs are lost...our retirement funds fall...it all comes to us at one time or another. Accept it as it is meant to be this way. Those things that change that are still present will remind us to be grateful for the little times when our old "normal" comes to visit us from time to time. We will wish for more, but understand that it is what it is.

What is given must be accepted

I am sure that I have written on this before, but someone (L) reminded me of this as I was visiting with her yesterday on the phone. She complimented me and I dismissed her, without even thinking about what I was doing. But she reminded me that I need to accept what is given, even if I think it is not warranted. Yeah...that happens a lot. I know she reads this and I will see her next week, so I am hoping she gets a little smile on her face knowing she prompted this post. I am a giver, and receiving has never been one thing I knew how to do very well. Still don't. But I am trying and getting better at it. I can help someone all day long, because they asked for it, but heaven help me if I would ever ask for them to help me. I have refused help even when I knew I didn't have another solution. I have been stubborn and pig-headed (like someone else I know) and was not ready to admit that I could not do it all. I always felt like I was bothering that someone else. Even when Rock first came at 5am - I mean, my losing weight should not be her problem and if I needed help in that department, how rude of me to ask someone (that I did not know well then) to get up at the hour to help me. But I had to let her choose and allowing that was very humbling to me. Still is to this very day. When someone gives us a compliment we are quicker to refuse that than we are a criticism. Why? Because we think we don't deserve it. Last night, I was told by someone who is becoming a great friend that I inspired her to take one step. I do not fully comprehend the effect that I have on others and am trying to be better at accepting those words when they are given. I sometimes think to myself that I am not doing anything different than anyone else would do. I mean, I am just being me and to me that is easy. So, when the kind words come your way, accept them graciously. Not doing so is a refusal of the intent in which they are given. Admit that you might be more than you think you are to those around you. I have to remind myself every day because otherwise, I could not accept what is given to me. Accept what is given and simply say, "thank you."

Admission

This morning, I admitted something to someone that she probably knew, but I never really accepted yet...fully. I was afraid to say it out loud - to let her see and make it more real. Hiding it and dismissing it was easy, but I needed to go there and trust it and fully admit it. Out loud. Admitting when we make a mistake is difficult and is a confirmation that we are not perfect. For a very long time, I tried to achieve perfection and would get upset when I didn't measure up. As hard as I tried, I didn't quite cut it. Another failure. I am not sure if I accepted success any better than I accepted failure. How do you do with accepting and admitting things that are difficult for you? Being honest with yourself and having no regrets about that admission can make you step outside your comfort zone and even through the fear, give you the courage to move forward. "Coming clean" is just what we need to do to be able to move ahead and release whatever we are still holding on to that is dragging us down. Apologize when you need to and take every step you can, even if it feels like it is pure torture for you, to make it right. Don't run from situations that are uncomfortable because it is easier to avoid them than confront them. Allow people to be a part of your life - because they care and love you. Confess the dreams and passions that get your heart racing in a way that you don't even really think about it. Acknowledge that we all have good days and bad days, but the bad days can be made better when shared with those special people. Sharing the good days makes those days even better. Open up with all that you are, bringing your past with you and share with those around you. Today, I declared I have a "slim" and she knows what that means. She also understands how big a step that is for me as I have now divulged this to her. I continue to travel a road where I do not know the end destination or how I will get there. However "scawee" that admission was for me, please know that I continue to let go of the bar and put my arms up above my head. We are on this ride together, and am grateful every day that I am one of your "slims", as I cannot imagine not being here. 32mbmjsa.