What is given must be accepted

I am sure that I have written on this before, but someone (L) reminded me of this as I was visiting with her yesterday on the phone. She complimented me and I dismissed her, without even thinking about what I was doing. But she reminded me that I need to accept what is given, even if I think it is not warranted. Yeah...that happens a lot. I know she reads this and I will see her next week, so I am hoping she gets a little smile on her face knowing she prompted this post. I am a giver, and receiving has never been one thing I knew how to do very well. Still don't. But I am trying and getting better at it. I can help someone all day long, because they asked for it, but heaven help me if I would ever ask for them to help me. I have refused help even when I knew I didn't have another solution. I have been stubborn and pig-headed (like someone else I know) and was not ready to admit that I could not do it all. I always felt like I was bothering that someone else. Even when Rock first came at 5am - I mean, my losing weight should not be her problem and if I needed help in that department, how rude of me to ask someone (that I did not know well then) to get up at the hour to help me. But I had to let her choose and allowing that was very humbling to me. Still is to this very day. When someone gives us a compliment we are quicker to refuse that than we are a criticism. Why? Because we think we don't deserve it. Last night, I was told by someone who is becoming a great friend that I inspired her to take one step. I do not fully comprehend the effect that I have on others and am trying to be better at accepting those words when they are given. I sometimes think to myself that I am not doing anything different than anyone else would do. I mean, I am just being me and to me that is easy. So, when the kind words come your way, accept them graciously. Not doing so is a refusal of the intent in which they are given. Admit that you might be more than you think you are to those around you. I have to remind myself every day because otherwise, I could not accept what is given to me. Accept what is given and simply say, "thank you."

Simple things that mean the most

I love giving to others. It is one of those things that I do best. And my favorite way is to give without others knowing it was me, even though I know. I was smiling the other day when I was remembering leaving enough money at the coffee place for the next person to get their coffee that day for free. Last night, I was the recipient of such a simple and kind gesture. It still has me shaking my head wondering, "Why would someone do that for me?" Even though the action was not made by a complete stranger, those things don't happen to me and I question their meaning when I shouldn't. Sometimes it scares me and I want to run. Once I fight through all of the questions and actually let my head stop for a second, my heart gets a turn to let me see her side to everything. As I stop to breathe and let me guard down, that is when it hits me. Like a sack of bricks falling from a 3-story building, right upside my temple. That's when I fall...when I put down the walls and let it happen because it should and I accept that someone cares THAT much to take a few hours out of her day to help me. The question, "Would you do it for me?" when asked of me always gets a loud "YES." The admission that comes next sometimes is hard to swallow, but I know I have to let it come to me. I am better at giving than receiving. Always have been. I do not do the receiving of anything very well. Never have. Even though it doesn't happen like that for me. Even when I might regret saying too much right now. Even if moments from my past sometimes creep into my today. I am reminded of telling kids that when we give of ourselves without any expectations, we actually do get something in return. I also say that doing the smallest things that we might take for granted might just mean the world to someone else. The smallest, tiniest little things - words and actions - most of the time can mean the most. The choice is not mine to make and I have to let that choice be made. Even if I don't like it, but especially because someone wants to give to me. It is still processing right now. I have to find the the courage to let someone love me, but it is hard. But with the smallest of things, please know that it simply meant the world to me. Still does. Always will. Thank you.

Very grateful

I sometimes forget to be grateful for what I value and treasure most in my life. Today, I am reminding myself to be conscious of those exact things and people. I am grateful to my family, especially my husband and our three boys. Living in a house with four men can drive me bonkers half the time, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am grateful for my wonderful friends (some of you are also family) and what I learn from you and the love you give everyday. I am constantly amazed by the outstretched arms and smiles that come naturally and welcome me every time we see one another. I am grateful to have a little bit of money in the bank, a cool house (it is hot here), and reliable transportation. When was the last time you were grateful for all that you have in your life, and not grumbling about what you DON'T have in your life? We all have stuff we want or things we want to be different. That is a human desire and yearning. But we can also find ways to change our perspective about whatever circumstances we are in at the present moment. It amazes me sometimes how some people can hold onto being a pessimist and always looking at what is wrong, instead of what is right. Excuses come to the surface instead of understanding the lesson that you should be learning from the experience. You have to learn to let go and find a new way of looking at things. I have been called a "ding-dong" a couple of times when my thinking is off kilter, and that is my reminder of where I need to be. We all need to be reminded every now and again. Have you ever done a grateful journal? Every day, you have to write three things you are grateful for and you can have no repeats...ever. They do not have to be extravagant or luxurious. I have been grateful for a warm bed in the dead of winter or clean water on a blistering hot day (like today). You will be suprised at how many GOOD things you have in your life. No one is perfect and therefore, no one's life is perfect. Some things are worth fighting about and other things aren't. Don't be envious of others that may have something "more" than you - they may be lacking in other areas you don't know about and maybe they think you have "more". Life is not a competition; in fact, many times just showing up is a feat in itself. I have had to look hard, really hard in past situations where I could only find the negative. For days, that is what I saw in one particular situation. I couldn't let go and get past it and if I didn't I was going to be stuck there. We were going to be stuck, but no one could help me. I had to do it on my own. In that situation, I learned what someone would do for me, even against my will. I still keep the voice message she left me that day as a reminder. I am grateful for the sun coming up each morning when we run and am grateful even when I don't get what I think I deserve. Be grateful and you will appreciate your life more and all that you have in it. But you have to be willing to see it and know that your cup runeth over....