What is given must be accepted

I am sure that I have written on this before, but someone (L) reminded me of this as I was visiting with her yesterday on the phone. She complimented me and I dismissed her, without even thinking about what I was doing. But she reminded me that I need to accept what is given, even if I think it is not warranted. Yeah...that happens a lot. I know she reads this and I will see her next week, so I am hoping she gets a little smile on her face knowing she prompted this post. I am a giver, and receiving has never been one thing I knew how to do very well. Still don't. But I am trying and getting better at it. I can help someone all day long, because they asked for it, but heaven help me if I would ever ask for them to help me. I have refused help even when I knew I didn't have another solution. I have been stubborn and pig-headed (like someone else I know) and was not ready to admit that I could not do it all. I always felt like I was bothering that someone else. Even when Rock first came at 5am - I mean, my losing weight should not be her problem and if I needed help in that department, how rude of me to ask someone (that I did not know well then) to get up at the hour to help me. But I had to let her choose and allowing that was very humbling to me. Still is to this very day. When someone gives us a compliment we are quicker to refuse that than we are a criticism. Why? Because we think we don't deserve it. Last night, I was told by someone who is becoming a great friend that I inspired her to take one step. I do not fully comprehend the effect that I have on others and am trying to be better at accepting those words when they are given. I sometimes think to myself that I am not doing anything different than anyone else would do. I mean, I am just being me and to me that is easy. So, when the kind words come your way, accept them graciously. Not doing so is a refusal of the intent in which they are given. Admit that you might be more than you think you are to those around you. I have to remind myself every day because otherwise, I could not accept what is given to me. Accept what is given and simply say, "thank you."

When life changes you

We get comfortable in our lives and settle into what we know. We like familiarity and being close to home. We are sailing smoothly and just riding the water, with no real danger or obstacle in our way. That does not usually last for long. But life changes, and therefore, so do you. I am constantly amazed at how different I am from one day to the next. Sometimes, it might be something big or substantial and other times, no one notices. I usually prefer that one. Life has changed me as I have allowed it to come to me. It does that every day. I made a couple of people very happy today and I loved every minute of it. I wish every day was like that. I helped a couple get to a doctor appointment with their newborn and I took Rock one of her favorite things for lunch. It is always a treat to surprise her and I love to see her smile. I always joke that I need to be "less nice", but I was told that it might be impossible for me to accomplish that. Yeah. But when you get to a point when are very excited about life everyday, then you are changed. I have received several nice comments from some wonderful women regarding the G.I.F.T. after this week's meeting and perhaps something I said or just the idea of the group itself changed some of their lives. I am not sure. But, we still try. Life has come to me in many different ways and I am not even sure that I could even tell you how. So many amazing people have become such great supporters as I chase my dream. My slim is there through anything and everything and I always look forward to seeing her and treasure every moment we are together. My husband is supportive, although not always completely understanding, of what I write and what this all means to me. Even my sons encourage me when new ideas come my way. I am better every day and give more of myself to those I love. I give more of myself even to those that I don't know and I will never meet. I am more grateful everyday to the chance to really live as I might have missed it. Has life changed you? Why? Why not? Have you given more of yourself to others? Life was not something that I treasured or appreciated. It was there. So was I. That was it, end of story. Not so much anymore. Now, I have so much to live for...because I am changed.

Simple things that mean the most

I love giving to others. It is one of those things that I do best. And my favorite way is to give without others knowing it was me, even though I know. I was smiling the other day when I was remembering leaving enough money at the coffee place for the next person to get their coffee that day for free. Last night, I was the recipient of such a simple and kind gesture. It still has me shaking my head wondering, "Why would someone do that for me?" Even though the action was not made by a complete stranger, those things don't happen to me and I question their meaning when I shouldn't. Sometimes it scares me and I want to run. Once I fight through all of the questions and actually let my head stop for a second, my heart gets a turn to let me see her side to everything. As I stop to breathe and let me guard down, that is when it hits me. Like a sack of bricks falling from a 3-story building, right upside my temple. That's when I fall...when I put down the walls and let it happen because it should and I accept that someone cares THAT much to take a few hours out of her day to help me. The question, "Would you do it for me?" when asked of me always gets a loud "YES." The admission that comes next sometimes is hard to swallow, but I know I have to let it come to me. I am better at giving than receiving. Always have been. I do not do the receiving of anything very well. Never have. Even though it doesn't happen like that for me. Even when I might regret saying too much right now. Even if moments from my past sometimes creep into my today. I am reminded of telling kids that when we give of ourselves without any expectations, we actually do get something in return. I also say that doing the smallest things that we might take for granted might just mean the world to someone else. The smallest, tiniest little things - words and actions - most of the time can mean the most. The choice is not mine to make and I have to let that choice be made. Even if I don't like it, but especially because someone wants to give to me. It is still processing right now. I have to find the the courage to let someone love me, but it is hard. But with the smallest of things, please know that it simply meant the world to me. Still does. Always will. Thank you.

I love surprising people!

Sending a little card in the mail...supplying a friend with Fun Dip (it is Fun Dip Wednesday, after all)...texting a little note that says, "I am thinking about you." I do not like being surprised...but take it all in stride when it comes my way. Don't you have to just smile when you think of others and send a little surprise their way? I do. Sometimes, it is a little longer hug or a smile to a stranger. Today, I got to surprise Rocky in an ABSOLUTELY HER way! Although her other great friend and I were betting tears would fall, they never did. But, boy, did hugs and smiles surface. I had been working on something for her new venture for months and it was just about killing me keeping it to myself. I did get some relief when I told LR, and I knew once I had it in hand that I couldn't hold onto it for long. I knew that I needed to give it to her right away. I so wanted to tell her that I was picking it up after work, but since I had waited this long, what was a few more hours. I don't think...no, I am going to say I know she never saw that coming and that is why surprises are some of my favorite things to do for others. She was so excited and I am not even sure what she thought when she saw it. I think I remember her asking, "Where did you find this?" (This is a stained glass window with her company logo, colors, and initials.) I simply told her, "I had it made for you." I wanted it to be a reminder of how far she has come and how far she has yet to go. Today, I was reminded of where she is in my life, even when she is not there with me. There is something in about every corner of my office that she either gave to me or she wrote. Then, there are the things that I wear than are also reminders and, of course, those things that no one ever sees. No one ever gets to see. I know she lives there too. She told me earlier of how she surprised (pretty much a complete stranger) by going out of her way and doing what she does. She gives. She did it because it was important to that someone else, not because she wanted someone to know she did it. I hope she knows that I knew she would love it and that is why I loved surprising her today. Loved your smile, Rock. That in itself said everything I have ever wanted to know.

The need to say something...anything

As I sit in my office watching it lightly snow, I am compelled to write, but don't have a subject right at the tip of my brain at this very moment. Maybe there are too many thoughts up there and it is difficult for me to pick just one. I cannot believe that it cannot be the alternative - that there are no thoughts up there at all. I have tried really hard this week to get back to the Bloomin' me - I even got a note from a friend who reminded me that she likes to see me when I am bloomin. I have expected things from others and have been disappointed; I have thought criticisms of me would never come; I have had to find strength again in the one place it will always be - within myself. I have been resilient at conquering tasks that might others cringe, and even if I was not successful, I felt a great sense of pride knowing that I had never given up. I move forward and carry on - that is what I do. We all need to do that in our lives. Sometimes we just want someone to be there to listen - not to fix it or give advice - just to know that they were there for us can make a huge impact. Try to see other people's points of view, even if they don't see yours; apologize even if you don't think you need to, even if they never do; have faith in others, even when you think you want to give up and throw in the towel. Remember to feel...and share those feelings with those you love. I will never forget what my dad said as our family's statement the day I got married - he said, "Love is not a word, but an action." How do you show those that you love with your actions? I know we sometimes think about ourselves and become selfish at times - who doesn't? Part of my mission statement discusses how I will say what I want to say when I feel it, but if I don't, then I am just censoring myself and am being worse than selfish - I am not being true to me. You can be honest without being hurtful, but you have to try. Remember why you are here...

A chance

If we are not willing to give ourselves a chance, who will? We cannot be passive in our pursuit to find our purpose in life. As we share our stories and allow others to see where we are headed, we begin to realize we are not alone in our quest. Our hearts are showing us the way. We are compelled to listen. Complacency is not something we can accept when we are making steps to improve our lives. It is a dilusion that tricks us into believing that "this is all there is" or "this is the best it will ever be". We cannot go on living stifled, unfullfilled lives. Our capacity to impact those around us will keep us in awe of our greatness yet to be found. We are afraid to take the chance because we may get hurt or be rejected. On the other hand, we may also love and be accepted. So I ask you again...if you will not give yourself a chance, who will? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Are you willing to take that chance?