Right vs. Wrong

How many times does this dilema cross your path in any given day? I am talking about a certain thing, however. Have you ever felt like you made the right decision for the wrong reasons or made the wrong decision for the right reasons? For whatever reason, this thought came to me at 2:45am and then I could not get back to sleep. A couple of weeks ago, I decided something for the right reason. It made sense to me on one hand and not on another. But I had to decide. I was not prepared to not make a decision, because playing on the teeter-totter was not helping me. So I decided to be true to me and try to put myself first because not doing so was more painful. Even the person I shared this decision with did not understand why I needed to make it, but yet she understood. In part, I did not want to have to choose, but I did not think there was another way. Yesterday, I realized that I had made the wrong decision, but the reasons still made sense to me. I hate it when things come back to bite you in the ___. I am not a selfish person and constantly give to others as that truly makes me happy. When I give to others, I cannot think of myself. As I type this, I realized another thing...in making my decision, I was running. Because running was easy. I had removed myself from a situation that was painful for me to stay in, so my choice was to run. I had an out...it was given to me...and I chose to take it. Then, yesterday I was reminded of something else that helped me choose something else. So here I am backl at square one. But not really because I have already learned from making the wrong decision for the right reasons. There are times when the decisions we make cannot be explained (so they might look wrong), but we know they are right in our hearts. I have to apologize, even though it may not be needed or expected, for making the wrong decision and hope forgiveness will follow. Whenever this happens to us, make the amends that need to be done to make it better. I did not realize how ready I was to leave it all behind me, knowing it would not be something anyone wanted, but because it was easy. It is much more difficult to fight for something you want, even if you are not sure how it will work out. Today, I will make the right decision for the right reasons. I know it will be hard and I am not willing to give up.

Believe

What do you believe? How strong are your beliefs in determining what you can and cannot do? Can beliefs make you stronger or weaker? It all depends. It amazes me what people are able to accomplish when they believe they can accomplish something. It is that determination that makes them almost invinsible and that is so powerful that it can move anyone to change. I used to doubt what I was capable of when it came to doing something good because I did not believe that by my being me, I had the ability to impact others' lives in a positive way. After all, I was just letting people see me and I allowed myself to put down walls that I had spent years building. I know I surprised someone earlier this week with a hug when she and a friend dropped off some donated food and Christmas gifts to our office. I am not sure what JH thought, but she saw more of what I believe in with the giving of my hug. I believe that we want to give more, but not because of the time of year it is, but because we want to live with no regrets. I believe that sometimes we have to struggle and learn from issues we don't want to face because it will be better for us having gone through it. I believe that we all have a purpose and we can take what makes us happy and give that same joy to others. I believe that we all are very much alike in so many ways, but may not be geographically near each other. We all feel sorrow and grief when a loved one dies...we all feel love when a new baby is born...we all have the same emotions. I believe that I am here, now, for this reason and have to continue my journey. Even though I do not have all of the answers and know not where I am headed, I believe I am headed in the right direction. I believe that you can CHOOSE how to live your life, regardless of your past and can change how you perceive people and events that you encounter. What do you believe? Do you have to see something to believe it? I was reminded yesterday about something I wrote over a year ago when I was out of town for a girls' weekend. "It is not about the times we are together. It is not about the times we are apart. It is about the way we are forever connected at the heart." That is what I believe. Use your beliefs to keep you strong and centered when you think your world is crashing down around you. Believe that you are more than you think you can be and when the time is right, you will prove to everyone that you are more. Believe that you matter to people and influence them in ways you could never even imagine. Believe that those simple words and those few moments will leave an impression that will never be forgotten. Believe that your legacy begins every day, with your bringing "YOU" to the table. Believe that you are loved and cared for, even when you think it would be impossible to do so. Believe that this is your journey and that I am right here, beside you. Believe that when you BLOOM you create beauty that makes my world better. Believe that no matter what, I am still here. Believe that there is no amount of doubt that could ever take you down, because I want you to know that above everything else, I believe in you. Always.

Strong enough?

Have you ever had to be strong, but not sure you were? Have you ever felt like you needed to tell someone something that you were so afraid to tell them? Either because you were afraid you would hurt them or you were afraid that their opinion of you would change? How many hands went up? Mine did. When I let the walls down, I still have strength, but it is harder to find. When the walls are up, I see how strong they are and how they can protect me. But how can you be strong when you feel like there is nothing there that will keep you safe? Your armor and shield are laid at your feet, and you stand alone. I recently told someone that I wasn't strong enough regarding a particular situation. Honestly, I really don't think I am. The reply I received was very surprising, yet I knew she meant it the moment I heard it. She told me, "I can be strong enough for the two of us." Today, I heard a song with that same message and it reminded me of this conversation from two weeks ago. Sometimes, we have to be strong enough for two of us because the other is weak and fragile and scared. I actually feel great strength when I have to be strong for someone else, when they need me. When we are forced to face our fears and conquer them, we become stronger. We learn about what we can and can't do. Ultimately, we are in control of whether or not we are strong enough. We do not realize what makes us stronger until we are faced with obstacles and turmoil. When do you feel stronger? I feel it when I am of service to others, giving my heart and soul away, almost naturally. Without thinking. Without practice. When the time comes when someone you love tells you that they are not strong enough, be strong enough for the two of you. Then, when you need them, they will be strong for you. It will come when you least expect it, when you think you can't, when you aren't sure of anything. But you will be strong enough. You will find the courage to say what needs to be said and still loved regardless of past actions. You have to believe that it is better to have courage to go there than to be afraid for never tried. Even when it is hard, even when you are begging on your knees, even when you aren't even sure why the tears come. Be strong enough. Fight through your fears, swallow your pride, and give it all you have. Actually, you have more than you know. Because really, there is someone else standing next to you being strong enough for the two of you.

Strength

We have all been broken at one time or another in our lives. We have all felt sorrow, pain, grief, and sadness, too. Perhaps even some of us have felt so much pain, that it comes to us when we are alone, where we need to go. Have you ever felt like you have been in this place, when you are in the shower, on your knees, bawling? Like a baby. When there is nothing left to give, until you give it all away? Until you let it go? You cannot stop until you are done, but you have to get through it to get past it. Maybe you haven't been there, but you have been close. I have been married for almost 22 years and since my parents divorced when I was young, I wanted to ensure that my marriage lasted - for good. My husband and I believe that our marriage is the foundation of our lives - nothing else works if we don't work. Not our kids, not our jobs, not our bills, not our house, etc. NOTHING. If the foundation to your life is not strong and held together by love, understanding, compassion, and trust, then nothing else will work either. We raise to the occassion when we are pushed to see how much we can take. We are stronger than we think we are...we find courage when we are afraid...we believe in hope against all odds...Where do you find your strength? In books? In movies? In church? In friends? Do you ever look to find it within yourself? Some people forget to look there. Start there first, because sometimes you can stop there. Be strong today!

Adversity makes you stronger

I was talking with our youngest son this morning about something not related to this blog and I told him, "Adversity makes you stronger." He told me he did not know what that meant. That got me thinking...I know, watch out. Adversity is never anything we wish for because that means that there are struggles and no one likes to struggle. No one wishes that their loved ones struggle. Yet, it is there for all of us. Sometimes, even when we don't think it will be. I spent the next few minutes trying to explain to him that if everything came "easy", then it wouldn't mean as much nor would you feel like you had to work for it. In our family, we have raised our sons not to quit because something got difficult - we have taught them to work harder to get through it because it is difficult. My oldest son had a baseball shirt that read, "We never said it would be easy. We said it would be worth it." I see so many parents in my job that want to make their kids' mistakes "go away" because that is easy. We also believe in sending the message so expectations are never hidden. When we are down, on our knees, feeling like we do not have the strength to stand, that is when it all comes from within. The strength to stand and fight for what we want - to do all we can to make it better than it was before. We cannot win all of the time at everything - no one can. But we can always reach for success and keep trying. Wayne Gretzky said, "100% of the shots you never take ever go in." You are going to fail so expect that to happen. But you will learn something each time you do. You will learn what kind of person you are and what you want and what you are willing to do to get what you want. Adversity comes in many different forms - in comes in people, situations, and things that we will never be able to change. Be strong today. You will be grateful that you did. Imagine what you can do with the strength you now have!!

Get back up again

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster and I am really glad that the week is over. I was reminded this week that there are people out there that are lacking in self-confidence and are jealous so the way that they get to feel better about themselves is to put others down. Mildly speaking, I was thrown under the bus and then was dragged to the principal's office to be questioned about the bus incident. Normally, I really do not pay too much attention to what others say about me, but when I feel that my character and integrity are questioned, I take that very personal. I guess I just never saw that my losing weight would result in harsch comments made by others. In addition to hearing about that, I also was reminded about hw others might feel inadequate and are using me as their scapegoat so as to defer attention from themselves. It has been extremely difficult when those people that you thought would support you and stand up for you in those situations don't. I have questioned others that I believe would tell me the truth about the things being said, and have even apologized to a few in case something I said or did might have been miscontrued. They all assured me that these comments being said about me were preposterous. I am not so naive to believe that everyone will like me all of the time - that would be impossible. However, when comments are said that bring in my boss and affect my work, then I have no choice but to become defensive. I have spoken to a few close friends about these latest issues and have felt better (yes, they are being my Micks) after having done so. As a reminder to myself, I wrote, "You are stronger because of what comes your way, not because of what doesn't." This is a reminder in my office and I will continue to tell myself this every day. I refuse to let them win, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It would be easier of I knew what to do next and how to handle this, but we are doing the best we can. I have to get back up again and continue on my quest to be the me I need and want to be in this life. I have the same one chance you do and I have come too far to let it go now. When you are faced with these kinds of situations, dust yourself off, learn something, and get back up. Understand that no matter what, you will succeed and never let them see you where they want you to be. They don't win, unless you let them.

Don't give your power away

On Wednesday of this week, the day started awesome. Rocky came over for a run (with scarf and two sets of gloves) and we had an awesome time. It was great to see her and catch up. I get to work a little later and am feeling good, feeling fabulous, doing my thing. Then, I get a phone call from a woman who can put someone slightly on the edge. I know I am telling her things she does not want to hear, and before I can say anything else, she hangs up on me! If anyone had been in my office, you literally would have seen my jaw hit the floor. This woman is asking for my help and when I told her we were doing the best we could, she didn't even say "thank you" or "goodbye". I immediately called a co-worker (she had the priviledge of working with her last year), as I knew she would understand. The co-worker is laughing and tells me, "Don't give your power away." It was appropriate and very simple. My day had started great and because of one little insignificant episode, my great day took a little halt. But once I changed my attitude and did not give my power away, my fabulous day continued. Ask yourself, do I give my power away? I believe there are only two things we can ever control in our lives - attitude and effort. Attitude always come first and you never have a bad attitude and put forth good effort. Usually, they go hand in hand and unfortunately, are the same. So, your message for today is that if you are on cloud 9 and some little hiccup comes along to keep you in check, keep your power. Sometimes, it is all we have. Have a FANTABULOUS weekend!!!