When you just can't win

It isn't even about winning, but I am not sure of the right word. Have you ever had those moments when you do what you think is right and then for whatever reason, the rules change so it doesn't matter what you did in the first place? I know it sounds silly, but don't you want to just throw your hands up and say, "Whatever." It doesn't matter what I say, what I do, what my intention was. It is not enough and I don't know why. The rules keep changing. I remember having a boss who once told me that I would get promoted if I met these three criteria, which I did. Of course, when I brought that to her attention, she added a fourth. This went on for sometime, but got me very frustrated to where I could never win. It was never good enough. I am not one to toot my own horn, even when others have lined up to do it for me. It makes me think of trying to empty a boat with holes in it with a spoon. Maybe I never sink, but I never make any headway, either. These are the days when I question if it matters. Sometimes battles are not meant to be fought, but I will be the first one to tell you that if you are going to fight, make sure it is worth fighting for. Sometimes, people will tell me, "No" and I interpret that as "No, not right now." It is a way for me to keep trying and find a way to make it work. I do not believe that I have all the answers and nor do I believe that my answers are right. But at least I am willing to ask the questions. Maybe we can find the answers together. It's about being consistent and the rules remaining the same. "Frustration should create action, not make you want to give up." I know things are always changing, but really? I must look like a car chasing my tail half the time. How many of you have ever felt like you are going around in cirlces, heading in no direction? And when you try to make sense of it all, something out of nowhere gets you. We will be ok, as long as we are in it together. Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

Men don't get it

Ok, before you think this is a men-bashing post, you are wrong. Most, if not all, of you will agree with me. I love my husband dearly as we approach our 21st wedding anniversary next week. If you have been following along since the beginning, you know that I have been making internal and external changes to myself. This journey has been a mind-SHIFT of where I was and where I want to be and how I can get there. I have also started exercising as well and have had some success there as well. My husband has noticed those external changes and has made nice comments that motivate me to continue. I would do it for me anyway, but it is still nice for him to say. But when I try to talk to him about this blog, or any of the other "soul-changing" thoughts I have, he tunes out. He doesn't need to know how a hug given to a co-worker made their day or how I feel more empowered than I have in so many years. He doesn't need to get it. Ultimately, if I am happy and continue to live my life as I have (you and I both know it is better :-), then that is all he cares about. Most of the books I have read are not written by men. Women have a unique vocabulary and way of looking at the world. We continue to try to save it, while the men just accept it "for what it is." However, we need men to be our supporters and even if they don't get it, they are there for us. We are grateful for that. Have a wonderful day!