Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Humbless comes to me

I sigh, but not in disgust or in frustration. I let the air escape from my lungs in acceptance. Humbling accepting the compliments that have visited my life in such a few shorts days. I still almost find it difficult, but by my being me, it actually is very easy. It can be difficult for us to see AND accept what others see in us. Do you do that well? I don't but am working at getting better at it. Last night, we had another G.I.F.T meeting and I will post a quick summary soon. Some new faces and some that had come previously. Two ladies said that they feel inspired when they read what I write here. Amongst their crazy lives with the ups and downs, twists and turns on their rollercoaster ride, they find something in my blog that tells them to just stay the course. Later, I received a text from SM (love you!) that said that this meeting has her thinking and asking herself questions she maybe was afraid (to get wrong) to answer. And looking through some postings on Facebook, she also posts about how we should accept compliments, because not doing so with grace takes away the gift of giving it. Then, I was totally blown away today. Let's just say I was speechless. Yes, yes, I know. It does happen. I was visiting with a co-worker who I do not know very well and she asks my opinion about something she is thinking about doing in the next couple of months that will be different for her. Then she tells me that she says to herself, "If I could only be one-third of her." I am not sure who she is speaking about, but TM tells me that I am the "her" she is referring to when she says that. WOW! I am not sure what third she wants to be like, because sometimes I am not sure I like all of the thirds of me. But, I didn't know what to say, and I wasn't sure specifically talking about, and tried to accept the compliment. Then, I told her about the blog and the G.I.F.T. and how I got started. She sounded very excited as I gave her a hug and went on my daily tasks. Someone else told me that I should not be surprised by these words because "I'm amazing." DOUBLE WOW! I think it is almost impossible to fully comprehend and understand the magnitude of the effect we have on each other. How something we say inspires someone to do something different. How an action we take encourages someone to stand in front of a group of 5 year old ice skaters and takes lessons as a teenager. I posted a few months ago about how "IT MATTERS" and I am not trying to repeat myself here. Last night and today, I received genuine compliments that I will never forget. Because I have left them with something that they will never forget. Thank you all.

Expectation and Disappointment

There is no one in this world that has not had both of these in their lives at one time or another. Expectation is what comes before and sometimes, there is disappointment after. Whether it is trying out for a select baseball team that you don't make because your skills don't match the quality of the team. Whether is the job you interview for and walking out thinking you nailed it, but you didn't. Whether it is the washing machine that just stops before the spin cycle so you have to wring out your clothes. Whether it is the hours we spend exercising at the gym only to find out we lost 2 pounds. Whether it is words not said or deeds left undone. It can be very difficult not to have some expectations, isn't it? How do you completely have none? We have expectation because something is desired and wanted from the action we are taking. Or we place those expectations on somethone else, and they don't even know it. We are hoping for our desired outcome. But, as we all know, at times, disappointment comes instead. When our sails seem to deflate and we lower our head just a bit and everyone seems to know what that looks like. Some people carry disappointment with them for a very long time and it becomes a part of their heart. But disappointment hurts, but we control how long it hurts. Excuses become reasons for everything. We have all been there. So, if there are expectations that you have, try to let go of them. I know it's hard. "It will happen as it is meant to happen." When you get disappointed, try to let go of that as quickly as you can too. Everything happens for a reason. Work on being a better baseball player...figure out what you could've done so you get the next job...maybe you get a new washer out of it...try a different exercise and see if that changes things...forgive those for the words or deeds they have forgotten. We all share these same moments in our life and need to remember that like most things, they will come and go. HAPPY FUN DIP WEDNESDAY!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Have courage

Find it deep within you, to do something or say something that is difficult...even if it is just difficult for you. If it is something you don't normally do, like sing in front of family for a game you are playing. Yes, I did that this weekend and even though it was scary (I mean, my youngest son who does show choir in front of hundreds of people couldn't do it), I tried to not let my fears control the moment and just enjoy it. Being brave doesn't have to be something huge. It can mean reaching to someone that you have lost contact with for a while. It can mean saying something that is difficult for you, because it has been that way your entire life. Don't let excuses and "because I have always done it that way" rule what you don't do. You just give yourself an out because it is easier. You justify to yourself that you are willing to accept what you currently have because doing something different might mean you have to do something different. I had so many walls up before and I know there are family members that read this from time to time. I also know that they see more of me, or at least get an small inkling of the thoughts in my head. Start something new today that you really want to do or at least try. Sometimes, situations can make sense to us logically, but emotionally they don't. More often than anything, the emotion sides don't make sense because it is not something we want. Reasons are understandable and feelings are not. I understand why Rocky doesn't come anymore to run, but I wish she did. What scares you? Calling an old friend that maybe you wronged in some way? Trying something new that no one would understand why you want to do it? Asking someone for help? Telling someone you love that you need them in your life? Be brave today. Even if you don't know how it will turn out, don't live with the regret of doing nothing. If you want something different, do something differnt. A swimming pool will still be a swimming pool, even if you don't maintain it. Don't let fear win over doing what your hear tells you to do. Put logic aside for a moment...get off the easy road...and listen. With the adrenalin flowing and the sound of your heart pounding, have courage today. Conquering Obstacles Under Remarkable And Gutsy Environments.

The marathon on life

I am not sure that I can call myself a "runner", but I do love to run. I love the freedom it brings me and the way I can start my day with very little effort. And I am grateful every day that I decided to join the race of life. I let everyone pass me as I sat on the curb and watched it happen. I wasn't ready to join, thinking that everyone else had such a big headstart and that it wouldn't matter to start now. But when true "runners" train for a marathon, they start slow and gradually work themselves up to running faster and farther. When Rock and I started running over a year and a half ago, I couldn't run from my house to the end of the block (I am the second house from the corner), but eventually her crazy "10 more steps" rule pushed me to do more than even I thought I could. Maybe even more than she thought I could. After all, there is a reason why she is Rocky and I am Mick. But life isn't supposed to be a sprint - it is a marathon. You have to pace yourself and sometimes, there are hills on the course than make you gather the very last bit of strength (that you are sure you don't have) to get you to the other side. There are times when things are flat and seem to be effortless as you cruise pass the cheering crowd. Of course, if there are hills you have to climb, then you know there are going to be the downhills and you almost pick up speed as you really take charge of what is in front of you and conquer everything in your way. But, this does not happen over night. It takes months and hard work and dedication. It means some days you may have the best intentions and other distractions become your focus (kitty) temporarily. When those times comes up (because they will), what you do next does not mean that you are done forever. It means you made a choice and you can still choose something else. So, when you get on your running shoes today and walk outside your door to embrace this new day you have been given, don't worry about where you are in the race. It doesn't matter when...it matters that you participated. Begin your marathon today.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Unlimited

This word is mentioned in one of my favorite songs and I first heard it when I attended "Wicked" over the summer. I shared it with Rock and she loves it too. How many times do we let self-imposed or outer influences decide for us where our limits should be? Why? Reality is sometimes cruel and unwanting, but if we allow the trials of day to day to bring us down, then we suffer with the binds around us. My son had knee surgery and was walking within a day or two. I never thought I would see him do that so quickly after his operation. They say they want him to be able to run by January. That almost seems impossible to me. But I have those thoughts because of limits I think that exist. However, him being able to carry on as if nothing happened means his life still has no limits. Are you living your life with no limits? Do you believe that it should have no limits? You are unlimited and can do anything. Even those things you never in your wildest dreams thought you would do. I am proof of that. We choose limits because of what we think it will look like and what it means to others becomes what we listen to first. How many people in history were the "firsts" at something great? I could list several here but you get the idea. Someone has to be first and it begins with having no limits. Believing in yourself above all others is key. Your thoughts, actions, and feelings are unlimited. Share them with us. We love to see people shine and BLOOM. Happy Monday!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Happiness

For a graduation gift, I gave someone a book that inspires her to "Live Happy" because I know she might have chosen to forget that after someone she cared about was taken from her life. I get it. But living happy does not come easy, especially when we are stuck and not feeling like we have anything to be happy about. Why do we look for happiness to come to us or be somewhere outside of us? Why do we think mere objects and certain events will make us happy? I have heard that there are studies that have shown that the richest people in the world just own items and have money. But they are not happy. All it does is show people you have money and want to show people you have money. So what? People would much rather see people that have heart. I told Rocky that words that were said to me over the last couple of weeks would no longer have the affect that they were intended. Those words made me question and doubt. But it is hard when someone says something that hurts you. Sometimes, it hurts more when words aren't said to fix what was was hurtful. So, even without an apology said and forgiveness given, I had to choose to let it go and move on. I chose happiness over staying stuck. Happiness is the attitude we pick and is so easy. People forget that it always resides within. It is still a choice. When we explode at something that upsets us, we choose that. When we relish the time we spend with family, we choose that, too. Through this journey, I have seen so many choices that have come my way that I never saw before. Remember, you do not have to look for happiness, but you do have to choose it.

Rule your world

I was recently given a book to read, but do not really have time to read it. But. I took some time today on our drive back home for the holiday weekend and was intrigued by the message as well as the title. I kept coming across sentences or ideas that I had to email myself so when I got home, I would remember it. Do we let our world rule us or do we rule our world? More often, we allow our world to rule us. Why? Because it is easier. Because we are conditioned to not cause waves. Because it is what is expected. But what if we did the unexpected? What if we decided that we were going to take control of our lives and decide to CHOOSE to live differently? Rule should not be taken in a way as to dominate or have power over anyone else. I mean rule as in to take control and actively decide how to live your life. Our world is not what you think it is either. We only are a small portion in this large world and we can only control our attitude and effort we put forth into it. This book also talks about how perception can make us look at our lives in certain ways -- if we let our environment dictate what happens next, then we feel like we have lost control. However, if we engage in the process of what exists in our life, then we feel powerful. This happens when we rule our world. Confidence is restored in an unsure and confusing place where we are currently residing. I know I have let my world rule me, and even let certain people take control when they should not have. If we allow this to happen, then we become victims. Victims are unable to do anything. They succomb to the whatever comes their way and just accept it, good, bad, and everything in between. That is why I don't like the phrase, "It is what it is." We all get down sometimes and have people that hurt us. We have situations that happen that we don't want to happen. But they do. What we do with those people that bring us down, how our attitude affects what we do next, can change everything. So, as you decide how to take on your day...choose to rule your world.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

You help...without question

Yesterday, as our family was driving to my inlaws, someone texted me asking for help. Not really thinking that I could or really understanding why she picked me, I did the best I could with helping her. I hope I did. She said I did and have no regrets about anything I said to her and I hope she knows that I am always here for her. But what do you do when people come to you for help? You help. When people compliment me, I shy away from that and usually just say, "I'm just me." But there are reasons that people come to you or me when they need something or someone. Just as there are reasons why I go to my slim, my sisters, and other friends when I have questions, have something to share, etc. When someone has the courage, is humble, and comes to you with the words, "I need you", What do you do? You help. You do all you can to make them feel better about a situation. You give them your love through your touch with a hug. You say what they need to hear, even if they don't want to. You go when you are not invited. They will forgive you for the intrusion later. You show them they matter and that what hurts them, hurts you. Sometimes, you can relate to the situation they are in and it takes you back to the time when you where there and you find yourself cringing at the very thought that someone else has to live in that nightmare, just as you did. I remember when I was about 14 and someone came into my life that I wanted to talk to, but I was forced to not have any contact with GC. That made me close everyone out. After so many years, I found GC on Facebook and apologized to her for the way things happened, even though most of it almost wasn't in my control. So, when I was asked to help yesterday and I could have removed myself from a similar situation, I did what GC tried to do for me so many years ago...I helped. Even if people are upset with me later for getting involved. Even if things do not work out the way we would like. I have no regrets about that and would do it again should the chance come up again. Even if you feel like it doesn't matter. I have to feel that I have done EVERYTHING I could imagine doing and give it my all. I have to give the world everything I have to offer because if I don't, I am not serving the people around me. I help because I can, because I want to make it easier for those that I love, because it means something to me to be wanted. When someone comes to you and says, "I need you"...do what I would do...help, without question, knowing that at some time, they will be there to return the favor.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Dreams come after the nightmare

When do we see our dreams? After we have had something terrifying happen. Do you ever go to sleep at night, thinking great thoughts, just resting as you slowly drift off to slumber? And then without warning, PUMA! You are trapped in some crazy dream that may include a mouthful of teeth that are really gum or that you are back in your childhood home, standing on the roof, where vampires are trying to get at you, so you are tearing pieces of the house off and throwing what you can at the vampires? Ok...maybe that was just me. The teeth dream wasn't me and I still don't know what that all meant. When do you start to see the rainbow? After the storm. Same thing. Things get clearer just after the chaos settles and you can get your ground again. That is not the hardest part. The hardest part is not knowing when the chaos will end and how do you handle it in the meantime. So what do you do? You grin and bear it, you get through it, you do all you can to keep your boat afloat. You survive. I know how to do that one...I am the Queen of that one. Still am to some degree. I always felt it was easier to do it alone and not feel like I was burdoning someone else. My phrase of "Not your problem" was something I had practiced my entire life, without really having a name for it. Because I thought asking for help meant I was weak. I didn't want people to see me as weak. After all, I could take on anything. Or so I thought. For a long time. When do we see the sky? After the clouds have parted and the newness comes to us. Even though we had to struggle and fight and be hurt and cry and get through it all, we get that final confirmation that it will be ok. We are still here after all of it. Believe that the nightmare always comes before the dreams. Here is the difference...nightmares are just our fears that usually never come true, but dreams can and do become reality. Believe in your dreams. They are just a storm away.

Where I live

This is something that has been repeatedly coming to me over the last couple of days...remember where I live. Perhaps it is because of something that I have to tell myself when I question it all. When I doubt. When I wonder. When I am hurt. So here is what I came up with...

When you don't see my smile, remember where I live.
When we don't spend time together like we used to, remember where I live.
When you question if it means anything, remember where I live.
When you are hurt because of words said, remember where I live.
When I'm not physically there, remember where I live.
When you want to run, remember where I live.
When you can't say what you need to, remember where I live.
When you forget who you are to me, remember where I live.
When your laugh isn't shared, remember where I live.
When distance keeps us apart, remember where I live.
When the "yesterdays" don't seem to be our "todays", remember where I live.
When you are not sure how to approach the day, remember where I live.
When the good, the bad, and the ugly come to you, remember where I live.
When you have something exciting to share, remember where I live.
When you can't do all that you want to, remember where I live.
When all you have to do is ask, remember where I live.
When something is troubling you, remember where I live.
When I can't take your call, remember where I live.
When you wonder what I am doing today, remember where I live.
When you need me, remember where I live.
When you miss me, remember where I live.

Yes, I want you to remember. I want you to remember so that you never forget it, but not just for you...for me, too. All of the "you's" and "I's" can be switched when we change places. And I tell myself every day that I need to remember where you live.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Through all of my 43 years, I have been blessed. Even when I did not believe it or want to see it. Even when I dismissed it as not something I deserved. Yet, despite of it all, I am blessed. Words have been said recently that have hurt me and I guess what surprises me isn't that they were said but who said them. Because of those words, I started heading backwards in a direction I did not want to go. It amazes me how much we believe about ourselves when others say things that should have never been said. Then, I startled spiraling down and could feel it weighing on me too. I didn't know how to stop it, but knew I had to. Then four words were texted to me that meant the world. Funny how four simple words can tear you down faster than a tent in a tornado and four other words can right the sails on your boat. This week is about gratefulness and blessings and all of the things that we humbly have in our lives that allow us to carry through from day to day. I have a husband that adores me and loves me and has for over a quarter of a century. I have three wonderful sons, and other family members that I absolutely treasure, love, and miss every single day. I have true friends who love what I bring to the table and make my world everything it should be. I love my job, have enough food to eat, and reliable transportation. I have much more than others do and I am extremely grateful for all my blessings this year. Remind yourself to be thankful for what you have and all that you cherish. And when you doubt if you have blessings, look where they always reside...in your heart. That will tell you all ever need to know. Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Hard Way

I'm not sure why I thought about this subject this morning. Maybe it is because I am back on the dreaded elliptical as the weather turns colder. Rocky doesn't come anymore (I understand why), so getting up and staying motivated is different now. I remembering telling my husband that I get up to run/walk/elliptical not for her, but for me, but it is easier to get up when you know someone is going to be at your door at 5am. But I also started thinking about the life I've lead and to some it may seem that I've lived it the hard way. Not intentionally or by choice, but I guess by design. By someone else's design. When I was growing up, I didn't know any different life, but knew there were certain things I did want or didn't want. There are things and people I have fought for and would committ to for life. Choices were made that might have made me struggle, but through that I learned what I am capable of and what I can accomplish. When you love something and treasure it so much that it pains your very core to be without it, you will do all you can to keep it. We all feel, at some time or another, that life is not perfect...that we think it is unfair...but when we struggle, we learn. We grow...we change our attitude...we accept. As much as we would pick something different for us, maybe that in itself is meant to teach us something. Although this was hard for us and we grieved for life lost, for something unfulfilled, we also know that this was the way we were meant to travel. It was designed for us. People that have everything given to them would never know how to survive outside their little perfect world because you and I know the world isn't perfect. So remind yourself today that if something is in front of you that you are having to confront, know and accept that it is there for a reason. It's going to be hard to make you make notice of it. Somehwere, in the middle of the strife and chaos, there is a lesson. I know I learn lessons all the time...even those I don't want to. Sometimes, the hard way is the only way and after a few scars and mistakes made along the way, you have to realize that this is the designed way.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Being frightened is a good thing

I know we might not think so, but I think this is true. I mean, when we are a little on edge and nervous, we are paying very close attention to what is going on around us. Not having all of the answers and being in a new place take us where we have never been before. If we are always in the status quo, then we never do anything new, never feel anything new, never learn anything new, etc. We don't have all of the answers, and not knowing what is just around that bend that is waiting for us is a great thing. We should be ok with the rollercoaster ride we are on and put our hands up as we travel the track of life. Just like the ride, there are parts where we anticipate the long upward climb, as we hear the gears on the track inching us closer to the top. Then we travel downwards, at speeds we are sure we are not meant to travel, with twists and turns, and minor bumps, and everything else it will throw our way. But during that time, we might be afraid and scream (some of us more than others), we might laugh, we might smile. But, all in all, we love it. We are no longer afraid and don't have regrets about letting our fear win, but relish in the fact that we had a great time. I remember when we went to Cancun last year and we were ziplining and rappeling through the jungle and how my family seemed timid when traveling down the cable about 8 stories above the ground. They were cautiously waiting to grab the cable, and then there is me.

Loving every minute of it, perhaps a little afraid, but really opening myself to enjoying what I was doing. This is what life is about. Really living it. I still find it so amazing when I finally started living my life, instead of being afraid of life. I had done that for so long and I refuse to do it again. Be frightened...it just may be the most fun, bestest time, you have ever had. And because of that you will treasure those memories and you will have no regrets.

Nothing can stop you

I heard a phrase from a new movie last night that said, "When you do something for the right reasons, nothing can stop you." That momentum will carry you past any doubt, any fear, and opinion that is not in your favor. But you have to believe in what you are are doing first. Mike and I went out to dinner last night as we visited a friend's new sandwich shop and we saw a few of the workers that we have known for some time. One of them, MK, was in attendance Wednesday night when I gave my speech. He told me he stayed awake during the speech (maybe it was because he knew me), but also he said he really liked it. I told him it was my first one. He asked me again, "Really?" I told him that seriously it was my first one, but was hoping for more. I think it impressed him that he never would have known that it was my first speech if I had not told him. Thanks, MK. You all know what I am talking about. When you KNOW, without a doubt ever, that what you are doing is right. You know it and you feel it. You feel it so deep you are not sure you will ever reach the bottom of your soul. It keeps going. And you also realize that because you can feel it that much, and the passion behind it is so greeat, that nothing can stop you. There will be nothing that will stand in your way. I told someone recently that when you ask yourself THE question, and you find that the answer is the same, then you know. But you have to be willing to let it come from your heart, not your head. Emotion is so much stronger than thought. What are you doing for the right reasons?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Here goes!

Ok. So I am not even sure where to start. I was asked several people how I did last night with my speech and me being me, I probably downplayed it more than I should have, but that is me. Because of those wonderful people in my life, called friends, I receive phone calls and texts telling me that I did great and that they really enjoyed what I had to say, etc. Very, very humbling. Last night, I woke up about 1:15am and noticed an email from a reader of this blog (S) and I could not stop thinking about what she said in the email as she called my life "amazing". I would have no problem describing my life using other words, but "amazing" would not have been one of them. Intersting, S. Thanks. Then, I get a nice email regarding another door that I have knocked on before about an opportunity, and I may have another speaking opportunity in Janaury. YAY! Here is the topper...one of my friends tells me that her daughter posted on her facebook a status that includes part of what I said last night in my speech. Here is was thinking no one was paying attention!! Then, about 15 of her friends "liked" it!!! OMG!! It has been a great day. With just one of these, it would have been awesome, but all together, plus my husband came home from a work trip and I got to see Rocky. As I continue to ride this rollercoaster today, I can only say one thing...here goes!

Did it!

Last night was my first big public speaking engagement in front of about 300 people or so. All day, I went around getting "knuckle touches" from everyone I saw to carry the excitement and momentum going into last night. Ok, ok,...it was really about not getting nervous. Funny thing is that I wasn't nervous. Even when I got there and sat on the stage for about 20 minutes prior to the start of the program. Even when I knew people in the audience. Even when I heard my bio read and saw my name listed in the program. Then, I started reading my speech. My voice never cracked, but I could tell that my left hand was shaking when I spoke those first words. Since I was standing behind a podium, I am not sure the audience even saw it. Then, something happened. As I continued to read and look into the audience every so often, it stopped. My hand stopped shaking and I began to feel so at ease that I knew that I was born to do this. Please understand that I am NOT a spotlight seeker. People that know me know that I shy to turn the attention away from me. In fact, when I introduced Rocky to L one night, one of them commented about me being special (or something like that), and Rocky was agreeing with L and I quickly turned their attention back to the task at hand. I can talk all day long about those things that I am most passionate about and last night was no exception. I was told later by a couple of friends that I did a great job and also received some nice comments from others that attended. But last night was not about me being on stage or about any compliments that came my way. Last night was the start of something bigger. Last night was the first of many speeches yet to come. I told someone once that any potential invites that come after last night is what terrified me the most. Because that would mean change, but today I feel different about that. Today, I feel that whatever comes as a result of last night will be just fine. If nothing happens, then I am very grateful and glad I had the opportunity to speak last night. No regrets. If anything, I hope the words I spoke last night triggered something in anyone to look at their life and move forward in better and bigger ways than ever before. If that happens to one person, then it would have been worth it. If it doesn't, then it was worth it to me and I can say, "I did it!"

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Standing on a star

Has this ever happened to you? When you felt like there was nothing bigger than you, right at that moment, and NOTHING could change it? Today, that is how I feel. Like I am standing on a star. Not because I am better or bigger than anyone else, but today is a day for me. People that know me very well know that I am not one to shout, "Yay for me!", but today is different. It is different because tonight is another piece of the puzzle coming together regarding my dream. I have two passions and dreams - one, to be a life coach for women and that began two months ago with the G.I.F.T. and two, to be a motivational speaker for teenagers and my first speech for that is tonight. People have asked me if I'm anxious or nervous about tonight but I'm really not. I really like my speech and the one person who got the trial run beforehand, liked it too. I made some minor additions (can't believe I forgot THE question...LOL) and I hope it gets people to think, but it may not affect just the teenagers in the room. Maybe the impact is greater. I do not know what comes next. It really doesn't matter and is out of my control. I can only continue to do what I am doing, giving it my all, and things will happen as they are meant to. Today is another step towards everything I see in my future. I also want to thank everyone who has been on this crazy ride with me...I would not be here without you and hope you know how much you mean to me. TYFE. So tonight, when you look up at the night sky, you just might see me as I will be standing on the brightest star! Atta, girl!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Being there

Sometimes that is enough. Just being there. Whether someone asked you to or not, but you choose to be there because being there is not for you or about you. It's about making someone else's important thing just as important to you because they are that important to you. It means dropping work at the drop of a hat because you see someone you love not feeling well. It means sending a card to anyone just to say, "I love you and am thinking about you." It means doing more for others than maybe what you might see is being done for you. It means holding someone's hand when they are nervous, knowing that just that gentle touch will provide some comfort and settle your heart as much as it does theirs. It means hearing their voice when that is the only thing that will make your heart smile, even though neither one of you can see it. It means making choices that are not really even sacrifices because you would do it again, every day and twice on Sunday. Being there is so much without a single word ever being said. It means standing at the back of a crowd, catching a widower's eye, so that he knows you took time out of your day to pay your respects. It means attending a baseball game for a teenager who might not have a great deal of support at home. It means holding someone you love because they need to shed tears that their heart seems to want to pour out. It means helping a stranger who doesn't have enough money to buy a gallon of milk. It means stopping by unannounced and bringing someone lunch, even if they don't get to eat it. It means living in someone's soul and heart, even when time has passed between you. It means taking 15 minutes to check on a neighbor in the hospital. It means not caring about what it might look to others, because you know that you don't want to have any regrets. It means that you still are present in their lives, even when they are surrounded by chaos, because by your being there, you somehow quiet everything around them. Being there is so important and is what people think about most when they thank others, especially when the big things show up in life. But being there can mean just as much for the smaller things as well. No one needs to know that you were there except you. Can you feel it yet? You have to tell me that you can. Being there is not just about physically being there, but emotionally being there and committed to being "whatever you need, for as long as you need it, because you need it." Be a master of being there. It is easier than you think and gives others so much joy and that in itself can mean everything. Sometimes being there is more than enough..it is all there is. Be there.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Irony

Irony is a funny thing. For example, growing up I never thought I would leave the state of California, yet the more I have lived here in Nebraska, the more I never want to live in California again. Nebraska has become my home, although I will always say I am from the "OC" before the "OC was the OC". Remember, I could not tell you where Nebraska was on the map. I was thinking about a different kind of irony today, though. I was remembering how many times I wanted to run from someone else because the thought of her and what she could be to me terrified me. I was nervous about it all, having one step inside the door and the other outside, just in case I needed to bolt in a hurry. In fact, I was prepared to bolt, certain that the need would come. It was easy to run...without realizing I had done it my entire life, I knew it would come again. It was sure to, right? Then, when things got turned upside down, the last thing I wanted to do was run; I was ready to put both feet inside the door. There were times when I wasn't ready to fully commit and tried to disappear from it as quickly as I could, hoping that any damage done would be minimal. Not for her, but for me. I had done that for so many years. But then, when a choice was made that I had no control over making, I was ready to be here; I was ready to be in it for the long haul. Maybe it was because something I had longed for and always believed to be out of my realm, was right in front of me. Even though it was there, and I could see it and feel it, I discounted it as being my imagination. After all, this just doesn't happen to me. I mean, when I had it in my hands, I was more afraid of having it and yet when I no longer had it, I wanted it so much it hurt. Have you had irony come to you in ways you never thought it would? Where feelings take you places you never thought you would go? Even after it was said and done and another choice was made (another one out of my control), I was now hesitant. I questioned it again, even more so than I did before. It was difficult for me to stay again. Is it ironic when you change something that affects the outcome of something else, never realizing that it would have that effect? Things change, but change does not mean bad...it just means different. When we doubt and wonder, we have but one thing and one thing only that keeps us grounded and reminds us of the truth...our heart. It is not easy to stay, but things happen as they are meant to and we do all we can to link things and see the irony that must have two parts. There can be no irony with just one piece of the puzzle. Just like there can be no catch-22 with one dilema. Irony exists where we think it won't and its significance will show itself at some time, when we least expect it, and only when we look back. Here is the irony to the this post...even though I know you live where no one else can see, have no doubts that you are there, and am reminded of what I trust, I still miss you. Every day.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Ambition

I thought about ambition this past week on one of my walks. Yes, I said walk. My week has been off since I was off work most of the week helping our son recover from his surgery. Day time TV is pretty much a waste of time, but I was able to get some things done that otherwise I had not had time to do, so that was a good thing. Don't we have ambition? Although the goal might be something different, we still carry ambition. Ambition are hopes and dreams that we aspire to create and live. But too much ambition can be a bad thing. If you become so focused on your end result, you could forget about others that are the ones that care about you and love you. You could create enenmies where you once had only friends and supporters. Sometimes, we lose sight of what we are doing, not even realizing that we are doing it. Being focused on things is a great thing, don't get me wrong. Ambition and the aspiration to do great things is on the horizon for all of us. It is just right beyond our grasp, but we can see it and we can feel it. Nothing is more great and makes us shine more than we we have ambition and we know what direction we are headed. Isn't that the best feeling ever? What ambitions do you have? Have you given yourself a chance to look for them? We all have goals. I succeeded a goal last year when I set out to lose 20 pounds and ended up losing almost twice that much. I still have more more ambitions, but maybe not so much in the losing weight area. I have dreams I want to pursue...need to pursue...in order to say I gave my all. I might fail, but at least I can say I tried. What do you want others to say about you? That you never achieved anything because you never tried anything or that you failed because you tried? I pick the latter. Thomas Edison tried numberous times on how to create a lightbulb -- can you imagine what would have happned if he had given up? Carry that ambition with you...it will never steer you wrong and will actually catapult you to places you never expected but you will be grateful you went there. Hold true to your passions and use your ambition for good and in changing your life, you just might have the time of your life doing so. You might even surprise yourself.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

All of our eggs in one basket

Who hasn't done that before? Put all we have, all we believe into one thing, only to have the rug pulled out from under you and then you wind up with yolk on your face? Feeling kind of foolish, hoping no one saw and will bring it up later? Yeah...been there done that. I think this is why I hold back and don't let others see all of me and have done that for most of my life. It is easier not to commit, not to give more than you half to, and to hide. Who doesn't like easy? But, what if you give all you have and it turns out exactly like you thought it would? Maybe even just a little better? Sometimes, crazy better? So if we don't fully give it our all, then chances are we will not get our all returned to us. On the other hand, the less we risk, the less we could lose. The chance of losing it all does not always make that decision an easy one. What if we reverse that thinking to be having it all? Would you chance it all if there was a guarantee that things would come out at least as you expect them to? Of course we would!!! But what do we do in the meantime? It a choice we make and it is not always an easy choice. Dilemmas are never an easy decision but they come our way from time to time. What do we do next? What do we use to decide? We use our faith, our heart, our love of life. But, sometimes that is still not enough and we still end up with all of our eggs from our basket spilling and we clean up the yolk and shells off our face. Until the next time...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Untapped purpose

It is so sad when I see this...something that can be so much more than what I currently have in front of me. Like an empty gumball machine. I know...just hear me out. It sounds silly...I get that. For the last three months (at least), I have tried to get a red gumball machine to Rock's store. I have seen it every week for those last three months in the same position it was in all of the weeks previous. It sits there, collecting dust, never to be touched, not being useful. Now, the owner of said gumball machine does not work at the place that it is currently stored and was a gift from his ex-wife. The two people who I have expressed my interest in this gumball machine to have indicated that they would like it to leave their premises as much as I would. However, the owner told a gentleman inquiring on my behalf that he was going to fill it with gumballs. Could not tell you the last time I saw this gumball machine with gumballs in it, and I have been present every week for about the last three years. It seems like such a waste...waste of space, waste of purpose. I mean, doesn't every thing, even a gumball machine deserve to be used for the reason it was created to begin with? I mean, come on, man! Moral to this story...do we have a purpose we are not tapped into? When we are used for purpose...whether it is inspiring someone to change their life to finding a perfect jacket to go with a dress, it makes us believe and validate what we do. Is there a purpose or promise you are not serving? It is serving no one, not even you. Don't be like the gumball machine -- collecting dust, thinking no one wants or needs you, and not doing what you are meant to do. Find your purpose. Or it will find you.

On your mark, get set, GO!

Who hasn't played a game when they were younger when this is how you started every race? Yesterday, I was told that my advice is good but that it takes action to make things different. I agreed with that statement. If we are satisified enough (about anything - government, our job pay, our marriage), then we will continue to look around any imperfections because it does not mean enough to change anything. That is the status quo. No ruffling feather, no tipped apple carts, etc. However, when you get to that point (and that point is different for everyone), where you are no longer able to ignore the things that make us unhappy (a marriage, bad working conditions, etc), then that is where you make changes. Sometimes those changes are difficult ones where people might get hurt. Maybe there is a lot of uncertainty and the fear of the unknown. We all have that. But if you are at that point, when you know you cannot go back or stay still, then moving forward is your ONLY choice, even with the unknown in front of you. We don't have all of the answers, and do not think I do. I don't. But if with every decision we made, thinking with everything we have in our gut - right at that moment - that it was the right one. So we make it. Maybe we have regrets about it later, but maybe we forgive ourselves about it because we have to in order to move on. Don't get land-locked and feeling like there is no way out. There is a way out, but it may mean it will not be easy. Nothing is ever just given to you...you have to earn it and that is why achieving any goal is so much sweeter when it was something you can look back and say, "I deserve that." So, people of planet Earth - I implore you to do something different today...expand your horizons...reach for something you think is just out of reach...ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!!!

The G.I.F.T. 10-25-11

We had two new ladies come this night, so I quickly got them up to speed as to where we where from our first meeting. I shared a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, "The story of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."

I also shared a quote that I wrote back in January 2010 that I had forgotten about. I found it significant because of certain words that are grouped together that relate to these women. "Complacency is not something we can accept if we are trying to change our lives. It is a delusion that confuses us into believing that this is all there is or this is the best it will ever be. We cannot go on living stifled, unfulfilled lives. Our capacity to impact those around us cannot be contained, but will shower us in awe of greatness we have yet to find.

I asked the women to know the difference between what we do and who we are. What goals do you have for yourself? What are you willing to do to get there? What do you LOVE to do? I went over the six of the 20 questions that I ask myself most frequently. Life is here and it will go whether we choose to participate in it or not. What in your life can you change, even in the smallest of ways? Fear is what holds us back..."Knowledge is the enemy of fear." Look for signs...sometimes viewed by the self they don't add up to anything, but if you group them together, they can mean everything.

"If you tell a woman 100 times she is beautiful, she will never believe you. If you tell a woman once that she is ugly, she will always believe you." - unknown Why do we do that? Because we doubt. We don't think we are worthy or that we deserve it.

I shared the "SHUNS" from "the Passion Test"
*Intention - Your results will ALWAYS match your true intentions.
*Attention - What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life.
*No Tension - Something that you are truly passionate about will be something you do naturally. It will draw you towards it.

I shared with the group the signs I now see as what has led me there and the things I love to do.
"The magnitude of doing nothing to fulfill our purpose is far greater than any pursuing we would take fulfill that same purpose." - Michelle Homme

Suggested books: "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" By Dr Susan Jeffers and "I could do anything if I only knew what it was" by Barbara Sher

The G.I.F.T. 9-27-11

So, I have been trying to figure out a way to share what we do in our G.I.F.T. meetings with more people that are unable to attend the meetings for whatever reason. Since I am fairly confident that some of those people read this, I thought I would start here. Maybe it will spark a conversation...maybe it will encourage you to do something different in your life. The choice will and always will be yours to make. So, here goes.

After we did an ice breaker to get the ladies comfortable talking to each other , I explained more about the journey I have taken, how it started, that I did not want to hold this group, to my weight loss, etc.

I shared one of my favorite quotes by Mark Nepo, "There comes a day when the risk to be held tightly in a bud is more painful than the risk to bloom."

I quote my "I refuse" list which I shared with you earlier in a post. I told the ladies about MOXIE - Making Ourselves Xtraordinary In Everything. They also each received a card that has the "I first had to" poem on it, along with you get a positive ATTITUDE through Achieve This Through Insight, Time, Understanding, Empowerment, Dedication.

I gave them a book using the 20 questions from Oprah's February 2010 issue authored by Martha Beck. I told them that if they had the courage to ask themselves the questions, then one day I hope they have the courage to answer them. I mentioned the ONE question that Rock asked me so long ago - "What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life?" When Rock asked me that question, I told her I wanted to lose weight. Never in a million years, would I have thought that answering that one question would lead me to where I am now.

I told the ladies that this was our group and it would develop on its own. I also asked them hard questions? What is holding you back? I showed them that taking ONE step changes you because even by taking just that ONE step, you are already someplace different than you were before.

Greatness Is Found Together

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Left brained vs Right brained

I was reading an article today that talks about about left-brained vs right-brained people and the differences between the two hemispheres. In looking at the characteristics of each side, I would guess that I have been a left-brain user for the majority of my life. I am thinker and by that I am "rational, enjoy talking and writing, and solve problems logically." However, I also have started using my right side of my brain as well, probably more than I ever have before. Those characteristics include, "using hunches, is more fluid and spontaneous, and is more free with their feelings." WOW. Seeing those descriptions made me think that I am left-brained dominant as I am sure most of us are one or the other. Although, I certainly seem to using my instincts more and I know I share my feelings more (sometimes thinking it's too much - yes, the left-brain creeps in) and try to be less focused on how things will play out and just let them happen. This is probably best described as the "rollercoaster" ride of life. I seem to find myself finding things, people, words, etc that somehow are connected, even if looking at them separately would not lead me to that same conclusion. Without planning, events happen on the same day. People that we had not seen or talked to in months suddenly reach for you and I sit back and wonder, "why?" I used to think that I did not have a creative bone in my body and actually tell people that I cannot draw a stick man to save my life. My husband can draw as can our youngest son. I love to sing and want to learn how to dance, but feel awkward in front of others. I have kept my distances from others in order to protect myself from possible damage, but now seem to be ok with showing people more of me than most have seen in some time (or ever). I have said it before that I am not as "free" when I let my brain win, but feel more when I let my heart lead. Maybe it should be "left-brained vs. right-heart." As long as they work together and not against one another, then everything will just as it is meant to be.

No comment

I have often wondered what people (yes, that means you) think about what I write. Are there alot of consistent readers, or once a week readers, or an occasional view now and again. But I never hear from anyone. I know people are reading this, because I can see that there are countries represented by that stats that Blogger gives to me. Someone in 40 different countries have at one time read this. But no response has me puzzled. No comments, except from a few friends and family. How does this affect those perfect strangers that are out there reading this very sentence? Has it impacted you in a good way? Has this encouraged you to find joy in your life? Does fear no longer exist in your vocabulary? Part of me thinks I am speaking to a room full of empty chairs, but I know that is not true. I just can't see the people in the room. It is not always about seeing the flower bloom after you planted the seed, watered it, gave it rays of sun, and the dirt in which to grow...but sometimes you like to know that the committment, dedication, and time meant something. I would love to hear from any of you. Email is michelle.itstartstoday@gmail.com or just post something on the comment section of a post. You can do it anonomously. Have a great day!

My best laugh

Last night, my husband and I were sitting on the couch watching something on TV as our youngest boys sat playing near us. I say that like they are 2 & 3, but really they are more like almost 15 and 16. The youngest one had surgery on his knee, so he was recuperating on the couch and the older one decided to join him playing a video game. Mike and I just sat as we figured out what to watch. As I was eating a piece of licorice (stupid leftover Halloween candy - just saying), he reached for my hand, but I had candy in it. He did not know it, so he felt something he did not expect and I had to laugh. My best laugh, as he calls it. He told me he has not heard it in awhile, but he was glad he did. I don't really recall not trying to laugh or reserving my laugh in any way. I guess it just wasn't warranted recently. I am not sure why or why not. Some things make me giggle in a store because I see something and my sense of humor gets the better or me. Other times, a smile is what I end up showing people. Then, there are those times that my best laugh comes out. Now, my laugh is nothing like I mentioned about my friend SB who I could never lose in Disneyland. I have been told that I can be funny, and that is part of my sense of humor. In fact, I hope people laugh at the parts that are funny in my speech that I have to give next week. (yes, I said NEXT week.) Do you laugh at least once a day? Do you smile and giggle at things that are funny? Even if they are just funny to you? Some people I know laugh so hard, they snort but they cannot help it. But those are my favorite kinds of laughs - the ones that are truly felt and given, with no barriers to hold them back. They just are. Laugh today. Watch something funny. Look at pictures from your past where you remember good times, good times. And when you feel it, your best laugh will just happen. It just works that way.

Dog-leg left

I am not sure why I was thinking about golf today this morning on my walk. I mean...I am not a golfer, although my husband and two of my sons are and our third son golfs like I do, not well. But you don't have to know about the game of golf to relate to its message and the things we can learn from it. We shots are taking out our biggest club -- the Big Dog -- and showing everyone our game. What we can do when we shine. Everyone walks up to the tee box with the thought that they are going to make it, but sometimes we hit the dirt before our club hits the ball and we flub it. We ask for a mulligan, but know we don't get those in life. But, even if we don't hit the ball right off the tee box, we get another shot. As we approach our ball in the fairway, we get another chance to recover our worse-than-average tee shot with a swing of one of our hybrids or an iron. We line up our with our intended target, through some trees, trying to avoid the bunkers we really can't see, but know are there. Then, we look at our score card, we realize there is a dog-leg to the left. The end result is just around the corner, and we try to see the goal - whe white flag on the end of the stick that is stuck in a hole some 200 plus yards still away. So, what do we do? We take another hack at it. We take another big swing at it. The dog-leg represents what we cannot see around the corner. Maybe we see just what we can between the teaves and branches and around the bushes. There are surprises just around the corner. So, we gently make our approach shot, with our goal in sight. Just because we can see it, it doesn't mean we will succeed at getting our little ball, our little contributions to this world, in the hole. Chances are, we are going to miss. But we get closer, and closer, and closer. Finally, we succeed. We hit our mark. We have accomplished what we sought and then we realize we are not on the 18th hole. We have several more opportunities to hit our mark again. We have many chances at life to flub a shot, to excel, to do the best we can with what we have right now. Don't be afraid about what is around the corner with the dog-leg to your left...it will be ok. For what you reach for and desire will be right there waiting for you.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Where everyone knows your name

Who does not remember what this is from? Yes, "Cheers" where this is the theme song, and when Norm walks in, everyone says his name. Isn't that a great feeling? To be missed because you were gone for months as you recuperate from surgery? To receive invitations to lunch? I am from Southern California and it just blows my mind when this little town of 25,000 people are somehow connected by marriage, years of school together or otherwise related or known. I think there are no six degrees of separation here - it is more like 4. But I also wish I would've had something like that growing up. Where you can see the change of how the city has changed with newly paved roads (yes, I remember gravel roads when we first moved here), new businesses come to town, and progress as it changes the residents. I moved around alot when I was younger and looking back, probably was not very grounded to one location. To some people, that is hard to comprehend because that is all they have ever had. They grew up in one place, went to school in one place, went off to college, to come back to live in that one place. That wasn't me. But everytime, I visit family, I cannot wait to get back home. This is where I have lived for almost 14 years now and I love it here. This is where I am most comfortable. I like knowing that I can walk into one of the local restaurants or stores and maybe run into someone I know, but also know I might not. I get that feeling every time I walk into Rock's store...she always says the same thing - just like it was the someting the Seven Dwarfs would say. Don't get me wrong - not everyone knows my name, but they might know one of my sons, or my husband. They might know my neighbor or someone I work with. That's what I am talking about - those degrees of separation that are alot closer than we think. Who knows your name? Is there a place where you live that you can walk into and know "I belong here." Someone told me she learned that lesson several months ago when not one person acted like they were glad to see her after being gone. Not one. Sometimes the words not said say more than we think they will. When someone you love and care about stops by to pick up a piece of chocolate from your office, use their name. I love to be able to call people by their names - it connects me with them and I want to be able to do that, even at different levels. If you know how this makes you feel when someone calls you by your name, return the favor. It has been said that "What's in a name?" but sometimes it means much more than we think it does. It makes us feel that we belong, that we are loved, that we are home. Nothing is better than that.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Rudy

When our middle son was younger, his nickname was Rudy, after the character from the movie with the same name. Sean Astin stars as a young kid whose dream is to go to Notre Dame as that his family's team. However, he is a short kid and really does not fit for the "Fighting Irish's" tradition for football players. After getting through one obstacle after another and wanting to quit because he was promised to get the chance to suit up (not play) on the last game of the season and the new coach decides not uphold the previous coach's promise to Rudy. My favorite part is when the entire team decides to turn in their jersey so that Rudy can suit up. Every single member of that team was willing to give up their spot for that onegame so this kid who had devoted everything to this team could have one chance to just stand on the sidelines. One. How much committment does it take to give your all, getting beat up and thrown around, and knowing full well that you will never see the field? More than most of us would care to admit. Even on our best days. Do you know a Rudy? Perserverance, dedication and committment are such strong qualities that we sometimes do not realize how big they are until we see them all grouped together. Until adversity comes our way and we truly find out where our courage and strength come from. It comes from places we cannot find because we are looking for it. It is something we are born with, even when we don't know it. Rudy gets more than he bargained for when with the persuading crowd chanting his name, the coach puts him in the game for the last two plays of the game. Probably even more amazing is that this is a true story. Be your own Rudy - show people what you are made of and are willing to do to see your dreams come true. They will happen not without struggle and downfall, but only after those things come to the surface. Don't ever give up - be a Rudy!!!!

Nothing stays the same

I know, I am being redundant and stating the obvious. But sometimes, we interpret change as bad, but really it just means different. Things change because people change and that is ok. Routines differ due to a new route on the way to work because of construction. Accidents happen and adjusting to a new regimine becomes a way of life. Other priorities take hold of our immediate attention and that is what we focus on. Whe shouldn't fight change, but accept it. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Our lives feel "normal" when we are just gliding through with near "auto-pilot" days, and then something upsets "the apple cart." But, that is when we learn more about ourselves and what we do with the spilled apples. Do we sit by the side of the road and cry about it? Or do we pick them up, right the cart, and move on about our way as if that minor delay will teach us something somewhere down the road? It is sad sometimes when people change without warning or situations out of our control come to our front doorstep. We all can remember a time when this happened to us...friends were no longer friends...a family is torn apart...illness brings us to a new threshold of stress like we have never seen...jobs are lost...our retirement funds fall...it all comes to us at one time or another. Accept it as it is meant to be this way. Those things that change that are still present will remind us to be grateful for the little times when our old "normal" comes to visit us from time to time. We will wish for more, but understand that it is what it is.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Wouldn't it be cool if?

In less than two weeks, I will be standing in front of 300+ people giving a 15 minute speech. I have never done anything quite like this, but I am really excited about it. Rock and I picked out the outfit I am going to wear and it seems so far away. Yet, I received a text from a wonderful friend, DP, who said she received a letter describing what will be happening the night of my speech, but she did not know I was going to be there. Then, I started thinking how cool it would be if that one event launches the rest of the events that are scheduled to take place, but I just don't know about them yet? I have several readers across the globe, and I think it would be cool to actually meet some and give them a taste of me in person. How cool would that be? I think that would be extremely cool!! I also thought it would be cool to take some time to write a book as well. I don't know where this road is taking me, but some things just give me great goosebumps and I can't help but get excited. There are other doors I am knocking on, but haven't quite opened the way I expected, but that is ok, too. Riding the rollercoaster every day with no expectations, but appreciative of what life has in store for me that day. There are lots of cool things going on right now, but there are some other cool things that I think are in the works too. Wouldn't it be cool if this starts the next revolution? I would love to meet Oprah and see if we can change the world. Still cool to think about, even if it never comes true.

Best things in life are magical

On Tuesday, the word "magic" was also used in a text when I asked Rock how she scored some Fun Dip, when I couldn't. I thought it was ironic that I had not really ever used the word "magic" recently in every day life. But I never really thought about those special moments before last night when it was mentioned in a play we attended. And since I had no pen and paper, I had to try to remind myself to remember to post about it later. Yes, as soon as I could turn my phone back on, I was sending myself an email to do just that. There are those special moments that are just magical. Where we are overcome with emotion and will always remember who we were with or how we felt. I love to hear laughter that is not superficial, but truly shared and given. There is one guy I know that I could never lose at Disneyland because his laugh would give him away. I love it. I love to hear my sisters' stories about crazy things that happen - and the "heehee" that comes after that totally cracks me up. Ok, kitty...we need to have an app that will allow us to record sounds/voices that we can send in a text. Because just typing the words do not really carry the same meaning or really convey the same meaning. What are the things that happen to you that are magical? Are the simple things we all take for granted on that list? Why not? Are you looking for magic in your life? It really isn't that hard, people. Magic is everywhere...but we have to see it. We don't need to know how it works or what is behind it. We just need to remember how we feel when it happens because the feelings alone jog our memory to those uncomplicated moments that we absolutely treasure. That make us forget about the difficulties and trying times that we know will always be there. Find the magic in your life. One of my hobbies is scrapbooking, but I do not always have time for it, but need to make more time. But those pictures remind me of those magical time when my boys were younger, when Mike and I got married, or other special moments with friends and family. Magic is everywhere. It is where we don't think it is because we might think it needs to be some grand event. It can be a walk around a lake that results in a name for a dream come true. It can be a smile from someone you have not seen in a really long time. Or it can even be a quick text from a son away at college. Don't just look for magic to happen to you. Make it happen in other people's lives, too. You don't need a top hat or a secret mirrored box. You create magic when you do something for someone just because you can. You will then see magic everywhere and know you had a hand in it. I promise.

Now or never

What are we waiting for? We have to be willing to do something NOW! I have said from the get go that it starts today, and there is a saying that says, "There is no time like the present." What about now? Right now? Not a little but later in the day, or the ever given, "I'll do it tomorrow". Now. People think it has to be something HUGE that needs to take place before anything changes. It doesn't work that way. It takes 15 minutes...one step...one hug...it can happen today. Believe that everything you say, do, and believe matters. It affects what happens next and can influence others to do the same. Today, SM reminded me that she "loves my MOXIE" - and it is people like her that makes me reminiscient of why I am here. What my purpose is, what my focus is, and what comes next to me. We talk alot about putting our hands up and riding the rollercoaster ride...all the way through the ups and downs, the turns and twists around hidden corners, the slow-motion times to the fast-lane events. We have to take it all - we cannot just pick to have only the good. Gotta have it all. A&E. Act now. Say now. Believe now. Dream now. Embrace now. This life is something we need to take full advantage of and we have to do it now. Don't ever live with regrets, because what we usually regret is what we didn't do. We ran out of time...we couldn't find the courage...we hesitated. As I would say to my sons when I call them or ask them to do something..."Now means now." Just saying.

Practice what we preach

Yesterday, I was preached to about something I really didn't believe and want to talk about. In fact, I am pretty sure I was not doing what I was being told I was doing, but I am trying to look at it from their point of view. Sometimes, getting something "thrown back at us" is not meant to hurt, but meant to get us to wake up - to pay attention. I still don't think it was to the point that LH was telling me it was, but I also needed to be reminded that I need to practice what I preach. I might have made a mistake in telling Rock too much today about that same topic, but I cannot take it back now. Why is it so hard when we can tell someone something and then if they tell us the same thing, we are offended by it? We dismiss it as being untrue? When comments are made to us like that it is usually something we don't want to hear, but might need to hear. Has that ever happened to you? When you almost want to kick yourself because your words are coming back to haunt you in ways you never thought they would? If that has never happened to you, I would take a good look around at your friends and family. Because the ones that will be honest with you will tell you the truth, even if it means you might be mad at them. Admitting that someone else might be right, even if you have never said a word, is difficult. People pick up on things and those that really care will pay attention, regardless of how hard you try to hide it. I have been pretty successful at hiding for most of my life, and even when I let a few things escape from time to time, people's memory is not short, by any stretch of the imagination. Nope. It doesn't work that way. It is easy to give advice to others, but upsets us when we have advice given to us. We cannot always practice what we preach, but that is why we have others in our life...to remind us from time to time that they are watching and will take you back to what you believe and should be doing. Striking that chord sometimes is not what someone wants to hear, but needs to hear. Do the best you can and try hard at practicing what you preach.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What is given must be accepted

I am sure that I have written on this before, but someone (L) reminded me of this as I was visiting with her yesterday on the phone. She complimented me and I dismissed her, without even thinking about what I was doing. But she reminded me that I need to accept what is given, even if I think it is not warranted. Yeah...that happens a lot. I know she reads this and I will see her next week, so I am hoping she gets a little smile on her face knowing she prompted this post. I am a giver, and receiving has never been one thing I knew how to do very well. Still don't. But I am trying and getting better at it. I can help someone all day long, because they asked for it, but heaven help me if I would ever ask for them to help me. I have refused help even when I knew I didn't have another solution. I have been stubborn and pig-headed (like someone else I know) and was not ready to admit that I could not do it all. I always felt like I was bothering that someone else. Even when Rock first came at 5am - I mean, my losing weight should not be her problem and if I needed help in that department, how rude of me to ask someone (that I did not know well then) to get up at the hour to help me. But I had to let her choose and allowing that was very humbling to me. Still is to this very day. When someone gives us a compliment we are quicker to refuse that than we are a criticism. Why? Because we think we don't deserve it. Last night, I was told by someone who is becoming a great friend that I inspired her to take one step. I do not fully comprehend the effect that I have on others and am trying to be better at accepting those words when they are given. I sometimes think to myself that I am not doing anything different than anyone else would do. I mean, I am just being me and to me that is easy. So, when the kind words come your way, accept them graciously. Not doing so is a refusal of the intent in which they are given. Admit that you might be more than you think you are to those around you. I have to remind myself every day because otherwise, I could not accept what is given to me. Accept what is given and simply say, "thank you."

What is really important

Yesterday, I visited a friend who was in the hospital. He did not know I was stopping by, but it was important to him that I take time to say hello, hold his hand, and wish him a speedy recovery. His wife did not know either that I was going to make a quick visit, but I know they were both glad I did and it was important to me. How many times do we have an opportunity to do what is right, something that just takes a few minutes out of our day to do little like that? Probably more than we want to admit to right now. It is easier not to offer a quick prayer for someone who asks for it, because we think it doesn't matter. It is more convenient for you to just hustle inside a store instead of taking a moment to let someone go ahead of you. We get so caught up in our every day lives, that we forget about what is really important. What you say and do matters to someone else - even if you think it doesn't...that it shouldn't. We have no guarantees about what we get in this life other than we all have a guarantee of death, at some point. I was not much of a "hugger" before - that would have meant that I would have to be comfortable with giving of myself and I wasn't ready to do that. My hugs were not superficial, but nothing like what I give out now. I even find myself telling the person I am hugging, "don't let go." I have apologized for holding on too long because I thought it was too much. I was reminded by that person that maybe she needed a big hug too. Someone from my past was not comfortable with giving a complete stranger a hug, but I told him that it was just a "hug" and it might just make that person feel whole and cared about that day. I give hugs because they are important to not just the receiver, but also to me. I feel connected and cared for, and loved. I tell you what...some of the world's best huggers are the wonderful people I work with every day. Certain people get hugs when they leave my office and I have been known to give a good one, now and again (or so I have been told). What is really important? When life looks at you and makes you really check in with what you hold dear, never regret not giving someone a hug. They are free and you get one back whenever you give one. Plus, there are no calories in a hug, so you can have as many as you need or want every day!! It is important to remind ourselves that what is most important in this life are the people we share it with. Make sure that they know it every day because we never know if this is their last day or it is yours. Say what you need to say. Don't hold back. Rule 22.

All we ever hoped for...

Have you ever hoped for something, not even really sure that it will come and when it does, that it is actually more than you ever thought it could be? I remember when my husband was first thinking about moving us from Southern California to Nebraska and what that life-changing event would be for me. I mean, I seriously could not tell you where Nebraska was on the map. So, I recall making a pro-con list to help me see the things that would affect my decision and how my life would play out. The con list had many things on it - the weather, away from family, no friends, no job, the list went on. Then, I looked at the pro side of the list - other than my husband's name, I could not find anything else that would be good about this move, because I did not have any good "for sures" about moving. But we did. We moved in January, I was 4 months pregnant, and Mike travelled 3 weeks of every month. I knew no one. I was homesick and could only clean a one-bedroom apartment so many times, you know? As I reflect on those days now and think about where I am now, I have more than I ever could have hoped for. My life has not been perfect by any means, and I have made my share of mistakes. But I have a husband who loves me, three wonderful sons, a job, a place to live, a little money, and people that love me. I have a dream (thanks, MLK Jr) that I am following and listening to and letting my heart be my guide for the first time in my life. I have this blog and readers from across the globe that allows me to express myself in such a simple way. Friends have come out of the woodworks as I have let the world see more of me - the true me - in more every day aspects of my life. I give to those around me and love every minute of it. I have a Rock - who is there unconditionally and I cannot imagine her not being here as she helps me be better every day. I have you - whoever you are - and the aspiration to give more and make a difference in people's lives. This life (so far) has not been what I hoped for...it has been so, so much more. What have you hoped for? Has it comes true? Why or why not? And it continues.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

When the tears come

Has this ever happened to you? When you crumble and weep and hope that there is someone there to hold you? When for whatever reason, you find yourself ready to cash it all in and not even sure how to stop it, but it comes anyway? When something you hope for so long will finally be yours, but not sure that what you give to it will be enough? You feel lost and not even sure what prompted it, but it takes you there and you have to go through it. Everything you trust, all that you love, and with complete conviction, you find yourself crying like you have never cried before. You are not even afraid of what it may look like or what comes your way because of it, but find yourself more vulnerable and raw than you can remember. You let the tears fall where they do and you have no choice but to let them stain the shoulder they gently come to rest upon. The way you lay it all out there with no ways to retrace your steps, you admit that you choose to take that chance of letting someone else see you at your weakest moment. You let go of whatever it is that has driven you to this point and upon its release and the comfort you found in sharing this, you realize that you needed this to happen. It was meant to. This had a purpose in your life and you embrace it with all of its grace that comes to you going forward. As much as I would prefer to be the one with the stained shoulder, I have also been the one to be staining the shoulder. We will have our time to be both from time to time. Just admit it...the tears will come...let them do their job and cleanse us from whatever needs to be shed. Thank you for being my shoulder. I am glad I was yours.

Evolution

This is my 300th post for this blog. Evolution means "the process of growth" and I am evolving every day. Aren't we all? If you don't think you are, don't you want to? I cannot even understand or comprehend how this all happened some days. Part of it seemed planned in some ways, but most of it kind of just "went" as if it had a life of its own. People that I thought were just going to pass through have become so much a part of me that I almost cannot remember my life before them. Things I never thought I would do have become easier to do and some of them I don't even think about. I questioned places I needed to be as a mere detour, instead of appreciating the true meaning of its purpose. I studied the books in school and have lived a good life. But I am still learning. Yesterday, I broke and I am not even sure why. However, I knew where I needed to go and went there, almost without thinking. I gave up with trying to figure it all out...I let it happen. It was going to happen and I could not stop it. I learn more about myself, who cares about me, and what contributions I make in others' lives. The change I have experienced almost seems too great to be true...almost indescribable. Every time, I become better at being who I truly am, sharing what I truly feel and think regardless of who might judge me. I have to be me. I have no regrets about the way life unfolded itself to me, as not having that life would not have given me the chance to evolve into what you see today. Evolution continues...stay tuned.

Let me choose

I used to be very good at choosing for others. My track record was long and not really something to boast about, but I felt that it was the only way. I had conditioned myself to live my life in that fashion. I chose when people came into and out of my life; I chose when things got tough to run; I chose to keep it hidden. I have said that it is easy to share the good with others...not so easy to share the bad. But if the bad (or anything and everything) is a part of you, then I should get the chance to choose that, shouldn't I? No prejudging because that is not allowed. One of my sayings is "Not my problem" and I use it when I try to deflect things that should not be someone else's problem. But when I do that, I am choosing for them. That's not fair to them. If they want me, then they should want everything that comes with me...the good, the bad, and the ugly. Those that stick around during the ugly choose to stay because I am worth it. Being "all in" means A & E - don't sugar coat anything because I get enough candy eating Fun Dip once a week - be real. That is all anyone could ever want. Let me choose and don't take that from me. I know you wouldn't want me to choose for you and I have tried. Let those people in your life choose how they want to be in your life. It's not about control...it's about putting down the walls and letting people see the real you. And "you" are beautiful.