The winds of life

Today was the first day in about a month that I went out for my walk. I know, I am not at my running pace, but I needed to get outside and enjoy the sun. But as I was walking more normal route, I encountered the winds. But I found that the winds reminded me of life. At times, the winds seem to be still, as I just kept my pace with everything else with no real effort on my part as I traveled the hard asphalt underneath the rubber soles laced on my feet. Other times, I found myself almost being carried by the winds, as it gently allowed me to rise above the ground I was firmly planted on and float. Then, it felt as if I was walking right into a brick wall, moving forward meant taking a step back and forging ahead. Those winds reminded me of life. It seemeed like just when I thought I knew the winds were coming out of the south, something would hit me from the north. Life is like the winds...it gives us calmness and a status quo when things are moving along normally, with no real big events either good or bad. We sometimes feel like we are flying, like no one can take the wind of our our sails because we are riding on excitement and are loving the ride. Then, there are the struggles, the hardships, and the moments of pain that feel like we are unable to move forward. We get stuck and shut people out because doing what's easy becomes our focus. Life is like the winds I encountered today...changing at the drop of a hat, never really telling me what is just around the corner. The winds are something you feel, so you they are there, but you can use them to make life what it is...an adventure. Love the winds!

Stay hungry

Now, I love to eat. I am not talking about actually consuming food, since I love cupcakes, pie, lobster, biscuits, etc. I love food and a variety of food, too. That is why getting up early and running was easier for me than any diet I could have self-imposed on myself. I am talking about your appetite for life. Are you nibbling away pieces here and there, hoping no one sees you? Or are you grazer where you just involved in a lot of things, but don't really stay vested in any of them? Or do you stop and take time to savor every piece you take in and allow that nourishment to fuel your soul? Come on, think about it? Really? I was a nibbler...like a mouse. I would get just a taste and then scamper away once other people came into the room and tried to get close. I would get just enough to quench my appetite and then hurry back to my safe, hole in the wall. And patiently wait for the next opportunity to maybe get just another little bite of life. Not so much anymore. Now, new things ecxite me and since I have changed everything, my zest for life has changed as well. I used to feel full after just some tid bit that was left on the ground by someone else. I am constantly hungry...sometimes more like starving...for something to feed my soul. I am never satisfied and yearn for the quest in looking for new ideas, new perspectives, and new ways to grow. The best part of this kind of growing is that you never have to find bigger pants as there are 0 calories when you feed your soul. Stay hungry for life as I promise it will set afire the blaze yet to be unleashed in your heart.

The Hard Way

I'm not sure why I thought about this subject this morning. Maybe it is because I am back on the dreaded elliptical as the weather turns colder. Rocky doesn't come anymore (I understand why), so getting up and staying motivated is different now. I remembering telling my husband that I get up to run/walk/elliptical not for her, but for me, but it is easier to get up when you know someone is going to be at your door at 5am. But I also started thinking about the life I've lead and to some it may seem that I've lived it the hard way. Not intentionally or by choice, but I guess by design. By someone else's design. When I was growing up, I didn't know any different life, but knew there were certain things I did want or didn't want. There are things and people I have fought for and would committ to for life. Choices were made that might have made me struggle, but through that I learned what I am capable of and what I can accomplish. When you love something and treasure it so much that it pains your very core to be without it, you will do all you can to keep it. We all feel, at some time or another, that life is not perfect...that we think it is unfair...but when we struggle, we learn. We grow...we change our attitude...we accept. As much as we would pick something different for us, maybe that in itself is meant to teach us something. Although this was hard for us and we grieved for life lost, for something unfulfilled, we also know that this was the way we were meant to travel. It was designed for us. People that have everything given to them would never know how to survive outside their little perfect world because you and I know the world isn't perfect. So remind yourself today that if something is in front of you that you are having to confront, know and accept that it is there for a reason. It's going to be hard to make you make notice of it. Somehwere, in the middle of the strife and chaos, there is a lesson. I know I learn lessons all the time...even those I don't want to. Sometimes, the hard way is the only way and after a few scars and mistakes made along the way, you have to realize that this is the designed way.

It just is

I ask a lot of questions. A lot. I think even more. Yes, I have been known to overthink. There have been times when I have questioned this whole thing...what it was...why it was here...how am I supposed to do anything with it...and so on. I have questioned my worthiness and whether or not I deserved a different life, with everything that it brought my way. Wondering why Rocky showed up and was ever present, to a point when she would not go away, and partly hoping that she would leave because that was easy. When someone suggested that I start a women's group to give us all permission to seek more than what we see. Thinking I can inspire others to make changes in their attitudes and their thought processes was something I doubted that I could do. After all of the doubt...after the questions subside...when we finally accept, things just are. They exist and will never waver again. There is no other way to explain it, but to allow them to be here. It just is. When relationships begin and develop into something you never thought possible and show you something you have never had before to be true. Without question. I found it funny yesterday when I walked into Rock's store and someone made a comment about "the family is all here". She and I call each other's moms "Mama Tess and Mama Ro", and her family has become mine and vice versa. She told me once why she wanted to know my family, and I will never forget that reason. Now, everything in my life has a reason and even though I still question and think (yes, and talk) a good portion of the day, there are some things I don't think about or question. They have become a part of me to a point where I cannot imagine my life without them. As they have grown on me, they have captured my heart and will forever be with me, with all they bring to the table, and how they all absolutely make my life better. My life is full. It just is and the people in it just are.

How will life surprise you today?

Well? Do you have an answer? Maybe you should ask yourself this question every morning, but maybe it is not just a question for you. Maybe I need to ask myself this question every morning also. Since I love surprises, that word alone makes it just more exciting to see where life's going to take me in the hours I have been given. A chance meeting could change your life forever if you see the right person, at the right time and make an impact so great, the outcome will be too impossible to imagine. Can you do that? Can I do that? I shared recently about how KR started her day like any other day, but then things started to happen and they were strung together by mere coincidence (or was it?) as her day progressed. Do you think she asked herself that question that day? Probably not. Will she from now on? My surprises come from many directions and not from ones that I might have seen coming either. They come from people that I have not seen in some time, but somehow we cross paths at the gas station. Why was it important that I see "so-and-so" just now? What am I supposed to learn from that? I thought I had it all figured out. But I was wrong. Dead wrong. I even thought I could figure it out if I hadn't yet. There was still hope for me to solve the puzzle. But I have to admit that this puzzle is not one to solve, but one to let play out. I am not the mastermind behind it. Most of us really only like the "good" surprises, but might wish to pass on anything less. But remember, that life is like that...it ebbs and flows likes the waves falling on a beach. So, again I ask you...how will life surprise you today?

When we fall...

This comes to us all from time to time. When we fall short or just stumble for a little bit. Then there are those times when we feel that we have fallen so far that there is no way we could ever get back up. We are afraid to reach, thinking someone else will not be there to grab our hand and pull us up the rest of the way. I hesitated about posting something on this subject, but also came to realize that this is a part of life as much as anything else. As hard as we try, we will fail. As hard as we try, we will also succeed. We all wish that everything could be happy, fun, and great all the time. But it does not always work that way. We are sad and gloomy sometimes. Situations and people upset us and make us feel different emotions. Sometimes, we don't know why. Sometimes, we know exactly why and sharing that with someone else seems to make it better. Quiet time and space seems to work for me during certain situations. I take a break and eventually the "storm" works itself out. Eventually we pick ourselves back up and carry on as if that temporary set back never happened. I am not very good at letting others see me when I fall, and sometimes that hurts more than the fall itself. No one wants to feel dumb for being vulnerable. NO ONE. But we also need to understand that we all do it and we all need time to reassess and move on. Being there to listen is always the best thing someone can do for someone else. You may not say the right things, but knowing that you are there, just in case, can mean the world. It is easy to stay down, but takes courage and strength to use that to propel you up again. I learn alot about myself when times like this come and it gives me a little reality check. Reality is that we all fall. And we all have the choice to do what comes next...stay there or get back up again. I chose the latter.

What a week!!

It seems likes yesterday, but also feels like I almost could not tell you what happened because it seems like it was so long ago. It the midst of this craziness right now, I did take some time Thursday night and visit with a friend who I have not known for very long, but I love her smile and her hugs. P"N"V - We can only be grateful to Rocky for introducing us to one another that one day at work. It amazes me how little chance meetings just turn into something bigger and better. With all my "being mom" life, I am also trying to get ready for next Tuesday night, the first meeting for the G.I.F.T. Not sure what to expect, but know it will be a great night. Many wonderful, giving women are coming so I am excited about that. I also reached out to another venue that I have been working with and we have a tentative date set for November. November is also when I will be giving a speech in front of a very large crowd. Can you see my head spinning yet???? In all this craziness, I absolutely love it. It is where I am most calm and when everything seems clear. I opened up to someone yesterday about this new craziness and she totally wants to come to the G.I.F.T. as well. Seriously? I guess so. The more I say, the more people see. The more people see, the more people like. I also had a very unexpected invite to lunch on Friday where someone shared with me about some private things going on her life. I am so appreciative that she trusts me with this new information and always will be wishing her the best as this new jouorney unfolds itself to her. SB - I got your back, girlfriend. Remember, MOXIE on! We also learned that a very beloved retired co-worker passes away earlier this week. Sometimes, processing it all is just a blur and seems so convaluted with stuff. But it shows me what is right, where my heart is, what I am meant to do, and why I am here. I will NEVER go back to who I was before. If this week is any indication of what is to come, then bring it on. Hands up, baby! Here we go for another go round on this rollercoaster of a ride!! Have an awesome weekend.

It's not about...

In catching up with someone today that I just love to see and love to get hugs from - some of the best, EZ, she said something about another friend that got me thinking. Yes, I know, that happens a lot. Hence, the blog. Ok, but seriously, there are so many things that life is about and what life is not about. Life is not about being perfect, in any way, shape, or form. Trying to make people believe that your life is perfect really just confirms what they already know - that your life isn't. None of our lives are, so quit trying to make others believe it is. Life is not about how much money you have or how big your house is or what kind of car you drive. It is about how much love you have in your heart, how big your smile is, and the kind of impression you leave on others. It is not about never admitting that things don't frustrate us from time to time, like our spouses and kids. There are jobs that we mostly love, but have little quirks that make us check in every now and again. It is about little inconveniences, like going to the bank to report a lost debit card or picking up a child from school every day because crutches in the winter don't work so well. Life is about giving yourself to people, even those that you think would never even dial 911 to save your life. It's about letting people see when you tumble and get back up again. Maybe a little scarred, but better even so. It's not about having a perfectly manicured lawn or an even cleaner house. It's about laughing when you make a complete fool of yourself even though you want to just crawl under a rock. It is about putting your arms up and loving the ride. It is about so much more... even when you think it isn't. You are next in line to get on the rollercoaster....why not now?

Life happens in a blink

Where does time go? And why does it feel like it goes by so fast? I have been here for 43 years - couldn't really say, "I'd been alive for 43 years" because I didn't really begin living until 41. Even if I tried to name ONE thing that was the highlight of my year for every year, I don't think I could do it. Some years, there would be more than one so I would be unsure which one to pick. Other years, I might not be even able to find one. Not one highlight. 365 days of nothing worth mentioning, perhaps for even more days than that. There are 86,400 seconds in a day and 31,536,000 seconds in a year. It happens in a blink. Some days, I seriously wonder how did I get here. What road did I travel to get to where I am right now? Why did I pick this road and not another one? Do I really even remember "seeing a road" and consciously deciding to "pick that road"? In the next blink, it will be winter and one more takes me into spring again. What will happen between those two little twinkles in my eyes? It is hard to realize that perhaps my life is half over and when I look back at it, that is hard to comprehend. What have I done with my life that I am proud of and am glad when I did something? What people did I meet and now wonder where they are now? What do I wish I could do over, if I had the chance? Why didn't I live a different life? Why this one? All we have are little blinks, linked together by space and memories. Life happens before we know it did and yet, what do we do? We sit, we wait, we give up, we forget, we dismiss anything good. It happens way too fast anyway, so why wouldn't you want to make it be the best it could be as much as you can? Get up, quit stalling, have hope, remember, believe it can be different. All of these things will get you through today....until the next blink. Oh, by the way...by the time it took you to read it this, about 100 blinks happened. Just sayin.

What we stumble through...

How many times have you done that? Stumbled your clumsy way through something, hoping and praying it would be over and your biggest worry is that you hope no one sees you? Here is the little secret...we all stumble. We all lose our balance and are just doing everything we can to just not fall. It is a simple check to make sure you are paying attention. Are you paying attention? I think I stumbled through life hoping no one would see me. Ever. I wanted to just blend in, slide under the radar, and coast free with no big to do. I was successful for a good number of years. Even when I got a little attention for something good, I ran in the opposite direction. I even stumbled through praise and honors because it made me feel uncomfortable. I am still working on this every day. I am not sure that it will ever get easier, but I am getting better at it. The stumbles we take can be significant by themselves or a couple lumped together can mean something too. We are not perfect and no one should expect us to be. The best part of stumbling is knowing that someone is there...just in case...to help you catch your balance and go on your way. I was reminded this week of something else that Rock and I believe this about each other. Where she is weak, I am strong. Where I am weak, she is strong. We stumble together through this life, not really sure what is going to happen next, but I am forever thankful she is there when I stumble. She knows I am here when she stumbles. It is all good.

The confirmation continues...

Oh My Golly!!! (OMG!!!) Where to begin?? Today was a spectacular day. An even though little things from a variety of people happened and made their presence known, I treasured each one. Of course, it started with my morning ritual with Rock. Once she called these "meetings" and they seem to become more of those recently as we discuss what happened in the previous 24 hours and what will occur in the next 24 hours. It just makes me smile. Then, I received a facebook message from someone and all she said was, "love ya, girlfriend". Now, that may not seem significant to you, but considering I have known her for a short time and we have become friends since March is a great thing. We just connected, even though in the past our paths only crossed because of work situations. Now they are about to collide, but in a very big, exciting way. Next, a young man called me to tell me that he had completed the program he was working on and promised me that he would stay in touch. I see the promise he has for his future. At lunch, I had a WONDERFUL time with SM...she believes in me and my passion and we have become good friends as we let walls down and each other in. Love it! A young man came to my office - just to visit. Not because he needed to but he chose to. I asked him if he ever thought he would be here and he said, "No." I asked him what I said that made him come back - he said, "you told me that the choice is mine." One of my favorite quotes is, "You will never change your life until you change your choices." He knows that he has potential and can see it. Finally, I gave out fun dip to co-workers...after all, it is FUN DIP WEDNESDAY. Now, you are probably scratching your head, really thinking I am crazy. The purpose of Fun Dip Wednesday is to remind us to have fun...do something unexpected...smile when you think you shouldn't. All of this tells me I am on the right track. I told someone today that I could not find my back to who I was even if I wanted to. I don't, but couldn't. I would feel more lost trying to live the life I used to live than living a life I have never lived. How ironic is that? The unknown seems more exciting to me than what I have already experienced. Not sure that this has homework for you from here...but every post is done with a reason in mind. Today's might be to just share with you that I am getting confirmation that what I am doing is right. That it has people talking. That we are not alone in our thoughts. That my willingness to bare all (ok, not all - LOL) and connect with you allows you the freedom to do the same. BELIEVE!!

Very grateful

I sometimes forget to be grateful for what I value and treasure most in my life. Today, I am reminding myself to be conscious of those exact things and people. I am grateful to my family, especially my husband and our three boys. Living in a house with four men can drive me bonkers half the time, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am grateful for my wonderful friends (some of you are also family) and what I learn from you and the love you give everyday. I am constantly amazed by the outstretched arms and smiles that come naturally and welcome me every time we see one another. I am grateful to have a little bit of money in the bank, a cool house (it is hot here), and reliable transportation. When was the last time you were grateful for all that you have in your life, and not grumbling about what you DON'T have in your life? We all have stuff we want or things we want to be different. That is a human desire and yearning. But we can also find ways to change our perspective about whatever circumstances we are in at the present moment. It amazes me sometimes how some people can hold onto being a pessimist and always looking at what is wrong, instead of what is right. Excuses come to the surface instead of understanding the lesson that you should be learning from the experience. You have to learn to let go and find a new way of looking at things. I have been called a "ding-dong" a couple of times when my thinking is off kilter, and that is my reminder of where I need to be. We all need to be reminded every now and again. Have you ever done a grateful journal? Every day, you have to write three things you are grateful for and you can have no repeats...ever. They do not have to be extravagant or luxurious. I have been grateful for a warm bed in the dead of winter or clean water on a blistering hot day (like today). You will be suprised at how many GOOD things you have in your life. No one is perfect and therefore, no one's life is perfect. Some things are worth fighting about and other things aren't. Don't be envious of others that may have something "more" than you - they may be lacking in other areas you don't know about and maybe they think you have "more". Life is not a competition; in fact, many times just showing up is a feat in itself. I have had to look hard, really hard in past situations where I could only find the negative. For days, that is what I saw in one particular situation. I couldn't let go and get past it and if I didn't I was going to be stuck there. We were going to be stuck, but no one could help me. I had to do it on my own. In that situation, I learned what someone would do for me, even against my will. I still keep the voice message she left me that day as a reminder. I am grateful for the sun coming up each morning when we run and am grateful even when I don't get what I think I deserve. Be grateful and you will appreciate your life more and all that you have in it. But you have to be willing to see it and know that your cup runeth over....

Plan on being surprised

There are some things in life you can plan....you can plan on going to college...you can plan on getting married...you can plan on making it on the PGA Tour. Most things in life, however, do not go as we planned on them to and we get something different instead. Maybe not entirely different. But different. Growing up, I never imagined (once) that I would move away from California. I planned on being an attorney. In case you were wondering, I am not an attorney in California. As much as I thought I could plan out most things, I am still taken aback at some of the wonderful things that have happened and the best people I have met - and I didn't plan any of it. Life takes us not where we think we should go - but where HE knows we should go. When my husband and I got married almost 22 years ago, it was a leap of faith...promising to love each other, despite whatever good or bad came our way. I remember telling my dad after we had just celebrated our 10 year anniversary that I was not surprised, but everything we said we would do, we did. We planned on our marriage working, but there have been many surprises along the way. Are you thinking that you can have this all planned out and know what is coming? Are you going to be disappointed if it doesn't happen that way? Probably so. I have done a little bit (ok, a lot) of questioning and have not accepted even the good things that have surprised me. My biggest surprise has come over the last couple of months. That surprise has been that I cannot plan where my heart is taking me...what drives it most...above everything else. A chance meeting changed my life forever and I am better for it and always will be. Take each surprise as something you must experience, with a lesson to be learned. Growing each time as you need to be better than you were the day before. As you take in a breath, take in life and all that it brings your way. Accept it for what it is and what is before you right at this moment. Do not try to plan out your future with the most specific of details. You will meet new people, you will see and feel new things, and your life will be forever changed. You cannot plan for everthing...you just can't. You can try, but sometimes wasted effort and time can be used more constructively, using that energy to make the world better. It may not be what you planned on, but you will treasure all that comes your way...because you couldn't plan on it or expect it. EMBRACE THE JOURNEY!

NEVER apologize for talent!

I heard this said last night in a play I took my mom to celebrate her birthday. I didn't have a pen with me, so every so often I would try to remind myself of this so I would remember it so I could tell you about it now. NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR TALENT! I used to do that all the time. I still struggle with attention (of any kind) that I receive because of something that I do well. We all have talents. We all have different talents from each other and some are the same or similar. I do not like to even point out if I am good at something and will deflect any way I can. But here goes. Not anymore. This...here, today...is one of my talents. I can write. Maybe, somedays. Oh, wait. I am not allowed to say that. Moving on...something brings you all here however often you come and whatever you get from my sharing life with you. I told someone once that I love being able to "plant the seed and walk away". That is what I do here. I get you to think about a different way of thinking and maybe encourage you to change your life. For the good forever. I also have a talent for talking (I tell my husband that the gift of gab is a true gift) to people and it has been mentioned to me that when I get into the "mode", it is neat to see. Told you before, never seen it, but I guess it happens. Here is the absolute best part about when you can identify and use your talents...you don't have to think about them. They just happen, naturally. They are who you are and define where your passions are. I also have learned where my talents are NOT. I am learning how to be better in those areas that I struggle in and seek out those people that have strengths there. I have to let them help me. I cannot do it alone. God knows I have tried. I have not failed in doing so, but can do so much more with knowledgeable people by my side. Where do your talents lie? Do you use them? Do you want to use them? How do we get you to harness the energy that is behind those talents and get you moving towards changing your future? I used to feel awkward and silly when I would receive a compliment about playing well in one of my games, or getting good grades, or being told that I can show others the "light." I didn't believe it. Yesterday, I was asked to make a list of those women that I have somehow touched and influenced, even if I didn't think I did. I thought the list would be short - I guessed that I could count those people on one hand, maybe two. Right now, that list stands at over two dozen. This blog is read by people in 28 different countries. It started with a few close friends knowing how to get here. One of my talents is to write. Thank you for letting me share my talent with you!

Going where we never thought we would go

Today is a HUGE day for a very dear friend. She is going somewhere she has never been as she chooses to change her life. She cannot see what tomorrow will tell her, nor does she know what the next day after will bring. But she has faith - in her passion and in her abilities. I admire her commitment and dedication to following this through and loved seeing that she was definetely showing her MOXIE today. Seeing her smile today and how happy she was got me thinking this morning. I remember how far we have come, in a short amount of time, and then remembered about how I was feeling yesterday about having to do something I was extremely nervous about. I have gone places, done things, and thought things I never would have gone, done, or thought ever. But I did. I am constantly changing my perspective on new experiences, different attitudes, and welcoming challenges. "To get what you never had, you have to do something you never did." If you want different, choose different. Even if you feel like it will break you. Even if you feel like you are not strong enough. Someone once told me that she never had the strength or courage until I came into her life. I told her she had always had both - I just gave her permission to use them. Because I believed in her (still do!). It simply dumbfounds me how much we can be capable of when we have someone say, "I believe in you." It empowers you and inspires you to be so much more than what is before you now. It is so important for our children to hear these words and know that you are there for them. It is also important for us to hear them and believe them. And know that you may be in situations where you can repay that favor. I was visiting with a baseball mom over the weekend who mentions to me about another possible venue I should maybe tap into because it is needed. It certainly peaked my interest and has me thinking. Maybe that is someplace I need to go. I am humbled when you still read these posts and hopefully find something good from them. Where is that you want to go? It can feel like you are in a tug-of-war when you are one place and your heart is telling you to be somewhere else. I am there. Not sure of what to do or even how to do it. I have to have the same faith my friend does and go where I never thought I would go. I will find it, and when I do, you will know it. It will be much, much bigger than this blog. Go where you have not been. Go where you never thought you would go - it could change your life forever. Today, for my friend, changing her life Starts Today.

Are you ready for the unexpected?

Well, are you? Even the best planner cannot think of everything. They just can't. You and I both know it. So, how can you be ready for the unexpected? When you don't expect anything, anything can happen. Don't be so uptight - don't feel like you have to have control - don't wonder what's going to happen next. Live in the moment, whatever moment that happens to be in front of you at THAT moment! I know, I know. You are all saying, "Are you telling us this or yourself?" A little of both. I can practice what I preach when I preach it. If I say it out loud, it becomes more real. Someone taught me that. I re-read these posts because I have to to make sure that I am still on track. The unexpected can blind-side you, make you take a step back, or catch your breath. Sometimes, the unexpected is a good thing - where chance meetings and casual conversations turn into life changing events that might not have ever happened. Other times, the unexpected is not so good. But even with those things that occur that we don't want, we have to understand that even those events have a purpose. We cannot plan for those people that come into or leave our lives or those events that shape our lives going forward. There are always going to be times when you will always remember where you were when something that changed the world happened. Our country was not ready for the unexpected events that took place on September 11, 2001. Welcome and allow those good and wonderful things that happen. Appreciate the joy and happiness that they will bring you. Be open to and choose to be happy when things don't maybe go the way you thought they would. Maybe they happened as they were meant to.

Life is a puzzle

I don't know why, but this came to me today. Life is a puzzle. See if you can follow where my head is maybe it will make sense. In front of us lays our life - but it is all scrambled and mixed up, so we have to put it together. We use the 4 corners of the puzzle to build our foundation. Sometimes our 4 corners are different from each other, but here are my 4 - God, family and friends, love, attitude. Without those 4 (ok, maybe I cheated with 5), nothing in the middle matters. It is very difficult to put the puzzle together without having the border in place. No one I know works on a puzzle from the middle out. But we cheat when we do puzzles, don't we? We look at the picture on the box to help guide us to where things go, but we don't have that for real life. We kind of have to figure it out as we go along. We learn what pieces go together really easily, like they were made for each other. And we learn which ones, no matter how much we try and believe that they should go together, just don't. As we put more of the puzzle together, we start to see how the picture is going to lay out. We connect more like colors and shapes so that one or two pieces become five and so on. We start to see the way groups of five pieces will connect with another group of five to make it more clearer to us to become a group of ten. The next thing you know, you are putting that group of ten in a corner or along the border to really show you what the picture is supposed to be. Even though in life, we don't have a box to look at, at some point, you know what the picture is supposed to be. Are you there yet in your life? Have you put enough pieces together to know what your life is supposed to be? Have you trusted the picture before you so that you have asked the question, and are willing to accept the answer? You will reach a point...we all do...when we know. Without a doubt, you know. It is further than hope; it is further than trust; it is further than believe. You know. What does your picture look like? Know that even when you think you know what it looks like, it can change. That is why we can never, ever finally put the last piece in and say, "We are done with the puzzle." Some people will be in your life to help you find where one or two pieces go here and there, but ultimately, it is your puzzle. You have to put it together. Only you know where everything goes, even when you think you don't. You know. It is just a matter of time. Take advantage of every minute you have.

Unpredictable

Life is so unpredictable. Even if we think we know, we really don't know for sure. We might have a pretty good idea. And how boring would life be if we knew what was going to happen next before it really happened? There is a movie starring Nicholas Cage called, "Next" where he can actually see what will happen before it does and althought it can be useful, I think it would be a huge burden. Our lives take us on paths we never thought we would be on, and yet we find ourselves in better situations than we ever thought possible. Growing up, I never thought I would move away from Southern California. Now, I have lived and raised our sons in the Omaha, Nebraska area where my husband grew up. I have never regretted that decision and when we visit my family in California, I usually cannot wait to get back home to Nebraska. When I was in high school and college, I wanted to go to law school and be an attorney. Some people might say that I loved to argue (maybe just share my point) and love to talk to so they seemed to go hand in hand. Plus, I love government, but hate politics. I am not an attorney, nor do I desire to be one. I have worked in several different industries, but now have a job where I can make a difference in other people's lives. That gives me the ultimate joy. Plus, I do other things that make me feel good where I can use my talents to get things accomplished. But the biggest job I have right now is you. This blog is something I never thought I would find myself compelled to do and write on at least every couple of days. I was noticing that I have written much more than last year, because my posts so far this year almost total all of last year. I was in a situation Friday night where I felt like I was kind of put on the spot with someone I had just met talking about my next adventure, and I wasn't quite ready for that. But I need to learn to be. I had not expected this part of my life to come to the surface so quickly with this new friend. I understand why it did, and looking back perhaps I did not handle it the way I should have. Sorry, Rock. I guess the message for this post is to let go of trying to have it all planned out, already decided, and set in motion. I had predicted how the night would go before I even got there without giving it a chance to just happen. For some reason, I was nervous and excited all at the same time, knowing how important it was for someone else. In addition to meeting this new friend, I met her daughter and somehow found myself "doing my thing" without any planning and ended up just being me. When we are young, we never would have imagined or predicted that our lives would be where they are, but I will tell you what. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." Sometimes, just sometimes, we end up with more we could have ever imagined. Embrace life for what it is...a living, changing, unpredictable part of you that makes the world better because you are in my life.

Remember to have fun

Do you ever have such a great day and laugh so hard at the silliest things that your side just aches? The other day, Rocky and I were laughing so hard I could hear her smiling through the phone. Even when I heard her say, "Bye", I could tell she was happy. Just the word "kitty" makes us smile - inside joke, long story. She told me she started thinking about how many inside jokes we have that no one else would get and we seem to have so much fun together. Today, we were at the neighborhood park and went down the curvy slide just once an then we continued on our walk today. Yes, I even hit my head on the roof - I guess the park equipment is made for shorter people, but it was dark and I did not have my glasses or contacts on. Our biggest fear was that we were going to get stuck going down this red plastic slide and that would have made us laugh even more - at 5:30am. Good thing no one was around, but we would not have cared. It is these simple times, when we laugh and smile and just forget about everything else in life that seems so natural and comfortable. Do you remind yourself not to get too caught up in everyday chaos and just laugh and smile? Do you remember to be joyful? We need to do that more. We all have times when we have to step up and complete tasks and take on responsibilites. That is just a part of life - even when it is ugly and we don't like it. Sharing a smile with someone does something for you, too. I love to send cards and surprise people with little thoughts of happiness and love. Be goofy, laugh outloud, and be happy. Take time to smell the flowers, appreciate the good things in your life, and take an honest, vested interested in those that matter to you. As I visited with a co-worker today who recently lost someone she loved, she told me that she can tell who really cares about her when people say, "Please let me know if there is anything I can do." I hope that she knows that I mean it when I say it to her. She is finding ways to laugh again. This weekend, I was driving up to see our son and an hour and a half from home, I am driving next to someone from work that is totally seeing me focused and singing my little heart away to whatever happened to be playing on my radio at that moment. I talked to TS yesterday about it and we just laughed because we saw each other on the interstate so far from home. I didn't even care that I was in my own little world, singing off key. Laugh and have fun...life is way too short not to and you have to enjoy it.

Life is simply awesome

This past Friday, I had lunch with two BUNKO ladies and we had a nice chance to catch up. They see each other more than I had seen them, so we were mostly catching up on me. I also told them I was sorry for not being all that I should have been when we were together. They said that I didn't need to, but understood why I felt like I needed to apologize. They forgave me. Later on Friday, I also received some good news after waiting for a couple of days for a potential speed bump that would require a huge decision from me. But, I didn't have to make that choice and everything worked out. Rocky was so excited when I told her...I think she actually skipped in the street! I drove up to see our son on Saturday and surprised him and that made the 2.5 hour trip one way worth it - just to see him smile and get a hug. I will take one all day long. Life still has some unanswered questions for me, but we are taking them all in stride with information as it comes, with no worries. I also have a wonderful family and friends who love me and care for me like I never really appreciated before. That is clearly evident to me now. I am more blessed than ever, but not because these blessings just showed up all at one moment. My life has always been blessed but never did I express my regard for it like I am now. I know we all take things for granted at times, (who doesn't?) but we also need to remember to be grateful for what we have. I will admit (reluctantly) that I can be stubborn and dedicated (some have even called me pig-headed) at times when others are giving me advice that I do not want to hear. Who hasn't done that too? I know that when my friends are trying to help or that they worry about me, I understand why. I don't necessarily like it because I am better at helping others than I am at letting others help me. Welcome those little pleasures that make you smile...treasure your friends...love your family. Your life is simply awesome, too. You just have to believe that it is. Have a wonderful night...see you soon.