No words say much

Sometimes, the best way to communicate with someone else is not with words. It is with a hand signal, a smile, or (my favorite) a good hug. One of my new favorites is when I can "wink" at someone, but not in a flirtatious way -- more like in a "I got your back" or "I am always here" kind of way. Today, I was blessed to receive several of these non-verbal commitments. We also communicated with "numbered hand signals" just before I walked out, and in those few stolen moments of time that I was graciously given, I smiled all the way to my car. My heart was full of the love and friendship I had freely given as my heart also received the same in return. Words were also shared that reconnected us in so many ways that I feel like I am still being embraced by the arms that held me just a few shorts hours ago. Has this ever happened to you? When you sit back later and reflect on what just happened, hoping it wasn't a dream or a figment of your imagination? Perhaps the same can be said on her side as well. In fact, I would bet that she was feeling the same and hope that in a small way, I made her day better. How many words can you say without uttering one sound from your lips? Can you give someone a thumbs up when they are uncertain about something? Is looking at someone in complete silence worth the memory of just being with them? And that you both CHOOSE to be together? Have you smiled at someone who you don't know, just to receive one back? Is a friendly gesture with a wave to someone to let them move ahead of you through the long line of cars say something? Of course it does! Many times, it is ALL there is to say! I love to write and everyone knows I love to talk, but my absolute favorites are where words are never shared. When my only choice is to feel connected, even if ever so briefly, never knowing when it will be felt again but always hoping it will come soon. Through the tearing up then and the tearing up now, we know one thing because that is all that matters. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou. I will never forget the words that we shared, and I will always remember how the lack of words made me feel today. Simply, priceless. Michelle Homme 2012 ©

Merry Christmas

May today bring you joy and happiness as you celebrate with family and friends.  Look forward to all that 2012 can bring to you as you continue to grow and follow your heart.

Love is...

Love is deep... Love is forgiveness... Love is holding on... Love is being there... Love is not keeping score... Love is honest... Love is saying what you need to say... Love is no regrets... Love is letting go of the past... Love is a smile... Love is faith... Love is acceptance... Love is trust... Love is a hug... Love is A & E... Love is difficult... Love is giving... Love is apologizing... Love is patient... Love is listening... Love is getting through... Love is strong... Love is life... Love is a CHOICE.

Keep working it...

Gosh, it is so hard sometimes not to want to give up. To throw in the towel and just walk away. And be done. Forever. It doesn't matter what it is and sometimes we are faced with if come to that conclusion and there is no other way, WHEN do you decide to do it? When is the RIGHT time? Is there such a thing? What happens if you are wrong? I have said before to NEVER give up...not ever...even if it makes you raw and hurt. But what if you want something different now than you did before? Is it wrong to want that something different? Will others around you understand and support you because they love you? Even if it dramatically changes things? I will keep working it until I get told not to or the sign is so HUGE that I cannot miss it. I am not ready to give up. Is there something in your life that you want to be different, but not sure how? It doesn't have to be a big thing...start with something little and see where that takes you. I am in awe when spring comes (I say this as I look out and see snow everywhere) and the little seeds start to break free of the blanket of dirt that surrounded them and they grow. Every year, certain plants routinely return to BLOOM and show the world that they are still here after months of lying dormant, forgotten, and left unattended. Maybe that is a little how I feel...a little dormant, forgotten, and receiving little attention. But I will keep working it so when the time is right, I too can show the world that I am still here.

Today is your day

Tonight, as my husband was flipping through the channels waiting for his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers to start their game, he found a show with Shania Twain where she was singing a song titled, "Today is your day". Beautiful song. What I also found interesting is that her show was titled, "Why not?" -- do you know why that spoke to me? My theme for this year is the same..."why not?" I was recently told about the "Trek up the Tower" which is done in February as a fundraiser where people run up a high rise in downtown Omaha to benefit a non-profit organization. I have taken up being on the elliptical for the next three months or so (yes, they will be longest three months ever), but still want to challenge myself. Does something special have to happen for it to be "YOUR" day? I had so much fun surprising someone for her birthday as she didn't expect it, but I loved to see her smile. But, today is your day. Today is my day. Nothing extraordinary needs to happen and no one needs to sing to you, but every day can be your day when you BLOOM. When you know you are where you are meant to be, without question and without regret. You feel it. You become swallowed by the very surroundings that others just see as there. It becomes who you are and you love every minute of it. One of the very first ideas that came to my head when I started this journey was "It starts today." Today. I was quick to point out when it was someone else's day but never took ownership of my chance at having a day for me. But I deserve today. I am a great friend, love my family, and work hard at making this world better. And because of that, today is my day.

Faith and Love

I have not been feeling these two lately, but today they came with Trust and Acceptance. It is hard to admit when things are not as we would wish them to be, but nothing can really change the situation. I was reminded of this when my youngest son was frustrated last week because he was told by the doctor that he was still going to have to be on his crutch for 6 more weeks. Our son seems to think that since he is better now that the quoted 6-9 month recovery was a mistake because it has only been not even 2 months since his injury. Therefore, I told him to change his attitude because the situation wasn't going to change, but reminded him that his attitude needed to change. UGH! I hate it when words I say to others come back to haunt me. I have been fighting change and feeling selfish about how to handle it. Today, I found faith and felt love in the same situation. I continue to reach, but get frustrated when the street seems very one-sided. I get that too, but it doesn't make it easy. But faith is strong and deep. Love doesn't run and love doesn't hide. Faith is believing in something you cannot hold, something you cannot see, and something you cannot want. Faith is found in the deepest part of your soul that it is something you trust. Above all else, you almost succomb to it. Then, after all of that, you feel the love. You remember moments that take you back to the "Greatest Day" and keep those close because that is all you have. You are blanketed with the warmth of the hug last given, with the joy of the smile last received, with the anticipation on the next such hugs and smiles. Even in the silence and absence, you begin to accept and trust the new reality that is before you. Because there is no other choice but to run. And running is easy.

Best interest at heart

Have you heard that story before? From your parents when you were younger? Maybe from your dearest friend? Blah, blah, blah...Telling you not what you WANT to hear, but what you NEED to hear? Yeah, been there, done that. I am sure we all have. It can be difficult when someone calls us to the table on things and maybe even throws our own words back at us, if the situation was reveresed. We can be angry and frustrated right then, but eventually we accept and forgive them. I remember when someone completely ingnored the words I was saying because she was concerned for my safety. I was being selfish in my regard to knowing that I could handle it all. I didn't want to admit it, but I was probably scared and went into defense mode without really thinking about it. Sometimes, we need people to keep us accountable and make sure that we are not getting ahead of ourselves or not forgetting about what really matters. We all get caught up in moments from time to time and we just need a little check and balance. We may not know it at the time, but they do what they do because they care. Even when we don't agree with it...even when we don't like it...even if it makes us figure it out on our own. When you are confronted with situations like this, do you attack others in an aggressive manner or share with them how you are worried. All of the worrying in the world doesn't change anything. Letting go of trying to help too much is the only way of allowing others learn what they have to learn. When we don't allow others to struggle, they don't grow. Babies won't learn to walk if we carry them all the time. It is hard to watch people we love fall and get hurt, but we have to let them go. It doesn't make it easy...it makes it necessary. If they know that you have their best interest at heart, they will always forgive you because you love them.

All of our eggs in one basket

Who hasn't done that before? Put all we have, all we believe into one thing, only to have the rug pulled out from under you and then you wind up with yolk on your face? Feeling kind of foolish, hoping no one saw and will bring it up later? Yeah...been there done that. I think this is why I hold back and don't let others see all of me and have done that for most of my life. It is easier not to commit, not to give more than you half to, and to hide. Who doesn't like easy? But, what if you give all you have and it turns out exactly like you thought it would? Maybe even just a little better? Sometimes, crazy better? So if we don't fully give it our all, then chances are we will not get our all returned to us. On the other hand, the less we risk, the less we could lose. The chance of losing it all does not always make that decision an easy one. What if we reverse that thinking to be having it all? Would you chance it all if there was a guarantee that things would come out at least as you expect them to? Of course we would!!! But what do we do in the meantime? It a choice we make and it is not always an easy choice. Dilemmas are never an easy decision but they come our way from time to time. What do we do next? What do we use to decide? We use our faith, our heart, our love of life. But, sometimes that is still not enough and we still end up with all of our eggs from our basket spilling and we clean up the yolk and shells off our face. Until the next time...

What a week!!

It seems likes yesterday, but also feels like I almost could not tell you what happened because it seems like it was so long ago. It the midst of this craziness right now, I did take some time Thursday night and visit with a friend who I have not known for very long, but I love her smile and her hugs. P"N"V - We can only be grateful to Rocky for introducing us to one another that one day at work. It amazes me how little chance meetings just turn into something bigger and better. With all my "being mom" life, I am also trying to get ready for next Tuesday night, the first meeting for the G.I.F.T. Not sure what to expect, but know it will be a great night. Many wonderful, giving women are coming so I am excited about that. I also reached out to another venue that I have been working with and we have a tentative date set for November. November is also when I will be giving a speech in front of a very large crowd. Can you see my head spinning yet???? In all this craziness, I absolutely love it. It is where I am most calm and when everything seems clear. I opened up to someone yesterday about this new craziness and she totally wants to come to the G.I.F.T. as well. Seriously? I guess so. The more I say, the more people see. The more people see, the more people like. I also had a very unexpected invite to lunch on Friday where someone shared with me about some private things going on her life. I am so appreciative that she trusts me with this new information and always will be wishing her the best as this new jouorney unfolds itself to her. SB - I got your back, girlfriend. Remember, MOXIE on! We also learned that a very beloved retired co-worker passes away earlier this week. Sometimes, processing it all is just a blur and seems so convaluted with stuff. But it shows me what is right, where my heart is, what I am meant to do, and why I am here. I will NEVER go back to who I was before. If this week is any indication of what is to come, then bring it on. Hands up, baby! Here we go for another go round on this rollercoaster of a ride!! Have an awesome weekend.

Too much?

Have you ever wondered after you said something to someone if you said too much? Not that you would take anything back or that you said the wrong thing, but just too much? Sometimes, I think that after I have said something that is me...laying it all out there...no walls...and yet I question if it was too much. Is it too much when you tell someone what they mean to you? Is it too much when you are completely honest for the first time about something that has torn at you, little by little? Is it too much to give more than you would ever expect to receive? I have learned a valuable lesson this week. One that I did not expect to learn, but I was paying attention when I saw them grouped together. Several people responded in ways that told me that they love me. Sometimes, it was the smile I got when they saw me first thing in the morning. Other times, it was when they spent their lunch hours with me, listening intently as I share my dream and where the road is taking me. My favorite are the hugs I get when I give one to those that tell me they don't want to let go. The best...by far...the best is when they simply came out and said, "I love you". Some from people that never had said that to me before. But they did. And I did. We went there...where we had never gone before (no, no Star Trek theme here, but kinda sorta). And if I were to ask them if they regretted saying it, none would say "yes." Neither would I. I write. And I share like never before...this is a perfect example of this and I have NEVER regretted it. I have told people recently that they will learn more about me by reading my blog than they may have learned in years of actually knowing me. I was surpised today when a friend (ok, Rocky) told me that she reads this blog all the time. I do not know why that surprised me, but it did. And for some reason I still cannot explain even hours later, why I started to cry as we walked this morning. Then, later...it really hit me. So I sent her a text and told her EXACTLY what I was thinking and feeling at THAT VERY MOMENT. It couldn't wait. I wanted her to know that I was thinking about her. I am not ashamed by what I told her and even though it really didn't need to be said at that precise time, I needed to say it right then. Otherwise, the feeling would have subsided and it would have been lost. Sometimes, we worry about hearing what shouldn't be said instead of what should be said regardless of whether or not someone wants to hear it. The truth hurts sometimes, even if it is not meant to hurt. Would you rather do too much or not enough? So far, I have never had anyone tell me that me telling them what they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them life was too much. That they don't want to hear it. It can't ever be too much. It just can't. "Say what you need to say." I am saying this so everyone can read it, even though I told you this already today. Rocky - this journey would not be what it is had it not been for you. I am stronger and am more confident knowing you are right there beside me. Every day...I am more grateful for you than I was the day before. I love you. Rule 22. JS

It just keeps getting better

When Rocky and I miss a day or two, we have to catch up on everything that has happened. It sounds weird, but we both have a lot going on right now and when our heads are spinning all the time, it is hard to remember one day to the next. I skipped again today during our run as I told her about what happened yesterday and even though it was new and exciting and I have no real "plan" of what I am doing, I LOVED IT!!! Loved it, loved it, loved it. Did I say I loved it yet? Ok...moving on. Yes, lots to do, but there is a reason it is coming now. I am supposed to do it now. He sees what he has in store for me and although I cannot yet see the path before me (not even people sometimes at 5am - LOL), I have complete faith in it. It cannot be explained, and I am not even sure that I would want it to be. New doors and excitement are being generated by people around me that I never allowed in previously and we are all moving forward together. We see our hearts leading us like never before and we will change the world for the better. No matter what comes next, we will be ready for each challenge with support from one another and will overcome each one. We will be stronger because of what we must do. We will love more than ever before. We will see our lives like we never envisioned. Embrace life...change yours forever and you will never regret it. Life just keeps getting better. LOVE IT!!!

Celebrate you

For a very long time, I have never believed that there was a reason big enough to celebrate me. Yes, even on my birthday. I am just me, and because of my past, I did not feel that it was a good enough reason to let others appreciate who I am and what I mean to them. I think I always believed that if I was worth it, then my life would have been different. I shy away from any attention as it usually makes me feel uncomfortable. When I received awards or did well in athletic events, I shrugged those moments off as being insignificant all the time because taking a compliment was difficult. I am learning to say "thank you" when accolades and terms of endearment come my way. I down play it and try to change the subject and deflect if I can. Yesterday was my birthday and I started it like I do most of my mornings - with a run with Rock. However, yesterday was different...it was special and I will always remember it. As we watched the sun coming up, we took in why yesterday was significant...to both of us. Rock, yesterday morning was the BEST ever and I am so grateful that I got to share it with you. As we sat there and just spent time being together, there is nothing that will ever be better than that. TYFE. What I am (slowly) realizing that when I dismiss other people's compliments and what they say about me, then I take something away from them. They are freely giving me their love and I am refusing it. I cannot do that any longer. It is not fair to the giver. They deserve to know that you have accepted their love, their willingness to tell you what they think and feel about you, and you need to receive it just as freely as it is given. I will admit...I do not do this well, but am working on it. Everyday, I grow into a better version of me. Each day, I try to do something that takes me outside my "normal" comfort zone so that there are less things that frighten me and cause me to doubt. Do you let those that are about you most take in the joy that is you? Whoever YOU are? Let them. It is not so much for you but for those around you. Even if it doesn't seem real...even if it has never happened before...even if it makes you want to crawl under a rock and hide. Don't. Embrace it. Take it in and let that love cover you like a warm blanket and give you comfort in knowing that you are loved and special and treasured by others. Let them celebrate you. You deserve it and so do they. They deserve you.

Funny thing....

Have you ever been just going on about your day, doing whatever you are doing, thinking whatever you are thinking, and then see something totally random but it is enough to catch your eye and then you look at it more and think it looks like a shape you recognize? How fun is that? That happened to me the other morning when I was out for my walk. Yes, I have cut down on some of my running, but at a minimum I walk about 5 miles a day. Rocky and I get to talking and then the running just doesn't happen. KITTY! This particular morning was just after an overnight rain and she was not with me. I usually still take our normal route, but like to mix it up on occassion. As I was listening to my wonderful morning "Get me inspired" music, I see a rain spot in the middle of the street that appears under my feet in the shape of a heart. No kidding - a heart! I actually walked over it once before my brain recognized it as something other than just wet pavement. Then, I backed up and took a look again and looked around the street to see if therewere others. There were none. As good as I was feeling about starting a new day with the sun about to rise, getting my exercise, loving life, and even being all alone, I felt the warmth that only love can bring. It made me smile. It still does. Look around...it might be right under your feet.

Two hands, Part 2

When I was out for my run today, I kept remembering this picture that is on my wall in my office. I forgot to mention some of the things that two hands can do and what it means in my last post. I could have added it to my previous post, but thought it would be easier just to type a brand new post. A "knuckle touch" cannot be done nor is it as much fun unless you share it with someone else. You cannot give a "high-five" to yourself. It amazed me how much can be communicated with a simple touch like this and what it means. In times of nervousness and the unknown, someone holding your hand through scary times can make all the difference in the world. Even when you don't think you need it. Even when you think it seems silly or you didn't ask for it. Someone did that for me a couple of months ago because she wanted to make that time easier for me. I could have done it without her and never asked her to do it, but she did. I am not sure why. I felt safe and secure when someone is there with me. Love is transferred in this easy act, that we forget that sometimes. We try to make things fancy and super and that is not what it is about. It is about showing someone that you care and that you are willing to give freely of the love and tenderness you offer. There are some things that just cannot be done with one hand and other things can be done with one or two hands. Then, there are those things that can only be done with two separate, hands. Two hands reminds us that there are people beyond ourselves that are there for us and would do simple things to make it better, in good times and bad. As I said previously, two hands are always better than one.

Letting go

I will be the first one to admit that there are things worth fighting for and about, whether in principle or for those you love. When people are in the fighting mood, I am reminded of a quote by John Ortberg, "People will always be opposed to whatever threatens to destroy what they love." For some strange reason, I still think I am in control so I hold on tight - even to those things I cannot control. I was reminded today to find something (anything) positive in a situation that happened this week, that I could only find the negative in. I felt lost, in unfamiliar territory, with no real direction of where to go or how I would even get there. Like being on a ride at the amusement park you didn't want to get on to begin with, and you don't know how to get off, and you cannot seem to communicate with the guy running the controls to tell him that you want the ride to be over. I was relying on someone that I kept telling myself that I shouldn't need to rely on. I don't seek attention and actually defer to something else (anything else!) to get the attention off of me. Unfortunately, I thought holding tight would make it go away. It didn't quite work that way. Regardless of what else goes on around me, I can only control me - my thoughts, my actions, and what I do with both. I needed to revisit what I believe - even if I didn't want to - but I had to in order to move forward. Everything that I hold dear, everyone that cares for me, every thought and every dream that I have ever had requires me to let go. I have to ask for forgiveness and give it to others. I have to tell those people that I love them every chance I get. I have to force myself to allow others to give themselves freely to me, just as I would give to them. For the majority of my life, I have wondered if I was deserving of anything good. And even if something good came my way, I expected it to be temporary. I have been married for almost 22 years and have held on tight to that relationship and yet I find it so difficult to let others in. Again, not being able to control if others care about me and love me. I have to let go of any walls...let go of trying to control of other people's thoughts and actions...let go of thinking that I still have a say. Monday, I did not have a say and I really (REALLY) did not like it. Today, I was told that someone deserves me and that she was not going to let go. And she didn't. Letting go and "going with the flow" is easier said than done sometimes. At that point, when you finally quit fighting and surrender to letting it go and letting it in, you learn to accept and be thankful for your blessings. I was just reminded of something I often say to my boys - "It could be better, but it could also be worse." It could be worse - I could not have a family or friends that love me - that would do anything for me. I have to let go. A friend and I have a little thing we do when we are done with the last word about a topic, so here goes. "I'm letting go. Just saying."