No words say much

Sometimes, the best way to communicate with someone else is not with words. It is with a hand signal, a smile, or (my favorite) a good hug. One of my new favorites is when I can "wink" at someone, but not in a flirtatious way -- more like in a "I got your back" or "I am always here" kind of way. Today, I was blessed to receive several of these non-verbal commitments. We also communicated with "numbered hand signals" just before I walked out, and in those few stolen moments of time that I was graciously given, I smiled all the way to my car. My heart was full of the love and friendship I had freely given as my heart also received the same in return. Words were also shared that reconnected us in so many ways that I feel like I am still being embraced by the arms that held me just a few shorts hours ago. Has this ever happened to you? When you sit back later and reflect on what just happened, hoping it wasn't a dream or a figment of your imagination? Perhaps the same can be said on her side as well. In fact, I would bet that she was feeling the same and hope that in a small way, I made her day better. How many words can you say without uttering one sound from your lips? Can you give someone a thumbs up when they are uncertain about something? Is looking at someone in complete silence worth the memory of just being with them? And that you both CHOOSE to be together? Have you smiled at someone who you don't know, just to receive one back? Is a friendly gesture with a wave to someone to let them move ahead of you through the long line of cars say something? Of course it does! Many times, it is ALL there is to say! I love to write and everyone knows I love to talk, but my absolute favorites are where words are never shared. When my only choice is to feel connected, even if ever so briefly, never knowing when it will be felt again but always hoping it will come soon. Through the tearing up then and the tearing up now, we know one thing because that is all that matters. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou. I will never forget the words that we shared, and I will always remember how the lack of words made me feel today. Simply, priceless. Michelle Homme 2012 ©

Be amazing!

When you read those two words, what do you think? Some people will think that they have to do something extraordinary or that someone else needs to notice some act or words before YOU accept that you can be amazing with so little effort. Here is the secret to being amazing....just be YOU!!! I was sent a little "angel" via an email from GZ and she thanked me for being an "angel" in her life. Now, you may ask, "Why are you an angel?" Well, I can tell you that I have never sat with her in the emergency room (I would), I haven't saved her when her car ran out of gas (I have done that for another friend); we have never even been to lunch yet together. I do give her a hug every time I see her and thanked her yesterday for sharing herself and and her smile with me every day. As I think of another amazing woman in my life, my eyes are tearing up and I am not even sure why. She would know why. Open the door for someone...think of others before you think of yourself...give with your whole heart...share deeply...love unconditionally. I have many people in my life who can be less than amazing and then I am so ever grateful for those that make my life so much more wonderful. Amazing is something that any one of us can be, and it is not how we see ourselves...it is how others see us. If we are given such a compliment as, "You are simply amazing!", we need to take it. Take it with humbleness and with honor...those words are not just said to say them. They are said with conviction and pride and I am so very blessed to know amazing people who share their lives with me every day. My beautiful, gracious sisters are not just my sisters but also my friends and I treasure them and miss them more than they ever know. Your task for today, should you choose to accept it (LOL), is to be amazing by being you. Notice others and let them know that they amaze you. You might make their day and you will smile too.

Luckiest girl in the world

I am not one to highlight anything that would draw attention to me, but this is different. I want the world to know that I am the luckiest girl in the world. I cannot even begin to fathom the gratitude, love, and appreciation I feel for those that care about me and love me. I never used to think that I was lucky, especially when I was younger. In fact, I would probably thought just the opposite. How lucky can I be that my parents divorced? How lucky can I be that I never really allowed myself to have any friends? How lucky can I be that when I took chances, they always seemed to turn out bad? I was the one who never played the lottery because I never thought I could win. It's hard to win if you never buy a ticket. I always viewed success as an accident, and usually thought it's longevity was going to be short lived. Things did not happen to me like that. They just didn't. Slowly but surely I would little pieces of me show themselves to others in ways, but I did not realize it at the time. Now, I see. When I started this journey and Rocky asked me those hard (but easy) questions, I began to see what I really wanted to do and how my feelings for others needed to be shown. People are always afraid of telling someone, "I love you" or "I need you", but now I probably say more than I should. I am not living this life with regrets and have tired to hold to my promise of being true to me. I have a husband who loves me, three sons who are smart, well-mannered young men who I am extremely proud of, and a life that brings me great joy. I have friends who would do anything I asked if they could and support me as I encounter this new adventure. I have choices that are mine to make and unknown challenges that are mine to conquer. I have my health and my mind and those two things can be very powerful. I have my future that has yet to be written just as the posts on this blog will bring insight to you. I am not one to believe in luck, but I believe that we have some opportunities to create our own luck. We just have to believe it and right now, I believe I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Love is...

Love is deep... Love is forgiveness... Love is holding on... Love is being there... Love is not keeping score... Love is honest... Love is saying what you need to say... Love is no regrets... Love is letting go of the past... Love is a smile... Love is faith... Love is acceptance... Love is trust... Love is a hug... Love is A & E... Love is difficult... Love is giving... Love is apologizing... Love is patient... Love is listening... Love is getting through... Love is strong... Love is life... Love is a CHOICE.

Today is your day

Tonight, as my husband was flipping through the channels waiting for his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers to start their game, he found a show with Shania Twain where she was singing a song titled, "Today is your day". Beautiful song. What I also found interesting is that her show was titled, "Why not?" -- do you know why that spoke to me? My theme for this year is the same..."why not?" I was recently told about the "Trek up the Tower" which is done in February as a fundraiser where people run up a high rise in downtown Omaha to benefit a non-profit organization. I have taken up being on the elliptical for the next three months or so (yes, they will be longest three months ever), but still want to challenge myself. Does something special have to happen for it to be "YOUR" day? I had so much fun surprising someone for her birthday as she didn't expect it, but I loved to see her smile. But, today is your day. Today is my day. Nothing extraordinary needs to happen and no one needs to sing to you, but every day can be your day when you BLOOM. When you know you are where you are meant to be, without question and without regret. You feel it. You become swallowed by the very surroundings that others just see as there. It becomes who you are and you love every minute of it. One of the very first ideas that came to my head when I started this journey was "It starts today." Today. I was quick to point out when it was someone else's day but never took ownership of my chance at having a day for me. But I deserve today. I am a great friend, love my family, and work hard at making this world better. And because of that, today is my day.

Here goes!

Ok. So I am not even sure where to start. I was asked several people how I did last night with my speech and me being me, I probably downplayed it more than I should have, but that is me. Because of those wonderful people in my life, called friends, I receive phone calls and texts telling me that I did great and that they really enjoyed what I had to say, etc. Very, very humbling. Last night, I woke up about 1:15am and noticed an email from a reader of this blog (S) and I could not stop thinking about what she said in the email as she called my life "amazing". I would have no problem describing my life using other words, but "amazing" would not have been one of them. Intersting, S. Thanks. Then, I get a nice email regarding another door that I have knocked on before about an opportunity, and I may have another speaking opportunity in Janaury. YAY! Here is the topper...one of my friends tells me that her daughter posted on her facebook a status that includes part of what I said last night in my speech. Here is was thinking no one was paying attention!! Then, about 15 of her friends "liked" it!!! OMG!! It has been a great day. With just one of these, it would have been awesome, but all together, plus my husband came home from a work trip and I got to see Rocky. As I continue to ride this rollercoaster today, I can only say one thing...here goes!

Irony

Irony is a funny thing. For example, growing up I never thought I would leave the state of California, yet the more I have lived here in Nebraska, the more I never want to live in California again. Nebraska has become my home, although I will always say I am from the "OC" before the "OC was the OC". Remember, I could not tell you where Nebraska was on the map. I was thinking about a different kind of irony today, though. I was remembering how many times I wanted to run from someone else because the thought of her and what she could be to me terrified me. I was nervous about it all, having one step inside the door and the other outside, just in case I needed to bolt in a hurry. In fact, I was prepared to bolt, certain that the need would come. It was easy to run...without realizing I had done it my entire life, I knew it would come again. It was sure to, right? Then, when things got turned upside down, the last thing I wanted to do was run; I was ready to put both feet inside the door. There were times when I wasn't ready to fully commit and tried to disappear from it as quickly as I could, hoping that any damage done would be minimal. Not for her, but for me. I had done that for so many years. But then, when a choice was made that I had no control over making, I was ready to be here; I was ready to be in it for the long haul. Maybe it was because something I had longed for and always believed to be out of my realm, was right in front of me. Even though it was there, and I could see it and feel it, I discounted it as being my imagination. After all, this just doesn't happen to me. I mean, when I had it in my hands, I was more afraid of having it and yet when I no longer had it, I wanted it so much it hurt. Have you had irony come to you in ways you never thought it would? Where feelings take you places you never thought you would go? Even after it was said and done and another choice was made (another one out of my control), I was now hesitant. I questioned it again, even more so than I did before. It was difficult for me to stay again. Is it ironic when you change something that affects the outcome of something else, never realizing that it would have that effect? Things change, but change does not mean bad...it just means different. When we doubt and wonder, we have but one thing and one thing only that keeps us grounded and reminds us of the truth...our heart. It is not easy to stay, but things happen as they are meant to and we do all we can to link things and see the irony that must have two parts. There can be no irony with just one piece of the puzzle. Just like there can be no catch-22 with one dilema. Irony exists where we think it won't and its significance will show itself at some time, when we least expect it, and only when we look back. Here is the irony to the this post...even though I know you live where no one else can see, have no doubts that you are there, and am reminded of what I trust, I still miss you. Every day.

Holding back

It was shared recently that I used to hold back when something upset me, but now I share my true feelings. Sometimes those true feelings get me into trouble but at least I am being honest and say what I need to say when I need to say it. But, I also want to hold back when I realize or believe that I am wearing too much on my sleeve for all to see. I want to do that right now...I want to hold back. I have given people all that I am and all that I have and it's still not enough. They hold back and I don't feel like I get all of them. The walls go up. I am torn with following through with a promise I made to holding back and retreating until it means more to them. I am not running...this is different. This is a break where I need to really find out what I am made of and where I stand. I could not sleep most of the night as I was perplexed about what to do next. I still don't have an answer. Part of me wants to step away and let things ride out. The other part feels like I need to stay true to what I said I would do. If I do that, then I would be faking my way through it because I would want to say more. We all hold back and try to tackle the world on our own, but we need each other and it makes tackling the world something that is much more manageable. The world doesn't seem so big and heavy then. Holding back creates walls and walls create separation. Separation creates distance and distance creates empty space. I do not want empty space. Please, don't hold back. A&E. Always here.

Missing someone

My dad posted this quote on facebook and I love it..."Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you last talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right by your side." Has this ever happened to you? Oh, my gosh...this happens to me alot. Maybe too much. Maybe I let it. But I do not think I have ever reacted to things like I do now. But when something good and exciting happens, you want to share it. On the other hand, when something hits you like a school bus, you need to share it. Why do we miss it when someone isn't there? When they cannot pick up the phone? Usually it is not because they don't want to, but they just can't right at that moment. I know sometimes I am afraid I will forget to tell that person. Yes, people, there is alot going on upstairs. Plus, it just doesn't feel the same when your adrenaline subsides to near normal levels. Emotion gets you pumped up or mad, depending on the situation. I know that I exude excitement and passion when I call Rocky and tell her about some crazy idea I have. When we let our hearts soar or let our souls weep, we are there in that moment. And when you call someone at "that exact moment", you know it will be as if they are right by your side. Where they would want and need to be. Because they love you. It is a moment you cannot get back and sharing that moment with someone allows you to share it together. And if you are together, then you cannot miss each other.

Be impressive...

I am not one to try to impress others merely to get them to notice me. In fact, I would be the one trying NOT to get people to notice me. But something happens when you are noticed for the right reasons...you be come impressive and not just for viewing purposes, but you actually leave an impression on someone else. Today, our work environment laid to rest one of our own. It was a very somber day at work as this 61 year old's passing came as quite a shock. His health had deteriorated over the last year, but 61 is still too young. For the many of us who paid our last respects, we will always treasure the memories TK left us with. Of course, I will always remember his smile that literally went from ear to ear. His laughter was one that was unmistakenable and always brought a smile to anyone who could hear it. He was creative where I wasn't and every Christmas, I will be reminded of him as I hang my wreath on my front door. TK left an impression on me that will never be erased and there are parts of him that I will see every day when I am at work. Others will do the same. What impression do you want to leave on others? How do you want to be remembered? The stories that are told long after we are gone will allow those left behind to share our legacy with others that we may not have known very well. Then, we live forever. I want to make an impression on others, but not for my benefit. People will tell you that I am not that girl. Never have been, never will be. Even when maybe I deserved it. I have at time, actually dismissed others's compliments because I did not believe it to be true. The impression of me that people will take from reading this post, or any of them, will be what they look for in the simple words I share with you. Impressions can change over time also. I was very frustrated and disappointed today when no one he worked with (myself included) stood up to say something about our friend. I had figured that that responsibility fell on someone else, not me. The more I talked about it, the angrier I got and then I realized that I let my friend down today. I could not control what others did, but I could have said something about TK, if only for me, but perhaps on behalf of the others who could not speak. I am sorry, TK, that I did not hold up my part and I learned from this that it will not happen again. Thank you for teaching me such a valuable lesson and for leaving the impression of your laughter and smile forever in my life. You are not here with us, but you will never be forgotten. Be impressive with your lives -- some of us might be about half way done with your life and what do you have to show for it? Have you left an impression to where people will stop and say, "Now, that person was impressive." Leave part of you with others so that they can hold onto that...especially while you are still here as we never know when it is our time to go. Use the time you have wisely and make a difference. You can be impressive.

What a week!!

It seems likes yesterday, but also feels like I almost could not tell you what happened because it seems like it was so long ago. It the midst of this craziness right now, I did take some time Thursday night and visit with a friend who I have not known for very long, but I love her smile and her hugs. P"N"V - We can only be grateful to Rocky for introducing us to one another that one day at work. It amazes me how little chance meetings just turn into something bigger and better. With all my "being mom" life, I am also trying to get ready for next Tuesday night, the first meeting for the G.I.F.T. Not sure what to expect, but know it will be a great night. Many wonderful, giving women are coming so I am excited about that. I also reached out to another venue that I have been working with and we have a tentative date set for November. November is also when I will be giving a speech in front of a very large crowd. Can you see my head spinning yet???? In all this craziness, I absolutely love it. It is where I am most calm and when everything seems clear. I opened up to someone yesterday about this new craziness and she totally wants to come to the G.I.F.T. as well. Seriously? I guess so. The more I say, the more people see. The more people see, the more people like. I also had a very unexpected invite to lunch on Friday where someone shared with me about some private things going on her life. I am so appreciative that she trusts me with this new information and always will be wishing her the best as this new jouorney unfolds itself to her. SB - I got your back, girlfriend. Remember, MOXIE on! We also learned that a very beloved retired co-worker passes away earlier this week. Sometimes, processing it all is just a blur and seems so convaluted with stuff. But it shows me what is right, where my heart is, what I am meant to do, and why I am here. I will NEVER go back to who I was before. If this week is any indication of what is to come, then bring it on. Hands up, baby! Here we go for another go round on this rollercoaster of a ride!! Have an awesome weekend.

Gone fishin'

Don't ask me why this came to me today. Someone told me that there is going to be a full moon tomorrow and with the way our computers have (not) been working today, who knows that I was thinking. Rock gets nervous when I say those words..."so, I've been thinking..." I think, "uh oh" comes out of her mouth. Like, me thinking is a bad thing? Really? Seriously? Yes, some of our conversations actually sound exactly like that. Ok, back to this. So, I was thinking today about fishing. When you go fishing, you stick your line out over the water and put your line (with some yummy bait) into the water with one intention...to get a fish. Fishing is a game of patience and luck and nothing else...there is no real skill, I don't care what the "Pro" fishermen tell you. They can use their fancy boats, and their "fish locator GPS devices" all they want. Friendship is kind of like fishing, but we don't have fancy tools and gadgets. People will sit on the dock or in a boat and wait to see if they get a bite. They take a chance that putting this thin string into a deep dark pool of water will give them something in return. How silly do we feel when we put our line into a stream or river, only to find out that there are no fish there? So, what do we do? We pull our line out and go searching for another place to fish. Nothing gets us as excited than when we get a little nibble and a little pull back on the line that affirms for us - "something is there!" So we stay a little longer, hoping that the fish comes back to get more. And sometimes, they do. And then it becomes a little game of tug-of-war. There is some frustration when the fish we worked so hard to keep on the line, breaks the line (heartbreak) or just swims away (not vested enough). That happens with friends. Some stay for a short time, some stay longer than others, and some stay forever. Here is the thing - we never know when we need to go fishing, so we have to have our pole with us at all times. We always have the bait (us), but we need to be ready. We never know when a new friend is just around the corner, is a smile away, or just simply walks past your office one day. Your life can be changed forever when you catch the "right" fish. And you have to learn to identify the fish based on what they mean to you...understanding that they will change as you change. But you have to be willing to stick your line in the water...even if you are not sure that you will get a bite back. Even if there is not something there to bite back. Be patient and the right, bestest ever kind of fish will come along. Go fishing!! I have been very patient...waiting for the bestest fish ever, and now I've got one...hook, line, and sinker.

Admission

This morning, I admitted something to someone that she probably knew, but I never really accepted yet...fully. I was afraid to say it out loud - to let her see and make it more real. Hiding it and dismissing it was easy, but I needed to go there and trust it and fully admit it. Out loud. Admitting when we make a mistake is difficult and is a confirmation that we are not perfect. For a very long time, I tried to achieve perfection and would get upset when I didn't measure up. As hard as I tried, I didn't quite cut it. Another failure. I am not sure if I accepted success any better than I accepted failure. How do you do with accepting and admitting things that are difficult for you? Being honest with yourself and having no regrets about that admission can make you step outside your comfort zone and even through the fear, give you the courage to move forward. "Coming clean" is just what we need to do to be able to move ahead and release whatever we are still holding on to that is dragging us down. Apologize when you need to and take every step you can, even if it feels like it is pure torture for you, to make it right. Don't run from situations that are uncomfortable because it is easier to avoid them than confront them. Allow people to be a part of your life - because they care and love you. Confess the dreams and passions that get your heart racing in a way that you don't even really think about it. Acknowledge that we all have good days and bad days, but the bad days can be made better when shared with those special people. Sharing the good days makes those days even better. Open up with all that you are, bringing your past with you and share with those around you. Today, I declared I have a "slim" and she knows what that means. She also understands how big a step that is for me as I have now divulged this to her. I continue to travel a road where I do not know the end destination or how I will get there. However "scawee" that admission was for me, please know that I continue to let go of the bar and put my arms up above my head. We are on this ride together, and am grateful every day that I am one of your "slims", as I cannot imagine not being here. 32mbmjsa.

Being "gooey"

I was watching a movie this weekend and there is a line that I could not help but think about and needed to remind myself to write about. One character says to another, "...on the outside you are tough, but on the inside you are quite gooey." Yes, she said gooey. Maybe what caught my attention was that we don't usually hear the word, "gooey" said very often. I thought about me. I show the world my strength, my courage, my ability to stand firm when inside I might feel weak, feel fear, and want to run in certain situations. But I am learning. All the time. On the inside, at least lately, I have been quite "gooey". Admittedly so, when I let my walls come down. They came down a lot this weekend. I wish it was easier, but someone told me that she was glad that it wasn't. I guess if it was easier, everyone would do it. Then it wouldn't mean as much. Maybe I would've done it a long time ago. I am constantly reminded about what I have done and what I have yet to do and they are no where close to being the same. Sometimes, we have to be tough and stand our ground and when we are alone or with someone we unconditionally trust, we can be "gooey."

Simple things that mean the most

I love giving to others. It is one of those things that I do best. And my favorite way is to give without others knowing it was me, even though I know. I was smiling the other day when I was remembering leaving enough money at the coffee place for the next person to get their coffee that day for free. Last night, I was the recipient of such a simple and kind gesture. It still has me shaking my head wondering, "Why would someone do that for me?" Even though the action was not made by a complete stranger, those things don't happen to me and I question their meaning when I shouldn't. Sometimes it scares me and I want to run. Once I fight through all of the questions and actually let my head stop for a second, my heart gets a turn to let me see her side to everything. As I stop to breathe and let me guard down, that is when it hits me. Like a sack of bricks falling from a 3-story building, right upside my temple. That's when I fall...when I put down the walls and let it happen because it should and I accept that someone cares THAT much to take a few hours out of her day to help me. The question, "Would you do it for me?" when asked of me always gets a loud "YES." The admission that comes next sometimes is hard to swallow, but I know I have to let it come to me. I am better at giving than receiving. Always have been. I do not do the receiving of anything very well. Never have. Even though it doesn't happen like that for me. Even when I might regret saying too much right now. Even if moments from my past sometimes creep into my today. I am reminded of telling kids that when we give of ourselves without any expectations, we actually do get something in return. I also say that doing the smallest things that we might take for granted might just mean the world to someone else. The smallest, tiniest little things - words and actions - most of the time can mean the most. The choice is not mine to make and I have to let that choice be made. Even if I don't like it, but especially because someone wants to give to me. It is still processing right now. I have to find the the courage to let someone love me, but it is hard. But with the smallest of things, please know that it simply meant the world to me. Still does. Always will. Thank you.

Reassurance

Who doesn't need this from time to time? I needed that today. I am unsure if I can even pinpoint big enough grounds for my desire to have it. For whatever reason, I am not even sure that I got it. Reassurance can mean so many things and be given in so many ways. From across the room, a wink can tell you, "I see you and acknowledge you." A smile can say, " I am happy to see you and am glad that you are here". Music can make my heart be calm and my head stop spinning and remind me that everything will be ok. Accomplishing a goal, whether big or small, short or long term, can verify that you did it. Long lost friends can reconnect after a lengthy separation with a simple hug that says, "I missed you." Reassurance can provide comfort when chaos seems to be what surrounds you. You can rest. You can gather your thoughts and regroup. People astound me when they give freely of their faith and hope that everything will simply be ok. And they truly believe it! When turmoil and confusion finds us...and it does find us...when need reassurance. We need to know that someone is there to support us at exactly that time - when it all seems to be falling apart. When we are not sure what end is up and how to right ourselves is when we need to rely on others so that we can get back up. Just as a warm, soft blanket covers you in comfort, so does the reassurance that comes when someone holds your hand when you are afraid. It tells you that you are not alone. That someone is right beside you, ready when you are to take on what else the world is dishing out today. There are days when we need more reassurance than others, for whatever reason. We have to trust that those that care about us and let them care about us...drop everything in the middle of the night and talk to us kind of care or run us to the emergency room against our will kind of care...do those things not just for us when we need it. They do it for themselves as well. They need reassurance that we are ok. That we are well. That we will be there tomorrow. It calms their heart and stops their heads from spinning. Taking a deep breath will reassure me that taking that moment to slow down and think for just a small amount of time will trigger peace and once again, I can take on the world. Maybe you count on certain people for your reassurance or maybe my random ramblings do the same for you as it does for me. It reminds me that I am human and times get tough at times. But I am tougher. Find comfort in words, actions, and melodies. They are there for that sole purpose. Let them in. I have been reassured tonight as I write this very post. Have you? I hope so. Have a great night.

Too much?

Have you ever wondered after you said something to someone if you said too much? Not that you would take anything back or that you said the wrong thing, but just too much? Sometimes, I think that after I have said something that is me...laying it all out there...no walls...and yet I question if it was too much. Is it too much when you tell someone what they mean to you? Is it too much when you are completely honest for the first time about something that has torn at you, little by little? Is it too much to give more than you would ever expect to receive? I have learned a valuable lesson this week. One that I did not expect to learn, but I was paying attention when I saw them grouped together. Several people responded in ways that told me that they love me. Sometimes, it was the smile I got when they saw me first thing in the morning. Other times, it was when they spent their lunch hours with me, listening intently as I share my dream and where the road is taking me. My favorite are the hugs I get when I give one to those that tell me they don't want to let go. The best...by far...the best is when they simply came out and said, "I love you". Some from people that never had said that to me before. But they did. And I did. We went there...where we had never gone before (no, no Star Trek theme here, but kinda sorta). And if I were to ask them if they regretted saying it, none would say "yes." Neither would I. I write. And I share like never before...this is a perfect example of this and I have NEVER regretted it. I have told people recently that they will learn more about me by reading my blog than they may have learned in years of actually knowing me. I was surpised today when a friend (ok, Rocky) told me that she reads this blog all the time. I do not know why that surprised me, but it did. And for some reason I still cannot explain even hours later, why I started to cry as we walked this morning. Then, later...it really hit me. So I sent her a text and told her EXACTLY what I was thinking and feeling at THAT VERY MOMENT. It couldn't wait. I wanted her to know that I was thinking about her. I am not ashamed by what I told her and even though it really didn't need to be said at that precise time, I needed to say it right then. Otherwise, the feeling would have subsided and it would have been lost. Sometimes, we worry about hearing what shouldn't be said instead of what should be said regardless of whether or not someone wants to hear it. The truth hurts sometimes, even if it is not meant to hurt. Would you rather do too much or not enough? So far, I have never had anyone tell me that me telling them what they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them life was too much. That they don't want to hear it. It can't ever be too much. It just can't. "Say what you need to say." I am saying this so everyone can read it, even though I told you this already today. Rocky - this journey would not be what it is had it not been for you. I am stronger and am more confident knowing you are right there beside me. Every day...I am more grateful for you than I was the day before. I love you. Rule 22. JS

The Greatest Gift

I have said before that hugs, compliments, and smiles are free - therefore, everyone can afford them. I was reminded today that I have given someone something even better. Something that I did not realize I had given, nor did I give it a second thought as to whether or not I should or should not be giving it. It just happened. This gift costs me no money, no planning, and no special wrapping paper. This same person thanked me once about always having time for her. When she told me that, I did not not realize what that really meant until today. I have had very few people that I can honestly say changed my life. I made it very clear the other night to her and others that were with us, that she is one of those people. She does this for me every day, whether she knows it or not. I lay it all out there more than I ever have and even though it is difficult sometimes, I have gotten past regrets and pretending. When she sees the REAL me, with no walls and no secrets, then that is the Greatest Gift I can give her. I give her ME...that's it. In return, I receive the Greatest Gift - her and all that she brings to the table. We are constantly amazed at where we both were some 15 months ago, where shaking our heads in disbelief doesn't even make it make sense either. I seriously don't think either one of us could have imagined where a chance meeting and an immediate connection would transform our souls. FOR GOOD! We are blessed by the people that come into our lives and forever leave pieces of themselves that we treasure. Hold onto them. Make sure that you are giving away your Greatest Gift. The best part is that your giving away your Greatest Gift makes you better and richer with all you hold dear. I am better because of her and she is better because of me. You know who you are, but thank you for always having time for me, laying it all out there, and giving me YOU. JS.

Opposites that work

Rock and I work, for whatever reason. We just do. And we know it. How many things in your life do you see that there cannot be a connection between two people or things but they compliment each other so well, that they are better together than they were without each other. That's us. It is like two pieces in the puzzle - they are different pieces with different shapes and colors, yet they fit together perfectly. What do you have in your life that compliments each other? Do you see how they can work together and make you better than you were without them? I have realized this week that I am better at being me when I stop trying to be who everyone else wants me to be. I cannot do it any longer. I received an email the other day from a colleague who I shared my blog with who really seemed to be looking for something as she might have some struggles in her personal life. KD - keep asking the questions and the answers will come. Believe that they will. It will work - have patience, work at it even when you think you can't. Opposites work because they are not competing against each other. They compliment each other. Sometimes what we look for is not what we see. There is a balance when you have two things that are opposites, and therefore one can never be higher or more important than the other. They are equal. Rock and I have things in common - like getting up early and walking/running; being goofy and laughing out loud; and being able to snap our fingers only with our left hand. The way we work is when we can be thinking the same thing about something just said and we never have to say a word about it (kitty). We work because we will always be there for each other and care more about the other one than we do ourselves. I am better because of her and I know she is better because of me. Things that just "are" that never really have to work hard at "being" are always the best. Guess that is us, because we just work. Don't you think so?

Constantly changing my thinking

I have been strong for so long and yesterday I was forced to let others help me. I hated every minute of it. And then some. The people that were with me know that I was nervous and my actions and words were probably results of not being in control of what was going on around me. I am better at giving my time, my energy, and focusing on others that I really struggle having attention directed at me, whether it is good or bad. Since I belive that "things are happening as they are meant to be", then I have to believe that everything before me...at this moment...is there for a purpose. It is something that I have to go through and learn from and believe in. I have to have faith in all that I know to be true and have to be willing to really give of myself in order for it to be different. For so many years, my thinking has been very one-sided - it has been keeping the walls up, to protect myself and being afraid. As much as I understand that I cannot go on living my life that way, it is hard to set aside so many years of doing it that way. I have to forgive those that take actions that might upset me, but they do it because they love me. I have to take to heart the consideration of others that might mean setting my own expectations away. I have not handled limitations on what I am capable of doing very well. I have always expected perfection and success at everything I did, regardless of what it was. I find myself in more situations recently where I need to stop (maybe slow down, because I never really stop)and think about what I want out of this life. I want to live a long time and give my heart to everyone and maybe, just maybe, allow you to see that your life can be different. I have said it so many times about "To get what you never had, you have to do something you never did." I am constantly having to change my perspective on life, in spite of what comes my way. People come into and out of our lives, jobs change, decisions have consequences. We have to learn to adapt, accept, and move forward as each new day comes. Be grateful for all that you have been blessed with in your life. Look for chances to bloom - it is spring and you need to keep changing if you want to grow.