When you transform

At Thursday night's meeting of the G.I.F.T., I was talking about reflection and asking the women if 2011 went the way they thought it would. I mention that I change every day and my co-worker, DM, mentioned to the group that, "Homme has changed a lot" and she has known me for over 4 years, so she has probably seen me change quite a bit. I have transforme and continue to each and every day. I never know what the new day will bring to me but I have to embrace each word said, each deed completed, and each person met as they all serve some significance in my life. Sometimes, I do not know what their meaning is at the time that I encounter them, but at some point, I will understand and know. Have you ever transformed or seen someone else transform? People have not only seen my attitude towards life change, but also noticed when my body changed with daily exercise. Sometimes, out changes are so suttle that we think no one will ever notice. I love that...not being noticed and have tried to blend into the background for most of my life. Even when I knew I couldn't, I felt uncomfortable for the attention that came my way. When I see others transform, that is one of my greatest joys. Not because I may or may not have had anything to do with it, but when they transform for good and the light seems to go on. I told SM the other day that she was the best and she replied that she is getting better. She is trying to be better, even if no one notices. SM - I notice. We all change for reasons and need to make sure that we notice those around us that we care about and love. Take the time to mention the changes you see...you may be the one person who pays attention that makes all the difference.

What's your word?

Is there a word that would describe you? I think at any given moment, we have a feeling that would describe us. Maybe not the only word, but one that just pops into our head. Usually, we can find an emotion that will describe how we feel during a particular event. Also, we would all associate that same feeling with a similar type event had we been experiencing it as well. So, as you read this, what is your word? For me, sometimes it is difficult to pick just one. Right now, I think it would be determined. I have made new and exciting things happen to me over the last two years and I am determined to see all of that new knowledge be used to make me and my life better. Perhaps in doing so, it allows others to do the same. I never know where this road will take me and I have to allow the heart to lead. My word will change probably in ten minutes, but right now, I am focused on the tasks yet before me that include something very new and exciting that I will begin this weekend. Believe me, I couldn't understand why this new idea came to me when it did and I had to share with a few people who also became excited with me. Every once in a while we get so caught up in the daily grind of work, family, responsibilites, life, etc that we forget to stop and think for one second. Sometimes I don't even get 30 seconds, so I need to make that time. It has to be important to me to know that not doing so doesn't make me more efficient, it makes me less efficient. I am better when I have many things in the fire, but spend a great deal of time tackling each one with great attention, all the time knowing that I gave that task my utmost attention and I didn't do it half-way. I gave it my all. What is your word? Remember, it will change.

Past the point of no return

Have you ever taken such a big chance that you cannot go back to where you once were? To know that to do so would not be in your best interest, but would actually make you worse off in the long run? Taking chances can be scary and I remember someone telling me that having the courage to take that leap can be the most freeing moment and I started thinking more about what I want for my life in 2012. More to come on that later, but for now, know that the wheels are turning. I am sitting here trying to remember how I got to where I am right now and trying to figure out at what moment did I pass the point of no return. Was it when I started this blog, knowing that I had given the information to friends and they would now be able to see what I was so excited about? Was it when I became accountable to Rocky when she came to my house to get me into shape at 5am? Was it when I started believing more in myself and allowing others to see more of the real me? Was it when I shared my thoughts with other women and started the G.I.F.T.? Was it when I said in public for the first time that my dream was to be a motivational speaker for teenagers? Was it the reaching out to others that might be able to help me pursue that dream? Was it the willingness to explore new things (shopping) or allow new people to break down the walls? Was it putting trust and faith into those people and things because of what my heart tells me, not my head? Was it a combination of any of these things or people? But when, specifically, did I get to the point of no return? Have I even been there yet or do I just think I have? I know there are a lot of questions here, but here is what I do know. I am not the same person I was when I really started this journey almost 2 years ago. I have grown into someone that I have always wanted to be and continue to grow and give more than I ever have. I have learned to not run when situations get difficult, but also know how many people truly love me. I also learned what they would do for me, even if I didn't want them to. I know that I am here for a reason and continue to try to see the reasons for my being here in everything I do, say, in the people I meet, and where my next steps will take me. I know I am human and have human emotions, even if they are not understood by others. I know I have a huge heart and have allowed myself to be more vulnerable and have shed tears where they never would have come before. I wouldn't allow it. I know I give hugs all the time and they are not the woosy, one-armed hugs or barely touch you hugs, either. They are both arms, bring you close, hold on to you kind of hugs. I know I gave out more yesterday to co-workers wishing them a Merry Christmas than I ever had before. I know I have a husband and three sons that think the world of me and many other friends who just might think the same. I know I want to have an impact on the people that I come in contact with and those that I will never meet. I know I have to continue to inspire others who want something different in their lives. I know making those choices is not easy, but also know it gives us confidence like we never thought we had. I know that I can talk alot and think even more and don't always let others have their two cents. I know I need to apologize for that. I know I get off track sometimes and need a little kick in the pants to get me going again. I know it takes me a couple of days to get something that I should have figured out right then, but I am slow. I know that this world and life can begin when you want it to and you change the simplest of things and then that leads to bigger changes. I know that I am grateful for the life I have been given and would not change a single thing. I know for me, I continue to challenge myself in ways I never thought possible and will keep moving forward. I know there may be days I take baby steps and others days when I am ready to jump off a 575 foot building (yes, still on my list of things to do). I know I read a lot and will work at being my "best me" all the time. I know I will find success and unfortunately, I will fail as well. I know I need to forgive myself and forgive others. I know I need to let this life lead me to places I have never been before and will "embrace the journey." I know I am here for the duration and will treasure my place in this world as I know the world will ever change. I know nothing stays the same. Where are you in your life? I know that you will absolutely love where you are going and it may make you afraid of the unknown. But because we are on this rollercoaster ride, when you get strapped into your seat and you start to pull away from the platform, you will have reached the point of no return.

Nothing stays the same

I know, I am being redundant and stating the obvious. But sometimes, we interpret change as bad, but really it just means different. Things change because people change and that is ok. Routines differ due to a new route on the way to work because of construction. Accidents happen and adjusting to a new regimine becomes a way of life. Other priorities take hold of our immediate attention and that is what we focus on. Whe shouldn't fight change, but accept it. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Our lives feel "normal" when we are just gliding through with near "auto-pilot" days, and then something upsets "the apple cart." But, that is when we learn more about ourselves and what we do with the spilled apples. Do we sit by the side of the road and cry about it? Or do we pick them up, right the cart, and move on about our way as if that minor delay will teach us something somewhere down the road? It is sad sometimes when people change without warning or situations out of our control come to our front doorstep. We all can remember a time when this happened to us...friends were no longer friends...a family is torn apart...illness brings us to a new threshold of stress like we have never seen...jobs are lost...our retirement funds fall...it all comes to us at one time or another. Accept it as it is meant to be this way. Those things that change that are still present will remind us to be grateful for the little times when our old "normal" comes to visit us from time to time. We will wish for more, but understand that it is what it is.

Evolution

This is my 300th post for this blog. Evolution means "the process of growth" and I am evolving every day. Aren't we all? If you don't think you are, don't you want to? I cannot even understand or comprehend how this all happened some days. Part of it seemed planned in some ways, but most of it kind of just "went" as if it had a life of its own. People that I thought were just going to pass through have become so much a part of me that I almost cannot remember my life before them. Things I never thought I would do have become easier to do and some of them I don't even think about. I questioned places I needed to be as a mere detour, instead of appreciating the true meaning of its purpose. I studied the books in school and have lived a good life. But I am still learning. Yesterday, I broke and I am not even sure why. However, I knew where I needed to go and went there, almost without thinking. I gave up with trying to figure it all out...I let it happen. It was going to happen and I could not stop it. I learn more about myself, who cares about me, and what contributions I make in others' lives. The change I have experienced almost seems too great to be true...almost indescribable. Every time, I become better at being who I truly am, sharing what I truly feel and think regardless of who might judge me. I have to be me. I have no regrets about the way life unfolded itself to me, as not having that life would not have given me the chance to evolve into what you see today. Evolution continues...stay tuned.

Wake up call!

So, I am driving home for lunch for a few minutes ago and have a greeen light and am slowly making my way across the intersection and out of no where comes this little black SUV going about 45 mph across the same intersection. She never braked or slowed down or nothing. I slammed on my brakes and avoided the collision. I am still shaking. As I sit here processing how quickly my life could have just changed, I am paying attention. That was a HUGE wakeup call and I have not received one in a while. There are a lot of other crazy things going on right now in my life and once less thing would be a blessing, especially if it involves anything to do with fixing cars, possible medical treatment, etc. If anything, I am more and more confident that I cannot miss a thing in this life and time I have been granted. I once told someone that a very important event to her was something that I would not have missed for anything. But life isn't just one event...it is a series of events, and I don't want to miss a single one. As I recollect what could have happened, it makes me sad that my life could have been so different 15 minutes ago had I been the next car in line...if I had not seen the car coming down the hill...if I didn't have time to brake. If I...If I...No more if I. This is what is important and I don't want to miss it. Take advantage of everything that you can...keep looking for all that you seek...Rule 22...Because at any time, without warning, you could be propelled into a new reality,what is before you, and how your life can change instantly. We are in our deepest sleep just before the alarm wakes us. We might have to start sleeping with one eye open. That might have been what saved me today. Maybe it was something (or someone else).

People can change

Some people are very cynical and do not believe that people can change. I am here to tell you that they can. Not just on the outside, either. People can choose to change what they want to change. And it is not just a one time choice, either. It has to made over and over. So many times, I find it easier to go back to my old life, my old ways of doing things, my old thoughts. Yes, there are times when I falter and step back into "the old me", but I do not stay there long. I choose to not be there. I choose to be "the new me" and make that conscious decision every day. I have seen people change, on the outside and the inside. I have done both. People hold onto those things that they cannot change or forgive and so they expect the worst and always will. They pout and bring others down. People change when they see others change. Then, they believe it is possible. Anything is possible. I was thinking this morning how many times people want to change something little in their lives, but don't. The change doesn't have to be something HUGE like, "curing cancer", but can be something little. Something new. Like putting peanut butter in oatmeal to make it taste better because you don't like oatmeal, but want to eat better. One step at a time can propel you into taking more steps. More steps means you are moving and with that movement comes change. Change you will see. Change people will admire. Change people will choose to be a part of and encourage them to change what you see now. It can be different.

You can change the world

"As long as people in the world can change, people can change the world." I heard that in a movie last night and totally fell in love with it. Can you imagine how ordinary people, just like you and me, can help change the world? Do you believe that YOU can? I believe that YOU can. I believe that I can. Everything in this world that we all hold dear and yearn for can be something so unfathomable that it almost takes your breath away and you have to step away from it to almost look at from outside your own physical body. Can you see it? More importantly, can you FEEL it? You will. And you will KNOW it. And there will be NOTHING that will stand in your way of following it. Because I might classify my previous, pre-awakening years as safe and careful, I understand fear and doubt. But here I am with no real plan, a bunch of ideas, a great deal of support from wonderful people, and yet I feel like I can change the world. But it is not a heavy burden I carry because my changing the world starts with me changing me. That does not seem like too big of a task so I can manage it. In some strange, understandable way, that makes sense to me. It should to you as well. You change your world and however far your arms reach by starting with you. This blog is read by people all over the world and I am truly amazed by that fact alone. Some of you may read it to see what Rocky is doing and others may read it to follow the rollercoaster ride of my life. Regardless of the reason, you must find value in what you read here, and if you share it with others, then you must find value in what other people might think about what I write. Ask yourself, what can I do to make it better? To make it worthwhile? To make it what it should be? Do you remember my post about "An Army of One"? I might have begun this "Army" with some slights ramblings that I needed to get out of my head, but you are entrenched in this battle as much as I am. We know what we want and we know how we want to get it. Change your world if even just a little. Slowly, your world will look different and you will have to try to remember what it looked like before. I almost don't recognize my previous life because it seems so distant and unnatural to me. Like it wasn't really me. The world changes when its people change - the world won't change on its own. Jump in with both feet and start with you. IGNITE the people around you to do the same. Pretty soon there will be no stopping us.

I don't get it

Sometimes, we make things harder on ourselves than it needs to be. I don't get why we do that. Sometimes, people that we love the most can say the most hurtful things. I don't get why they do that. Sometimes, things aren't that complicated. I don't get why people make it so. Sometimes, people are mean and jealous of others. I don't get that wasted time and effort. Sometimes, people change their minds. I don't get how you think I knew that. Sometimes, people look for something to catch you on. I don't get why pointing out mistakes is a good thing. Sometimes, people can look you in the eye and lie to you. I don't get dishonesty. Sometimes, people need to stand up to bullies and put them in their place. I don't get why people don't tell others when they are wrong. There are many more...I sit here shaking my head because of these scenarios seem dumb and a waste of life itself. I had a really nice conversation with a young man yesterday and he has made some bad choices in his life, yet he seems to be understanding of what will come his way because he has accepted responsibility for his actions. He is not making excuses or blaming others. He is being a man. Way to go, KT, I am proud of you. Why is it so hard being the kind of people we really want to be? Yes, I already answered my own question - because it is DIFFICULT! Sometimes, we have our own agenda because we need to take of us - I get that - but not all the time. I tell people that I am here to serve and some of the people that I work with are surprised by that but it is the truth. I am here to serve not just at work, but in my family, with my friends, at my church, in this world. I am built that way. There are takers and givers in this world - which one are you? If you are a taker, do you want to give more? Are you unsure of how to go about making that change? Start little, but it starts with you and your heart. Take "you" off the agenda and put others first. It is amazing what you get back. It will fill your heart with such joy, that you will never want to be a taker again. All of the things I mention above are choices that people make and I will never understand most of them. But it has to change. We want it to change. We have to work at it and never give up. We get frustrated when we feel like we fail at something we are trying to be, so we want to throw in the towel and walk away. "Running is easy...staying is hard." But what if we keep trying to be something that we are? That I get.

Today

Have you seen it? Really seen it? Then if you have seen it, have you been so there that you felt the same as they did? I did today. I saw true happiness and joy and elation. Nothing was going to stop her. ABSOLUTELY nothing. She was on cloud 9 and I was right along side her. I got to give a great friend a HUGE hug when she told me she did it. She took a giant leap and changed her life forever by choosing to let go of her past and look forward towards her future. A future I am not sure she believed she had, even a few years ago. She was going through the motions and existing. Today, she was thriving and living. No regrets about what has been done and no guarantees. I LOVE IT!!!! I have never seen her so excited, even though she said she thought was going to be sick while she made her announcement. But she did it. I am so proud of HER. I found myself getting smiles when I thought about it during the day. I could not help it. Still can't as I type this post. Today is her day. Today is the day she actively chose to act on her dreams and passions and is steps closer to making them a reality. Not baby steps, either. Giant leaps. Even one at a time moves you. She took a chance today and is definetely moving forward in a direction that she might not have ever thought she would take. Many years wasted on settling for what is instead of what could be had taken its toll on her and those that care about her. But not today. Today, she was not going to be denied. Today, I saw a her bloom like I have never seen before. I am grateful to her for sharing it with me as I would have never forgiven myself for not being there. Actually, if I had to compare, she might have shined brighter than the sun. It takes my breath away even now. You may wonder if you have seen this type of "light" before when someone you love changes their life forever. But understand this...it will not be mistaken for anything else because you will know it when you see it. And today, I saw it.

Do it for me

We all do things for other people because of responsibility or obligation. This morning as I was out for my (wonderful) morning run, I was reminded of something I said to my husband just over a year ago when I got up to run for the first time without Rocky. I told him, "I cannot do it for her. I have to do it for me." I have been blessed with some new adventures that are coming my way and regardless of what comes of it, I will be able to say, "I did it for me." There are some circumstances where we must do something or be somewhere because it is the right thing to do or because we told someone we would. But we cannot live our lives like that all of the time. When we say "Yes" to everyone else except ourselves then we are setting ourselves up for resentment and bitterness. We have to remember to do things for ourselves also, but not in a selfish manner. People come to me to find out how I lost the weight, what diet am I on, etc. Even though they have seen my success and may feel inspired to make changes in their lives, I did not do it for that reason. I did it for me. I did not do it for my husband, family, or friends. I did it for me. I share my life with you because that is what I do, but I do it for me. I write in a journal just about every day for me. I am following my heart and listening to it for the first time ever and whatever happens, happens. I am pursuing other ways of sharing my perspective on life and what changes we all can make in it, even though we all have "baggage" and a past that goes along with it. I am doing it for me. Search your soul...dig real deep if you need to...and find one thing that you can do for you. I never thought that by changing my life I could change others as well. But it started with me "doing it for me."

Reflection

Happy Easter to those who celebrate this day. As I watch the sun come up to the east and I see shiny spots of glistening dew on the the blades of the grass in my front yard, I reflect on life. Today, we remember what sacrifices were made on our behalf and that gives us hope. Yesterday, Rocky and I spent another good day together. For a charitable cause, we walked 25 miles in about 6 hours. It was cold and windy at times, and then I remember when the sun came out...we lifted our heads as if we were drawn to the warmth on our faces and took it all in. We were "Team Moxie" and had three other members that went with us, but they were done at the 5-mile and 10-mile marks. But Rocky and I weren't going to quit - especially when we got to mile marker 22 (or so they told us!). We learned more about each other, sang along with our ipods, and saw some pretty interesting things. Even when we were dancing to a song we liked, we didn't even care who saw us...we are at that point in our lives. Pleasing others or doing what is expected is not what guides us now. We are taking care of us first and "those that matter don't mind." They are just along for the ride. We are living our dreams and pursuing them to the fullest, with no safety net below. We understand that we may fall, but we are going to change our lives, either way. Something that is passionately driven cannot be prevented from moving forward. As you reflect on what your life is like now and compare it where you want it to be, what changes are you willing to make to make it different? Have you been stuck in a rut or settling for something less than what you desire because that is easy or you are unsure of where to start? The hardest part is always finding the courage to ask the question...whichever one you want answered. You have to listen and be open to the answer, even if it is not the answer you think it will be. Your heart will tell you everything you will need to know and it will be constant. It will not change. It will create excitement when you talk about it, even when you don't realize it. Someone told me once that she could hear the passion in my voice as I shared an idea with her, and all I could hear were the words. She told me I needed to listen to the passion and moxie that was coming through to her over the phone. Reflection is "fixing your thoughts on something or careful consideration" and as you find peace today, think about where you are and where you want to be. Live your life to the fullest, with no regrets, and be happy. My favorite thing is to see the ones I love be happy and shine while they are doing their "thing". Take the chance to not only change your life, but the lives of those around you. You never know when what you do will change the lives of others. Trust me...I have seen it first hand and it is the greatest gift you can ever give someone. You will never regret that.

Constantly changing my thinking

I have been strong for so long and yesterday I was forced to let others help me. I hated every minute of it. And then some. The people that were with me know that I was nervous and my actions and words were probably results of not being in control of what was going on around me. I am better at giving my time, my energy, and focusing on others that I really struggle having attention directed at me, whether it is good or bad. Since I belive that "things are happening as they are meant to be", then I have to believe that everything before me...at this moment...is there for a purpose. It is something that I have to go through and learn from and believe in. I have to have faith in all that I know to be true and have to be willing to really give of myself in order for it to be different. For so many years, my thinking has been very one-sided - it has been keeping the walls up, to protect myself and being afraid. As much as I understand that I cannot go on living my life that way, it is hard to set aside so many years of doing it that way. I have to forgive those that take actions that might upset me, but they do it because they love me. I have to take to heart the consideration of others that might mean setting my own expectations away. I have not handled limitations on what I am capable of doing very well. I have always expected perfection and success at everything I did, regardless of what it was. I find myself in more situations recently where I need to stop (maybe slow down, because I never really stop)and think about what I want out of this life. I want to live a long time and give my heart to everyone and maybe, just maybe, allow you to see that your life can be different. I have said it so many times about "To get what you never had, you have to do something you never did." I am constantly having to change my perspective on life, in spite of what comes my way. People come into and out of our lives, jobs change, decisions have consequences. We have to learn to adapt, accept, and move forward as each new day comes. Be grateful for all that you have been blessed with in your life. Look for chances to bloom - it is spring and you need to keep changing if you want to grow.

What to do...

I was hoping today I would get more answers to the questions I have, yet that was not to be. Now, I have even more questions. Every scenario is playing out in my head and not sure what decision, if any, needs to made at this time. Not even sure that this is the right time to make such a decision. When I was asked a couple of weeks ago what my decision was going to be if this presented itself, I made it very clear what my decision would be. Now that I could be at that exact point, I question. I have to dig deep...I have to trust my heart...like never before. I have to be willing to lay it all out there, never sure of what tomorrow brings. I visited with an old friend today at lunch and it was so good to catch up with her. The funny thing is that we have actually known each other for years, but never really did anything socially like going to lunch before. It was nice to see J and hear what was going on in her life and share what was new in mine. Later, I sent her a text telling that it was a great lunch and she told me that I make her smile...I told her that was easy. I like easy. I read recently that nothing makes you feel better than knowing that the smile someone gives to you is probably a result of you giving them one (or something like that). I know that the answers are there for me...if I let them appear. But I have to be willing to accept them for what they are, even if I am afraid. It is hard to let go and wonder. I asked for signs all day today, hoping that the answers would come. So far, I have not seen any, but will definetely keep my eyes and ears open. Maybe they will come tomorrow when I run. Sometimes, that doesn't help - I end up with more questions. I have to have faith and believe in something not yet secure or definite. That can be hard to do. I have to believe it in order for others to believe in it. Wish me luck...stay tuned for more later. Have a wonderful evening.

Patanjali - When you you are inspired...

I was reading a new book and came across this passage that I just had to share.


"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties, and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."

I love how this covers everything...we have no fear, no limits, and endless possibilities. There is hope and confidence like never before. This is where we change our lives. There is no going back and we really start living like we were meant to all along. Be inspired - inspire others - change your life - change the lives of others. It Starts Today!

As women, we...

doubt...we question...we worry...we carry too much. It amazes me how much we can handle and yet how little can break us, too. All these strengths and weaknessess we have are amazing and can also be our downfall. It is very difficult when we fear the unknown or of letting our guard down. It has to mean more to us than it does to anyone else. It has to be what drives us to follow our hearts and be who we are meant to be. Letting go - of anything - is so difficult, but neceesary to be able to move forward. There are many circumstances we cannot change - we can only control how we react to those circumstances. We still have control - maybe not all of the control we want, but we still have it. We need to do things for us - not for anyone else nor should we care what anyone else will think. Those of us that are here for YOU will support you and not criticize. Those others that find ways to put us down only win if we let them. We give them permission. And then we gripe about it. It's our own fault. I say, "No More!" We are courageous and strong and powerful. Be true to your soul - that is what is most important of all. LET IT GO!