Right vs. Wrong

How many times does this dilema cross your path in any given day? I am talking about a certain thing, however. Have you ever felt like you made the right decision for the wrong reasons or made the wrong decision for the right reasons? For whatever reason, this thought came to me at 2:45am and then I could not get back to sleep. A couple of weeks ago, I decided something for the right reason. It made sense to me on one hand and not on another. But I had to decide. I was not prepared to not make a decision, because playing on the teeter-totter was not helping me. So I decided to be true to me and try to put myself first because not doing so was more painful. Even the person I shared this decision with did not understand why I needed to make it, but yet she understood. In part, I did not want to have to choose, but I did not think there was another way. Yesterday, I realized that I had made the wrong decision, but the reasons still made sense to me. I hate it when things come back to bite you in the ___. I am not a selfish person and constantly give to others as that truly makes me happy. When I give to others, I cannot think of myself. As I type this, I realized another thing...in making my decision, I was running. Because running was easy. I had removed myself from a situation that was painful for me to stay in, so my choice was to run. I had an out...it was given to me...and I chose to take it. Then, yesterday I was reminded of something else that helped me choose something else. So here I am backl at square one. But not really because I have already learned from making the wrong decision for the right reasons. There are times when the decisions we make cannot be explained (so they might look wrong), but we know they are right in our hearts. I have to apologize, even though it may not be needed or expected, for making the wrong decision and hope forgiveness will follow. Whenever this happens to us, make the amends that need to be done to make it better. I did not realize how ready I was to leave it all behind me, knowing it would not be something anyone wanted, but because it was easy. It is much more difficult to fight for something you want, even if you are not sure how it will work out. Today, I will make the right decision for the right reasons. I know it will be hard and I am not willing to give up.

When you are unsure

Sometimes making a decision and committing to it can be the biggest thing we face, even if it is minor. Do I get up an get on the stupid elliptical this morning or take some time to rest for me? Will I regret making that decision later? We all wish that we could change something...to go back and change the outcome. But we can't so we hesitate making a choice. Sometimes, the choices are easier and easier, the more we make the same one. It becomes a pattern and a habit that becomes what shapes us. Everyone knows that breaking habits and doing something different is never easy, but it can be done. I deliberate about silly things and then fully commit to big ones with almost no hesitation. Why? Because I overthink. I know I can think more about me than I do about someone else and I feel guilty for that. That is not who I am. I am not even going to use the time of year as an excuse, but I know I think about it at least once a day. A decsion or choice that we make is right for us at THAT moment, and only after the fact so we wish we could change it if it does not turn out the way we thought it would. But I would rather have that to learn from than to never have dont it all, because that teaches me to be afraid and to not take chances. I may wish I hadn't said that or done that after, but at THAT moment, that is what I needed to do or say. You still have the right to change your mind...you still can ask for forgiveness...you can still reach when you think no one is there. Be confident in your choices and know that if you believe in them, then I do too. I may not agree with them, but I will accept them. We all find things to contemplate about and wonder what to do next. But by not choosing anything, you essentially still choose.

Right at this moment

Right now. Where are you? What decision have you made for your future RIGHT NOW? It may be wrong tomorrow, but RIGHT NOW, it is right. You feel it, right? When you choose, you are not derailed by thoughts of failure and details of doubt. You are so confident that Superman couldn't stop you. It doesn't mean you can't change your mind ever. Yes, this is your out. Because RIGHT NOW this decision or committment is here. Nothing can change that. Have you ever had to make a decision in the blink of any eye and then only after you have had time to really process it, do you wonder how that all happened? Right now, this is what I offer you...keep reaching for your dreams...do something different...go out of your way to make a difference in someone else's life...right now. I am still amazed at how something I said or did that seems so insignificant to me can make the world of difference to another person. Right at this moment, I am thinking about so many things I want to say about where I am headed next and really have no clue on how to get there. I don't have to have the answers now...but I have to continue to look for them. Sometimes, even if I don't want them to come, they still do. That tells me something that I have to listen to and pay attention. Right now, I am getting tired and have lots to do tomorrow. Be safe and I will see you soon.

All of our eggs in one basket

Who hasn't done that before? Put all we have, all we believe into one thing, only to have the rug pulled out from under you and then you wind up with yolk on your face? Feeling kind of foolish, hoping no one saw and will bring it up later? Yeah...been there done that. I think this is why I hold back and don't let others see all of me and have done that for most of my life. It is easier not to commit, not to give more than you half to, and to hide. Who doesn't like easy? But, what if you give all you have and it turns out exactly like you thought it would? Maybe even just a little better? Sometimes, crazy better? So if we don't fully give it our all, then chances are we will not get our all returned to us. On the other hand, the less we risk, the less we could lose. The chance of losing it all does not always make that decision an easy one. What if we reverse that thinking to be having it all? Would you chance it all if there was a guarantee that things would come out at least as you expect them to? Of course we would!!! But what do we do in the meantime? It a choice we make and it is not always an easy choice. Dilemmas are never an easy decision but they come our way from time to time. What do we do next? What do we use to decide? We use our faith, our heart, our love of life. But, sometimes that is still not enough and we still end up with all of our eggs from our basket spilling and we clean up the yolk and shells off our face. Until the next time...

On your mark, get set, GO!

Who hasn't played a game when they were younger when this is how you started every race? Yesterday, I was told that my advice is good but that it takes action to make things different. I agreed with that statement. If we are satisified enough (about anything - government, our job pay, our marriage), then we will continue to look around any imperfections because it does not mean enough to change anything. That is the status quo. No ruffling feather, no tipped apple carts, etc. However, when you get to that point (and that point is different for everyone), where you are no longer able to ignore the things that make us unhappy (a marriage, bad working conditions, etc), then that is where you make changes. Sometimes those changes are difficult ones where people might get hurt. Maybe there is a lot of uncertainty and the fear of the unknown. We all have that. But if you are at that point, when you know you cannot go back or stay still, then moving forward is your ONLY choice, even with the unknown in front of you. We don't have all of the answers, and do not think I do. I don't. But if with every decision we made, thinking with everything we have in our gut - right at that moment - that it was the right one. So we make it. Maybe we have regrets about it later, but maybe we forgive ourselves about it because we have to in order to move on. Don't get land-locked and feeling like there is no way out. There is a way out, but it may mean it will not be easy. Nothing is ever just given to you...you have to earn it and that is why achieving any goal is so much sweeter when it was something you can look back and say, "I deserve that." So, people of planet Earth - I implore you to do something different today...expand your horizons...reach for something you think is just out of reach...ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!!!

All in!

Ok, so this saying came to me over the weekend and I have been meaning to share it with you, but when I would think of it, I didn't have access to the computer or was rushing out the door. This attitude of "All in!" is one I have embraced as another motto for life. I am not much of a gambler and was not watching any poker on tv this weekend, but this still came to me. This applies to us - to our lives - to everything we desire and we have to have faith when we are committed to say, "I'm all in." It means that I believe, 100%, without a doubt that whatever I have is the BEST thing out on the table. We believe this so strongly that we are willing to chance losing everything as we have no guarantee that what we have is the best. But we have to be willing to lay it all out there. If we don't, we will never know. Sometimes, the "chips" we have at our disposal changes, because we win some and we lose some. Sometimes, even when we think what we have what it takes, someone else has been dealt something better, but we have is still pretty good and the luck just didn't fall our way. The hardest part is waiting for everyone else to show us what they have after we have decided to go "all in". We are anxious and nervous and almost cannot breath as we anticipate our fate. It can feel like time literally stood still and we "hurry up and wait". Is there something in your life that you hesitate about...that you want to commit to all the way, but are afraid of possible outcomes? You have to let go...commit all the way, without ever going back or regret, and HAVE TO go ALL IN. I have played it safe my entire life, living in a glass bubble, being protected. Now, I have plans to put all of my fears (ok, most of them :-)) aside and finally, finally, live all in. It is so liberating to say and be free of those self-imposed chains that I was shackled with for so long. I teetered on the fence about letting Rocky in and realized that I was making myself have motion sickness because of my indecisiveness. I had to choose. It was either keep to the status quo or do something different. I chose the latter and told her that I was "all in" with her today. No going back...no regrets...no safety net. Not that she didn't already know it, but I said it out loud (so it is real). At lunch, another possibility came my way unexpectedly and we will see where that takes us. As much as my stomach was turning because of the excitement and nervousness, I calmed myself when I reminded that I was "All in!" Be willing to take chances and be willing to accept when things don't go as expected, because regardless of the best planning, something will find a way to challenge you and question what you are made of and what you believe. Every struggle you face is meant to teach you a lesson...what are you supposed to learn? Find your Moxie and Go All In!

Reflection

Happy Easter to those who celebrate this day. As I watch the sun come up to the east and I see shiny spots of glistening dew on the the blades of the grass in my front yard, I reflect on life. Today, we remember what sacrifices were made on our behalf and that gives us hope. Yesterday, Rocky and I spent another good day together. For a charitable cause, we walked 25 miles in about 6 hours. It was cold and windy at times, and then I remember when the sun came out...we lifted our heads as if we were drawn to the warmth on our faces and took it all in. We were "Team Moxie" and had three other members that went with us, but they were done at the 5-mile and 10-mile marks. But Rocky and I weren't going to quit - especially when we got to mile marker 22 (or so they told us!). We learned more about each other, sang along with our ipods, and saw some pretty interesting things. Even when we were dancing to a song we liked, we didn't even care who saw us...we are at that point in our lives. Pleasing others or doing what is expected is not what guides us now. We are taking care of us first and "those that matter don't mind." They are just along for the ride. We are living our dreams and pursuing them to the fullest, with no safety net below. We understand that we may fall, but we are going to change our lives, either way. Something that is passionately driven cannot be prevented from moving forward. As you reflect on what your life is like now and compare it where you want it to be, what changes are you willing to make to make it different? Have you been stuck in a rut or settling for something less than what you desire because that is easy or you are unsure of where to start? The hardest part is always finding the courage to ask the question...whichever one you want answered. You have to listen and be open to the answer, even if it is not the answer you think it will be. Your heart will tell you everything you will need to know and it will be constant. It will not change. It will create excitement when you talk about it, even when you don't realize it. Someone told me once that she could hear the passion in my voice as I shared an idea with her, and all I could hear were the words. She told me I needed to listen to the passion and moxie that was coming through to her over the phone. Reflection is "fixing your thoughts on something or careful consideration" and as you find peace today, think about where you are and where you want to be. Live your life to the fullest, with no regrets, and be happy. My favorite thing is to see the ones I love be happy and shine while they are doing their "thing". Take the chance to not only change your life, but the lives of those around you. You never know when what you do will change the lives of others. Trust me...I have seen it first hand and it is the greatest gift you can ever give someone. You will never regret that.

Practice what I Preach

I am at a crossroads, looking for signs on what to do next every where. If you see one, please let me know. I found myself in two different conversations over the last 24 hours that as I was processing my thoughts and giving input to others, I realized (sometimes in mid-sentence) exactly what I was saying to others, I needed to hear as well. My oldest son was sharing with me about someone he knew that appeared to him to always take the easy way out of difficult circumstances. I politely reminded our son that "our family does not quit something because it is difficult. We go through it BECAUSE it is difficult." Do you remember when I mentioned the speed bump that was in front of me on the road I am traveling? Well, that speed bump was tackled and yet a few more have appeared, and we will see what happens then. Then, my sister calls who is struggling with taking on a full time job after been without work since February of last year, but she also has been at home with her son since he was born in September. She can tell me every reason to take on the new responsibilities and her reason for not is she feels like she will be taking time away from her son. I get that. I was encouraging her to look at the bigger picture, not just what she could see now - wanting her to see things that are not even present yet. Last night, I was wondering if those two were signs about a potential decision that I may have to make and what steps do I need to take to make that decision, should it be necessary. Yesterday, I wrote, "It is more difficult to pursue our dreams than it is to give up on those that were never meant to be." We need to find the courage to follow those dreams, regardless of what they are or when they will happen. We have to believe in them in order for them to become reality. Giving advice is easy - taking it is another. I have wonderful friends who believe in my dream and are always supportive. Yesterday, one told me that this may not be happening the way I expected it to, but maybe those speed bumps are there for reasons also. I don't like the saying, "It is what it is" so I changed it to, "It is as it is meant to be." I guess it all comes down to me needing to practice. I am working on it. Get your MOXIE on!