Too much?

Have you ever wondered after you said something to someone if you said too much? Not that you would take anything back or that you said the wrong thing, but just too much? Sometimes, I think that after I have said something that is me...laying it all out there...no walls...and yet I question if it was too much. Is it too much when you tell someone what they mean to you? Is it too much when you are completely honest for the first time about something that has torn at you, little by little? Is it too much to give more than you would ever expect to receive? I have learned a valuable lesson this week. One that I did not expect to learn, but I was paying attention when I saw them grouped together. Several people responded in ways that told me that they love me. Sometimes, it was the smile I got when they saw me first thing in the morning. Other times, it was when they spent their lunch hours with me, listening intently as I share my dream and where the road is taking me. My favorite are the hugs I get when I give one to those that tell me they don't want to let go. The best...by far...the best is when they simply came out and said, "I love you". Some from people that never had said that to me before. But they did. And I did. We went there...where we had never gone before (no, no Star Trek theme here, but kinda sorta). And if I were to ask them if they regretted saying it, none would say "yes." Neither would I. I write. And I share like never before...this is a perfect example of this and I have NEVER regretted it. I have told people recently that they will learn more about me by reading my blog than they may have learned in years of actually knowing me. I was surpised today when a friend (ok, Rocky) told me that she reads this blog all the time. I do not know why that surprised me, but it did. And for some reason I still cannot explain even hours later, why I started to cry as we walked this morning. Then, later...it really hit me. So I sent her a text and told her EXACTLY what I was thinking and feeling at THAT VERY MOMENT. It couldn't wait. I wanted her to know that I was thinking about her. I am not ashamed by what I told her and even though it really didn't need to be said at that precise time, I needed to say it right then. Otherwise, the feeling would have subsided and it would have been lost. Sometimes, we worry about hearing what shouldn't be said instead of what should be said regardless of whether or not someone wants to hear it. The truth hurts sometimes, even if it is not meant to hurt. Would you rather do too much or not enough? So far, I have never had anyone tell me that me telling them what they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them life was too much. That they don't want to hear it. It can't ever be too much. It just can't. "Say what you need to say." I am saying this so everyone can read it, even though I told you this already today. Rocky - this journey would not be what it is had it not been for you. I am stronger and am more confident knowing you are right there beside me. Every day...I am more grateful for you than I was the day before. I love you. Rule 22. JS

Only One Way to Find Out

Have you been asking yourself some questions about how you can change your life...what you want your life to look like...what you need to do to get there? Well, YOU SHOULD BE!!! I am not talking to myself, am I? No, I did not think so. Who doesn't have questions?? Who knows all of the answers? Hopefully, the same number of hands went up both times. If your hand did not go up twice, you are not being honest with yourself. If you have questions, do you know the best way to find answers? Go get them! That's right! That is the only way you will find out. I am embarking on a new journey everyday and I learn more about people than I ever have before. I am vested and care about what makes them who they are and where they want to be. I am surprised at how many people are alot like me, the more I get to know them. We have been conditioned and learned from our past so we are "careful" now...not trusting completely, giving just enough to get by, hoping no one will notice. Is this you? More hands? "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." If you love and lose, then you learn something. If you never love, then you also learn something. But the difference is that if you never love, you don't receive the joy, don't have the memories, don't have anything about what could've had. You have nothing if you take a chance at nothing. You cannot lose what you do not put in harm's way. You have to be willing to lay it all out there...because there is only one way to find out....

I give up

No, no, no...not what you are thinking. Yesterday, I really, FINALLY, let go of something that I think I still didn't believe. I was wasting time and energy on trying to accomplish something that I really was not going to succeed at anyway. I told a dear mom Saturday night at what I kept trying to do, but she was very grateful that I had not succeeded. Everyone knows how much I love a challenge, but she also knew what I was up against. Her heart was in it for the long hall, too, as she gave me another hug. Monday, another comment comes my way that takes me by surprise and reassurances abound where doubt and self-sabotage had taken over. Yesterday, I gave up trying to fight against something I didn't want anyway. I know, I know...I tell you to never give up. But this is a good surrender. Once I did, my day just went awesome. I took care of some ideas that I am trying to move forward so that they become reality and do not continue to live in my head. What are you holding on to that you need to give up? Something that does more damage than good? Someone that is more harmful and helpful? Take a good look around - I am sure you can find something or someone that you need to give up. Do not get me wrong - do the good fight for the good things, but do not be willing to surrender what you love because it is easy. I am done questioning and believe what is in front of me. No prejudging, no shaking my head in disbelief. Accept and surrender to what is there in front of me, right now. Give it my everything, "all in", and let me be me. I give up. Now, I have one less thing to worry about and put my energy into so that I can really focus on what needs to be done...what drives me in a way I never thought anything ever would. Get rid of things in your life (thoughts, people, tasks) that weigh you down. They get heavy and you need to devote more time into those things that boost you up. There is never a shortage of anchors lying around, but people certainly get excited when they see a hot air balloon, don't they? Be a hot air balloon today. People will notice...just watch. SOAR!!!!!

All in!

Ok, so this saying came to me over the weekend and I have been meaning to share it with you, but when I would think of it, I didn't have access to the computer or was rushing out the door. This attitude of "All in!" is one I have embraced as another motto for life. I am not much of a gambler and was not watching any poker on tv this weekend, but this still came to me. This applies to us - to our lives - to everything we desire and we have to have faith when we are committed to say, "I'm all in." It means that I believe, 100%, without a doubt that whatever I have is the BEST thing out on the table. We believe this so strongly that we are willing to chance losing everything as we have no guarantee that what we have is the best. But we have to be willing to lay it all out there. If we don't, we will never know. Sometimes, the "chips" we have at our disposal changes, because we win some and we lose some. Sometimes, even when we think what we have what it takes, someone else has been dealt something better, but we have is still pretty good and the luck just didn't fall our way. The hardest part is waiting for everyone else to show us what they have after we have decided to go "all in". We are anxious and nervous and almost cannot breath as we anticipate our fate. It can feel like time literally stood still and we "hurry up and wait". Is there something in your life that you hesitate about...that you want to commit to all the way, but are afraid of possible outcomes? You have to let go...commit all the way, without ever going back or regret, and HAVE TO go ALL IN. I have played it safe my entire life, living in a glass bubble, being protected. Now, I have plans to put all of my fears (ok, most of them :-)) aside and finally, finally, live all in. It is so liberating to say and be free of those self-imposed chains that I was shackled with for so long. I teetered on the fence about letting Rocky in and realized that I was making myself have motion sickness because of my indecisiveness. I had to choose. It was either keep to the status quo or do something different. I chose the latter and told her that I was "all in" with her today. No going back...no regrets...no safety net. Not that she didn't already know it, but I said it out loud (so it is real). At lunch, another possibility came my way unexpectedly and we will see where that takes us. As much as my stomach was turning because of the excitement and nervousness, I calmed myself when I reminded that I was "All in!" Be willing to take chances and be willing to accept when things don't go as expected, because regardless of the best planning, something will find a way to challenge you and question what you are made of and what you believe. Every struggle you face is meant to teach you a lesson...what are you supposed to learn? Find your Moxie and Go All In!