Reflection

Happy Easter to those who celebrate this day. As I watch the sun come up to the east and I see shiny spots of glistening dew on the the blades of the grass in my front yard, I reflect on life. Today, we remember what sacrifices were made on our behalf and that gives us hope. Yesterday, Rocky and I spent another good day together. For a charitable cause, we walked 25 miles in about 6 hours. It was cold and windy at times, and then I remember when the sun came out...we lifted our heads as if we were drawn to the warmth on our faces and took it all in. We were "Team Moxie" and had three other members that went with us, but they were done at the 5-mile and 10-mile marks. But Rocky and I weren't going to quit - especially when we got to mile marker 22 (or so they told us!). We learned more about each other, sang along with our ipods, and saw some pretty interesting things. Even when we were dancing to a song we liked, we didn't even care who saw us...we are at that point in our lives. Pleasing others or doing what is expected is not what guides us now. We are taking care of us first and "those that matter don't mind." They are just along for the ride. We are living our dreams and pursuing them to the fullest, with no safety net below. We understand that we may fall, but we are going to change our lives, either way. Something that is passionately driven cannot be prevented from moving forward. As you reflect on what your life is like now and compare it where you want it to be, what changes are you willing to make to make it different? Have you been stuck in a rut or settling for something less than what you desire because that is easy or you are unsure of where to start? The hardest part is always finding the courage to ask the question...whichever one you want answered. You have to listen and be open to the answer, even if it is not the answer you think it will be. Your heart will tell you everything you will need to know and it will be constant. It will not change. It will create excitement when you talk about it, even when you don't realize it. Someone told me once that she could hear the passion in my voice as I shared an idea with her, and all I could hear were the words. She told me I needed to listen to the passion and moxie that was coming through to her over the phone. Reflection is "fixing your thoughts on something or careful consideration" and as you find peace today, think about where you are and where you want to be. Live your life to the fullest, with no regrets, and be happy. My favorite thing is to see the ones I love be happy and shine while they are doing their "thing". Take the chance to not only change your life, but the lives of those around you. You never know when what you do will change the lives of others. Trust me...I have seen it first hand and it is the greatest gift you can ever give someone. You will never regret that.

Life changes!

In one day, I think my life has dramatically changed in a matter of a couple of hours. This morning,I went for a run with Rock...we are starting to get back into our regular routine. It was great weather and I cannot wait until temperatures are more consistent where I don't need two pairs of gloves, long johns, a stocking cap, and a heavy jacket. She asked me if I felt any different about my life since taking some chances in the last two weeks. I told her, "No" because essentially my life is the same as it was before I took those chances. Nothing had changed. She told me that she thought I was different than I was two weeks ago - I asked her to explain. She told me that she doesn't hear the doubt and questions that I had before. She is right...I don't have them. Have you ever felt like you are on a wave in the ocean, but you don't worry about getting sucked under the water and fear of drowning; you don't think about how long you will be riding the wave; and you don't think about what others will think of you if you fall off the wave??? That is where I am. Today, I had a lunch with an aquaintance that I met through work, but we have never really sat and visited with each other before. I had mentioned to her previously in an email that I wanted to share my vision with her and what kind of impact I thought it could make on our community. Within 5 minutes of hearing my idea, she told me that she wanted me to be on her team to help her with something that she is doing. We agree that we can pull our resources and make it better. It was so exciting!! Last week, I had also reached out to another source that could help with a similar vision with a different audience and I received some very complimentary words today. I have some tweaking to do on some things, but we will get together in May to go over everything in greater detail. The crazy thing is the implementation for both will take place probably this fall. Maybe instead of saying I am on a wave, maybe it would be more appropriate to say I am in a whirlwind right now. It is so hard to explain this to people who are not there, but I can see it in those that are there. I can see the way their eyes light up and they get excited hearing me talk and share like there is no tomorrow. Momentum is an amazing force that will carry us where we want to go. I just never thought it would be here, but I am going to love this ride!

I GET IT!!! DON'T YOU?

Oh my gosh!!!! Have you ever just been sitting down, doing whatever, and then felt like something just whopped you upside the head?!? I totally could not stop smiling all day. I send an email to Rocky and just tell her, "I get it!" She replies that she is curious, but I tell her she has to wait...I have to tell her in person. I cannot wait to tell her - I know I can hear the excitement in my voice already and I haven't said a word. Let me back up and really set this up right, so you get the full picture. A couple of weeks ago, I was visiting Rocky in "her office" and she is helping me with some computer stuff so I can take the next step. I begin to tell her how much I doubt (remember - I really, really dislike that word) on what kind of changes I can make in other people's lives and what I am doing there, etc. It all comes out and she says that she believes in me and that I need to move forward. Over the weekend, I send her an email that includes the hesitation of my ability to help others change their lives and that fear is not what seems to be the problem anymore. I actually admit that although I cannot change others lives, I can change mine. Once I admitted that, the doubt disappeared. Ultimately, the choice to change your life is yours alone, although outside influences may lead you to choose that. Even though I have taken chances and new steps that may lead me into a new direction, essentially nothing in my life has changed yet. When we feel inspired, it is mostly as a result of something we saw, read about, or heard. It has been mentioned to me by several people that I can inspire others. But that choice of free will is still their choice. They have to allow that inspiration to get to their soul, before they will make any changes. I realized today that I had the wrong attitude. First and foremost, I must be inspired and motivated to change MY LIFE. Then, and only then, will that change inspire others to do the same. I have heard it over and over at the office since I have lost weight. "What have you done to lose weight?" "Tell me how you did it!" "If you can do it, so can I." I was carrying doubt that wasn't mine to carry. The only doubt that I need to carry is whether or not I have the ability to change my life, and I know I can. I proved it to myself when I took my less than perfect childhood and still believed in wanting more for my husband and children. I proved it by doing it my way, even though it was hard and frustrating. I proved it when I ran my way to be 35 pounds lighter than I was a year ago. I have a sentence in my Life Statement that says, "I have control over how I choose to live my life." We all do, but do we really choose? Or do we just let it happen? You can choose. It was so hard to keep this to myself today...finding little moments to chuckle about how easy a revelation I had just found. Take a deep breath...do you get it yet? You can - it is possible!!

One step back, then two steps forward

Ok, maybe it was really two steps back then two steps forward, and that would put me back at the same place I was to begin with. I forget if I have ever mentioned how much I dislike the elliptical. There... I have said it...moving on. Tuesday morning, I get up to use the dreaded machine, and maybe I was not feeling well, but normally the programmed workout takes me up to level 8, but I was not in the mood for it. Every time it changed the level to something higher than 5, I reduced it. I don't know why, but I just told myself, I am not in the mood to work that hard this early in the morning. Yesterday, I didn't even get on the thing. In the past, I have pushed myself to work hard during the week and then take a day off closer to the weekend. This was Wednesday and then I rebeled even more by buying myself two donuts for breakfast ( I only ate 1 1/2) and felt no sense of guilt. This morning, I got up and did my workout without any complaining and it was better. Sometimes, I forget to cut myself some slack and just stop pushing so hard. I know I have done that most of my life and am learning how to forgive myself. Maybe it was the extra hour of sleep, maybe it was all of the sugar in the donuts, maybe it was none of it. I had to allow myself to be "less than par" (for you golfers) and we all have days where going back actually helps propel us forward. Do you have days like that? If you do, and I know you do, are you aware of them and recognize them for what they are? I hope this day brings everything you need to move ahead in your journey of life, but also be accepting that on that road sometimes, we have to take time to see what is around us, reminisce about treasured memories, and only then can we move ahead. Flowers still find ways to grow in the winter - it is done underneath the ground, just waiting for the right time to bloom! Have a blessed day.