Right vs. Wrong

How many times does this dilema cross your path in any given day? I am talking about a certain thing, however. Have you ever felt like you made the right decision for the wrong reasons or made the wrong decision for the right reasons? For whatever reason, this thought came to me at 2:45am and then I could not get back to sleep. A couple of weeks ago, I decided something for the right reason. It made sense to me on one hand and not on another. But I had to decide. I was not prepared to not make a decision, because playing on the teeter-totter was not helping me. So I decided to be true to me and try to put myself first because not doing so was more painful. Even the person I shared this decision with did not understand why I needed to make it, but yet she understood. In part, I did not want to have to choose, but I did not think there was another way. Yesterday, I realized that I had made the wrong decision, but the reasons still made sense to me. I hate it when things come back to bite you in the ___. I am not a selfish person and constantly give to others as that truly makes me happy. When I give to others, I cannot think of myself. As I type this, I realized another thing...in making my decision, I was running. Because running was easy. I had removed myself from a situation that was painful for me to stay in, so my choice was to run. I had an out...it was given to me...and I chose to take it. Then, yesterday I was reminded of something else that helped me choose something else. So here I am backl at square one. But not really because I have already learned from making the wrong decision for the right reasons. There are times when the decisions we make cannot be explained (so they might look wrong), but we know they are right in our hearts. I have to apologize, even though it may not be needed or expected, for making the wrong decision and hope forgiveness will follow. Whenever this happens to us, make the amends that need to be done to make it better. I did not realize how ready I was to leave it all behind me, knowing it would not be something anyone wanted, but because it was easy. It is much more difficult to fight for something you want, even if you are not sure how it will work out. Today, I will make the right decision for the right reasons. I know it will be hard and I am not willing to give up.

Faith and Love

I have not been feeling these two lately, but today they came with Trust and Acceptance. It is hard to admit when things are not as we would wish them to be, but nothing can really change the situation. I was reminded of this when my youngest son was frustrated last week because he was told by the doctor that he was still going to have to be on his crutch for 6 more weeks. Our son seems to think that since he is better now that the quoted 6-9 month recovery was a mistake because it has only been not even 2 months since his injury. Therefore, I told him to change his attitude because the situation wasn't going to change, but reminded him that his attitude needed to change. UGH! I hate it when words I say to others come back to haunt me. I have been fighting change and feeling selfish about how to handle it. Today, I found faith and felt love in the same situation. I continue to reach, but get frustrated when the street seems very one-sided. I get that too, but it doesn't make it easy. But faith is strong and deep. Love doesn't run and love doesn't hide. Faith is believing in something you cannot hold, something you cannot see, and something you cannot want. Faith is found in the deepest part of your soul that it is something you trust. Above all else, you almost succomb to it. Then, after all of that, you feel the love. You remember moments that take you back to the "Greatest Day" and keep those close because that is all you have. You are blanketed with the warmth of the hug last given, with the joy of the smile last received, with the anticipation on the next such hugs and smiles. Even in the silence and absence, you begin to accept and trust the new reality that is before you. Because there is no other choice but to run. And running is easy.

Have courage

Find it deep within you, to do something or say something that is difficult...even if it is just difficult for you. If it is something you don't normally do, like sing in front of family for a game you are playing. Yes, I did that this weekend and even though it was scary (I mean, my youngest son who does show choir in front of hundreds of people couldn't do it), I tried to not let my fears control the moment and just enjoy it. Being brave doesn't have to be something huge. It can mean reaching to someone that you have lost contact with for a while. It can mean saying something that is difficult for you, because it has been that way your entire life. Don't let excuses and "because I have always done it that way" rule what you don't do. You just give yourself an out because it is easier. You justify to yourself that you are willing to accept what you currently have because doing something different might mean you have to do something different. I had so many walls up before and I know there are family members that read this from time to time. I also know that they see more of me, or at least get an small inkling of the thoughts in my head. Start something new today that you really want to do or at least try. Sometimes, situations can make sense to us logically, but emotionally they don't. More often than anything, the emotion sides don't make sense because it is not something we want. Reasons are understandable and feelings are not. I understand why Rocky doesn't come anymore to run, but I wish she did. What scares you? Calling an old friend that maybe you wronged in some way? Trying something new that no one would understand why you want to do it? Asking someone for help? Telling someone you love that you need them in your life? Be brave today. Even if you don't know how it will turn out, don't live with the regret of doing nothing. If you want something different, do something differnt. A swimming pool will still be a swimming pool, even if you don't maintain it. Don't let fear win over doing what your hear tells you to do. Put logic aside for a moment...get off the easy road...and listen. With the adrenalin flowing and the sound of your heart pounding, have courage today. Conquering Obstacles Under Remarkable And Gutsy Environments.

When people don't see it

It really isn't that hard. It is quite simple. Maybe that is why I don't get why people don't see it. The "it" I am referring to is different things on different days. Maybe "it" is when people say one thing and do another. Sometimes it is when saying the right thing is not meant to hurt. Being kind is not hard nor does it require a lot of thought or work. We usually overlook the person doing the right thing because we notice first the person not doing the right thing. And that person doesn't see it. I put others before myself and am extremely embarrased if someone notices it. I do it for them...not for recognition. I was gone most of the weekend attending a family wedding out of town and then, I noticed something that had been left behind. Something that made me smile. Something that may never be erased from the surface (but may accidently be erased), is now imprinted forever in my memory. Little things like that can really affect people. But, people don't see it. They don't get it. I know I am more real than I probably have been because I am done playing the game. I am done hanging out with people that don't have the same mindset as me. Not that they have to agree with everything I say or think, but I realize I am leaning more towards the people that have those same thoughts. When people don't see it, there usually is an excuse close by to explain why. The real reason and the only reason is because it is easier not to care...easier to take care of me...easy. This world is far from it. It throws all kinds of pitches at you and you have to be ready. And even if you are not, you will be in a short amount of time. Are you one of the ones that sees it or not? If you don't see it, do you want to? You can see it, but you have to not choose easy and LOOK. Really LOOK. It is there. Even when you think it isn't. And once you see it, you will feel it.

Making my day

As you may have previously read, one of my favorite things to do is to surprise people. I love to see their face and the smile that is usually on it. A couple of weeks ago, I was the one with the smile as someone surpised me by just stopping by my office for a quick visit. TK and I have known each other for a few years now, and every time he comes to see me, I am always grateful he did. In fact, he tells me that he told his mom that he was not leaving the area until he saw me. Isn't that sweet? I was on cloud nine the rest of the day. It did not matter what happened the rest of the day, because I could look back and smile at the nice, kind gesture of just being there tells me. Most of the time, it is me. Remembering a birthday with sending a card in the mail - I love to surprise people that way. Sometimes cards have money in them, too. Remember that, Rock? It is easy to do little things, but they make such an impact and last longer than it took you to fo that little thing. Those little things...those simple tasks that get overlooked and we get too busy for...minor details that we think no one will notice...make the world better. Make the people in the world want to be better. It makes our days better and I am grateful every time. Thanks, TK. You make my day every time I see you.

Invoking Change

You have been called this morning to invoke change in your life. Yes, I am talking to you. Don't turn around thinking I am talking to someone else. I mean YOU!! Here is where it begins...your new life. Today. Quit stalling and taking the easy road out. That gets you no where...and you deserve more than no where. Don't you? Yes, you do. I deserve more than no where. I would love to hear if anyone of you has made changes in their lives since reading this...even if I don't, I will still post. I will still reach out and encourage you to INVOKE CHANGE. Instead of believing that you have no control over your life and what is in front of you right now, you can feel powerful (no powerless) about what the day brings to you. You will be ready for it. Even through storms and someone else's chaos, you will hold stern and be ready for what comes next. I was visiting with one of my son's yesterday and he was frustrated and strives for perfection - every time. But only in sports. In every other aspect of his life (college, school, etc), he cuts himself a break. But not when he is pitching or golfing. I told him to show where someone won all of the PGA tournaments in one year or struck everyone out. It just doesn't happen. No one hits a home run every time they are at bat...no one sinks a shot every time the basketball leaves their hand. Control what you can. Change what you can. YOU can change your attitude and your effort. You have to believe it. Once your mind is in the right place, you can accomplish anything. Maybe not on the first try...maybe not like you thought it would look like...maybe not tomorrow. You have so many things to look forward to and why are you not looking forward to them? Because you are afraid and because it is easier to do nothing. And then they wonder why their life doesn't change...and they do not realize that they control that. What do you want out of your today and the time that you have been given? Do you want to stay stuck and be somewhere different? Change is difficult and makes us crazy at times and brings fear to the surface like never before. But what if?