Love is...

Love is deep... Love is forgiveness... Love is holding on... Love is being there... Love is not keeping score... Love is honest... Love is saying what you need to say... Love is no regrets... Love is letting go of the past... Love is a smile... Love is faith... Love is acceptance... Love is trust... Love is a hug... Love is A & E... Love is difficult... Love is giving... Love is apologizing... Love is patient... Love is listening... Love is getting through... Love is strong... Love is life... Love is a CHOICE.

Holding back

It was shared recently that I used to hold back when something upset me, but now I share my true feelings. Sometimes those true feelings get me into trouble but at least I am being honest and say what I need to say when I need to say it. But, I also want to hold back when I realize or believe that I am wearing too much on my sleeve for all to see. I want to do that right now...I want to hold back. I have given people all that I am and all that I have and it's still not enough. They hold back and I don't feel like I get all of them. The walls go up. I am torn with following through with a promise I made to holding back and retreating until it means more to them. I am not running...this is different. This is a break where I need to really find out what I am made of and where I stand. I could not sleep most of the night as I was perplexed about what to do next. I still don't have an answer. Part of me wants to step away and let things ride out. The other part feels like I need to stay true to what I said I would do. If I do that, then I would be faking my way through it because I would want to say more. We all hold back and try to tackle the world on our own, but we need each other and it makes tackling the world something that is much more manageable. The world doesn't seem so big and heavy then. Holding back creates walls and walls create separation. Separation creates distance and distance creates empty space. I do not want empty space. Please, don't hold back. A&E. Always here.

You were born for this

Maybe you are not sure what you are supposed to do with this life you have been given? So, what do you do? You wander. You wait for something or someone to give you some directions, but then reality sets in. You think it will never come. It is different to be searching for something than it is to not be looking. There are a lot of people out there who are not looking. Then, there are those of us that wonder...and are tired of wandering. Then, it comes to you. And does it come. It will hit you like a Mack truck. As you get up, stunned from what just happened, your next step is trying to process it all. After you question it all and cannot even find the words to explain it to others, you are left with one conclusion. You were born for this. This is what you must do. It calls to you in the middle of the night and compels you to do things you never even thought about doing. You tell people exactly what you are feeling, and you go way outside your comfort level that you almost think you are going to throw up. Yes, I went there because we have all wanted to do that, right? Truth of the matter is, you were born for a reason. We have to figure out what that reason is and it is closer than you think. Listen... do you hear it? It screams so loud that its whisper faintly beckons you to pay attention. Are you paying attention? You should.

Feed your soul

How many times do we forget or neglect to do that? I do. I get caught up in the daily grind of work, my family, responsibilities, and laundry. Yes, laundry. Then, I run out of energy and get lethargic. I need to be rejuvenated and then I am ready to take on the world. Kitty - A little Fun Dip on Fun Dip Wednesday, doesn't hurt either? Did you have your Fun Dip today? I did. My heart is thirsty for giving and my soul is hungry for giving it my all. I need to take care of those needs so that I can be better tomorrow. Another milestone recently with my willingness and accepting of people and how they treat me, care about me, and love me. Living with no regrets hasn't been easy, but I am beginning to realize that in order for me to live my "true" life, I cannot have any regrets. I have said what is in my heart, even when I was afraid beyond everything I trusted, when I wanted to say it. Without the fear on how it would be received and what could or could not be said in return. Every time, I am true to me, I feed my soul. When I put the walls down and stay, regardless of what the unknown may show me, I feed my soul. My thirst for being more than I was even a minute ago is quenched by knowing that I matter so much to someone that the mere fact of my being born brought tears to someone. My soul is fed when I visit with kids and women and encourage them with carefully chosen words that literally put me into a sense of what I was meant to be. In basic circumstances, I take the chance to remind others that just because that something is the way it is, that it doesn't mean that it should be that way. Games that are played are smoke screens for people that are afraid to really be who they are, so they continue to take part. Your soul is a part of you, just like everything else. You must care for it genuinely and repeatedly. If you do not, it will lose its value and will shrink and lose its purpose. The ache you feel when you ignore the pleas from your soul can haunt you forever. It never goes away and then you have to live with regrets. Who wants to live that way? Especially as you near the end of your life, provided you have time to look back on it? Since we should not ever take things for granted, live your life NOW. Feeding your soul costs you no money, but must be replenished from time to time. You have to want something different and do what it takes to get there. The rollercoaster of life that we are all on is awesome....but you have to get on the ride and everyone has a ticket. Feed your soul. You may feel like you are going to be sick, but that is just fear talking. "Excitement is overriding the fear" and you will never have any regrets because you can say you did it. Feed your soul. It will make all of the difference in the world...I promise you that.

The confirmation continues...

Oh My Golly!!! (OMG!!!) Where to begin?? Today was a spectacular day. An even though little things from a variety of people happened and made their presence known, I treasured each one. Of course, it started with my morning ritual with Rock. Once she called these "meetings" and they seem to become more of those recently as we discuss what happened in the previous 24 hours and what will occur in the next 24 hours. It just makes me smile. Then, I received a facebook message from someone and all she said was, "love ya, girlfriend". Now, that may not seem significant to you, but considering I have known her for a short time and we have become friends since March is a great thing. We just connected, even though in the past our paths only crossed because of work situations. Now they are about to collide, but in a very big, exciting way. Next, a young man called me to tell me that he had completed the program he was working on and promised me that he would stay in touch. I see the promise he has for his future. At lunch, I had a WONDERFUL time with SM...she believes in me and my passion and we have become good friends as we let walls down and each other in. Love it! A young man came to my office - just to visit. Not because he needed to but he chose to. I asked him if he ever thought he would be here and he said, "No." I asked him what I said that made him come back - he said, "you told me that the choice is mine." One of my favorite quotes is, "You will never change your life until you change your choices." He knows that he has potential and can see it. Finally, I gave out fun dip to co-workers...after all, it is FUN DIP WEDNESDAY. Now, you are probably scratching your head, really thinking I am crazy. The purpose of Fun Dip Wednesday is to remind us to have fun...do something unexpected...smile when you think you shouldn't. All of this tells me I am on the right track. I told someone today that I could not find my back to who I was even if I wanted to. I don't, but couldn't. I would feel more lost trying to live the life I used to live than living a life I have never lived. How ironic is that? The unknown seems more exciting to me than what I have already experienced. Not sure that this has homework for you from here...but every post is done with a reason in mind. Today's might be to just share with you that I am getting confirmation that what I am doing is right. That it has people talking. That we are not alone in our thoughts. That my willingness to bare all (ok, not all - LOL) and connect with you allows you the freedom to do the same. BELIEVE!!

Never Rule ANYTHING out

Have you done this? Who hasn't? Where you dismiss possibilities before they really have a chance to grow into something that is living and breathing and becomes engraved so deep that it could never wash away? Keep yourself open to anything the comes your way. My focus for almost a year has been on teenagers - mostly because of what I see that they need. They need someone to believe in them, to tell them that they can have any future they want. They are going to have to work hard to get it, but it can be theirs if they want. I see struggles and lack of motivation and giving up every day and it makes me so sad. I want to help. Do I have all of the answers? No. No one does. I know what it looks like to feel empowered and stronger than ever before when you just hear the words, "I believe in you." Those words can be life changing and can motivate people like they never thought possible. Lately, without warning or a lot of thinking, my most recent attention has been on women and helping them find their "what". More to come on that later. I guess the point of this little note is that even though I was preoccupied with another goal, I have been presented with something that seems to welcomed and appreciated. The women I talk to feel like they are alone so they don't say anything to anyone. Guess what? We all are there - in that same exact moment and here is where we start to dazzle and show the world what we can do. I cannot rule anything out even though inside I am thinking, "Are you serious? Do I really need another thing to do right now? Really? Really?" Those of you that know me personally can probably hear my voice saying these exact words. However, my arms are receiving this and my heart is open wide. There are so many promises yet to be fullfilled that I can't even imagine any of them. I can, but I am not going there. I am "going with the flow" and "embracing the journey". Do not close the door on anything that presents itself to you - even if it is going to be difficult...even if it is not what you expected...especially if you think you can't. Anything is possible and you're possible. I'm possible. You have to try. Trying will lead you to doing and there in lies your success and the realization that your life can be different and better and what you always wanted. Anything and everything means more than you think it does, especially to me.

Snap out of it!

There are days when I forget why I am here and lose track of my mission. Most of the time, they are not consecutive days, but more like hours or minutes. Maybe they just feel like days as I have gotten off track and I stumble a little before I can right myself. I allowed myself to fall into old ways and was reminded of where I am and that it is not where I need to be. In so many words and actions, I wouldn't surrender to what was in front of me at that very moment. I kept resisting, really believing that was I saw and felt had to be a lie. It just had to be, right? But what if I am wrong? What if what is in front of me, at this very moment, is genuine and true? The only reason not to believe that is because it is new. Nothing I have ever seen has shown me anything different. The unknown doesn't always frighten me as much as my past can and I question and look for something that has no bearing on what the present shows me. I have to keep finding the courage and the strength, because it is difficult and going to be worth it. It has to be. I have to believe that and trust. There are so many things going on in my head right now, that I am sure that anyone around me must feel like they are on a roller coaster. Maybe they are holding onto the handrail for dear life because it makes them feel safe. I know what that is like. Or maybe they just put their hands up in the air and feel the wind and take it all - the excitement, the dips, the loops, and the climb because that is me. I have always believed that there are two things we can control = attitude and effort. I chose to have a negative attitude and therefore my effort was minimal. As much as I have to not resign to settle for the life before me and continue to look for better and more, some days are more of a struggle than others. We cannot be "chipper" all the time. Those that are closest to us will see the real us - even when we try to hide it. Or so I have been told. Are you in a rut? Are you stuck? SNAP OUT OF IT! In the movie, "Moonstruck" with Cher and Nicholas Cage, Nicholas' character tells Cher's character that he loves her. Her response? She slaps him across the face and says, "Snap out of it!" I needed that today. Although I did not get the slap, I got the message just the same. Don't question...the choice is not mine to make...AaE...CLEAR.

Anything and Everything

I used to call this The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, but I like this better. It was used in a message today to me from someone as I have struggled over the last couple of days with wanting to run. It has also been mentioned to me that, "Running is easy...staying is hard." Afraid of the unknown not even yet before me and guessing at what my future may hold, set me back on my heels and put me out of sync in many ways. It was noticed and I was not even sure where it even came from. Part of me still believed it to be untrue - that everything I wanted something to be would not be something I could have. It was a fluke - a mistake - a boo-boo. It is something that I have to believe I can have, should have, deserve to have. I have to not give in to the easy choice, but put that faith in someone else and let them choose, even if I have been promised what that choice would be should the time come. If we ever cross that bridge, I was reminded that she would always be here. ALWAYS HERE. When you make a promise to someone that you will be there through anything and everything, what does that say about you? Of course, if the tables were turned, I would be there for her through anything and everything. In fact, I would be hurt if I was not included in that and I would expect to be in the middle of it all. Not really sure what she needed, but would be there - ALWAYS THERE. The devotion and committment to something that you are not wavering, not ever giving up, always present especially when something is difficult will make you go places you never imagined. It will make you search for the will to do all that you can to hold onto what you treasure most. Your grasp may loosen, but you will never be able to actually let go. You can't. You have become a living part of someone else and that memory will never fade - despite time or distance. You have to have faith...you have to believe...you have to know...you have to take chances...you have to love...you have to let go...you have to live. When you are willing to give it your everything regardless of anything that comes up, then nothing can stop you.