Simple things that mean the most

I love giving to others. It is one of those things that I do best. And my favorite way is to give without others knowing it was me, even though I know. I was smiling the other day when I was remembering leaving enough money at the coffee place for the next person to get their coffee that day for free. Last night, I was the recipient of such a simple and kind gesture. It still has me shaking my head wondering, "Why would someone do that for me?" Even though the action was not made by a complete stranger, those things don't happen to me and I question their meaning when I shouldn't. Sometimes it scares me and I want to run. Once I fight through all of the questions and actually let my head stop for a second, my heart gets a turn to let me see her side to everything. As I stop to breathe and let me guard down, that is when it hits me. Like a sack of bricks falling from a 3-story building, right upside my temple. That's when I fall...when I put down the walls and let it happen because it should and I accept that someone cares THAT much to take a few hours out of her day to help me. The question, "Would you do it for me?" when asked of me always gets a loud "YES." The admission that comes next sometimes is hard to swallow, but I know I have to let it come to me. I am better at giving than receiving. Always have been. I do not do the receiving of anything very well. Never have. Even though it doesn't happen like that for me. Even when I might regret saying too much right now. Even if moments from my past sometimes creep into my today. I am reminded of telling kids that when we give of ourselves without any expectations, we actually do get something in return. I also say that doing the smallest things that we might take for granted might just mean the world to someone else. The smallest, tiniest little things - words and actions - most of the time can mean the most. The choice is not mine to make and I have to let that choice be made. Even if I don't like it, but especially because someone wants to give to me. It is still processing right now. I have to find the the courage to let someone love me, but it is hard. But with the smallest of things, please know that it simply meant the world to me. Still does. Always will. Thank you.

So simple...

Wow....I am not even so sure my hands can type as fast as my mind is going right now. If you could see me, I would be holding my hands up high above my head (like what you do on a rollercoaster) right now. Rocky and I do that all the time, regardless of where we are. So, if you see women talking and their hands are held high, chances are, it is us. A chance run in with great long-time friends today (JB & SB - love you guys!) literally has me reeling. Here is the funny part - just last night JB and SB were thinking of getting in touch with me about finding out more information about an organization at our boys' school. Then, we start talking about the blog and the group that I am starting in September for women. And before I know it, I am "doing my thing" (that is what Rocky calls it). And at some point, with something that I said, I look over at JB - and he has tears. Maybe he doesn't know if I notice, but, JB, I did. Oh my gosh....long story short is that I am not even hardly out of the parking lot and I have to call Rocky. HAVE to call. And I start to just ramble at about 400 miles an hour and then she tells me to slow down and start at the beginning. That is so hard to do!!! Anyway, I get her caught up. People have told me that I have impacted them, but sometimes I don't always believe it. Not because I dismiss what I do or say, but this time it is so big that it brought someone to tears. And it was a guy, too!! Oh, my gosh again! I really do not remember what specifically what I was saying that made him feel that kind of emotion and bring it to the surface. Rocky has told me many times that something I said or did resonates with people, even if I don't know it. Even if I never know it. But watching a simple tear drop make its trail down his beautiful face made it so simple. It became proof that my words triggered a connection that I will always remember. And one that he will always remember. Thanks, JB. Simple words I say are not always so simple when they cause a ripple to grow within you. When they stir up sparks that become ignited to be a fire that will not be extinguished. I cannot extinguish this flame. You never know when something you said will make a difference in someone else's life. But, it can be so simple if we take the time to invest in each other. Don't over think it...it is so simple.

Unbelievable

Today was like any other day, but things I did not expect happened. One of my co-workers told me today that she reads this everyday. Every day. I started to tell her something, but she already knew because I had added it to my blog. She made my day. I ran into another woman that I usually only work with a couple months a year as I was running an errand on my lunch hour. We visited a little and I again had no issues sharing with her about my weight loss (she noticed) and the life changes I have made as well. I think it surprised her, but also she wanted the blog information and seemed very grateful that I shared it with her. I titled this post as "unbelievable" mostly because everything I write and share with you is personal, vulnerable, and for my benefit as I travel this road of life. Sometimes, I will stop and think that this is not all about me. Since I have "readers" looking for new inspiration and hope, I pray that you feel the courage to try something new and appreciate your journey as well. Although I do not have preconceived goals about what this sharing will do for me, I hope you find comfort and humor in the way that I share my struggles, my excitement, and passion for this new found life. Maybe you find some similarities that you can associate with and realize that we have more in common than we think. I also saw another friend who I have missed (we will need to have lunch soon) and feel so free. This year, I have let go of so many fears and some were pretty deep. Some that I didn't know I had hidden for so long or so deep that when they came to the surface it was something I had never experienced before. Like when you take time to really concentrate and take a deep breath. That release, that sense of relief is so awesome. It is truly unbelievable.