Being frightened is a good thing

I know we might not think so, but I think this is true. I mean, when we are a little on edge and nervous, we are paying very close attention to what is going on around us. Not having all of the answers and being in a new place take us where we have never been before. If we are always in the status quo, then we never do anything new, never feel anything new, never learn anything new, etc. We don't have all of the answers, and not knowing what is just around that bend that is waiting for us is a great thing. We should be ok with the rollercoaster ride we are on and put our hands up as we travel the track of life. Just like the ride, there are parts where we anticipate the long upward climb, as we hear the gears on the track inching us closer to the top. Then we travel downwards, at speeds we are sure we are not meant to travel, with twists and turns, and minor bumps, and everything else it will throw our way. But during that time, we might be afraid and scream (some of us more than others), we might laugh, we might smile. But, all in all, we love it. We are no longer afraid and don't have regrets about letting our fear win, but relish in the fact that we had a great time. I remember when we went to Cancun last year and we were ziplining and rappeling through the jungle and how my family seemed timid when traveling down the cable about 8 stories above the ground. They were cautiously waiting to grab the cable, and then there is me.

Loving every minute of it, perhaps a little afraid, but really opening myself to enjoying what I was doing. This is what life is about. Really living it. I still find it so amazing when I finally started living my life, instead of being afraid of life. I had done that for so long and I refuse to do it again. Be frightened...it just may be the most fun, bestest time, you have ever had. And because of that you will treasure those memories and you will have no regrets.

My best laugh

Last night, my husband and I were sitting on the couch watching something on TV as our youngest boys sat playing near us. I say that like they are 2 & 3, but really they are more like almost 15 and 16. The youngest one had surgery on his knee, so he was recuperating on the couch and the older one decided to join him playing a video game. Mike and I just sat as we figured out what to watch. As I was eating a piece of licorice (stupid leftover Halloween candy - just saying), he reached for my hand, but I had candy in it. He did not know it, so he felt something he did not expect and I had to laugh. My best laugh, as he calls it. He told me he has not heard it in awhile, but he was glad he did. I don't really recall not trying to laugh or reserving my laugh in any way. I guess it just wasn't warranted recently. I am not sure why or why not. Some things make me giggle in a store because I see something and my sense of humor gets the better or me. Other times, a smile is what I end up showing people. Then, there are those times that my best laugh comes out. Now, my laugh is nothing like I mentioned about my friend SB who I could never lose in Disneyland. I have been told that I can be funny, and that is part of my sense of humor. In fact, I hope people laugh at the parts that are funny in my speech that I have to give next week. (yes, I said NEXT week.) Do you laugh at least once a day? Do you smile and giggle at things that are funny? Even if they are just funny to you? Some people I know laugh so hard, they snort but they cannot help it. But those are my favorite kinds of laughs - the ones that are truly felt and given, with no barriers to hold them back. They just are. Laugh today. Watch something funny. Look at pictures from your past where you remember good times, good times. And when you feel it, your best laugh will just happen. It just works that way.

What is grace?

I love this word, but sometimes find it difficult to use it daily. It has a special meaning as someone told me once that "your grace amazes me", but I did not really understand what that meant. I am just me. I am certainly not graceful - have you seen me try to do boot camp to the beat of the music? My husband thinks I am having a seizure or something. In fact, over the last 48 hours, I tripped over our dog as I headed to bed and maybe got a rug burn on my palm and just about gave myself a concussion as I hit my head full force on my nightstand as I reached for my phone charger cord that was on the floor. Yes, the lights were off both times...just in case you were wondering and thought I was a total goof. Ok, maybe you already think that, but it was dark. Not my finer moments, but I am recovering with a small goose egg on my forehead. Now, back to the subject of this post. Grace is not something that we do...it is something we give. We are humble as we share ourselves with others and even through tough times, we find a way to be kind to others. Even if your life has not always been kind to you. I never really thought much about grace until that day, even though we receive it when we are blessed by Him. We receive it through a smile, through a card, through a hug. Grace can be contagious when we feel it and it can carry you from dark and dreary to light and hopeful. We all have grace, but we have to show it in order for you to receive it in return. It becomes your calling card, what defines you, a treasured attribute that people admire and understand of what makes you YOU. Grace is you and me. Be graceful today...just not like me. LOL!

Whatever...

I was told today that I needed to remove this word (whatever) from my vocabulary. I am not going to like admitting this, but the person that said this is right. She says what I need to hear, even if I don't want to hear it. We kind of do that for each other at times. I have thought more about that comment since it was said and reluctantly accept that just saying that one word, "whatever" makes me take steps backwards. I need to move forward. Especially in the context in which I said it, too. I chuckle now to myself as I remember what she said afterwards -- I was giggling so much after she said it that I stopped walking. How many times do we just tolerate and give up because we are unsure of where a road may take us? Does my saying "whatever" make it so that I cannot accept the very thing I was talking about should the situation change, either way. I think when I said it, I really just meant that I am ok with whatever happens next, but apparently that meaning was left out. I used to say "whatever" a lot more, but did not realize that someone else was "counting" how many times I said it. Just makes me wonder what else I say that she is paying attention to that I don't realize. Life isn't about "whatever" - it can't be. It needs to be more...I wonder what people would think if I said that all the time. But "whatever" could be taken as "no matter what happens, I accept the outcome." So, BFF :-), I could be right in the way I intended it, but maybe my voice did not accurately inflect that same intention. Please take note - I will make sure the words match the tone going forward. HAGD.

Make someone's day!

It is so easy and I love to see the reaction on people's face. You know they will be talking about it after you drive away. I was given a gift card for a local coffee place and used it yesterday and then left the card with the employee to be used for someone else. There was enough on that card for me to get my drink and pay for someone else's as well. He told me the balance on the card and I told him to keep it and the next person who came through, to use the card for them. Their coffee or whatever was on me. He looked at me as if I had said something crazy. I had the most fun doing that and not knowing whose day I had just made. It made me laugh and smile all the way to work. Even sending someone you don't talk to all of the time or thanking them for meeting you for lunch can make someone smile. I LOVE TO DO THAT! I got Rocky's attention yesterday when I used her full name in an email and last week sent my mom a card in the mail. Doing little acts of kindness brings so much joy to the recipient, but so much MORE to the giver. It is even better when you do it anonymously. Have you ever done that and watched other people's reaction? It is like a foreign concept because that is not what most people do. Absolutely priceless. Try it - you will feel wonderful and when we give freely, truly without any strings attached, it will be something you want again and again. Trust me.

Funny thing....

Have you ever been just going on about your day, doing whatever you are doing, thinking whatever you are thinking, and then see something totally random but it is enough to catch your eye and then you look at it more and think it looks like a shape you recognize? How fun is that? That happened to me the other morning when I was out for my walk. Yes, I have cut down on some of my running, but at a minimum I walk about 5 miles a day. Rocky and I get to talking and then the running just doesn't happen. KITTY! This particular morning was just after an overnight rain and she was not with me. I usually still take our normal route, but like to mix it up on occassion. As I was listening to my wonderful morning "Get me inspired" music, I see a rain spot in the middle of the street that appears under my feet in the shape of a heart. No kidding - a heart! I actually walked over it once before my brain recognized it as something other than just wet pavement. Then, I backed up and took a look again and looked around the street to see if therewere others. There were none. As good as I was feeling about starting a new day with the sun about to rise, getting my exercise, loving life, and even being all alone, I felt the warmth that only love can bring. It made me smile. It still does. Look around...it might be right under your feet.

Kitty! PUMA!

Does your mind go a hundred miles a minute? Mine does. I think Rocky's might travel faster than the speed of light, off on all kinds of tangents, but that is what makes me smile. Every time. Have you ever seen something that kind of gets your attention and you make a small mental note of it, and then carry on your way? Then, a little later, something else does the same thing and you recall the earlier moment and start to wonder if those two things are adding up to something? And what if, a third, seemingly unrelated incident occurs that makes you stop and catch your breath? And once in a while you get totally blind sided and you never saw it coming. Rocky and I would call the first three moments, "kitties" and the last one a "PUMA". This all started when we were out several mornings ago and she wondered off to pet a kitty while I was talking to her. So we started calling those moments when we got off subject or task, "kitty" and then last week, "PUMA" showed up. Just like pumas do. Moral of this post - you are going to have "kitty" moments - take them into consideration and figure out what they mean. Take a break from the normal life you live and find a little escape now and again. When you come back, it makes you better and refreshed. Now and again, a "PUMA" will show up too. Expect it will come, you just do not know when. Take your breath, process what is in front of you at that very moment, and carry on. Do not let the unknown create anticipation that is not warranted. Pumas eventually make their way past you and move on to someone else. I am more of a canine person, but certainly love my feline friends as well. KITTY!

The Best Day

I am not even sure where to start, but I think the stars were aligned today. I still have a smile on my face as I think about all of the fun Rocky and I had today. When was the last time you could say that you had a great day? Are you waiting for it to come to you? It won't. You have to go get it. You have to choose to do fun, crazy things that people would just question you that you really did it. Yes, we have pictures. No, you will not see them. Even when we messed up and made fools of ourselves, we did not care who was around us or what they thought. We were "going with the flow" and having a blast. We laughed so hard at inside jokes, cold cracks, and playing tic-tac-toe. It was simply awesome. What makes you happy? What gives you a smile? Do you seek that and take time for it? YOU NEED TO!!! With life being chaotic at times, and unplanned, and with tons of responsibilites, you need to remember to have fun, even if it means you go back to your childhood when playing games like Jacks and Hopscotch was how you would spend your day. Sometimes, we have forgotten what it is like to have fun, have no fear, and just go in the moment. We must get back there at times...even momentarily. Doing so replenishes you and gives you enormous energy to tackle whatever is in front of you now. Promise yourself to take time for you and laugh, enjoy great friends, and live your life. You get one chance and you want to love it. Dig deep into your past and find those little snapshots of joyfulness and giddiness and being young at heart. We went there today and as much as I would not wish to going back to being in the 7-12 year old age bracket again, it was absolutely priceless today at 42. It was the best day I have had in a long time. Thanks, Rock.

Remember to have fun

Do you ever have such a great day and laugh so hard at the silliest things that your side just aches? The other day, Rocky and I were laughing so hard I could hear her smiling through the phone. Even when I heard her say, "Bye", I could tell she was happy. Just the word "kitty" makes us smile - inside joke, long story. She told me she started thinking about how many inside jokes we have that no one else would get and we seem to have so much fun together. Today, we were at the neighborhood park and went down the curvy slide just once an then we continued on our walk today. Yes, I even hit my head on the roof - I guess the park equipment is made for shorter people, but it was dark and I did not have my glasses or contacts on. Our biggest fear was that we were going to get stuck going down this red plastic slide and that would have made us laugh even more - at 5:30am. Good thing no one was around, but we would not have cared. It is these simple times, when we laugh and smile and just forget about everything else in life that seems so natural and comfortable. Do you remind yourself not to get too caught up in everyday chaos and just laugh and smile? Do you remember to be joyful? We need to do that more. We all have times when we have to step up and complete tasks and take on responsibilites. That is just a part of life - even when it is ugly and we don't like it. Sharing a smile with someone does something for you, too. I love to send cards and surprise people with little thoughts of happiness and love. Be goofy, laugh outloud, and be happy. Take time to smell the flowers, appreciate the good things in your life, and take an honest, vested interested in those that matter to you. As I visited with a co-worker today who recently lost someone she loved, she told me that she can tell who really cares about her when people say, "Please let me know if there is anything I can do." I hope that she knows that I mean it when I say it to her. She is finding ways to laugh again. This weekend, I was driving up to see our son and an hour and a half from home, I am driving next to someone from work that is totally seeing me focused and singing my little heart away to whatever happened to be playing on my radio at that moment. I talked to TS yesterday about it and we just laughed because we saw each other on the interstate so far from home. I didn't even care that I was in my own little world, singing off key. Laugh and have fun...life is way too short not to and you have to enjoy it.

Who cares?

We all have fears. Some that are related to possible life and death situations and others, not so much. Most are somewhere in the middle. I have noticed that I don't seem to hold on to my fears as much as I used to, even just a year ago. This summer, the word "shopping" would make me almost double over and be physically sick. I recently heard a quote, "Knowledge is the enemy of fear." and I liked it so much that it is on my signature for my work email, but it is so much more than that. Fear is what we think of when we let our minds get ahead of our hearts. Sometimes, our mind is a terrible thing and can be very detrimental to our wellbeing. We have to give up fear in order to believe that it will work out for the best. Every decision that we make is done under those same premises, so why shouldn't our tasks? A friend of mine shared some fears she has that I want to help her get over, taking "baby steps" (she likes to use that term), but in order for us to do that, we might be around other people. I know what it feels like to believe that you cannot breathe and that you have to go into "fight or flight" mode. So when I suggested some things we could do to overcome those fears, she became very concerned that other people would be around, possibly watching her. I point blank asked her, "Who cares what they think? They don't know you and you don't know them, so why is what they think of you more important than what I think or you think of yourself?" I have lived an extra-ordinary life (not extraordinary) and could not make up what has happened to me. Although it does make for some good story telling. For my junior prom, I wore a strapless white dress which, of course, was the same exact dress as the other girl who was going with us. This was way before cell phones and the internet and social networking, so you had to go by verbal description over the phone or trying to describe it in person. I am more comfortable wearing sneakers and shorts than heels and a dress. Have been my entire life. As I was walking up a flight of stairs, I stepped on the front of my dress, bringing it down a little lower than it should have been. Yes, please stop laughing now. I could have died!! All of my classmates got more of a show than expected, I am sure. That happened in front of a group of people that I would see again (on Monday at school) and I am here to tell the story many years later. Guess what...I didn't die and I am not even sure if anyone remembers that it happened, not even my date. No one ever said anything to me, so I forgot about it. It was over. So again, I ask you, "Who cares?" We all had to learn to ride a bike, speak in front of the class, drive a car at some point. Live your life and don't be afraid. It just holds you back and we spend more time thinking that other people are spending time thinking about us than they really do. Truth is, they are saying what I am saying, "who cares?" Seriously.