Can't wish for what you want

You can't hope for it, either. Doing all the wishing and hoping doesn't get you any closer to what you want...it can leave you empty. Only if you let it. What do you want? What are you willing to do to get there? Are you willing to take night classes for two years so you can get your degree and move onto a better job? Are you willing to take a second job to pay for your daughter's dance classes? Are you willing to allow yourself to want something different? I was talking with LP yesterday at work and when people say they want something, they are afraid to admit it outloud for several reasons. One, they are afraid they will be wrong...no one likes to fail, espeically in front of others. I know I am guilty of that one. Second, they don't want to be accountable to anyone...someone might actually encourage them to make a change and that can be frightening. Third, they are afraid to commit...what happens if I change my mind? Today is a special day for me...today is the 2nd anniversary of when my life took a hard left to some place I did not know I was going and have been traveling this road ever since. I did not see my life as being here, right now, when I got up on January 4th, 2010. It was going to be like any other day, or so I thought. Needless to say, I am not in the same place I was, nor am I the same person. In two years, I have allowed my heart to feel like never before and have set aside the walls I had spent a lifetime building. I have given more than I ever thought I could. I have dedicated to people that I am truly grateful to have in my life and use Rule 22 as a guide in telling them what they mean to me. I have used the words I know to share ideas, thoughts, and perspectives on this blog as it has become an online journal of life as we know it. No, I could never have wished for this, but I am humbled that He had to show it to me and I had to trust it before I would fully understand that this is indeed what I want. Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving

Through all of my 43 years, I have been blessed. Even when I did not believe it or want to see it. Even when I dismissed it as not something I deserved. Yet, despite of it all, I am blessed. Words have been said recently that have hurt me and I guess what surprises me isn't that they were said but who said them. Because of those words, I started heading backwards in a direction I did not want to go. It amazes me how much we believe about ourselves when others say things that should have never been said. Then, I startled spiraling down and could feel it weighing on me too. I didn't know how to stop it, but knew I had to. Then four words were texted to me that meant the world. Funny how four simple words can tear you down faster than a tent in a tornado and four other words can right the sails on your boat. This week is about gratefulness and blessings and all of the things that we humbly have in our lives that allow us to carry through from day to day. I have a husband that adores me and loves me and has for over a quarter of a century. I have three wonderful sons, and other family members that I absolutely treasure, love, and miss every single day. I have true friends who love what I bring to the table and make my world everything it should be. I love my job, have enough food to eat, and reliable transportation. I have much more than others do and I am extremely grateful for all my blessings this year. Remind yourself to be thankful for what you have and all that you cherish. And when you doubt if you have blessings, look where they always reside...in your heart. That will tell you all ever need to know. Happy Thanksgiving!

All we ever hoped for...

Have you ever hoped for something, not even really sure that it will come and when it does, that it is actually more than you ever thought it could be? I remember when my husband was first thinking about moving us from Southern California to Nebraska and what that life-changing event would be for me. I mean, I seriously could not tell you where Nebraska was on the map. So, I recall making a pro-con list to help me see the things that would affect my decision and how my life would play out. The con list had many things on it - the weather, away from family, no friends, no job, the list went on. Then, I looked at the pro side of the list - other than my husband's name, I could not find anything else that would be good about this move, because I did not have any good "for sures" about moving. But we did. We moved in January, I was 4 months pregnant, and Mike travelled 3 weeks of every month. I knew no one. I was homesick and could only clean a one-bedroom apartment so many times, you know? As I reflect on those days now and think about where I am now, I have more than I ever could have hoped for. My life has not been perfect by any means, and I have made my share of mistakes. But I have a husband who loves me, three wonderful sons, a job, a place to live, a little money, and people that love me. I have a dream (thanks, MLK Jr) that I am following and listening to and letting my heart be my guide for the first time in my life. I have this blog and readers from across the globe that allows me to express myself in such a simple way. Friends have come out of the woodworks as I have let the world see more of me - the true me - in more every day aspects of my life. I give to those around me and love every minute of it. I have a Rock - who is there unconditionally and I cannot imagine her not being here as she helps me be better every day. I have you - whoever you are - and the aspiration to give more and make a difference in people's lives. This life (so far) has not been what I hoped for...it has been so, so much more. What have you hoped for? Has it comes true? Why or why not? And it continues.

Be grateful

We forget this sometimes, as we become focused on what can bring us down. We allow that to happen. It is easier to do it. I have a few things on my plate right now that I did not plan for or ask for, but they are here anyway. I cannot change it. However, in trying to explain a perspective to a young man that I care about, I wanted him to think about how his situation could be worse. When we focus on the negative, we are neglectful to what we do have. Life stinks sometimes. Not just for you or me, but for all of us. Choices we make end up biting us on the back side and we have to move on. No whining or throwing a fit about "what's fair." Get done what needs to be done and continue on this wild ride. We are all thrown into situations we would not pick, regardles of what they are. I have never heard of someone wishing that their loved one had passed on. It just doesn't happen. We wish for the good to always be present and for the bad to never show up. Guess what? Life does not work that way. "You have to have blessings and obstacles. One without the other is neither." You wouldn't know the difference of a blessing or an obstacle unless you knew what the other was like. Be grateful that whatever is before you is not worse. Sure...everyone picks for it to be better. Who wouldn't? I have also never heard of someone who bought a lottery or powerball ticket who wished they WOULDN'T win. It just doesn't happen. Whatever is in front of you is meant to teach you somethong. Pay attention. The lesson may not be what you think it should be. Use this event or situation to motivate you. I am grateful for whatever life brings me, even if it is unwanted. I am meant to deal with it and I know I will be better for it. I am most grateful for the chance to make amends, look at things with a new view, and appreciate what is before me. It makes me a better me...and for that I am eternally grateful.

Very grateful

I sometimes forget to be grateful for what I value and treasure most in my life. Today, I am reminding myself to be conscious of those exact things and people. I am grateful to my family, especially my husband and our three boys. Living in a house with four men can drive me bonkers half the time, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am grateful for my wonderful friends (some of you are also family) and what I learn from you and the love you give everyday. I am constantly amazed by the outstretched arms and smiles that come naturally and welcome me every time we see one another. I am grateful to have a little bit of money in the bank, a cool house (it is hot here), and reliable transportation. When was the last time you were grateful for all that you have in your life, and not grumbling about what you DON'T have in your life? We all have stuff we want or things we want to be different. That is a human desire and yearning. But we can also find ways to change our perspective about whatever circumstances we are in at the present moment. It amazes me sometimes how some people can hold onto being a pessimist and always looking at what is wrong, instead of what is right. Excuses come to the surface instead of understanding the lesson that you should be learning from the experience. You have to learn to let go and find a new way of looking at things. I have been called a "ding-dong" a couple of times when my thinking is off kilter, and that is my reminder of where I need to be. We all need to be reminded every now and again. Have you ever done a grateful journal? Every day, you have to write three things you are grateful for and you can have no repeats...ever. They do not have to be extravagant or luxurious. I have been grateful for a warm bed in the dead of winter or clean water on a blistering hot day (like today). You will be suprised at how many GOOD things you have in your life. No one is perfect and therefore, no one's life is perfect. Some things are worth fighting about and other things aren't. Don't be envious of others that may have something "more" than you - they may be lacking in other areas you don't know about and maybe they think you have "more". Life is not a competition; in fact, many times just showing up is a feat in itself. I have had to look hard, really hard in past situations where I could only find the negative. For days, that is what I saw in one particular situation. I couldn't let go and get past it and if I didn't I was going to be stuck there. We were going to be stuck, but no one could help me. I had to do it on my own. In that situation, I learned what someone would do for me, even against my will. I still keep the voice message she left me that day as a reminder. I am grateful for the sun coming up each morning when we run and am grateful even when I don't get what I think I deserve. Be grateful and you will appreciate your life more and all that you have in it. But you have to be willing to see it and know that your cup runeth over....

Learn something every day

On a whim, I stopped at our local library to check out some books, but did not know exactly what I was looking for when I got there. Yet, I was drawn to the section about leadership and how "the power of one" can make a difference in this world. I am just about done with book 1 of 4. Do you make a point to learn something new every day? I find myself asking the kids that I work with, "What did you learn at school today?" Sometimes, they can think of lots of things, and other times they cannot think of one thing. You know what the difference is? ATTITUDE!! One kid is excited about learning something new and the other thinks school is boring because that kid can think of something else that is more important than learning. I am here to tell you that when you stop learning, you stop growing. Even if you learn something about yourself, you are changed. Lessons and learning do not have to come in conventional school-type settings - you and I both know that. We learn about adversity by watching a co-worker struggle with issues in their home life. We learn perspective when we see a woman who has left her abusive boyfriend/husband after years with two small children, to begin to appreciate what we have in our own lives. We can learn every day, but have to be open to it. We learn who matters to you when your time seems to be a juggling act. We learn who are friends really are when we are not feeling well. We learn what is really important, when the small things seem to catch our attention instead of the bigger picture. Start a journal where you not only are aware of those things in your life that you are grateful for but also include one thing you learned today as well. In a year, you will have learned 365 things that otherwise you might not have remembered about because they may seem insignificant at the time. Looking back at the past just is a reminder of where you were, but don't get stuck there. Keep looking for more opportunities to read, talk to others, expand what you know. You will not regret it...ever. Have a wonderful weekend. You deserve it and are worth every minute.

Be grateful

It has been almost a week since I last posted, mostly because of the holiday. I hope everyone enjoyed their friends and family, had enough to eat, and truly found gratefulness in their lives. I am thankful everyday. Do you count your blessings more than once a year? If not, you need to. I told a friend last week that I was grateful for her sticking out a tough time with me - she never wavered, but I did. A lot. I am grateful for the wonderful, supportive husband whose biggest goal in his life is to make me happy. We playfully argue who loves the other more, but I think I love him more. :-) I am grateful for the (short as it was) time spent with our son coming home from college and the other two still at home. Although, one son today is really not making me grateful for the almost 14-year old attitude. However, generally speaking, I am grateful that they are all healthy, do well in school, and are good kids. I am grateful for the job I love and for the roads it has led me to so that I can see where I go from here. I am grateful for a little money in the bank and the life we have built here in Nebraska. I am grateful for those of you that find joy, humor, and life in this blog and am thankful that I found the courage to let me be me. I am thankful for new friendships and journeys along this road of life. I am thankful for my health and understand that I am no good to others if I am not taking care of myself. As hard as it was sometimes, I am even grateful for those struggles I needed to face to get me to today. I have no regrets and am looking forward to the future. Thank you, for listening.