Here we go!

Just like on a rollercoaster as you quietly wish you could change your mind, but also know that there is no turning back. Today, something exciting came to me. I shared it with a few people and actually found words that will accompany it as well. Yes, you will have to wait. But I am off to a new adventure as I start this new year and cannot wait for the joy and excitement that waits for me. I know it will be greater than I ever could imagine and am still so humbled by the fact that you are along for the ride. I have to accept that it will not go as I plan (because it is not my plan), but embrace this gift with the open arms in which it was given. I am looking forward to everything that it will and will not be and am encouraged by the answers that seem to be coming to me. That tells me that it is right. That the way is as it is meant to be and I sit here with a huge grin on my face as I continue to almost find the right words. How do you describe pure elation? When you almost fill as if your heart will explode because it seems to full and your trying to contain it would cause more damage than good? When telling someone would be an injustice, because now they know and might require you to keep your word? it is important to share exciting news and I cannot even really explain why this happened today. Most of this blog has been something that has transformed into what it is, with almost very little real thought from me. I type these posts free hand (pardon the ocassional misspellings) as the words come to me. Sometimes, the hands are slower than the mind, but we do the best we can to keep up. Now, we begin a new chapter and will keep you updated on the progress. Hold on...because here we go!!

The Hard Way

I'm not sure why I thought about this subject this morning. Maybe it is because I am back on the dreaded elliptical as the weather turns colder. Rocky doesn't come anymore (I understand why), so getting up and staying motivated is different now. I remembering telling my husband that I get up to run/walk/elliptical not for her, but for me, but it is easier to get up when you know someone is going to be at your door at 5am. But I also started thinking about the life I've lead and to some it may seem that I've lived it the hard way. Not intentionally or by choice, but I guess by design. By someone else's design. When I was growing up, I didn't know any different life, but knew there were certain things I did want or didn't want. There are things and people I have fought for and would committ to for life. Choices were made that might have made me struggle, but through that I learned what I am capable of and what I can accomplish. When you love something and treasure it so much that it pains your very core to be without it, you will do all you can to keep it. We all feel, at some time or another, that life is not perfect...that we think it is unfair...but when we struggle, we learn. We grow...we change our attitude...we accept. As much as we would pick something different for us, maybe that in itself is meant to teach us something. Although this was hard for us and we grieved for life lost, for something unfulfilled, we also know that this was the way we were meant to travel. It was designed for us. People that have everything given to them would never know how to survive outside their little perfect world because you and I know the world isn't perfect. So remind yourself today that if something is in front of you that you are having to confront, know and accept that it is there for a reason. It's going to be hard to make you make notice of it. Somehwere, in the middle of the strife and chaos, there is a lesson. I know I learn lessons all the time...even those I don't want to. Sometimes, the hard way is the only way and after a few scars and mistakes made along the way, you have to realize that this is the designed way.

When life changes you

We get comfortable in our lives and settle into what we know. We like familiarity and being close to home. We are sailing smoothly and just riding the water, with no real danger or obstacle in our way. That does not usually last for long. But life changes, and therefore, so do you. I am constantly amazed at how different I am from one day to the next. Sometimes, it might be something big or substantial and other times, no one notices. I usually prefer that one. Life has changed me as I have allowed it to come to me. It does that every day. I made a couple of people very happy today and I loved every minute of it. I wish every day was like that. I helped a couple get to a doctor appointment with their newborn and I took Rock one of her favorite things for lunch. It is always a treat to surprise her and I love to see her smile. I always joke that I need to be "less nice", but I was told that it might be impossible for me to accomplish that. Yeah. But when you get to a point when are very excited about life everyday, then you are changed. I have received several nice comments from some wonderful women regarding the G.I.F.T. after this week's meeting and perhaps something I said or just the idea of the group itself changed some of their lives. I am not sure. But, we still try. Life has come to me in many different ways and I am not even sure that I could even tell you how. So many amazing people have become such great supporters as I chase my dream. My slim is there through anything and everything and I always look forward to seeing her and treasure every moment we are together. My husband is supportive, although not always completely understanding, of what I write and what this all means to me. Even my sons encourage me when new ideas come my way. I am better every day and give more of myself to those I love. I give more of myself even to those that I don't know and I will never meet. I am more grateful everyday to the chance to really live as I might have missed it. Has life changed you? Why? Why not? Have you given more of yourself to others? Life was not something that I treasured or appreciated. It was there. So was I. That was it, end of story. Not so much anymore. Now, I have so much to live for...because I am changed.

Not in the driver's seat

Yesterday, I was driving to one of my son's football games and in the car next to me was this cute boxer sitting in the passenger seat. As I smiled repeatedly to myself, as innocent and carefree this act was, it frew into somthing that I needed to post here. Here is this cute dog, letting her tongue fly out of her mouth, with her big brown eyes rapidly trying to take in everything that came into view. She has no idea where she was going, but she was just happy for the ride. This happy, go-lucky little pooch was loving every minute of it. Someone else was driving, and she was just ok with that. That is how we should be...we should be ok with letting someone else drive, and we should be trying to take in as much as we can. The boxer did not know where she was going, just as we do not know our final goal. For a very long time, I thought that I either had no control over the way my life went or needed to have total control. Neither was true. I had to compromise and control what I could, and let go of what I couldn't. I am not driving my life...only God can do that. But I can pick and choose what I see along the route. I think before I had blinders on, so I only saw what was directly in front of me. Never did I turn my head to see other viewpoints and use that information to learn from as I travelled further ahead. I don't want to miss anything anymore. I have missed out on so much. Even when it was in front of me, I tried to dismiss it as being make-believe. Never again. I want to be just like that boxer (Ok, I will not let my tongue or anything else hang out, for that matter) - absorbing what I saw and how I felt. That is what I am doing...riding in the passenger seat...being a boxer. Do you want to be a boxer too? Come on, it's fun!

Riding the wave!!!!!

Yes, I am from Southern California....no, I cannot surf. I was riding the wave yesterday and I told KD that when we were at lunch. More open...more accepting of whatever comes my way, even if I did not ask for it. The day started with me almost skipping a little when Rocky and I got started with our daily ("don't know what I would do without it") routine. She just smiled and laughed and wondered why I had so much energy at 5am. Don't you feel like skipping at 5am? We talk about our previous day and get caught up and then I do more skipping because I tell her about something that has me very excited and it was not something I initially set out to do. But there seems to be a need for it and women are drawn to it and because of that in itself, it tells me it is right. Deep down to my soul...that this is part of what I must do. I have only one choice...I cannot go back and cannot stand still. Therefore, my one choice it to move forward. ALWAYS. I felt like I was riding a wave all day - no fear, being me, letting my heart be seen by more people. I don't even realize when I do it. When something comes so naturally to you that you don't think about it, you are following your instinct. You are doing what you were made to do. It has always amazed me how much stronger and courageous I feel when I am doing something that is not outer-driven, but inner-driven. I don't focus on the negative, what if's. When you are sitting on the crest of your wave and you are in the groove, you KNOW it. You shine. You BLOOM!! Most times, I do not realize it when I am doing it. People will tell me afterwards. Look deep...really deep and ask yourself the best question ever asked of me: "What would I change in my life if I could change one thing?" What do you want to do with your one shot at life? When are you going to believe that you can change your life? Your past is just that...in the past. Let it go. Look towards your future by changing your today. It will be worth it and you can say, "I did that!" You will tumble and you will also stand taller than you ever stood before. You will reach for others that you think will be there and those you never thought of will be the ones to catch you. Life is a ride...a journey...an adventure. You will smile more and be more happy with who you are. You will turn heads and people will wonder how they can get what you have. You cannot buy it in the store and I don't have the magic formula or secret mantra. I have ALWAYS said that it starts with you and it starts today. When does your TODAY begin? No excuses. None. Ever. Be a California girl and RIDE YOUR WAVE!!!