Retreat or stay

I could not sleep last night. I am encountering a new frontier and at my age it is something I have not had in almost 42 years. As I look deep into my soul, I realize that I have never really had great, close friends. Sure, I am friendly with people, but do not let a lot of people see the real me. I care deeply for those around me whether they are co-workers, neighbors,etc. I try to remember important things in their lives to show that I care. My belief is that if you care about someone and something is important in their life, then the something must be important to you. By great friends, I mean really spend time together outside of your normal interactions of work, kids' school, etc. This means going to lunch, shopping, playing golf, going on vacations, sharing your dreams, your frustrations, etc. I have never done that with anyone other than my husband and it more than terrifies me. I probably over think the easiest of things and I know why. I just have to fix it because I want to fix it. I went shopping with a friend yesterday and we had a terrific time and enjoyed lunch as well. I cannot tell you the last time I did that. After I got home, I was very unfocused. I had things to do and all the time in the world to do them. I took a nap and did a lot of nothing, but my brain was still turned on. One half of my brain kept telling me to retreat - back away from this friendship before it goes anywhere. Almost immediately, another voice told me to stay because I have run away too many times in the past and I did not want to continue to do that for the rest of my life. Because if I run, I am not being who I want to be - I am being who I was and I know I am different now. It is not fair to this friend who has been caring, honest, and giving and I really do enjoy our time together. For as little of time that we have known each other, it feels like we have been friends forever. I have to be willing to let her in and take the wall down. I read my mission statement everyday because it reminds me of where I came from, where I am now, and where I so want to be. I have a saying in my office that I wrote, "Do what's right, not what's easy because doing what's right is never what's easy." It would be easy to retreat - but I know I have to stay because that is what is right.

Try something new

I sit here on Saturday morning thinking about the day ahead of me. Crazy as it may sound, I am trying something new with a friend in a few hours. Most of my life, I have been one who didn't want to depend on anyone, so I did most everything by myself. No, it is not because I am an only child - I am actually the oldest of 4, on my dad's side. I learned independence at a very young age and was very reluctant to ask for help, and even became angry when someone would offer to help me. Just ask my husband when we were first dating and working at the grocery store together in California. I interpreted accepting help was a sign of weakness and did not want to appear to be weak. Now, I see it as a sign of strength because it is when we swallow our pride and allow others to come to our aid that we actually become stronger than we were before. Also, we learn what our true limits are because some of us believe we can do anything. Even Superman needed Lex Luther, his archnemesis. Superman needed Lex to test his abilities and learn what devious plot he could foil. I am in unchartered territory for me and it makes me nervous and hopeful at the same time. Is there a question about whether or not I will survive this huge ordeal? No. Should it be this big of a deal that I am taking up space and time writing about it? No. But all new things we encounter and experience make us nervous and excited all the same. More often than not, we usually have a good experience - unless you compare it to my first of two massages I have ever had. That will have to be another topic for another post. Point is, be willing to try something new - even at the urging of others - because at some point we all have had to try everything we like now in order to find out that we like it or don't like it. Make a journal of the things you try during a week and write down your reactions. Plus, it is always fun to look back at when you first tried something. Have a FANTABULOUS day!!

Give a compliment, a smile, or a hug

There are so many times we are too busy to smile at someone you pass in the grocery store aisle or to even give a hug to a loved one. We need to take time to give a smile to perfect strangers or give a new friend a hug. It is even better to give a compliment. Have you ever seen someone's face light up because at that moment, you cared more about them than yourself? I love the saying about how people might not remember what you did or said but they remember the way you made them feel. You will make them feel important, if even for a moment. It is so rewarding to take the first step and go outside the comfort zone and say good morning to someone you don't know. I wave to people in my neighborhood and the lots of people as I drive around town. My boys will ask me, "Who was that?" I'll say, "I don't know." Now, I admit, I am better at giving than receiving - always have been. But I am working at it. I am trying to be better at thanking someone for noticing me and making me feel important as much as I try to do the same. I want to encourage you all to keep giving it away. We are never too poor to afford a hug, smile or compliment. They are free to give and can keep giving. I promise the more you reach out, the more comes back. Give it a try!