Everyone has struggles

I have missed a very dear friend, who was hurting, but I did not know it. She has been feeling like she has spiraled out of control and is so far down, she does not know how to get back to where she was before. I know most of it may be work related but work is not who we are - it should not define us. Last night, after not hearing from her for some time, she reached out to me. I would have loved to hear her voice, or better yet, to see her, but it came via the web. It still came. It was unlike her not to communicate with me for so long, and she knew I was having my own struggles and wanted to be there for me. Instead, she has closed herself off from the world. We all hit rock bottom in our life - when the well surrounding us seems to make us feel more contained and afraid; when we don't remember how we got there to even see if we can go back; when we cannot see any light to guide us in another direction; when we are in great despair. It is only then when we have to reach for others to help us because we will not be able to do it alone. We have to trust that those that we know will be there, are truly there. Her self-contained prison has made me very sad for her because I am there to help, but she has to want my help. I have left the decision up to her and will wait to hear from her, which I hope is soon. Are there people in your life that are having their own struggles? Maybe even those you don't know about? Have you reached out to them? Please don't think that because they don't tell you what is going on that they don't want to; maybe they just don't know how. I told her more than once (ok, maybe 4 times), "Don't give up." Don't quit on me, on anything she holds near to her heart, on life. The ironic thing is that one of the last things she said to me (in a different context) was, "Don't quit." I want to give her a hug and tell her that it will be ok. We keep working on asking the questions and wait for the answers. The answers will never come if we are not willing to ask the questions. It is not something that we have to decide today, tomorrow, or even this week. Keep reaching out to those you love and tell them exactly how you feel, even if it means asking for forgiveness or telling them what they mean to you. Some time ago, I had decided to let Rocky not just see the good, but the bad and the ugly too because that is real life. She especially wanted to see the bad and ugly, not because she wished that for me, but that I would share that with her. Let your friends and family help when the bad and ugly show up at your doorstep. Eventually it comes to all of us, and as long as we have people that will help us out of that well we will always be bonded together because of sharing that moment. One of my favorite sayings is, "Not my problem." Make your loved ones' struggles your problem and do not let them push you to the curb. Be there for them. You will not regret it and neither will they.

The need to say something...anything

As I sit in my office watching it lightly snow, I am compelled to write, but don't have a subject right at the tip of my brain at this very moment. Maybe there are too many thoughts up there and it is difficult for me to pick just one. I cannot believe that it cannot be the alternative - that there are no thoughts up there at all. I have tried really hard this week to get back to the Bloomin' me - I even got a note from a friend who reminded me that she likes to see me when I am bloomin. I have expected things from others and have been disappointed; I have thought criticisms of me would never come; I have had to find strength again in the one place it will always be - within myself. I have been resilient at conquering tasks that might others cringe, and even if I was not successful, I felt a great sense of pride knowing that I had never given up. I move forward and carry on - that is what I do. We all need to do that in our lives. Sometimes we just want someone to be there to listen - not to fix it or give advice - just to know that they were there for us can make a huge impact. Try to see other people's points of view, even if they don't see yours; apologize even if you don't think you need to, even if they never do; have faith in others, even when you think you want to give up and throw in the towel. Remember to feel...and share those feelings with those you love. I will never forget what my dad said as our family's statement the day I got married - he said, "Love is not a word, but an action." How do you show those that you love with your actions? I know we sometimes think about ourselves and become selfish at times - who doesn't? Part of my mission statement discusses how I will say what I want to say when I feel it, but if I don't, then I am just censoring myself and am being worse than selfish - I am not being true to me. You can be honest without being hurtful, but you have to try. Remember why you are here...

"That's how winning is done"

Weather here over the last few days has been downright miserable, but no sense in worrying about it or complaining - it doesn't change anything. Things have gotten better since I had to pick myself back up this week. Some times it is harder than others to do that, but we know we have to in order to move forward. The quote above is from a "Rocky" movie - yes, another Rocky comment. We can blame my Rocky. In part of the theme song, Rocky comes on to say, "It is not how hard you get hit, but how how you can get hit and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done." I am not one to just give up and quit. Even when I was younger, my dad tried to use reverse psychology and say, "Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Just quit then." I never wanted to quit at anything because then I would feel that whatever I had failed at had won. I don't handle that too well. I want to feel successful at just about everything I try and do. Regardless of how much time I practice it, I expect to play golf like the pros, even though it might have been a year (or longer) since I picked up a club. I am very competitive, but not against others. Against myself. Although, my expectations are lowered since having kids and I have noticed that they are (at times) just as competitive as I was when I was their age. How many of us are better at preaching about what we should do, but sometimes forget to practice it? My hand went up, did yours? Winning isn't always about there being a winner and thus, a loser. It is about being better than you were, so when we get knocked down, we have to get back up and keep trying. Over the weekend, my husband and I were flipping through the channels and found the X-Games for the para skiers. These guys have no movement in their legs and some have no legs at all. I think I overheard one announcer say this one skier lost his legs due to an IED over in Afghanistan or Iraq. Was he sitting at home, eating Cheetos and being lazy? No, this guy is out there competing with other men who sit on a specially formulated seat with one ski in a race. Now, I cannot ski to save my life - I don't like the feeling of being out of control, so I am really the Queen of the snow plow. I was truly humbled in watching these men and think of them as I type this post. They have been hit hard by circumstances that literally changed their lives and knocked them back, but they keep moving forward. Those are the kinds of attitudes and humbling sights that will ALWAYS motivate me to give my best. Even if I don't win. There is an old saying that comes to mind, "A winner never quits and a quitter never wins." Be winners today and even when you think you have less to give or don't measure up, there is always someone out there that has less than you do and is making more use of that than you are. Stay warm and safe.