**FOR UPDATED POSTS, GO TO WWW.CONSTANTCHANGETODAY.COM**This journal is my way of sharing with you life's ups and downs and experiences we all go through. In life, there are no head starts or second chances as we all begin at the same place. Changing your life can be simple and it can start today.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Some situations are just difficult
I know this seems redundant, but I seem to be in more situations that make me feel uncomfortable and then I turn into something I am not. Fear kicks in and then I regret later. Point is that I do not like attention on me - it can be on my sons or something I am talking about, but not me. Even though the attention is good, I just don't like the fuss. Just let me quietly sneak out the back door and let it be over. I am good with that. Even when I was younger and attention came my way, I didn't like it. There is a picture of me when I was in 9th grade where I am accepting one of many awards that day, but you would think that I was going to jail based on my facial expression. Accolades and nice compliments should make me happy, but for some reason, I want to run from them as fast as I can. In my job, some people believe that because I am out in the community and meeting new people that I am someone that thrives on that kind of attention. Truth is, I would much rather do something anonomously than ever receive a hint of credit. I am a giver by nature and do not receive well. Recently, I have been called the "b" word - no it is not what you think. "Beautiful" is what has been mentioned to me over the course of a couple of weeks, and I would never in a million years use that word as a way to describe me. There are many other ways to describe me, but as this online journal seems to be taking on a life of its own, I have to be ready to go into unchartered waters. I have to swallow hard and "embrace the journey" that is before me. I love being me now that I let the world see it, but just wish people wouldn't notice, that's all. How is that for a conundrum? If I can find a way to get over this, and accept (maybe not welcome - that might be a stretch right now) whatever attention comes my way, then that will be big. The most important step we ever take is the first one. Have a fantabulous Friday!
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