More than I thought I could be

I keep pushing myself further. I have to. Not to please others or to accomplish some great feat. More for personal satisfaction. I have to. Every day, I become more than I thought I could be. Today, I didn't argue or give someone attitude even though we were doing something I do not like. She LOVED it. I was very much outside my comfort zone, but setting aside what we were doing, I was loving who I was with and that time together will be something I will always treasure. In fact, it might go on the "list." I know it probably meant more to me than it did to her, but that is ok. It was not supposed to mean anything, other than two friends taking care of some business that needed to get done. End of story. But, I am not sure that I can really say that and mean it. If that were the case, then I would not be typing this post. Maybe I shouldn't be. But somehow, I need her to know. Maybe she already does. I apologized for things she needed to help me with because I don't know how. But "sorries" are not allowed. I put myself in situations I would have long run from before because that was easier. I allow myself to become better, all the time. I have to be. Not for anyone else, but for me. When I started running on the days Rocky wasn't with me, I did more than I thought I could. I need to push myself, but in doing so I cannot lose sleep at night and need to forgive myself for not doing it all. I still need others to assist me to get where I need to be. We all need others to help from time to time. We just need to ask. And when we ask, we need to accept the answer. No excuses...no justification...no reasons why or why not. Someone told me that by allowing her to help me, it takes her mind off of her things. Funny, how that street goes both ways. Most of us succeed not because we did it alone, but because we accepted that we could not succeed alone. As much as we want to say, "I did it!", success always comes when others are right beside us, in whatever fashion or fit they make in our lives. Wherever they fit on our lists. I amaze myself when I glance back at where I was to where I am now. My life has changed a thousand times over and through it all, I would not change a thing. Because through it all, anything and everything, I am much, much more than I thought I ever could be.

Outside the box

How many of us are living inside their comfort zone aka their "box"? How many times have we heard the phrase, "Go outside the box!" Even a fast food restaurant has used a slight spin of that phrase in one of its marketing campaigns. I know that staying inside the box, the vault, the cocoon, (etc) is safe - believe me, I have lived it most of my life. But what happens, if you step outside of the box? Even just baby steps can help the box get bigger or even change the shape of the box. The entire concept of the "box" is different for everyone. Maybe not everyone has a "box-shaped" box; maybe my box is bigger than your box; maybe its the other way around. We all have one - that is where it ties us all together. Some people like (maybe love?) skiing down a mountain after they have been lifted to that site by a helicopter. That is not for me, but for those people that is totally inside their box. I was visiting with a friend a little yesterday that I do not know very well. We have always chatted and enjoyed seeing each other whenever that happened, but never really made it an event until now (we are having lunch in April). I am living outside my original box, but my willingness to keep going outside my box makes my box bigger. Or maybe it just changes shapes. In talking to people, I notice how afraid we are of trusting others and therefore allowing people to see our true selves. Been there, done that. Not to say that I ever was dishonest about who I was, but was selective as to what people got to see of me. In talking with my friend yesterday, she said some very nice things about the way I make her feel when I see her. I did not realize that my continuing to go outside my box made her feel that way. I am just being me and letting more of the world see me, for who I am. My running with Rocky started with the most difficult question I have ever been asked, and it was asked by someone I had know about a month. She asks questions all the time now, so I am a little leary now.She asked, "WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE?" Exactly. Do you know where I am going with this? This is your question for the weekend...if you want to change something in your life, you have to admit that you want something different. Just wanting something different doesn't mean that it will happen, unless you do something different. Be brave today and go outside your box - even once, even if no one else notices. Journal what happened and look back it over the weekend. Find something else next week to expand your box - make it change shapes, do whatever needs to be done. Life is more fun when you understand that the size and shape of your box is limitless. But you have to be willing to go there.