Give and take

Rule #16. "There's no keeping count, no IOUs. Relationships aren't always 50/50. Some days I have to give 100 and some days I can only do 30." This is part of a list of 22 rules that were given to me some time ago and this one struck me today when I was on the elliptical this morning. But if I give, you need to take. And if you give, I need to take. There is no score. This morning I had an epihany on something and I only hope that we can move on from it. I was asking someone to choose something that I never should have been a choice. I am embarrassed to even admit it, but it will not happen again. I know it would have never been asked of me. I am truly sorry. I hope you forgive me. In light of this new knowledge, I have to keep giving. Even if I am not sure how it will be taken or maybe not taken in the way it was intended. I still have to be true to myself and give all of me, even if nothing is returned. This is not about me. I have to be willing to accept whatever comes my way, whenever it comes may way, and be grateful for the small piece that I have been given. I have learned a lot about myself this week about what I truly believe, what I still want in my life, and what I am willing to do for those special people in my life. Do we give more than others? Do we sometimes wonder why should I give more than they are giving me? I have done that. I was being selfish and shake my head in disgust with myself. But sometimes giving more is worth it, without expecting anything in return. Sometimes, we think what could be returned could be so simple, but maybe it isn't to the other person. We are all different and process the same information differently. Things I would never think of doing, someone else has no second thoughts about doing and vice versa. Things that I believe to be important to you may not really be that important to you. Words that are never said because you can't find the right words to say, but I would have no problem with telling you how I feel. Sometimes, I have no clear plan and yet find myself somewhere that I didn't think I would be. But, in this crazy world, we can usually classify people by how they act, what they believe in, and what words come from them. I have never been a taker, and almost took something away that I would have regretted doing for the rest of my life. I am a giver and will continue to give to those that are most important to me.