Reminder of my old self

Tonight, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I ran into an old friend that I probably had not seen in several years (maybe 3?) as she was looking for something in the organic aisle. I jokenly came up behind her and told her, "Don't eat that stuff, it will kill you!" No, I was not serious, but thought it was funny. Anyway, I visit with E and catch up on our families. She notices that I have lost weight and asks me what I did...I tell her that story and how Rocky got me going. Then, I tell her that I am sorry. I am sorry that for years, I did not share with her and our other BUNKO friends who I really was and had walls up all the time. I was reserved but friendly just enough to everyone there. She commented on how I was negative and sad all the time when I came to BUNKO, even when I won most of the time. Seriously, they had to change the rules because I won so many times in one night. I felt uncomfortable that I was so different now and that I missed out on so much with those people that were friends. I pulled away from them when I looked around the room and wondered which one of the these people would I call if something horrible happened in my life. Which one of these ladies would stop what they are doing in their busy lives, and be there for me? Not that I would even call one, but if I ever got the courage to call one, even one, which one? I would not have called even one. And the truth is that if I had needed to make that call, someone would have come. I did not even share with these ladies when my birthday was and we played BUNKO for about 4 years. That is pretty closed up, living in the vault. So when I turned 40, these same ladies even gave me a surprise, impromtu birthday party because they happened to find out that morning. I did not like the attention and even threatened to leave when I got to T's house. They didn't deserve that and they just wanted to celebrate me and I reluctently let them. I didn't get it then. I feel like I need to apologize to them. So, BUNKO babes - you know who you are. I am sorry for not letting you in and prejudging you based on my past. A past that you had no idea existed in a place I never went. Until this year. That was not your fault. You always gave me 100% of you and I never returned the favor, afraid of something that I had envisioned would happen in my mind. I was held captive of the fear of not thinking I could have friends who cared about me and enjoyed being with me. You deserved better and I wish I could fix it. Maybe someday. I shared with E where I am now, and she told me that I looked so happy and I gave her a big hug then we went our separate ways. It was so great to see her and I sent her a text telling her so. I am putting myself out there - telling her exactly what I was feeling at the time I was feeling it. I vowed to do that a year ago. I am not sure what E was thinking after I walked away, but I sensed that she might need someone to be there for her. I hope that somehow, she gets the message that I am here if she needs me. I hope that she forgives me for treating her less than I should have. I had forgotten what the old me was like, but got a glimpse of her today as I shared with an old friend. I sit here, shaking my head, thinking how pitiful it must have been trying to sell something that I was that I didn't even believe. You can't sell what you don't believe, regardless of what you want to sell. If someone asks you, "How are you?" too many times we offer up the minimum and try to sell it, but fail miserably at it. This ugly reminder of who I was disgusted me and I KNOW I am not going back to that old Michelle. She is gone forever. Who are you pretending to be? Finally, let you be you...it is too hard trying to be anyone else.

Being tested...

Ok...a minor speed bump has developed as I pursue my passion. Maybe not even a speed bump, but I fear it will be there. There is also a possible detour along the same route. None of this is set in stone yet, but some fear has settled where it does not belong. I need it to go away. After lunch, I got really upset and wasn't sure that I would have the courage to go over that speed bump. But, that became a minor issue when I saw the possible detour that will really be a bigger test. It will challenge me to put all of my faith into my dream. Last week, Rocky asked me what I would do if the detour showed up and asked what decision would I choose if I had to. It was easy to say that I would take the detour, of course, not really thinking that it would really present itself, possibly even so quickly. Actually, as I swallowed hard, I know what I would have to do. I cannot go back and cannot be stifled into standing still. Therefore, I have but one choice. I must go forward. I have to be willing to follow the same advice I give to others if I am going to continue to change my life. Expecting that this would be easy would have been inrresponsible of me and not realistic. I am unable to study for this test, and yet it will be here shortly. I have to take care of the speed bump first. I am at a standstill if I do not. I KNOW what I have to do. I just don't want to. Have you ever been in a situation like this? Maybe you have to tell a kid who tried out for your team that he didn't make the cut. Maybe it was telling your son or daughter than a loved one passed away. I understand that being tested is just part of life. I recall a conversation I had with our older son just a few days ago about how these types of situations are there for their own purpose - to find out if you are going to man up or quit. He wants to know how serious you are about what He has in store for you. That is all this is....otherwise known as a test. Stay tuned for further updates.

Huge steps

Are you ready for this??? Maybe I am. Just kidding. I am ready. This week has been spectacular, in so many ways. I got to learn more about what first responders do on a day-to-day basis and am volunteering for an exercise this coming weekend. I also visited with another contact about what my vision is and I agreed to send her more information on what I am doing for my future. I did that this morning. We will see where that leads, but she sounded very excited. I also have spent some money (NOT A LOT, HONEY!) on pursuing this passion of mine and am totally amazed by my friend's willingness to help me; plus she has a great imagination. I have two others steps I need to complete before I can move forward, but so far so good. This is taking more time that I expected, but if I want my life to be different, then I have to be willing to choose different things and put the time in as well. I am accomplishing just that. Sometimes, I am choosing things that I never even thought about, but am willing to say I tried it. At least once. Rock wants something different and is doing that by coming over more to run with me in the mornings. We did about 34 miles over 6 days last week. We are taking more steps than we thought we would. What steps have you taken to change your life? Do you talk a lot and don't take any action? I read recently a question in a book I finished recently, and I think it applies to everything we want to change to be different. The question was, "What would you do if you were not afraid?" Fear stops us from pursuing so many things. Can you answer that question? How did that make you feel when you said it outloud? Even today, I told Rock that she needed to take one step (not a huge step) when it comes to tackling one of her fears. She said she would take baby steps, the ones where you technically move forward, but hardly enough for anyone to notice. I am not afraid. Maybe that alone should scare me - or maybe it should scare my husband. We won't tell him; although he is finding out more. When we are young, we have no fear and try to walk even when our parents know we are not ready to, but we try and fall. But we get up and keep trying and eventually we suceed. Then, as we get older, we really learn what it is like to be afraid even though it usually is not related to an incident, or anything traumatic. We learn self-doubt. Imagine what we could do if we never were afraid (or at least, put it aside) when we did something new?! Don't be afraid - take huge steps and move forward, everyday.

Outside the box

How many of us are living inside their comfort zone aka their "box"? How many times have we heard the phrase, "Go outside the box!" Even a fast food restaurant has used a slight spin of that phrase in one of its marketing campaigns. I know that staying inside the box, the vault, the cocoon, (etc) is safe - believe me, I have lived it most of my life. But what happens, if you step outside of the box? Even just baby steps can help the box get bigger or even change the shape of the box. The entire concept of the "box" is different for everyone. Maybe not everyone has a "box-shaped" box; maybe my box is bigger than your box; maybe its the other way around. We all have one - that is where it ties us all together. Some people like (maybe love?) skiing down a mountain after they have been lifted to that site by a helicopter. That is not for me, but for those people that is totally inside their box. I was visiting with a friend a little yesterday that I do not know very well. We have always chatted and enjoyed seeing each other whenever that happened, but never really made it an event until now (we are having lunch in April). I am living outside my original box, but my willingness to keep going outside my box makes my box bigger. Or maybe it just changes shapes. In talking to people, I notice how afraid we are of trusting others and therefore allowing people to see our true selves. Been there, done that. Not to say that I ever was dishonest about who I was, but was selective as to what people got to see of me. In talking with my friend yesterday, she said some very nice things about the way I make her feel when I see her. I did not realize that my continuing to go outside my box made her feel that way. I am just being me and letting more of the world see me, for who I am. My running with Rocky started with the most difficult question I have ever been asked, and it was asked by someone I had know about a month. She asks questions all the time now, so I am a little leary now.She asked, "WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE?" Exactly. Do you know where I am going with this? This is your question for the weekend...if you want to change something in your life, you have to admit that you want something different. Just wanting something different doesn't mean that it will happen, unless you do something different. Be brave today and go outside your box - even once, even if no one else notices. Journal what happened and look back it over the weekend. Find something else next week to expand your box - make it change shapes, do whatever needs to be done. Life is more fun when you understand that the size and shape of your box is limitless. But you have to be willing to go there.

Listen to your heart

I have been wide awake since about 3am my time. I am not even sure why. I am anxious to get back out and run again this morning as the temperature is a balmy 55 degrees. YAY!! I am sure my inability to rollover and get more shut eye may have something to do with some of the work I have to do for these new ventures/projects, but do not really feel overwhelemed by them. I have no expectations (other than I expect to do them well), but really whatever happens after they are done is ok with me. If it is something that gets done once and then we move on, I am ok with that. However, I think they may actually lead to other avenues yet to show themselves. In fact, as I was telling a friend yesterday about these new ventures, she wanted to include me on her list of possible classes that her clients would need to take. We will see. I just know that the more I share more of my passion for helping kids and adults see what life has to offer them, the more I feel alive. Like I am finally giving the world my self, my true self. I have hidden it for so long that I was asked recently that if I had to choose between putting money in my pocket or following my heart (with no guarantee of money), I would have to pick following my heart. I have told this same friend that it is not always about money, and it isn't. You can make more money, but you cannot always follow your heart. Money cannot guarantee your dream coming true. Pursuing your dream and making it a reality will reward in more ways than you can ever imagine. You feel alive...you feel happy...you feel complete. I have said that I cannot stop this momentum and have to at least say I tried it. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. Maybe it works out better than I ever imagined, or maybe it crashes beyond all repair. I have to try. Do you have something that is tugging at your heart that you have to try? That just seems to be nagging at you, even though you have tried to ignore it, but it will not go away? It will keep presenting itself to you in an attempt to get your attention. When are you going to listen? You have to quiet your mind and listen to your heart...it will take you where you need to go. Be brave. Be strong. Hold true to what you believe. Listen to what is being said. Then act on it. It will never go away until you do something about it. You have to try.

Got your MOXIE on?

This post is going to be probably very short, but with a big message. Rock will tell me she has her MOJO back and I believe her when she talks about where she was, where she is, and where she wants to be. I love that she is so there. I was reading a book this week and saw the word, "MOXIE" and could not wait to write about it. I love that word - how fun does that sound when people ask you how you are or how your day is going and you reply, "I've got my MOXIE on!" Moxie is not a word you can use in an every day sentence without getting people excited. They will believe you when you say it. But the key is that you have to believe it in order for others to believe it. Isn't it just fun to say, "moxie?" Totally love it! Everyday, find a way to share your MOXIE with others - it is easy and will make everyone smile! Go on...get your MOXIE on!!

Learn something every day

On a whim, I stopped at our local library to check out some books, but did not know exactly what I was looking for when I got there. Yet, I was drawn to the section about leadership and how "the power of one" can make a difference in this world. I am just about done with book 1 of 4. Do you make a point to learn something new every day? I find myself asking the kids that I work with, "What did you learn at school today?" Sometimes, they can think of lots of things, and other times they cannot think of one thing. You know what the difference is? ATTITUDE!! One kid is excited about learning something new and the other thinks school is boring because that kid can think of something else that is more important than learning. I am here to tell you that when you stop learning, you stop growing. Even if you learn something about yourself, you are changed. Lessons and learning do not have to come in conventional school-type settings - you and I both know that. We learn about adversity by watching a co-worker struggle with issues in their home life. We learn perspective when we see a woman who has left her abusive boyfriend/husband after years with two small children, to begin to appreciate what we have in our own lives. We can learn every day, but have to be open to it. We learn who matters to you when your time seems to be a juggling act. We learn who are friends really are when we are not feeling well. We learn what is really important, when the small things seem to catch our attention instead of the bigger picture. Start a journal where you not only are aware of those things in your life that you are grateful for but also include one thing you learned today as well. In a year, you will have learned 365 things that otherwise you might not have remembered about because they may seem insignificant at the time. Looking back at the past just is a reminder of where you were, but don't get stuck there. Keep looking for more opportunities to read, talk to others, expand what you know. You will not regret it...ever. Have a wonderful weekend. You deserve it and are worth every minute.

Life changes!

In one day, I think my life has dramatically changed in a matter of a couple of hours. This morning,I went for a run with Rock...we are starting to get back into our regular routine. It was great weather and I cannot wait until temperatures are more consistent where I don't need two pairs of gloves, long johns, a stocking cap, and a heavy jacket. She asked me if I felt any different about my life since taking some chances in the last two weeks. I told her, "No" because essentially my life is the same as it was before I took those chances. Nothing had changed. She told me that she thought I was different than I was two weeks ago - I asked her to explain. She told me that she doesn't hear the doubt and questions that I had before. She is right...I don't have them. Have you ever felt like you are on a wave in the ocean, but you don't worry about getting sucked under the water and fear of drowning; you don't think about how long you will be riding the wave; and you don't think about what others will think of you if you fall off the wave??? That is where I am. Today, I had a lunch with an aquaintance that I met through work, but we have never really sat and visited with each other before. I had mentioned to her previously in an email that I wanted to share my vision with her and what kind of impact I thought it could make on our community. Within 5 minutes of hearing my idea, she told me that she wanted me to be on her team to help her with something that she is doing. We agree that we can pull our resources and make it better. It was so exciting!! Last week, I had also reached out to another source that could help with a similar vision with a different audience and I received some very complimentary words today. I have some tweaking to do on some things, but we will get together in May to go over everything in greater detail. The crazy thing is the implementation for both will take place probably this fall. Maybe instead of saying I am on a wave, maybe it would be more appropriate to say I am in a whirlwind right now. It is so hard to explain this to people who are not there, but I can see it in those that are there. I can see the way their eyes light up and they get excited hearing me talk and share like there is no tomorrow. Momentum is an amazing force that will carry us where we want to go. I just never thought it would be here, but I am going to love this ride!

I GET IT!!! DON'T YOU?

Oh my gosh!!!! Have you ever just been sitting down, doing whatever, and then felt like something just whopped you upside the head?!? I totally could not stop smiling all day. I send an email to Rocky and just tell her, "I get it!" She replies that she is curious, but I tell her she has to wait...I have to tell her in person. I cannot wait to tell her - I know I can hear the excitement in my voice already and I haven't said a word. Let me back up and really set this up right, so you get the full picture. A couple of weeks ago, I was visiting Rocky in "her office" and she is helping me with some computer stuff so I can take the next step. I begin to tell her how much I doubt (remember - I really, really dislike that word) on what kind of changes I can make in other people's lives and what I am doing there, etc. It all comes out and she says that she believes in me and that I need to move forward. Over the weekend, I send her an email that includes the hesitation of my ability to help others change their lives and that fear is not what seems to be the problem anymore. I actually admit that although I cannot change others lives, I can change mine. Once I admitted that, the doubt disappeared. Ultimately, the choice to change your life is yours alone, although outside influences may lead you to choose that. Even though I have taken chances and new steps that may lead me into a new direction, essentially nothing in my life has changed yet. When we feel inspired, it is mostly as a result of something we saw, read about, or heard. It has been mentioned to me by several people that I can inspire others. But that choice of free will is still their choice. They have to allow that inspiration to get to their soul, before they will make any changes. I realized today that I had the wrong attitude. First and foremost, I must be inspired and motivated to change MY LIFE. Then, and only then, will that change inspire others to do the same. I have heard it over and over at the office since I have lost weight. "What have you done to lose weight?" "Tell me how you did it!" "If you can do it, so can I." I was carrying doubt that wasn't mine to carry. The only doubt that I need to carry is whether or not I have the ability to change my life, and I know I can. I proved it to myself when I took my less than perfect childhood and still believed in wanting more for my husband and children. I proved it by doing it my way, even though it was hard and frustrating. I proved it when I ran my way to be 35 pounds lighter than I was a year ago. I have a sentence in my Life Statement that says, "I have control over how I choose to live my life." We all do, but do we really choose? Or do we just let it happen? You can choose. It was so hard to keep this to myself today...finding little moments to chuckle about how easy a revelation I had just found. Take a deep breath...do you get it yet? You can - it is possible!!

What does "impossible" mean to you?

I was in my car today, running errands on a typical Sunday and found myself listening to one of my favorite songs that has the phrase, "impossible is not a word, it's just a reason not to try." Then, I started thinking...everything that we have in our world today is possible because of someone's idea or dream. Think about it and you know it's true. We have cars and airplanes because someone thought there should be a quicker way to travel. We have freezers and refridgerators because someone thought there ought to be a way to keep food fresh longer. We have oodles of technology because someone thought we could have something better than albums and pen and paper. The list goes on. The word, "possible" is defined as "can be, can exist, or can happen" and "impossible" is just the opposite. Here is where I get confused...how do we know what is impossible if we do not know what is possible? If you look at all of the progress society has made in the last 50 to 100 years, and asked someone that was born back then if they would've thought that what we currently would have been possible, you and I both know they would say, "no". We know that that is not true if those ideas, never conceived before, now exist and are now part of reality. Can you imagine what our world would be like if we all thought about what is possible first, instead of talking ourselves out of it because we think it is impossible? Martin Luther King Jr. never saw equal rights as impossible, even though it was difficult. Alexander Graham Bell never saw creating the telephone as impossible. The Wright Brothers knew we could fly, with the right calculations. Everything is possible. Failure does not guarantee that it is impossible. It just means that that one time didn't work; it doesn't mean that it won't work forever. You have to believe that it is possible. Everything can happen, can exist, but it starts with an idea or dream from you. Don't ever, ever, ever give up. Find a way to make it work and be willing to adapt to new alternatives and ideas. Keep trying...give it all you have...every time. All it takes is once...then it's possible.

Patanjali - When you you are inspired...

I was reading a new book and came across this passage that I just had to share.


"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties, and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."

I love how this covers everything...we have no fear, no limits, and endless possibilities. There is hope and confidence like never before. This is where we change our lives. There is no going back and we really start living like we were meant to all along. Be inspired - inspire others - change your life - change the lives of others. It Starts Today!

Saying what you need to say

Sometimes, we do not say everything that is in our hearts at the time that it is there. We tuck it away, perhaps to said at some other time. There are ways to say what we feel without being hurtful, but also we need to take the opportunities to say what we need to, with no regrets. We never know when someone we love may move away, or suffer an illness that prevents us from releasing what is in our hearts. My husband has noticed that I am more "open" with saying what I need to say, even if nothing ever changes with what I have said. I have one family member that I tried to reach out to after many years of fake, superficial comments that just get us through awkward situations. I sent an email without blame and without specifics about what has bothered me, but more about my apologies for not trying harder at maintaining our relationship at maybe where it should be. I share a little more about the place where I am now and also admit that we are different people and that it is ok. The response I received was less than expected. I did not expect things to fix themselves, but did expect that he would want something different or acknowledge that our relationship has been "distant" for some time. Are there people in your life that you have waited to share with, waiting for the "right" moment? What happens if that moment never comes? That question came up the other day when Rocky and I went for a run as well. We cannot wait until that moment comes - say what is in your heart, instead of wishing that the moment would pass. That has been one of my promises that came through in my Life Statement. I am willing to lay it all out there - with my heart wide open - and I say what I need to say, when I need to say it. I had to with Rock, when she came back into my life and continue to do that with her. She does not usually talk like I do, but she is starting to say what she feels more too. I tell my sisters that I love them everytime I get off the phone with them. I do not want to wish I had said more when I had the opportunity to do so. You can do it nicely, without hurting someone. Honesty is so treasured and we should not waste any time in sharing that with the ones we love. At any moment, things can change drastically. As John Mayer sings, "Say what you need to say...even if your hands are shaking, with your eyes wide open." Be brave, live with no regrets, and be true to yourself - always.

I am paying attention! Part 2

So I am walking into work like any other day and visit with a male co-worker who shares similar thoughts about why things happen, etc. I tell him what happened yesterday with all of the different ways Jeremiah 29:11 was coming before me. Written down, on a plaque, and via email from three different sources. This co-worker seems just as intrigued as I was yesterday as I share with him how freaked out I was and think this whole episode cannot get any weirder. How this, you say? I do not tell him the verse, but he shows me something on his phone - guess what it is - a verse?!? JEREMIAH 29:11!!! So, let me ask you...is this validation that I am on the right track for finding my purpose? Is this a message I am getting from above telling me that I have to move forward? I know this for certain...I cannot go back and have no regrets about what I have done so far. Regardless of what happens next, I have to give it everything...allowing my heart to speak after being silenced for so long. I may not succeed and the results may not come the way I expect them to, but my soul is full and joyous. Saturday, I had a lot of doubt and yet I have heard more from people that I trust that are believing in me. I cannot let them down just because not trying would be the easy thing to do. Doing nothing always is. Victoria Moran wrote, "What is so priceless about being the selves we were created to grow into is that it's impossible to do it wrong." Therefore, we cannot fail. We cannot succomb to doubt and questions. We MUST pay attention to what we are meant to do and trust it, with all that we are. I am humbled by the responsibility and care entrusted to me as I continue on this quest to "embrace this journey." Every day is an absolute miracle and I treasure every moment. Live your life!

I am paying attention!

I know, I do not usually post two posts in one day, but I just have to this time. I do not know how long this one will be, but here it goes. I was totally freaking out earlier today - so much, I called a few people to share. I think I might have been shaking, but I know for sure I was sweating. Right at the beginning of the day, Rocky comes into my office and shares her favorite Bible verse and writes it down on a piece of paper and summarizes it about how God knows your purpose. I tell her that I don't memorize Bible verses, so I am unfamiliar with it. I carry on with my day as she does hers. Later, I look over at a little plaque that was given to me by another friend some six months ago. This plaque sits on my desk everyday, but it has been something I have looked at so many times, that I did not really see what it said until today. It is the same verse! A few minutes later, I receive an email at home from a third friend and guess what?!? It is the same exact verse as the others!! How can you explain that three women share the same verse, independently of each other, on the same day?? And this happens within 24 hours of me starting to change my life with new opportunities? There can be no other explanation other than God is trying really hard to get my attention. Do you know that there are over 30,000 verses in the Bible and what are the chances of that happening? Math is not one of the my strengths, so I am not sure what that means, but I have to wonder and ask, "What are the chances of this?" I believe that things happen for a reason, so there must be a reason for everything. There are no coincidences. Saturday, I was fearful and doubting, even when Rocky reminded me that she believes in me and that I should believe in myself. Yesterday, I noticed that I had no fear (and no regrets today) when I sent my presentation and created my plan. Maybe today was a way to let me know in some way that I am finally listening. I realize that I cannot ignore it any longer and I cannot go back. Oh, in case you were wondering, the verse is Jeremiah 29:11. Keep paying attention.

Taking chances

Great morning to you all!!! Got up today and took advantage of the 30+ degree weather and am trying to get back into shape with running my normal 5 miles a day. Plus, I heard we are supposed to get a couple of inches of snow today and then maybe 6 or more by Wednesday (when is spring here?). Right now, I am feeling so good and want to share! I am at the edge of the "proverbial" pool - ready to jump in with both feet. I have shared more of my dream with my husband and as much as he supports me, he thinks I won't have time to add one more thing into my already crammed schedule. However, I know I do better with time management when I am living in "cram-mode". I have to at least give it a try. I know there are a lot of unanswered questions and even if I plan everything out, it still may not go as I thought or planned, so I have to be willing to adapt. I am sharing more of my dream with others to get their opinions and letting them see what I really want to do. I have to be willing to take those chances (I like the word "chances" instead of "risks" - sounds less riskier :-)) if I am going to change my life, and hopefully, lives of others. I worked more on my presentation this weekend with Rocky's help. She is the Queen of that Powerpoint stuff. Thanks, Rock! Even though my initial focus group might be for teenagers, she told me that she wants to hear me speak. I asked her why. Her response took me by surprise - she said she wants to hear what I say. Maybe she thinks she will learn something, too. I know she believes in me and I have other "Micks" that are in my corner, too. I sent my presentation to someone who could help me take my dream to the next level, so we will see what he thinks. I will keep you in the loop as things change. Guess what? Ask yourself what chances are you willing to take today? We all agree that there are no guarantees so you really have nothing to lose. Otherwise, regrets creep in and settle in places that are dark and never really forgotten. Believe me...Have a Marvelous Monday!!!

What I write

Last night, I had another group of words come to me that is posted under, "I can see" - I hope you enjoy it. It is strange when things like this come to me but I am forced to write to down when it comes so that I don't forget it. My mind works in peculiar ways but I am learning to trust my heart more than my mind. I have to take chances which include doing something I am driven to do, with no real answers in front of me and lots of uncertainty around the corner. I have to try and attempt to make it different and better. I have talked before about sharing your gifts with the world being vital to who we are and where our lives take us. How many times are signs in front of us that we ignore and just push aside because we think the timing isn't right or we believe that it won't work? Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that didn't work." I know we question, hoping for everything to work out for the best, but we have no guarantees. I write because it is part of who I am and at different times, I realize that I feel better when I do it. The blog is similar, but more about trying to keep you all looking at what you need to do to change your life. Ultimately, we are all in the same boat...just at different ports of call, but have life in common. That is what ties us to one another and bridges the gaps across the oceans, despite language barriers, and makes us more similar than we realize. We all treasure the same things - loved ones, a warm home, food on the table. We all have the same feelings through anger, sadness, love, and fear. I write to bring us togther and allow us to be more than we were before. I am never sure if what is shared makes any difference, but I have to try. Sometimes, it starts with just one person wanting to make the day different than it was yesterday. Have you trusted to give your gifts away? I can see myself doing this for the first time in my life.

Thinking about what I am doing

Today started like any other day. I got up to go run and only after I was dressed and heading out the door did I look at the current temperature that said it was 13 degrees with a wind chill of less than 0. Too cold for this runner. I went back to bed. Within an hour of my day at work, a co-worker comes in to my office and asks for two minutes of advice. She seemed rather perplexed so I gave her my full attention (and probably more than 2 minutes). She asks me how she can stay motivated when her running routine (preparing for a half-marathon) has had some "wrinkles" in it and she is thinking that she will not be prepared for it. She tells me she very methodically looks at the regimine and where she should be and does not feel that she is there. I tell her two things - one, she needs to stop thinking so much as she has become preoccupied with her goal of not walking at all and two, she needs to forgive herself. We chat a little bit longer and I give her a hug and send her on her way. A little bit later, she sends me an email asking me if since that kid lost his self control a couple of weeks ago, if I had thought twice about what I was doing. I first told her that my answer might have been different if I had gotten hurt, but also acknowledged that we take chances and that I was not going to live my life in fear of the unknown. I had done more living in the last year with trying new things, conquering fears long buried, and being hurt by a dear friend. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was inquisitive, so I asked her what she meant. She mentions that perhaps I should give advice to others and get paid for it. She jokenly tells me to send her the bill. What do you guys think? I am really trying to listen to my heart and let it guide me. For too long, my mind has been leading the way and it has not been fulfilling. Over the last year, my heart has led and I finally started living. I need to keep asking the questions...one day the answers will come.

Who cares?

We all have fears. Some that are related to possible life and death situations and others, not so much. Most are somewhere in the middle. I have noticed that I don't seem to hold on to my fears as much as I used to, even just a year ago. This summer, the word "shopping" would make me almost double over and be physically sick. I recently heard a quote, "Knowledge is the enemy of fear." and I liked it so much that it is on my signature for my work email, but it is so much more than that. Fear is what we think of when we let our minds get ahead of our hearts. Sometimes, our mind is a terrible thing and can be very detrimental to our wellbeing. We have to give up fear in order to believe that it will work out for the best. Every decision that we make is done under those same premises, so why shouldn't our tasks? A friend of mine shared some fears she has that I want to help her get over, taking "baby steps" (she likes to use that term), but in order for us to do that, we might be around other people. I know what it feels like to believe that you cannot breathe and that you have to go into "fight or flight" mode. So when I suggested some things we could do to overcome those fears, she became very concerned that other people would be around, possibly watching her. I point blank asked her, "Who cares what they think? They don't know you and you don't know them, so why is what they think of you more important than what I think or you think of yourself?" I have lived an extra-ordinary life (not extraordinary) and could not make up what has happened to me. Although it does make for some good story telling. For my junior prom, I wore a strapless white dress which, of course, was the same exact dress as the other girl who was going with us. This was way before cell phones and the internet and social networking, so you had to go by verbal description over the phone or trying to describe it in person. I am more comfortable wearing sneakers and shorts than heels and a dress. Have been my entire life. As I was walking up a flight of stairs, I stepped on the front of my dress, bringing it down a little lower than it should have been. Yes, please stop laughing now. I could have died!! All of my classmates got more of a show than expected, I am sure. That happened in front of a group of people that I would see again (on Monday at school) and I am here to tell the story many years later. Guess what...I didn't die and I am not even sure if anyone remembers that it happened, not even my date. No one ever said anything to me, so I forgot about it. It was over. So again, I ask you, "Who cares?" We all had to learn to ride a bike, speak in front of the class, drive a car at some point. Live your life and don't be afraid. It just holds you back and we spend more time thinking that other people are spending time thinking about us than they really do. Truth is, they are saying what I am saying, "who cares?" Seriously.