Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Listen...

Really listen. Do you hear it? I heard it 20 months ago and I still hear it. I listen to it on the solo runs I take when my feet carry me along my normal route as I finish my 5th mile. I hear it when I find new music that inspires me to keep moving forward. It is found in those places that no one ever gets to, but people can see it. I can feel it almost every day. And believe me, I am paying attention. I am talking about my heart...heeding the message it is sending to me as I follow the path before me. I dismissed it for so long, never probably acknowledging its existence. How can that be? How could I have just skated through by the seat of my pants for so long? Why wasn't it important until now? I am not sure that I will ever be able to answer those questions. The best part is that I don't have to. They don't matter anyway. The message I get every day mkaes it so worthwhile that even when I stumble through something, I have to get back up and keep going. Especially when I stumble. The silence can be deafening when you listen. Listen to what you are meant to do...how you serve others...by being you. For the first time in a really long time, I am all ears.

We are all tarnished

We all have been broken at one time or another. We all have scars, some deeper than others, that may never ever go away. We all have some bit of tarnish on us that may be caked on so thick that we think it will never be washed clean. Guess what? When those times come, it is up to us to determine what happens next. We can choose to feel sorry for us (no one likes coming to the Pity Party)and live in regrets and the past or us that information and grow. How do you want to live your life? It just simply amazes me when people become so focused on the past that they forget to live today. The other group of people that amaze me are those that are so preoccupied on the future that living for today doesn't ever cross their minds. TODAY. We all have things we wish we could take back or change. Guess what? We only know that we want to change those things because they turned out bad (or at least not the way we wanted them to). Knowing that we are all in the same boat, with different oars and different skills can make this travel of ours much more easier. Doing what is right doesn't have to be difficult. It just has to be right. Accepting each other for what has brought us to this point encourages us to truly love one another without exception. Words we say, actions we take, and thoughts we think all impact those around us, including us. Your perspective changes when your attitude changes. We all have good days amd bad days. Know we are there at one time or another...we all shine, even through the stains. That is when we shine the brightest...in spite of the tarnish that comes through.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

So, I was thinking...

I know that is a scary thought. Please do not be too alarmed. In hindsight, I have posted about wondering how I got to "here" and how my life has changed. But today, I was thinking if I could even imagine what my life would be like if it had stayed the same as it was almost 20 months ago. I would still probably be 35 pounds heavier, slowly crawling through the episodes of life, and you would never would have read one word from this blog. Not one. As much as I try to imagine what it would be like going back (or still living) my old life, it is almost impossible. Unfathonable. Seriously? Seriously. Things are so different now...for the good...that I am not sure that I could ever really picture me being here right now...living my old life. Being the person I USED to be. Feeling the way I USED to feel. Living the way I USED to live. I am very confident when I say that I know Rock would not be here and I would not have opened my heart to her and the many other wonderful people that I have let see the real me. It would not have happened. I finally got over having regrets and everything that went with them - whether it was saying things and wishing I could take it back to not following my heart when it's beat was so loud it left a pounding echo in its wake. I change every day...I recommit to this life and all that it will bring my way, whether it is good or bad as things happen as they are meant to. I search for the strength and courage to do things I never thought about, let alone think they were possible. Now, there are no barriers that will stop me. There are no words that will make me question what I am setting out to do and who I am meant to be. No, I just cannot think I could imagine my old life and me being in it. Sure, I cannot undo what has been done, but I can make it better. I can at least try, anyway. That is what I am determined to do. Even if I fail and am not sure how to fix it. With the understanding that my life will never be the same again. Ever.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

And so it begins...

Some things just take on a life of their own, without really any planning or attention. Things present themselves without giving us a heads up that they are coming our way. We call that "PUMA!" But isn't that the best way to experience life? Without knowing what comes next and how it plays out? We need to remember to be open to what is before us, even when the mere thought (real thought) kind of terrifies us like no other. We will see how things set themselves up and play out, but I am ready for this new adventure and we will see where this takes us. No doubt, some place I have never been before. Perhaps, not even some place I could have picked to go. Although the attempt at trying to control where my life has lead me, never did I think that letting go of that same thought actually allows me to truly forget my old self and my old life. Hands up on the rollercoaster ride once again!!! Hold on...this very well could be the time of my life. I have no doubt that I am loving this ride!!!

IGNITE the LIGHT

IGNITE the LIGHT!!! I met up with a colleague last night at a community function and we visited a little about work. He was catching me on the on in a young man we mutually work with and pointed out some changes he had decided to do. Now, this young man always seemed very "unmotivated" but in talking with him more, I think it was more that he did not know how to do some things, and became frustrated when people expected him to do things on his own. He felt silly asking for help, but also needed that same help. (I have been there, done that. Sometimes, I still do it.) This colleague thanked me for perhaps having a hand in getting this young man's perspective to change. Neither of us can say if anything that I said had anything to do with his change of attitude, but my colleague seemed to think so. So, this morning, I was trying to really think about the time I had spent with this kid and look back at what I might have said. Then, I started to remember...I told him that his life and the choices that he makes in it, whether they are easy or hard, have to mean more to him than they do to anyone else. I also reminded him that he is now 19 that he needs to think about his future and find out what he wants to do with with it. But it is up to him, not me or anyone else. But maybe we all (not just me) ignited the light in this kid. My hope is that it continues to brighten each day he thinks about how much his life could be. He will have to work for it - it will not just show up on his porch one day. But I believe in him and the potential yet to be unleashed - he has to believe that it exists. His future can be anything he wants it to be...the LIGHT has been IGNITED...let it glow!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Life happens in a blink

Where does time go? And why does it feel like it goes by so fast? I have been here for 43 years - couldn't really say, "I'd been alive for 43 years" because I didn't really begin living until 41. Even if I tried to name ONE thing that was the highlight of my year for every year, I don't think I could do it. Some years, there would be more than one so I would be unsure which one to pick. Other years, I might not be even able to find one. Not one highlight. 365 days of nothing worth mentioning, perhaps for even more days than that. There are 86,400 seconds in a day and 31,536,000 seconds in a year. It happens in a blink. Some days, I seriously wonder how did I get here. What road did I travel to get to where I am right now? Why did I pick this road and not another one? Do I really even remember "seeing a road" and consciously deciding to "pick that road"? In the next blink, it will be winter and one more takes me into spring again. What will happen between those two little twinkles in my eyes? It is hard to realize that perhaps my life is half over and when I look back at it, that is hard to comprehend. What have I done with my life that I am proud of and am glad when I did something? What people did I meet and now wonder where they are now? What do I wish I could do over, if I had the chance? Why didn't I live a different life? Why this one? All we have are little blinks, linked together by space and memories. Life happens before we know it did and yet, what do we do? We sit, we wait, we give up, we forget, we dismiss anything good. It happens way too fast anyway, so why wouldn't you want to make it be the best it could be as much as you can? Get up, quit stalling, have hope, remember, believe it can be different. All of these things will get you through today....until the next blink. Oh, by the way...by the time it took you to read it this, about 100 blinks happened. Just sayin.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I love surprising people!

Sending a little card in the mail...supplying a friend with Fun Dip (it is Fun Dip Wednesday, after all)...texting a little note that says, "I am thinking about you." I do not like being surprised...but take it all in stride when it comes my way. Don't you have to just smile when you think of others and send a little surprise their way? I do. Sometimes, it is a little longer hug or a smile to a stranger. Today, I got to surprise Rocky in an ABSOLUTELY HER way! Although her other great friend and I were betting tears would fall, they never did. But, boy, did hugs and smiles surface. I had been working on something for her new venture for months and it was just about killing me keeping it to myself. I did get some relief when I told LR, and I knew once I had it in hand that I couldn't hold onto it for long. I knew that I needed to give it to her right away. I so wanted to tell her that I was picking it up after work, but since I had waited this long, what was a few more hours. I don't think...no, I am going to say I know she never saw that coming and that is why surprises are some of my favorite things to do for others. She was so excited and I am not even sure what she thought when she saw it. I think I remember her asking, "Where did you find this?" (This is a stained glass window with her company logo, colors, and initials.) I simply told her, "I had it made for you." I wanted it to be a reminder of how far she has come and how far she has yet to go. Today, I was reminded of where she is in my life, even when she is not there with me. There is something in about every corner of my office that she either gave to me or she wrote. Then, there are the things that I wear than are also reminders and, of course, those things that no one ever sees. No one ever gets to see. I know she lives there too. She told me earlier of how she surprised (pretty much a complete stranger) by going out of her way and doing what she does. She gives. She did it because it was important to that someone else, not because she wanted someone to know she did it. I hope she knows that I knew she would love it and that is why I loved surprising her today. Loved your smile, Rock. That in itself said everything I have ever wanted to know.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Groundhog Day

Some routines are good. Other routines, not so much. My morning routine is pretty consistent...get up at 4:30am, run/walk with Rock, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, get to boys' stuff in the evening. But we can also use those routines as a reason as to why we shouldn't change our lives. Our lives become so predictable that if people were really paying attention, they could set their watches to the same things we do in our lives. We become complacent and muddle through just to get to the next day and do it all again. Good grief. Aren't you tired of the same old record being played again and again? Have you ever seen the movie, "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray? The premise of the movie is that he is sent to cover Punxsutawney Phil to see if we will have 6 more weeks of winter or an early spring is coming our way. But a storm rolls in, and he quickly realizes that each day he wakes up and he is living the same day over and over again. He learns from the previous day what big water-filled pot hole to overstep, what people like to eat, etc. He has learned their routines and can predict what he will do based on what their previous actions have been. Do you want to live your life that way? I like variety...I like differences...I like spontaneity (to some degree). "It’s time to stop hiding from life and say yes to the adventure of being alive. Enough of the routine already. Go on, have an adventure. Do what you always wanted deep within your heart. Do what brings you alive and the universe will open doors when once stood only walls." - KS Are you ready to make that change? If not, then are you settling for the life you have because you have not yet committed to life you could have? Don't keep living your life in the same routine. Be open to new things that can change your life forever. Step outside your comfort zone, take a few chances, and smile today. Don't be a groundhog!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Invoking Change

You have been called this morning to invoke change in your life. Yes, I am talking to you. Don't turn around thinking I am talking to someone else. I mean YOU!! Here is where it begins...your new life. Today. Quit stalling and taking the easy road out. That gets you no where...and you deserve more than no where. Don't you? Yes, you do. I deserve more than no where. I would love to hear if anyone of you has made changes in their lives since reading this...even if I don't, I will still post. I will still reach out and encourage you to INVOKE CHANGE. Instead of believing that you have no control over your life and what is in front of you right now, you can feel powerful (no powerless) about what the day brings to you. You will be ready for it. Even through storms and someone else's chaos, you will hold stern and be ready for what comes next. I was visiting with one of my son's yesterday and he was frustrated and strives for perfection - every time. But only in sports. In every other aspect of his life (college, school, etc), he cuts himself a break. But not when he is pitching or golfing. I told him to show where someone won all of the PGA tournaments in one year or struck everyone out. It just doesn't happen. No one hits a home run every time they are at bat...no one sinks a shot every time the basketball leaves their hand. Control what you can. Change what you can. YOU can change your attitude and your effort. You have to believe it. Once your mind is in the right place, you can accomplish anything. Maybe not on the first try...maybe not like you thought it would look like...maybe not tomorrow. You have so many things to look forward to and why are you not looking forward to them? Because you are afraid and because it is easier to do nothing. And then they wonder why their life doesn't change...and they do not realize that they control that. What do you want out of your today and the time that you have been given? Do you want to stay stuck and be somewhere different? Change is difficult and makes us crazy at times and brings fear to the surface like never before. But what if?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Can't see in the dark

I realize that this statement is somewhat redundant. But, this came to me as I was driving near where Rocky and I walk/run near her house. There is a trail that is about 2.5-3 miles and we go around it twice. I am so used to seeing the "creepy forest" when it is not even dawn yet that it looked different in the day time. There were parts of the trial that I have seen many times in the mornings and again in the daylight, but for some reason it looked different today. I could see thr trail. Now before Rocky gets in a huff - I do not wear my contacts or my glasses when we run, so I rely on her to see critters, spiders, and people as we gradually make our way around the trail. Sometimes, she doesn't see them until it is almost too late and people might run you over. That is what she tells me anyway. But how many of you are trying to look through the dark....even when you have your vision at its best? it is hard, isn't it? Isn't it easier to look through the light? If we are stuck in the dark, why do we pick to stay there? It was like I was seeing the same trail that I have been on so many times but for the first time. It looked familiar, but different. Plus, I was not on the trail this time, I was looking at it from another view almost removed from the times I have been on it. We walk past this sand volleyball pit twice each morning on this trail, yet I never see it. How many other things are right in front of us that we miss? Won't you regret missing it if it means something to you? This life is about no regrets. Open your eyes and see what you think isn't there. Even squinting your eyes doesn't help. The dark keeps things hidden and doesn't allow you to see the true picture. There is more out there...just look for it. Get out of the dark.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Be your own hero

It is great to have people we look up to and admire - those people inspire us to be better. If you were to create that list right now, would your name be on it? That is hard for most of us I can imagine. There are people that I know that totally make me try harder than I did the day before. I see some of the things that are going on in their lives and I seriously say, "How do they keep going?" and "How do they do that day in and day out without breaking?" I am not sure I could if I were in their shoes. There are people that have had a worst past than I did and I think, "What can I really complain about?" But those people do so much for me...even those that will never know it. Life has dealt them issues that I have never had to deal with and hope I never do. My issues are different, not necessarily harder. Those people are heroes in my book. Things they didn't ask for, would not wish on their worst enemy, or couldn't plan even if they wanted to are right in front of them. But they accept it and take it on. But what about you? Are you proud of your accomplishments and where your life has led you to right now? In my Life Statement, the first sentence says it all. "I have lived a false life, but not one I am ashamed of. I just have not lived my full life yet." I have led the life I was meant to live - to get me to here. Now. You are my hero. Some of you may ask why. Because you are here for a reason...because you keep coming back...because you stay for good. You are all special and have a purpose. Most of us will never meet, but it would be cool to get us all together and say we were "hanging with my Homme" - our last name is pronounced "ho - me". Kitty. Even when you think there is no way anyone could ever find anything that they admire in you - because you think you are not worth it and don't deserve it - someone does. I am telling you right now...I used to think that and when someone tells me what I mean to them or that I inspired them, I stop. It stops me in my tracks - literally - and I might even stop breathing just for a moment or two. It is almost too much for me to process and fathom. But, I humbly accept it. You are heroes to people and you may never know it. But know this...you are your own hero. Be proud of that today. I am.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

LEAP!!!

There really is not a big message with this post, but in reading some journals, I came across some things I wrote over a year ago. When this was all still so new and I didn't understand it. I can't really say that I understand it better now, but things seem less clouded. Maybe something you draw from here will make it more clear.

We spend our time looking for something --
...something we cannot see...
...something we cannot learn...
...something we cannot smell...
...something we cannot hear...
It can only be felt. It cannot be found as it was never lost. But it is there - waiting for us to discover it. Once we do, it will never be stifled again. It becomes who we are from that point forward. Before, there were questions unanswered, doubts heard, and directions unknown. Although those still exist, where we go from here leaves us no way to go back to who we were. This is a new you. Your power and courage are undaunting and will radiate to those who need it most.

The pounding in our heart will be heard.
The hole in our heart will be filled.
This vision in our heart will be seen.
The passion in our heart will be felt.

We have to be willing to let it go. We cannot guide it - we must allow it to guide us.

The magnitude of doing nothing to fulfill our purpose is far greater than any pursuing we should take to fulfill that same purpose.

Complacency is not something we cannot accept when we are trying to change out lives. It is a delusion that confuses us into believing that this is all there is or this is the best it will ever get. We cannot go on living quieted, unfulfilled lives. Our capacity to impact those around us can not be contained but will shower us in awe of the greatness we have yet to find.

Leap. Take a step to change your life. You can. You have to want it, believe it can happen, and do it. Get your MOXIE on and be you!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Here we go!!!!

Can you yell, "WHEEEEEEEEE!"? Yes, I know I need to tell you more. Ok. Sorry....just trying to catch my breath and hope my thoughts and typing skills can keep up. Today, I took a BIG chance in pursuing my dream of being a motivational speaker for teenagers. This is one big piece to my puzzle. One that started about a year ago...wouldn't you say, Rock? I actually have been reaching out to people that I thought could help me get started and I received a big CONFIRMATION of one tonight. This is where it begins. Remember the rollercoaster ride that Rocky and I are on? For some reason, the hills we travel down, with our arms straight up above our heads, don't seem to end. We just find more hills. In a good way. In talking with the people that can make this happen, I ran into someone else who knows a little about what I am doing and...PUMA!!!!! Another possible gig! In front of a HUGE crowd at a very important ceremony. Still pinching myself. Even if it doesn't work out, it is ok. But this is the start of it...the tidal wave. It will happen.

What we stumble through...

How many times have you done that? Stumbled your clumsy way through something, hoping and praying it would be over and your biggest worry is that you hope no one sees you? Here is the little secret...we all stumble. We all lose our balance and are just doing everything we can to just not fall. It is a simple check to make sure you are paying attention. Are you paying attention? I think I stumbled through life hoping no one would see me. Ever. I wanted to just blend in, slide under the radar, and coast free with no big to do. I was successful for a good number of years. Even when I got a little attention for something good, I ran in the opposite direction. I even stumbled through praise and honors because it made me feel uncomfortable. I am still working on this every day. I am not sure that it will ever get easier, but I am getting better at it. The stumbles we take can be significant by themselves or a couple lumped together can mean something too. We are not perfect and no one should expect us to be. The best part of stumbling is knowing that someone is there...just in case...to help you catch your balance and go on your way. I was reminded this week of something else that Rock and I believe this about each other. Where she is weak, I am strong. Where I am weak, she is strong. We stumble together through this life, not really sure what is going to happen next, but I am forever thankful she is there when I stumble. She knows I am here when she stumbles. It is all good.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

What are you capable of?

Seriously? Yes, it is early and I am on a roll already. Although this comment was made to me in a different context this morning, it sent me here. Again. I pose these questions not just for my benefit but really to get you think...to ignite the light...to really question what you can do with your life. Ultimately, these choices are yours. How do you answer what you are capable of? Even if you think you know, do you REALLY know? I think it changes every day. For example, I never thought I was capable of running from here to the end of my driveway when Rocky and I first hit the pavement some 16 months ago. But as my stamina (and heart rate) increased, so did my ability to do more. Eventually, we went further with "10 more steps" and then could run a mile without stopping. I am in CONSTANT disbelief when I took a quick look at what I have done in the last 18 months. It seems almost like it passed in a blink and yet I could tell you a lot of things that I will always treasure. What do you want to do? I was just asked to participate in a triathlon in October. I am not training for one, so just the mere thought of actually doing it has my head spinning around like one of those rides at the amusement park. I am not dismissing the fact that I don't think I can do it and this is still the year of, "Why not?" - but can you say, PUMA? I was astounded today by comments made to me about what I did for someone without really even trying. What I did was not a goal I had in mind, nor was it something that I would trade for anything. But that was as reminder of what I can do - what I am capable of - especially as new versions of life present themselves. Do not settle on what you are capable of now, because it will change. Maybe it will surprise you in ways you never thought possible. Maybe it will generate the strongest passion in you so that you can live your dream. Maybe you don't have the answers yet. But, I promise you...if you keep asking the questions and trying (even through failure and unexpected disappointments)...if you look for support (even in places you never thought it would be)...if you just believe...you will find what you are capable of and change your life. You are capable of so much more than what you see right now. I am living proof of that and I believe it. So can you.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Reassurance

Who doesn't need this from time to time? I needed that today. I am unsure if I can even pinpoint big enough grounds for my desire to have it. For whatever reason, I am not even sure that I got it. Reassurance can mean so many things and be given in so many ways. From across the room, a wink can tell you, "I see you and acknowledge you." A smile can say, " I am happy to see you and am glad that you are here". Music can make my heart be calm and my head stop spinning and remind me that everything will be ok. Accomplishing a goal, whether big or small, short or long term, can verify that you did it. Long lost friends can reconnect after a lengthy separation with a simple hug that says, "I missed you." Reassurance can provide comfort when chaos seems to be what surrounds you. You can rest. You can gather your thoughts and regroup. People astound me when they give freely of their faith and hope that everything will simply be ok. And they truly believe it! When turmoil and confusion finds us...and it does find us...when need reassurance. We need to know that someone is there to support us at exactly that time - when it all seems to be falling apart. When we are not sure what end is up and how to right ourselves is when we need to rely on others so that we can get back up. Just as a warm, soft blanket covers you in comfort, so does the reassurance that comes when someone holds your hand when you are afraid. It tells you that you are not alone. That someone is right beside you, ready when you are to take on what else the world is dishing out today. There are days when we need more reassurance than others, for whatever reason. We have to trust that those that care about us and let them care about us...drop everything in the middle of the night and talk to us kind of care or run us to the emergency room against our will kind of care...do those things not just for us when we need it. They do it for themselves as well. They need reassurance that we are ok. That we are well. That we will be there tomorrow. It calms their heart and stops their heads from spinning. Taking a deep breath will reassure me that taking that moment to slow down and think for just a small amount of time will trigger peace and once again, I can take on the world. Maybe you count on certain people for your reassurance or maybe my random ramblings do the same for you as it does for me. It reminds me that I am human and times get tough at times. But I am tougher. Find comfort in words, actions, and melodies. They are there for that sole purpose. Let them in. I have been reassured tonight as I write this very post. Have you? I hope so. Have a great night.

New doors

New doors keep opening and showing themselves to me. Doors I wasn't looking for anyway. But new ideas and perspectives are showing themselves in places I have never looked and from people I never expected. Sometimes, I seriously need to just take a look around because I feel like I am in a funnel cloud that is moving so slowly on the outside, but inside it is like 200 mph. It almost seems like I am moving in slow motion, but really things are taking off faster than I truly expected. Every opportunity that is coming my way, whether I planned it or not, I am open to it. I cannot dismiss it as insignificant if I am unsure of why its important. It wouldn't have come to me unless I was supposed to pay attention to it. "Some are born with keys looking for what they open. And some are born as hidden waterways searching for what will open them." – Mark Nepo We have doors and keys all around us. Are you willing to cross that threshold and step to a new side once you get to that door? Anticipation can make you waver and hesitate. But I have found that pushing through and getting it over worth makes it much more bearable. Usually, if we access it afterwards, we find that it wasn't as bad as we expected. We expect the worse. A new door presents itself to us everyday. Are we strong enough and courageous enought to open it and walk through it? Sometimes, we just have to do it. Imagine what you will open you when you give life the chance to do just that. Look for your door today...it will be there. Maybe not in a pretty little package or with the sweetest of messages, but it is there. Waiting...just waiting...for you to open it and walk through it. I DARE YOU TO BE OPEN TO IT!!

Through rose-colored glasses

As Rocky and I finished our normal routine this morning and crested the hill near her house, we turned our gaze to the east and were met with a beautiful display of a red-tinted sky just as the sun was about to clear the horizon. That is true beauty. On my drive home, I continued that journey towards the endless hues that were before me. It was perfect. It was confirmation that I am here and that things are always better than they seem. Even when we think that the cards are stacked against us, and we hit a few speed bumps along the way. They are reminders of the road we are on and keeps us in check. Sometimes, we forget those things that are the most important above all else. How do you see things? I have to admit for a very long time, I was more of a pessimist than an optimist. I actually get very defensive when it is brought to my attention, because I am embarrassed about it. Especially now. It makes me be reminiscent of my past life and I don't want to ever go back to that. I still fight through that, but not as much as I used to. For a very long time, I don't think I had hope. I saw only what I could see right at that moment, not what could be. I didn't allow myself to dream. I wasn't inspired or motivated to change anything because I didn't believe I could. I didn't have people that believed in me and loved me because I was just me. How many of you feel that same way? Why do we do that to ourselves? What alternatives do we have? SO MANY!!! Life has so much to offer us when we say "yes" to life. And not just that, but really see how life can be. Baby steps...you can change your life with one little, itty bitty baby step. Every time you change even the smallest of things, your life is different. Including your perspective and the hope you carry with you. Make your life contagious in a great way. Draw people to you - it will happen when you are being your best self. On any given day, my favorite color is blue. Today, my favorite color is rose.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

So simple...

Wow....I am not even so sure my hands can type as fast as my mind is going right now. If you could see me, I would be holding my hands up high above my head (like what you do on a rollercoaster) right now. Rocky and I do that all the time, regardless of where we are. So, if you see women talking and their hands are held high, chances are, it is us. A chance run in with great long-time friends today (JB & SB - love you guys!) literally has me reeling. Here is the funny part - just last night JB and SB were thinking of getting in touch with me about finding out more information about an organization at our boys' school. Then, we start talking about the blog and the group that I am starting in September for women. And before I know it, I am "doing my thing" (that is what Rocky calls it). And at some point, with something that I said, I look over at JB - and he has tears. Maybe he doesn't know if I notice, but, JB, I did. Oh my gosh....long story short is that I am not even hardly out of the parking lot and I have to call Rocky. HAVE to call. And I start to just ramble at about 400 miles an hour and then she tells me to slow down and start at the beginning. That is so hard to do!!! Anyway, I get her caught up. People have told me that I have impacted them, but sometimes I don't always believe it. Not because I dismiss what I do or say, but this time it is so big that it brought someone to tears. And it was a guy, too!! Oh, my gosh again! I really do not remember what specifically what I was saying that made him feel that kind of emotion and bring it to the surface. Rocky has told me many times that something I said or did resonates with people, even if I don't know it. Even if I never know it. But watching a simple tear drop make its trail down his beautiful face made it so simple. It became proof that my words triggered a connection that I will always remember. And one that he will always remember. Thanks, JB. Simple words I say are not always so simple when they cause a ripple to grow within you. When they stir up sparks that become ignited to be a fire that will not be extinguished. I cannot extinguish this flame. You never know when something you said will make a difference in someone else's life. But, it can be so simple if we take the time to invest in each other. Don't over think it...it is so simple.

What God gave me...

Today at work, I was kidding around with a co-worker and she told me that it was a good thing God gave me patience. My reply was, "God gave me lots of things, but it is my choice as to when I use them." Then, I started thinking...Rocky tells me I get a funny grin on my face when I do that. Apparently the smile and brain work simultaneously. Or at least when I get into "my mode". You and I both know you have many talents, even those we really do not want others to see or want to acknowledge. Regardless if those talents are used for good or bad, we choose when we use them. We choose to smile at strangers and wish them to "Have a Great Day" when we pass them along the trail at 5:30am. We choose to give a waiter a little extra in their tip because we overheard them talking about a new baby on the way. We choose to give away our talents, freely and unconditionally, because that is why God created us. My job includes service and I use the word serve when I talk to clients and their parents. I use it when I talk to co-workers or people that need a little direction to find what they are looking for. I serve my family, my friends, my church, and my community. I serve you, the readers of this blog that has now taken on a meaning that is so much more than a couple of random thoughts here and there. I choose to use this talent for you. I have to admit...I am always surprised when people tell me they read what I have to say. Not that I believe that it isn't important or that they don't get something from it. In no other way to explain it, I guess I have to say that it truly humbles me. God has a plan for each of us and we have to let him drive the bus, even if His destination is not where we think we need to go. If you do that, you might as well pack for a vacation...but you have no idea of what to bring because you do not know where you are headed. For years, I thought I had to have it all figured out. I needed to know the end destination before I got the ticket. Then, I could pack and prepare for where the ticket would take me. 20 months ago, I gave that up. Not because I had to, but because I was ready to receive it then. Are you ready to receive it? What has God given you that you don't use? Why don't you use it? Because it is easier not to? (How many of you picked that as your answer? - Be honest!) BE YOU! God created you with many talents and skills - you cannot serve the world or those closest to you when you hide them. What is the point of having the most beautiful flower bloom if no one ever sees it? I am grateful everyday for what God has given me and I show my appreciation when I use those gifts for people. That is how I serve Him.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Are you numb?

Three in one day has to be a record. This thought came to me as I shared my passion with a co-worker today. I was reminded of what life can feel like when we are not really living -- you become numb to the world. You remove yourself from feeling anything. I did that for so long. Yes, I admit it. I had "checked out" and was going through the motions. Are you numb? Have you checked out? Why? Maybe if you ask yourself that question, it is not an answer easily found. Maybe it was a combination of things and you lost hope. You were not ready to take the challenge before you, so you made it work. So many people I see are numb. The anesthesia that they self-administer is much easier to deal with than changing something to make it better. It is easy. They become accustomed to an empty existence that gets them from day to day with tasks that neither encourage growth nor budge them into action. Why would you want to continue to do that if you knew you didn't have to? Here is the secret...come closer...yes, just a little bit closer...YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!! YOU CHOSE THIS LIFE!!! Eventually the insensitive becomes old and dies. Your heart is not meant to beat that way. You were born with feelings and a soul that should be open to what the world has in store for you. What are you SERIOUSLY waiting for? I can write all day long until you get it. It will take you 15 minutes to get started on where you need to be. You know it and I know it. You choose...aren't you tired of walking around with a dead sense to you? I am. And I am never going back to that again. Ever.

Too much?

Have you ever wondered after you said something to someone if you said too much? Not that you would take anything back or that you said the wrong thing, but just too much? Sometimes, I think that after I have said something that is me...laying it all out there...no walls...and yet I question if it was too much. Is it too much when you tell someone what they mean to you? Is it too much when you are completely honest for the first time about something that has torn at you, little by little? Is it too much to give more than you would ever expect to receive? I have learned a valuable lesson this week. One that I did not expect to learn, but I was paying attention when I saw them grouped together. Several people responded in ways that told me that they love me. Sometimes, it was the smile I got when they saw me first thing in the morning. Other times, it was when they spent their lunch hours with me, listening intently as I share my dream and where the road is taking me. My favorite are the hugs I get when I give one to those that tell me they don't want to let go. The best...by far...the best is when they simply came out and said, "I love you". Some from people that never had said that to me before. But they did. And I did. We went there...where we had never gone before (no, no Star Trek theme here, but kinda sorta). And if I were to ask them if they regretted saying it, none would say "yes." Neither would I. I write. And I share like never before...this is a perfect example of this and I have NEVER regretted it. I have told people recently that they will learn more about me by reading my blog than they may have learned in years of actually knowing me. I was surpised today when a friend (ok, Rocky) told me that she reads this blog all the time. I do not know why that surprised me, but it did. And for some reason I still cannot explain even hours later, why I started to cry as we walked this morning. Then, later...it really hit me. So I sent her a text and told her EXACTLY what I was thinking and feeling at THAT VERY MOMENT. It couldn't wait. I wanted her to know that I was thinking about her. I am not ashamed by what I told her and even though it really didn't need to be said at that precise time, I needed to say it right then. Otherwise, the feeling would have subsided and it would have been lost. Sometimes, we worry about hearing what shouldn't be said instead of what should be said regardless of whether or not someone wants to hear it. The truth hurts sometimes, even if it is not meant to hurt. Would you rather do too much or not enough? So far, I have never had anyone tell me that me telling them what they mean to me and how grateful I am to have them life was too much. That they don't want to hear it. It can't ever be too much. It just can't. "Say what you need to say." I am saying this so everyone can read it, even though I told you this already today. Rocky - this journey would not be what it is had it not been for you. I am stronger and am more confident knowing you are right there beside me. Every day...I am more grateful for you than I was the day before. I love you. Rule 22. JS

A Brand New Day

As I start this morning, sitting in the office at my house, watching the sun peak as it glides above the houses and reflects its glow off of simple suburban objects, I have hope. Today is a brand new day. Yesterday carries many memories for me as do all my yesterdays. Today is new and regardless of what your yesterday showed you, it is done and cannot be undone. Therefore, you have today. I am reasured that life is here through the song of the morning bird that sits on my porch and sings to me. I am comforted knowing that there are people out there, some near and others far, that truly love me and would be there if I called. Why do we choose to be stuck in yesterdays? We cannot live in the past. It does nothing for us and ingnoring today is worse. We have to acknowledge what is in front of us now...even if it hurts...even if you don't want to...even if you think you can't...even if you are not sure how. Putting your head in the sand and letting life pass you by is no way to live...because you're not. You live for someone else everyday you live. You mean something (probably more than you think) to someone else. It is perfectly ok to admit that you have fallen and are unsure how to get up. There are people that are just waiting...waiting...for you to say those words, "I need you." Emotions and feelings can take us from pure elation and awe to despair and make us want to crumble. Today is YOUR day! You are strong and confident and you are here for a reason. It is not my job to find that reason for you...that you must do on your own. My job is to get you to believe that you are here for a reason. Your reason is in your heart and it will never steer you wrong. It will be more clear to you than anything else. You are brand new today. Show it!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The confirmation continues...

Oh My Golly!!! (OMG!!!) Where to begin?? Today was a spectacular day. An even though little things from a variety of people happened and made their presence known, I treasured each one. Of course, it started with my morning ritual with Rock. Once she called these "meetings" and they seem to become more of those recently as we discuss what happened in the previous 24 hours and what will occur in the next 24 hours. It just makes me smile. Then, I received a facebook message from someone and all she said was, "love ya, girlfriend". Now, that may not seem significant to you, but considering I have known her for a short time and we have become friends since March is a great thing. We just connected, even though in the past our paths only crossed because of work situations. Now they are about to collide, but in a very big, exciting way. Next, a young man called me to tell me that he had completed the program he was working on and promised me that he would stay in touch. I see the promise he has for his future. At lunch, I had a WONDERFUL time with SM...she believes in me and my passion and we have become good friends as we let walls down and each other in. Love it! A young man came to my office - just to visit. Not because he needed to but he chose to. I asked him if he ever thought he would be here and he said, "No." I asked him what I said that made him come back - he said, "you told me that the choice is mine." One of my favorite quotes is, "You will never change your life until you change your choices." He knows that he has potential and can see it. Finally, I gave out fun dip to co-workers...after all, it is FUN DIP WEDNESDAY. Now, you are probably scratching your head, really thinking I am crazy. The purpose of Fun Dip Wednesday is to remind us to have fun...do something unexpected...smile when you think you shouldn't. All of this tells me I am on the right track. I told someone today that I could not find my back to who I was even if I wanted to. I don't, but couldn't. I would feel more lost trying to live the life I used to live than living a life I have never lived. How ironic is that? The unknown seems more exciting to me than what I have already experienced. Not sure that this has homework for you from here...but every post is done with a reason in mind. Today's might be to just share with you that I am getting confirmation that what I am doing is right. That it has people talking. That we are not alone in our thoughts. That my willingness to bare all (ok, not all - LOL) and connect with you allows you the freedom to do the same. BELIEVE!!

I refuse

I refuse. This is the name of a new favorite song and I need to be reminded of what I won't do from time to time. For example, I refuse to give away my power. Allowing someone else's comments, mood, or actions should not dictate what happens to me for the rest of the day. I will not let it. I refuse to take "no" for an answer. In my mind, it just means, "not right now". Someday, the answer will be "yes". I refuse to give up - ever. On anything. I love challenges and will keep fighting the good fight. I refuse to go back to my old life and the old me. It is not who I am now and although that life was good to me, this life is much more fulfilling and purposeful. I refuse to take on things or continue to do things that do not make me happy. My heart has to be in it for the right reasons for me to do it. My head saying, "I should" will not be enough anymore. Guilt has left the building. I refuse to worry about those things that I cannot control. I have to worry about me - and what I can do to make my life the best and love deeply. I refuse to do nothing when I know I can make it better and inspire others. I refuse to believe that my dream and the passion behind that dream will be in vain. It will change people - it already has. I have seen it, even when I did not realize it had. The key was that by being me, I was living it. Now, we are going bigger. Much bigger. I refuse to be perfect. I will make mistakes and learn from them and I will grow each time. I refuse to waver when things are tough, when people hurt me, or when I doubt because I overthink. This will motivate me to keep pushing through and know that although I may have come out of it with a few scars here and there, but I will be better for it. I do not know about you, but I get a sense of extreme power when I say the words, "I refuse." What are you refusing today? You can..try it. It will be a GREAT day...after all, it is FUN DIP Wednesday!!!

Monday, August 8, 2011

The strength of a smile

Every day, I put on something that makes me smile. It forces me to, even if I don't feel like it. It is a reminder of what kind of day I am going to have...a GREAT one!! However, regardless of whether I am having a great day or not, this simple accessory has brought smiles to those that see me wear it along with many wonderful comments like, "I love your watch!" Yes, I wear a bright yellow (thing Big Bird yellow) watch that has a HUGE smiley face on it. It matches nothing that I own, but I wear it anyway. It was given to me by a friend for my birthday and I wear it several times a week. Even when I do not wear the watch, I wear the smile on my face and in my heart. It is a simple gesture, to give someone a smile that always gets you one in return. In those occassions that one is not given back to you, do you wonder why? Sometimes, I do. There are some people that I see everyday and they are just the most unfriendly, borderline crabby people I have ever met. My saying, "Good morning" just sets them off. But, I say it anyway. Your smile can make someone's day, even if you think it is not that big of a deal. They say that life is not about the big things, but the little simple things that we overlook from time to time. A smile shows confidence and happiness. I would much rather give that impression to someone than anything else. Show your strength today...SMILE and HAVE A GREAT DAY!!! :-)

Hope

Hope is a wonderful thing and what keeps us going when we feel like there is nothing ever to look forward to in our future. Do you have hope? Do you believe in hope? If you have no hope, then you will forever be stuck. Hope is defined as, "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best." Do you find hope even in circumstances that look bleak? Hope is strength in times that are difficult. Hope is the belief that what you desire will occur. Hope is love given to someone who doesn't deserve to be loved. Hope can move people to do things they never thought possible. What do you hope for in your life? I hope I live a long time and somehow make a mark on those that I can affect positively. I hope by changing my life that teenagers and women can be committed to seeing that they can tchange their lives as well. I hope my family is healthy and I have enough to afford me life's simple pleasures. "Hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies." - from the movie, "Shawshank Redemption". Hope is living within you all...when the situation arises, you will find it and it will make you believe in tomorrow. Let your heart lead and it will never lead you astray. Hope is the promise that tomorrow will be there, just as you expect it to be yet it is not concrete as to how it will show up. You have to believe that anything is possible. You have to trust that it can be different. Hope can take you there...let it. Always have hope. Don't ever give up hope.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

One voice

Can one voice make people listen? Can one thought inspire more thoughts? Can one dream create more dreams? I believe the answer to these questions is "YES!" Those questions were easy...this one is harder. Do you believe that you are that one voice, have that one thought, or have that one dream? Remember and earlier post about changing lives starts with me changing my life. Same thing. Over the last few weeks, I have met more women for lunch that I might have in the last year. Some of these women I do not know very well and others I have known for a long time, but never let them see the real me. I have three lunches next week. I love sitting with them and talking and we think and share and learn more about what we want out of life. And why shouldn't we get all we can out of the one life we have in front of us right now? The more I share of me, the more I begin to realize that we are not alone in our quest to live our "best" life. Most of our lives have many events in it that we did not plan for and yet we basically let go of the wheel completely. We cannot do that. We need to understand that we still can do all we want to and it will happen when it is meant to happen. Your voice and the words you use are powerful and impact others when you think what you said didn't matter. Sometimes, you may not even remember what you said. That happens to me alot. Someone remarked to me once I get into my "mode" that I am doing my thing, that I change into someone different. But I do not even realize that I do it. My voice gets heard. Maybe not that day, but someday when they least expect it. My thoughts and dreams can inspire others to have cahnge their attitudes and find their own dreams. I love watching someone that is so committed to their dream that they will not waver...they will not cave. They are there in it for the long haul. Regardless of what happens. One voice can change the world. One thought can change the world. One dream can change the world. That is what is on my agenda for the rest of my life...what is on yours?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

When random isn't random

I don't believe that things happen just because or that there is no connection between events, people, etc. However, yesterday it came to me about something else - I found a connection (although it may seem silly) between two sayings that I have said over and over in this blog but did not realize what they had in common. My belief is that we can only control two things in our lives - ATTITUDE and EFFORT. I have encouraged you to believe the same, because really the rest is out of our control, so we need to let that part go. Another saying that Rocky and I have is - ANYTHING and EVERYTHING - and this is what we believe about us. Regardless of what it is, we are there for each other. Then, it hit me. I can't even really explain why or how since I wasn't thinking about either saying or trying to come up with something cute to say. Yet, there they were. One phrase that I encourage and belief about life has the same two initials as what we encourage and belief about what we mean to each other. How many other things happen every day...EVERY DAY...that do not seem connected in anyway? Pay attention to what goes on around you. See people for what they say and wear and make notice of it. One day at work, it seemed like everyone wore purple - no, there was no interoffice memo. But isn't that interesting? I saw more people wearing purple that day, that one day, than I think I ever noticed before. Things happen for a reason. People say things for a reason. There is someone else that has a plan for us and we have to be willing to be open to it.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Your "BEST" self

This has come up in recent conversations in the morning when Rocky and I are out and it got me thinking. Why are we afraid to show the world our "best" self? Why is putting up walls and protecting more of our focus? Shouldn't we be willing to live our lives first and foremost, for us? Yet, we don't. We still believe other people's opinions before we believe our own. Why is it that we can totally be our "best" selves around some people and not others? The answer is very simple and one we probably would not like to admit - we are afraid and have been hurt before. Then, I started thinking about forgiveness and if these same people have hurt us, why don't we forgive them? Why is it easier to forgive some people and not others, even though the pain might have been just as grueling? I believe that I serve you and those around me and I am being my "best" self when I truly am just me. My heart sings (because I can't), my step is lighter (ok - maybe borderline skipping), and I am joyful. Truly joyful. I appreciate all that has been given to me and look forward to each new day as a gift. There are some people that I can just be my "best" me around and I don't think about it or label it. It just happens. I have visited more recently with women about where we are in our lives and why we think the way we do. We are so entrapped into our own web of shrugging off our dreams that we become complacent. We feel like we cannot stray too far and any slight movement in a totally opposite direction will be worse than if we had just stayed still. But that is no way to live. I existed that way for a very long time and although it is difficult to explain to my husband, I have to follow what my heart tells me to do. I have to always be my "best" self and be willing to take a lump here or there and fall because I will be better for it in the long run. Make this your goal today - be your "best" self in everything you do and everyone you see. It is not that hard because you know all the answers already and you have to trust them. Your attitude carries you through everything. Then, when the day is done, take a few minutes and look back and remember how you felt and how other people reacted to you. Why would you choose anything but that? I know you will smile when you give someone a compliment or a couple dollars to a complete stranger or you let someone use your phone because they are lost. You are your "best" self - but don't I deserve that? I deserve all that you are and will love it because it is what makes you you. BEST = Believe Everyone Stands True.

Monday, August 1, 2011

When Things Fall Apart

We have all felt that way, at one time in our lives. When even with the best intentions, things go wrong and we are unsure of how to fix them. Sometimes, there are words that cannot be unspoken or deeds cannot be undone. Other times, time is not on your side and you will never be able to make amends. Situations happen that are out of your control or you have let them get so much out of control that now going back is out of the question. What happens next? What do you say when you are in front of that person again? How do you make it better? What happens if you doing the best you can to rectify this issue only makes it worse? What if you do nothing? We keep trying!! We do everything we know until our hands are raw with the emotion they carry and our hearts are done bleeding because there is nothing more. We do what we think is right even if it turns out wrong. Things fall apart all the time in life - it is inevitable. How we deal with those times determines what goes on from there. We pick up the pieces and move on. It may not be the way it was before, but it just might be the little wake up call you needed to get a grasp on what matters most. Usually, when we are down, we have others right beside us waiting for that moment when we can help you stand back up again. We will help carry the load and be there when you need our help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Nothing ever stays the same, anyway. Things falling apart and being put back together are bound to happen. Welcome to life.